How much advice do you offer "off the cuff?"

[liberal_chick]

My 19 year old cousin gave birth yesterday to a healthy, 8+ pound, baby boy. She has expressed a desire to breastfeed. Not an overwhelming desire, and in early pregnancy she was really hesitant about the idea, but I sent her a book ("So That's What They're For") and I think it may have swayed her a bit.

Anyway, she isn't surrounded by anyone who has breastfed and I have no idea what kind of advice she's getting from family and/or hospital staff. I'll be seeing her on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) and was wondering how much advice you give when it isn't directly asked for. Like if you saw a family member doing X and you knew that was not helping what needed to be done (I'm thinking specifically that she'll be giving him bottles).

I hope this post made sense. I know I'm kind of having a hard time putting what I mean into words this morning!

[KirstenMary]

If my advice isn't asked for...none. I will, though, let someone know that if they need any help to please let me know, and then I leave it at that.

[Lit Chick]

I told my friend that if she ever needed any help/advice/support to please ask, because having btdt I would have loved someone that was here (relied on my long-distance gf).
The day she brought her DS home from the hosp, she asked me over to check his latch perfect).

So, I'd gently hover and say that sometimes nursing can be trying and if she wants to chat or has any questions or worries, you are there for her. But other than that, let it be. You don't want to go so overboard in support that you make her feel like she can't do it, ykwim?

[KristyDi]

I'd make sure that she knew my phone number and that I'd love to help. I'd also give her a Congratulations card and slip a note in there with a the web address of Kellymom and the location and time of her local LLL with a note about how you found these things really helpful and how much you enjoyed meeting other new moms at LLL.

[frontierpsych]

I'd just ask if she needed help, support, advice, etc.
"how's breastfeeding going?"
"Pretty good, except yadda yadda"
"have you tried blah blah?"
or something like that.
Then if she was receptive to that I'd offer that hey, I do have lots of experience in that area, so feel free to give me a call if you need help or feel like giving up.

[rainashine]

I'm make sure she was still trying before I offered any advice. If her support has not been good, she may not have kept it up even this close to birth.

[liberal_chick]

I just talked to my sister and she said the my cousin has thrown in the towel already. No one at the hospital gave her any other advice besides "every time he cries, put a boob in his mouth" and he cried all last night, so she asked for a bottle at 5 am and he slept for 4 hours. No latch evaluation or anything.

I called and left a message on her voicemail congratulating her and telling her that I'd be happy to help; that one or two bottles don't have to be the end and encouraging her to call if she needs me.

Its hard not to be disappointed.

[MadameXCupcake]

Hope she reconsiders! Good for offering still.

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick

I called and left a message on her voicemail congratulating her and telling her that I'd be happy to help; that one or two bottles don't have to be the end and encouraging her to call if she needs me.

Well done. Are you close by? Would going over help? Sometimes it is so hard to pick up the phone and ask for help, but if someone shows up with a meal, sympathy about how hard and frustrating it is at the start, and good advice...

[liberal_chick]

I am 4 hours away and won't be able to make it down until Wednesday. If we didn't already have this trip lined up, I'd have gone down today since it really isn't a bad drive.