Steps to transition towards non-materialistic gifts?

[moodymaximus]

DH's side of the family is extremely materialistic--if a gift is not BIG and expensive, it isn't a gift. I cringe at that...and I also noticed that DD (6.5) wants, wants, wants, material things, but she is never happy with them. Yet when I hinted that not all gifts are big and "things" she totally freaked out--even if she loves going to the pool, she didn't grasp the idea that a pass to the pool could be a gift.

She has an obsession that she HAS TO HAVE every possible toy whale, and even though she has 2 belugas and 2 orcas, and a dolphin, she wants a humpback because she "can't play" without one.

The situation is complicated by the fact that we recently moved provinces and she witnessed us buying, buying, buying things for the new house. It was hard for her to understand that we didn't really buy that much, and most of it second-hand.

I'd like to start slowly transitioning towards non-materialistic gifts and joys, but I have a feeling that she might feel unhappy inbetween.

Anyone dealing with similar things and has ideas on how to transition?

[Thalia the Muse]

I think it's really normal and probably developmentally appropriate for six-year-olds to be pretty greedy and materialistic in some ways, and not to appreciate things when they get them. Which doesn't mean that you have to indulge the tendency by buying her a bunch of stuff! But it does mean that she's not a brat or unusual, and her family on her dad's side hasn't led her astray or anything.

She probably will be disappointed if you cut back or move to different kinds of gifts, but being disappointed will not hurt her. I wouldn't try to shame her for wanting "stuff," or make that seem like a bad thing that only shallow people with bad values want -- it's natural to want stuff! I'm sure you wouldn't try to shame her, of course.

[octobermom]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

I think it's really normal and probably developmentally appropriate for six-year-olds to be pretty greedy and materialistic in some ways, and not to appreciate things when they get them. Which doesn't mean that you have to indulge the tendency by buying her a bunch of stuff! But it does mean that she's not a brat or unusual, and her family on her dad's side hasn't led her astray or anything.

She probably will be disappointed if you cut back or move to different kinds of gifts, but being disappointed will not hurt her. I wouldn't try to shame her for wanting "stuff," or make that seem like a bad thing that only shallow people with bad values want -- it's natural to want stuff! I'm sure you wouldn't try to shame her, of course.

I agree were kind in a similar thing with our also 6 year old. SHes not soe much int it needs to be physcally big but it needs to come from a magizine or on TV or talked about at school so she wants a lot of things shes sees and hears about but I alos know in reality 99.999% of these wish gifts will gets exactly 2 days tops of play. Whild DD is not lacking in gifts this year it will be "smaller" than previous Christmas and there are fewer toy items because she is moving away from the pure toy stage. The intial reaction to a gift of paints and paper might not send her over the moon but I also know it will get TONS of use well into the future. Like she might not see why a pool pass would be a great gift but would likely still enjoy going, SHe might not ever (at this age) make the connection between we now get to go to the pool when ever because of this generous great gift or such but its sill appreciated.
Were also dealing with the sudden buying thing. or will be soon DH has been given a new job after years of us living off off poverty line wages DD knows this she knows over the next few months things will change we will be looking for a bit nicer place to live into replacing our car there will be some long past due buying of new items such as clothing and such things that weve put off for soo long she knws we all ahve a rather long list of things we will be slowly tackling so its hard for her to uderstand why say.. Mommy and daddy can talk about a "new' car but not why she can't have the $65 ponyvile castle upon site after all its JUST $65 or what ever.

Deanna

[lifeguard]

What about pairing a pool pass with a new bathingsuit or pool toy? Then there is still something to open, something physical but the real git is the pass.

Dance lessons with shoes. Girl scout membership with some fun crests. Skating rink pass with new mittens. Etc, etc.