What did you think/feel when you first saw your newborn?

[Smokering]

I've read a lot of 'love at first sight' stories here on Mothering, and also a lot of stories from women who didn't immediately feel that rush of love when their baby was born. So tell me: what went through your mind, specifically?

I can't quite remember exactly what happened when DD was born, even though I have very clear memories of most of the birth experience. I remember thinking 'This feels weird' as she slithered out, and I dimly remember hearing the midwife and DH talking--DH was supposed to catch her, and he did catch her head but sort of dropped the rest of her on the bed. So they were saying... stuff related to that... can't remember, I wasn't paying attention! I was squatting on the bed and Rowan was there in front of me, suddenly. I remember feeling a faint shock of surprise that she was a girl, as DH and I had been expecting a boy. And I remember feeling sort of relieved that she was cute (I know, I know, how shallow am I? In my defense, I'd just been through childbirth, my faculties were kinda on the fritz). And something about her cry... maybe a combination of 'Whoa, just like a real baby' and 'Aargh, now she's crying, how will I make her stop, I've never been a mother before!'? Plus of course the sheer relief that she was out.

And that's it, as far as I can remember. I didn't feel falling-in-lovey, or even particularly in awe at the Miracle of Birth or what-have-you. It was kind of surreal and mundane at the same time--very hard to describe, but certainly not what I've read in birth stories before!

So 'fess up, what did you think?

[alyrie]

"Good God, she's huge..."

No joke...lol. I was expecting a 7 pounder or something. Not the 9.5lb babe in front of me!

[CrunchyMamaToBe]

I remember thinking that I was going to be a terrible mother, because my baby kept crying and crying. He was crying as soon as he was lifted out of the water and literally didn't stop for more than an hour.

[MamaJenese]

With DS first I thought OMG he is giant (10 pounds 4 oz 24 inches). Then joy Like I have never felt before, I mean complete and utter happiness beyond my previous understanding of exaclty how happy I could be. Then with DD it happened again, so much so that as soon as she was out I was telling Dh We HAVE to do this again!

[Mommal]

I thought "Oh crap, I have to take care of this thing now!!!" Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to see my kid and I did love her, but it was a more abstract sort of love for a while. It was like I loved the IDEA of the baby more than the real, crying, pooping, up-all-night baby. I didn't fall concretely in love with her until I got to know her better. But that didn't take long.

[Lit Chick]

Shock. I was so focused during labor that when it was over, I was sort of in a void for a little bit.
My labor was fast and intense, and I remember that very clearly - being taken over by this incredible and kind of scary force, but working with it - I felt like I was plugged directly into the power of the whole universe. And then, I wasn't.
I held my son and said "hi baby", and snuggled him, and I waited to be filled by JOY, but nope not really. I was not depressed or anything, just really really out of it. I had not reconnected to my brain yet.
When my brain came back and I was fully me again, I felt... different. I've kind of never stopped feeling that way. It is a powerful, quiet, strong love. A very confident love.

[felix23]

I feel horrible for admitting this, but with dd2 my first initial thought was "Dang, she isn't nearly as cute as Lilly." I feel bad for thinking that and she has gotten cuter as she has grown, but I really didn't think she was that cute when I first saw her. I loved holding, and snuggling, and nursing her right after my c-section and I could have just gazed at her forever, but my first thought wasn't so nice.

[sapphire_chan]

As best I can remember, my first thought was "so aka_chan is Lina, hmm, not as squishy-looking as I expected."

[Oka-san]

The main thing I remember is being totally surprised by how she looked. My DH is Japanese, and somehow I expected her to also look completely Japanese, just like him but more delicate, a little Japanese girl baby. So after she came out and I saw her sweet, broad, part-Caucasian face, it just shocked me. She didn’t look a thing like I expected her to and it took me a long time to adjust to her appearance, at least half a day!

[Monda]

"Wow this baby has great eyebrows!" <- no joke, the midwife said the same thing out-loud minutes after I thought it!

[riverscout]

With my daughter, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and joy and just downright amazement that I had just given birth to this beautiful little creature. It was so surreal.

With my son, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that it was over. :

[Full Heart]

With my 2nd she had had part of her ear stuck to her head which left her ear deformed with hair growing out of it (and a bald spot on her head where her ear had been). I thought how funny she looked but at least she was a girl and could grow long hair and cover it up. Then I thought, hmm she has a swollen lymph nod on the back of her head already. Yea it was so romantic lol.

