not allowed to stop for a second!

[sanguine_speed]

My kids are driving me crazy! They are home from school due to holidays, and I would like to enjoy spending time together, but you know what? I'd rather they were still in school today. They constantly need SOMETHING. All the time! Bah!

That feels better!

[j924]

I think you need to take some baby steps towards things. My four dc are home from school this week and I know how crazy it can be. If I want them to play some on their own I first have to give them my complete time to fill them up so to speak. Also could you go outside wiht them maybe bundling the little one up. It is -3 with the windchill here today. We bundled all exposed skin and just ran around in the snow for maybe ten minutes. It took us longer to get dressed than play:but we were rejuvinated when we came in. Also for dinner I can not stress the joy of a crock pot more. Throw all the food in mix it up turn it on. The bigger kids can even help. Try not to envision how spending time with your kids should look like and just be in the moment with them.

[eirual]

I have at times resorted to making dinner on the floor and it's oddly easier because DS can participate in it without it being an extra hassle.

Try to stay patient, positive and pro-active.

One thing I know some kindergarten teachers do is to put on some identifiable thing that they wear when they are unavailable. So even though they are there they are not available to the kids. I can see how 5 minutes of making yourself unavailable could save your sanity.

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by j924

I think you need to take some baby steps towards things. My four dc are home from school this week and I know how crazy it can be. If I want them to play some on their own I first have to give them my complete time to fill them up so to speak. Also could you go outside wiht them maybe bundling the little one up. It is -3 with the windchill here today. We bundled all exposed skin and just ran around in the snow for maybe ten minutes. It took us longer to get dressed than play:but we were rejuvinated when we came in. Also for dinner I can not stress the joy of a crock pot more. Throw all the food in mix it up turn it on. The bigger kids can even help. Try not to envision how spending time with your kids should look like and just be in the moment with them.

Thanks for the ideas. It's much colder here, and the kids don't want to go outside. I don't either. Especially with the baby.


As for making supper on the floor...uh...I just don't even know what you mean. How do you chop veggies within range of a toddler? Or warm things up with the burners being so not on the floor? What do you make on the floor?

[mommy68]

When my kids used to be in school they were this way on holidays and for the first couple of weeks of summer. They are used to the routine of a school day and have switched to doing nothing routine at home while on Christmas break. Do they have books they can read or crafts to do? If you do something with them for a couple of hours it may pass. I feel your pain though because I've been there.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by j924

Try not to envision how spending time with your kids should look like and just be in the moment with them.

wonderful advice.

[eirual]

Originally Posted by sanguine_speed

As for making supper on the floor...uh...I just don't even know what you mean. How do you chop veggies within range of a toddler? Or warm things up with the burners being so not on the floor? What do you make on the floor?

I bring the cutting board to the floor and give DS a small chopping board, knife, and a thin-cut version of whatever I need to cut so that he chop what he has safely. If there's lots to chop I bring the pot down too so they can be dumped in when they're done- I suppose it's the prep work that's done on the floor either for the children to participate in or to sit cross-legged and nurse while you work. A little un-conventional, I know, but throwing it out there in the event that it may help.

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by mommy68

wonderful advice.

Thanks .

[Tuesday]

Ooh, mama, sanguine, I feel your pain. I've 2 boys (5 and 2) and a bad shot of arthritis that runs through my feet and hips and I'm here in Ontario (Canada as well). My car is buried under frozen snow and we couldn't afford to put snow tires on it this year, anyway. I'm finding being housebound quite a challenge. My 5 year old will go outside for a bout an hour but the younger one - no way.

I agree about trying not to envision what should be done and just go with it. Just now - running out of ideas - threw on a cd - music Fellini's films, actually. Sounded like circus music and I suddenly started marching around the living room. The kids joined in and that kept them happy. While we were marching, I'm thinking - what next. Then we run downstairs and do a quick craft. Then a story. Then a snack. Then something else.

The big challenge is going to the washroom without having the two year old destroy something. I'm really out on a limb here when I'm on the computer for a few seconds.

Once the sidewalks are more clear of snow, I'll be getting out the jogging stroller and taking the kids to the park to toboggan, hike, play with ball, children's museum, library. Anything to keep them busy.

