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What did you think/feel when you first saw your newborn? - Page 2

post #21 of 87
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
I didn't feel falling-in-lovey, or even particularly in awe at the Miracle of Birth or what-have-you.
Same here. But then again, I'm just not a "love-dovey" person. I'm just not romantic or mushy.

I think I was shocked it was over (I hadn't known when he was crowning, so I was surprised when the MW said, "OK, the head is out, one more push!") then I was surprised he wasn't crying. he was just looking at me! Ha!

Then I remember thinking, "OK, breastfeed now, let's go!" I had viewed giving birth as a job I had to do - an athletic event - and BFing as soon as he was born was part of the "work" I had to do.
post #22 of 87
DS#1 my first thought when I saw him was seriously "Oh good, he's cute!" I had really been worried about how I'd feel if I had an ugly baby lol, but he was the cutest thing and I wanted to hold him and cuddle right away but couldn't cuz the c/s. I didn't get to hold him for 2 hrs and when they finally brought him to me I was so happy to see him.

DS#2 I did not have the same bonding. I was so intent on having a vbac that when he came out I was thinking "I did it! Oh and this is my BABY, now what do I do with it?!" Almost like having a vbac was what I had been wanting without thinking of the actual result of a baby lol. Of course I loved him but I felt a bit disconnected for a while.

DS#3 I had an emergency c/s under general so I didn't see or hear him or anything for 4 hrs (except a pic Hubby showed me). It felt like he didn't even exist until I actually saw him. After the c/s I barely even thought of him for those hours, like my mind couldn't comprehend that I had a baby since I hadn't witnessed it. But once they put him in my arms I was in love.

It's odd but I've bonded faster with my c/s babies than my vbac baby.
post #23 of 87
I remember the feeling of pulling him up out of the water and feeling his "manly parts" in the palm of my hand. My first words were "I didn't even know I wanted a boy till right now!"
post #24 of 87
With my first, they had taken my glasses away, so all I saw was a pink blob. I didn't see him clearly till 4 hours later. I was utterly exhausted from 46 hours of labor and a C-section, so I think I was thinking something along the lines of, "Oh, there you are. Can we go home and take a nap now?"

With my second, it was more like, "HOLYCRAPHOLYCRAPHOLYCRAPITSABABY." My first was handed to me clean, swaddled, and sleeping...no comparison to pulling a hot, bloody, heavy, floppy, stinky baby out of the water fresh from the source! It definitely rocked my world!
post #25 of 87
Seriously? "God, can I have a shower now?"

I was hot, sweaty, in pain and exhausted. Labor made my rosacea flare up and I was so blasted hot all i wanted to do was let DH take care of the baby and go cool off.
post #26 of 87
Originally Posted by MegBoz View Post
Then I remember thinking, "OK, breastfeed now, let's go!" I had viewed giving birth as a job I had to do - an athletic event - and BFing as soon as he was born was part of the "work" I had to do.
Me too! I put my DD1 right to my breast, and then after a few minutes handed her off to my husband. No time to be sentimental, I had another baby to birth!

Having twins meant I was really business-like between births, because more problems happen with the second twin. I felt a a little disappointed that I couldn't linger with DD1, just passed her along and concentrated on her sister.

When DD2 was born an hour later I relaxed. Or I would have if not for minor PPH'ing. And delivering the placenta. OK, then I relaxed and focused on both my beautiful girls!

My very first thought though was how big DD1 was. She only weighed 6.11, but was 21". She just looked like she went on forever. Bigger than I expected. Now of course she's going on four times that big and I think she's on the small side. What do parents know!
post #27 of 87
I remember thinking, "It is so nice to put a face to the name!" I felt like I already knew DD, very well. It was like finally getting to touch someone that you had been communicating with for a long time.

I am so appreciative of that first moment because DD and I were apart for quite some time . Each of us had to deal with a lot of complications. DD recovered very quickly. I was very ill for a couple of days.

Once we got back together again, we started off right where we had left off...:
post #28 of 87
Ds#1 "Oh my god, I have a baby!" was my first thought, I was feeling like I was being turned inside out didn't even want to be there. I fell in love long before birth.

Ds#2 honestly I was a little detached during pregnancy, it's really hard to admit that. My first thought was "I gave birth I did it" then "wow, he's really hot" it wasn't until the room cleared out and I got to stare at my sleeping newborn that I fell in love.
post #29 of 87
Absolutely the most amazing, beautiful, perfect thing I have seen. I kept thinking "We MADE this?" WOW!!!!!!!!!!!:
post #30 of 87
Pretty much with all of them my very first though was "Thank God that's over!"
With our most recent it was a bit of a shock because he came so quickly, then there was the whole "Oh wow, it's another boy!" I thought his ears looked all crumpled and funny. They've gotten better since he's been born, they don't look like little weird bat ears anymore

I did feel lots of love for all of them, but DS1 and 3 I was a little shocked that they were here already.
post #31 of 87
well, since my first was stillborn, with DS I thought "Is he breathing? Is he breathing? He's breathing! ... holy crap, I'm a mom!"
post #32 of 87
It was really more about me than about them.

With ds1: It's over it's over it's over it's over never again never again it's over!

With ds2: I did it! Oh my god I actually did it! I pushed a human out of my body! I am exhilarated.