With my 4th I saw him and he looked exactly like #2 who ended up being an extremly difficult baby. But I figured I had been through it before and could do it again. I should mention both of these were very traumatic births so I think that might have had something to do with it.

#5 my mother announced the sex as I was pulling him up to my body. So my thoughts were like, "Stupid mother, can't keep her big mouth shut. Oh well I will just ignore her and have my moment anyway." Then I turned my attention to my baby. Stupid mother, screwing things up. Argh.

With all the others it was like, "A baby, I had a baby - OH my baby!" lol Usually followed by thank-god you are out, kiss kiss, hug hug. Stuff like that.

[ellemnop]

"Wow! She's finally here!" (she was 2 weeks late past her due date).

I also kissed her face like crazy.

Take care,
El

[Shelsi]

With ds I was just tired and the birth had been so horrible I didn't have any connection to him. They told me I'd get to keep him for 2 hours before they'd take him to the nursery and I remember thinking, "oh God, I have to have him for 2 hours! I want them to take him now!" I know that's horrible but even though we purposely got prego with ds I don't think we were ready to be parents.

With dd I couldn't see her at first because I was on all 4's and dh was behind me holding her. I don't think it was love at first sight but I do remember holding her and thinking "wow, look at all that hair!"

[thismama]

I remember how warm/hot she felt, how good she smelled, and how concerned I was that she was alive. Then I remember wondering about gender and discovering she was a girl. In the very first moments that is all I remember.

Then I remember when I was getting stitched and the midwives were dealing with my hemorrhage, looking at her in my friend's arms and wondering who she is, with excitement. I also thought, 'I am supposed to love you.' LOL! Sounds harsher than it was, but I definitely didn't love her yet in the way I love my big child or others who I am bonded with. And when she was crying I thought, 'I am supposed to care.' I knew people were taking care of her, and I was being medically attended to, but it wasn't that feeling of desperately needing to hold her and comfort her that I would feel even a few days later when she cried.

She was born at 4pm and because of the hemorrhage etc I didn't get to hold her for the first few hours really, and then not totally alone without my bigger kid around until 230am. I remember waking as she stirred, lifting her up and I spent the whole rest of the night staring at her, smelling her, etc. That was when I really bonded with her, when it finally felt like my baby had truly arrived.

[~Katie~]

Shock and "God, my vagina hurts". I will be totally honest and say that it took me a while to fall in love because I was in so much shock that he was actually here. I had zero signs of impending labor and had psyched myself up my entire pregnancy for going late. I felt like I was in a complete haze for the first few weeks.

[laohaire]

I fell in love a moment before I saw her. I'd been pushing for 6 hours, and finally decided on my own I was going to just push her out and tear (and that's exactly what I did). I pushed her head out and I was thinking "Thank GOD" (actually, the same thought was going through the heads of everyone in the room). I rested and waited for the next contraction. When it came, I felt her move her shoulders to turn. That's when I fell in love, it was a huge rush of love - "rush" is a good word, I just felt it kind of move through my body and even out through my limbs. I was thinking "oh my god, she's really alive" - not as opposed to dead, but more like wow, she's a real human being. I was overwhelmed because the movement was HERS and not my body's. I don't know if I'm really describing it, but that was the moment. Then she was fully born and honestly I don't remember my first look at her. I already loved her, and I was also in the "I can't believe I did it" mode.

[AngelBee]

Awe and praise towards God :

[nigellas]

I feel kind of awful saying this, but at first I felt nothing. Nothing at all.

I think I was in some sort of shock - I had just finished 19 weeks of bedrest and my labor was very intense, painful and pretty much awful. When he came out I just felt numb. I felt like I had just survived a violent war or something.

It wasn't until later that evening when I finally came to that the love just poured out of my heart.

[MadameXCupcake]

Where is the baby?? AHHH!! She is on the floor under me!!!

I gave birth squatting and I thought someone was going to catch her! I kinda looked around for a second then realized she was on the floor[it was like a one-two inch drop] After that I looked down and had a hard time telling the sex because of all the goo everywhere, thank goodness my midwife said hold your baby girl!