I'm getting frustrated with them too but I'm just trying to keep 'em busy and not sweat the small stuff - besides - they are only this small once and I just keep telling myself that one day I'll give anything for my 2 year old to be 2 again so he can throw dirty cat litter all over the entire basement.

Hang in there!

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by eirual

I bring the cutting board to the floor and give DS a small chopping board, knife, and a thin-cut version of whatever I need to cut so that he chop what he has safely. If there's lots to chop I bring the pot down too so they can be dumped in when they're done- I suppose it's the prep work that's done on the floor either for the children to participate in or to sit cross-legged and nurse while you work. A little un-conventional, I know, but throwing it out there in the event that it may help.

See, this type of thing is so foreign to me. I cannot cut with a sharp knife on my floor with my toddler.
I already know he will want my knife. Not his knife. He'll want mine. And when I don't give it to him, it will become a tantrum. He is not satisfied to sit side-by and play with his imitation tools. I realize many other toddlers would. Not mine. Thus my issue.
I do appreciate the effort you made to make this suggestion, but it actually makes me more confused that there are toddlers in the world who would do this.


And I'm genuinely sorry for sounding as though I'm pooh-poohing ideas. It's truly not that I'm closed-minded, it's that I know my family and my children. I am pretty creative and I've tried a lot...
I think I may need to rearrange my parenting. I'm all for helping, teaching and gently guiding, but with children who are so high-needs, I think I need to reconsider some rules that I'd formerly considered "not AP enough". In particular when it comes to structure, routine and scheduling.

[MamaMonica]

Originally Posted by sanguine_speed

I already know he will want my knife. Not his knife. He'll want mine. And when I don't give it to him, it will become a tantrum. He is not satisfied to sit side-by and play with his imitation tools.

Mine would want the big knife, too at that age, and physically grab it I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

ETA- introducing more routine and structure helped our family a lot. Good luck!

[JoyLoveandLearning]

I feel your pain

I know what it is to look at other people's children and know that your kids present you with challenges that the other parent is not facing. And then it is even worse to hear that parent tell you that she used the standard method and it works fine (and perhaps you are just doing it wrong). I went through the same issues with sleep with my DS. So I know that sometimes it is the child who is different and the parent is doing her best!

With that said, perhaps I can offer some additional ideas?

The first is to remember that even if you don't get anything cleaned, or cooked, or household projects done, you are still doing a full-time job each day. People who work often hire full-time nannies who are there to provide childcare only to children (especially to 3 young children!). Are your children loved and nurtured? Yes. Then you have completed a full job.

However, it sounds like you would like to get more than one job done each day . So one idea is to involve your kids with you in the job. If you want to sweep the floor, get out four brooms so everyone gets one. Then resign yourself to spending an hour doing a job that should take 10 minutes. Turn on the music, trade brooms often, and have fun. Be prepared with a wet cloth to quickly wipe up and discard any actual piles of dirt that you can put together - or they will be soon scattered again!

Another idea (new for me, but it really does work) is to clean up as you go. I find with my 3.5 year old that when we finish a meal, I can say to him "Please put your dishes on the counter. Then when you're done with that, we can play." It takes him a while to get them to the counter, and during that time, I clean up the rest of the meal. Your older kids are old enough for this, and perhaps for your younger child, you could tell him that he needs to remain in his high chair until the meal has been cleaned up (perhaps have a special toy reserved just for this time?). Or perhaps your 4 year old could be responsible for his dishes, and your oldest could be tasked with both taking care of her dishes, wiping the baby's face, and taking him to the family room and singing him a song? When I implemented this idea ("I'll be able to play with you after you do _____"), it took a couple of rounds of my DS getting upset and me sticking to my rule before he understood the concept and was ok with it. I'm sure you will be loving and gentle as you remind them. Sometimes my DS would go and do something else before he cleared his dishes. There was no hurry, he wasn't in trouble, it was just that I wouldn't be able to pay attention to him until his dishes were cleared (except for the loving reminder). If he did something "naughty" to try to get attention during that time, I would give him a hug and say "it looks like you really want some attention. Let me keep you company while you clear your dishes, and then we'll be able to play together."