As for the babies, right then they were like little aliens to me, each time. Bizarre creatures that were somehow secondary to the long process of getting them out.
post #33 of 87
each time I recognized them, it was totally 'hey, I know you'
and then, 'thank god it's over, I can't believe I did it' again

actually with my first I also remember thinking how humid she felt and thinking 'thank you God, I can't believe I get to have a baby!' she's here, really here!!!!

with #2 I was still out of my mind in pain and still outside myself but recognized him and I kind of 'came back' when he latched, thats when it felt real , and whamo then the intense love

with #3, I was so relieved she was blinking and alive and eventually when she took a breath and was rooting for me, i burst. I had such a fear she wouldn't come safely, which was very real, 2 true knots and an incredibley looong cord that we literally unwrapped her from. it was like nothing else. it was the birth that healed me in many ways but also put a different perspective on things.
post #34 of 87
Thread Starter 
It was really more about me than about them.
It sounds awful, but I have to agree! My thought processes were very self-centred (not surprisingly really, I'd been focussing on MY pain and MY body for hours and hours!).

Then I remember thinking, "OK, breastfeed now, let's go!" I had viewed giving birth as a job I had to do - an athletic event - and BFing as soon as he was born was part of the "work" I had to do.
Yes, that too! I was one of those mothers who didn't lose her modesty during labour, but one of the first things I said after Rowan was out was 'Quick, help me get my gown off', so we could do the breastcrawl! And then when I had the placenta fiasco I was making sure DH had her skin-to-skin while I was worked on... I guess it was the one bit of control over the situation we had at that point!

You know, I'm trying to remember the moment I 'fell in love' with the baby and I have no clue at all. The first few hours were largely about me--being covered in blood, and trying to take a shower without fainting, and struggling into clothes so Mum could pick us up to take us to the birthing centre (we transferred from hospital). I remember the huge, horrible hospital pads more clearly than I do my newborn! DH was in the shower room with me to make sure I didn't pass out, and he was awkwardly holding the baby, and it was just odd. It was like 'Hmm, where do I put this if I need to catch my wife?' You know? The two of us had just been through this very intimate, us-centred experience, and now there was an interloper! Then during the next few days at the birthing centre I remember feeling very proud of her, but DH and I were both in the 'let's prove how good we are at being parents' phase and kinda hyped, gearing up for every night of broken sleep and so on. We both wanted to get home, because the whole birthing centre thing felt so surreal--almost like we were going to leave the baby there and go home and resume our normal lives, you know? The 'we have to keep this forever?' concept was odd, to say the least!

Man, it's only been nine months and I feel like we were really young when I look back. That's trippy.

I love hearing your stories, keep 'em coming!
post #35 of 87
my first is almost two weeks old and I was feeling guilty about my initial response to him until I read this thread . I had a great labor followed by a horrible c/s. I remember the nurse telling hubby to bring me the baby to kiss and all I could think was "if you put that thing in my face one more time...". After a bit of recovery time when he was brought to me I'm not sure I believed that he was mine until hubby reasured me.
post #36 of 87
I couldn't hold her for a bit because there was a lot of meconium in my fluid. I remember staring at her (when the peds were working on her) and thinking, "wow, that's my baby. she's kind of funny looking." I felt bad for her because she was crying. Once they gave her to me, I remembered that I really wanted to breastfeed her immediately. Of course, I had no idea how to BF, so I just exposed my breast to her and she nuzzled it and licked it. She seemed so content being near my breast, even though neither of us were sure how to get her latched on. I didn't fall in love at first sight. Before I gave birth, I had a feeling I was going to cry and fall in love immediately, but that didn't happen. The whole experience was surreal. I was just so glad she was out adn I wasn't in labor anymore.

I know this sounds bad, but I also wanted the nurses to take her to the nursery so I could sleep for a while.
post #37 of 87
Thread Starter 
faithstuff: Don't feel guilty! I recently did a lot of research on traumatic births for a magazine article. One of the most common threads in all the stories I read was a feeling of disconnect from the baby, including the 'Is this really mine?' feeling you mentioned, and resentment of the baby for 'causing' the terrible labour/birth. It's VERY VERY common, and it doesn't make you a bad mother at all!

It's worth checking out the 'Healing After Birth Trauma' forum here, or PM me for links to other sites about traumatic births/traumatic C-sections if you like. Whenever you like--often it can take months for you to really start wanting to process your birth experience, particularly because you're so busy now dealing with a newborn and C/S recovery! There are a lot of wise, helpful mamas here who have been there and done that, if you ever want to talk or rant or moan about it, just so you know.

Congrats on your baby!
post #38 of 87
I was surprised how much hair he had, and how little he seemed for being 8lbs, 7 oz. I also was amazed at how beautiful he was and how LOUDLY he screamed. lol. I truly did fall in love when i saw him.
post #39 of 87
With my daughter, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and joy and just downright amazement that I had just given birth to this beautiful little creature. It was so surreal.
That's very similar to how I felt. It was just a very odd, almost magical moment when there was suddenly another person in the room who wasn't there before. I definitely experienced the overwhelming feeling of love. Totally different than anything I felt during pregnancy. Just sort of unbelievable and surreal and cool. It was followed by a lot of stress immediately because she had to go to the NICU, but I very clearly remember that first moment was definitely different.
post #40 of 87
With my first baby, I was in awe and deep love. I got all teary-eyed, a real Hallmark moment. Of course, it was medicated with an epidural, so I was doped up. With my second (a home, water birth), I think one of the first things out of my mouth was, "Can someone take him please?" But I had to wait another 15-20 minutes because of the placenta. I was in an ice-cold pool of water in shock and shaking. The only thing I wanted was a hot shower. Once I warmed up I realized how handsome he was!!
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