Lastly, how do you feel about TV? My DS gets two "Television Times" each day, and each lasts for 30 minutes. One is after breakfast (including cleared dishes) and one is around 6:00 so I can prepare dinner. I find I can be very efficient during this time. Oh - and I have a rule that he must complete his "Three Things" before I turn the TV on. I look around the house and select 3 tasks that he must do. Usually they are things like "put your toy cars into their bin", or "come with me to get the mail". There have been times when he chooses no TV instead of doing the Three Things (ugh!), so I let him pick his show first so he is excited about it. With 3 kids you could have 4 or 5 things and have them all work together to get them done.

Best of luck with all this!

[nichole]

This is why my children watch tv sometimes. I only have 2. I think 3 would be much more difficult.

One thing I can think of is to try to not let tantrums bother you. I just say, oh I'm sorry you are sad. When you calm down, we can xyz. Then don't give in. You are probably already doing that, but just in case I will mention it.

For example, after bath, snack, teeth brushing, and jammies, I sit down in my chair and do not get up if at all possible. If there is a tantrum that is okay. Eventually, my toddler comes and sits in my lap and goes to sleep.

Ok, one more thing. Maybe they are bored from being home for the holidays? We started staying home more and at first it was ROUGH!

[sarahmae1]

Originally Posted by sanguine_speed

See, this type of thing is so foreign to me. I cannot cut with a sharp knife on my floor with my toddler.
I already know he will want my knife. Not his knife. He'll want mine. And when I don't give it to him, it will become a tantrum. He is not satisfied to sit side-by and play with his imitation tools. I realize many other toddlers would. Not mine. Thus my issue.
I do appreciate the effort you made to make this suggestion, but it actually makes me more confused that there are toddlers in the world who would do this.


And I'm genuinely sorry for sounding as though I'm pooh-poohing ideas. It's truly not that I'm closed-minded, it's that I know my family and my children. I am pretty creative and I've tried a lot...
I think I may need to rearrange my parenting. I'm all for helping, teaching and gently guiding, but with children who are so high-needs, I think I need to reconsider some rules that I'd formerly considered "not AP enough". In particular when it comes to structure, routine and scheduling.

I hear you OP. I think you're on the right track w/ introducing some more structure. I used to be anti-routine, but then my ODS started school and a schedule became somewhat nessisary. It does help. That and trying to come up with creative things for them to do.

[Peppermint Leaf]

Hugs to you mama -- this too shall pass

This might be of some Small help to you:
http://housekeeping.about.com/od/tim.../30seconds.htm

[AngieB]

Please, no one flame me to badly for this but.....

I think it's time to start standing up for yourself! AP parenting does not = slave to children. If you are busy doing something do not drop everything and rush to them whenever they call. If they are school age then they are old enough to learn some patience and respect for you. Even the toddler should be able to wait a few minutes before you get to him. If you do have to drop something because of a fight then put them in their rooms or a two different areas of the house and then go finish what you where doing and then come back and handle the issue. A schedule sounds like a very good idea. Schedule in chores and a quiet time when you are making dinner. Or have the two older kids play with the toddler while you are cooking.

I once went to a Waldorf sponsored parenting class and the speaker said that your home is your Castle and you are the queen. Your children are the people in the castle and village that you care for. Would a queen allow herself to be treated the way you are allowing yourself to be treated? You can be a kind and loving queen, but still there should be order and respect in your kingdom.

[sanguine_speed]

Mamas, thank you so much for your understanding and support (and for handling my downer attitude so lovingly). I feel much better right now (the kids are in bed ).

I do think I need to think about having more structure, but I'm not sure how this will look for our family. I have to do a bit of research and a bit of thinking on it. I think we'd all be happier.

I know what it is to look at other people's children and know that your kids present you with challenges that the other parent is not facing. And then it is even worse to hear that parent tell you that she used the standard method and it works fine (and perhaps you are just doing it wrong). I went through the same issues with sleep with my DS. So I know that sometimes it is the child who is different and the parent is doing her best!


Thanks for this mama. That's just it. My family isn't average or typical at all. We're pretty sensitive, extreme and passionate. I can't relate to many other families. Thanks also for your additional suggestions.

I've found lots of useful advice and kind support. It's amazing how helpful it can be just to hear "I know how you feel". Thanks again mamas

[sanguine_speed]

Update:

Hi Mamas!

I'm feeling much less exhausted these days :. In retrospect (and outside of that experience now), I realize that there was a lot going on that caused that month to be crazy. Illnesses, teething, travel, activities...it all got the best of us. I'm feeling so much more relaxed now. We're still a little 'higher-needs' than many, but we've fallen onto the spectrum of 'normal', lol.
I've also managed to have lots of friends over, and the kids seem to be enjoying the company rather than acting out. We're also going outside no matter if it's -20 or not. Even if it's just a walk in the stroller for the youngest two while the oldest is at school (I have a large jogger that fits the 5yo). Thanks again for letting me have an outlet to vent and for offering your support.

[GooeyRN]

I am glad things are better! My kids are also both high needs ages 3 and 14 months. It is hard when they are both being demanding.

I totally get they wont use their own dull knife to help. Both of mine would grab at the real knife. I learned to set limits with the "up/down" stuff with ds. I will either hold him, or not. If he wants to keep doing the up/down thing, he stays down. Yes, he whines, but I know he isnt hurt, isn't hungry, isn't tired, etc. He is bored. The three year old, I try to get her involved in a craft (painting, crayons, gluing those foam shapes on toilet paper rolls, etc.) before I start cooking or whatever. I give her the choice, she can do the craft BY HERSELF or she can watch a video. I am NOT doing the craft WITH her. If she nags for me to sit with her, I put it away. She knows she has to do it by herself now when I am cooking. (I do plenty of stuff with her during the day, I will not be made feel guilty for requiring her to self entertain next to me for 15 minutes a day) I leave the cabinets open for the 14 month old to pull everything out. I know it makes a mess, but it only takes 5 minutes to put the pots/pans/cans away when he is done. It is worth the mess for 15 minutes of peaceful cooking. I started locking the bathroom door when I pee. If I don't, dd opens the door, and starts demanding stuff RIGHT THEN (um, no, I am not getting the play dough out while I pee, sorry) , ds follows dd in, and starts emptying the garbage, playing with the toilet wand, trying to drink shampoo, climb into the tub, wants to nurse b/c I am sitting, etc. It is really easier on me to just lock them out for that 60 seconds and have them pound on the door.

My biggest thing, is spend a good 15 minutes with them before you need to do something. Then get them involved in something fun to do themselves, then you may get a little peace.

PAK

[ernalala]

Here another family (with two kids) that doesn't seem to be like other 'normal-energy' family's. Actually, I thought it was just normal' to have such high needs children until I saw how it' s going differently and not so high-energy and exhausting in other families. Wow- that was an eyeopener for me, to realise WHY I actually often was so exhausted, stressed and/or burned-out being a SAHM. Because my kids are really out of the ordinary busy, needy, and what seems like forever in conflict!!! And Ds2 has a very, well, passionate character, a very exploring attitude, and has frequent major tantrums, and is really hard to deal with when he's so high-strung. Oh yes, how he would scream for what seems like half an hour to get that real sharp knife...and any other thing he could subsequently think of...in the end his upset won't be about the knife anymore, but about everything and nothing all together... So me I'm definitely subbing.
I so do love the concept of consensual living, and gd, but I do find it doesn't work a 100 percent around here, and I also start to believe that a full 100 percent of cl application and super gentle approach is not going to work here either. I try to apply it as much as possible but certain structure, and putting my foot firm cfr. 'fighting for my own rights' has been going on for the sake of my sanity.
The irony is, that some days I've been running back and forth and doing all kinds of stuff ALL day LONG, especially regarding children's needs, and done LOTS of picking up, without actually having managed to do the 'big' stuff which I hoped I would have been able to have done, like, 3 days ago. Then I finally find a moment to sit down for 30-60min (hopefully!) and sit at the PC while my kids watch a TV show. Then Dh comes home and is grumpy for finding me at the PC not 'doing anything', not 'having done a thing' and not giving attention to the kids and not having started cooking yet (and that's not a daily scenario I can tell you that). Well, yeah, actually it's like just that 'moment', like, when you take a picture, and there you have that one image of a nano-second inbetween action.
Well, he also knows how it is with our kids around over the weekend so he actually didn't mean it that badly. But gone the feeling of relaxation that only just started to emerge... I felt attacked by the insinuation... I think you all can relate since you know what it is with such high energy children...