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wwyd - pedophile and DD - Page 2

post #21 of 86
I am so glad to hear that. You're a strong mama, and your daughter will thank you for it.
post #22 of 86
PLEASE read the book Protecting the Gift.
post #23 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by yukookoo View Post
thanks so much everyone! Very helpful to get objective perspective.

Just spoke with DH to let him know. A conversation will be happening with mom sometime today.

He will never be seeing DD again.

:
post #24 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by yukookoo View Post
thanks so much everyone! Very helpful to get objective perspective.

Just spoke with DH to let him know. A conversation will be happening with mom sometime today.

He will never be seeing DD again.
Thank God. I'm so happy to read this update (I just found the thread now). I can't imagine how difficult all of this is for you. You are doing the right thing 100%. You are putting your daughter first and protecting her like you needed to be protected as a child. Awesome job, Mama for keeping him away! You are totally doing the right thing. Your daughter is lucky to have a Mom like you.
post #25 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by yukookoo
thanks so much everyone! Very helpful to get objective perspective.

Just spoke with DH to let him know. A conversation will be happening with mom sometime today.

He will never be seeing DD again.
Thank the good Lord.
post #26 of 86
I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with everyone else, keep DD far away from him!

I am thinking of you today as you talk to your mom.
post #27 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by yukookoo View Post
thanks so much everyone! Very helpful to get objective perspective.

Just spoke with DH to let him know. A conversation will be happening with mom sometime today.

He will never be seeing DD again.
Good for you! Stay firm and strong in your choice. I'm sorry you have to even deal with this situation. I'm sending loving and strong thoughts your way. Take care mama, and let us know how it goes.
post #28 of 86
Good for you!
post #29 of 86
i'm so sorry you are facing this. but i do want to add that obviously you were traumatized by what was not even what you called "out right" abuse. you were victimized by him even when others were in the room...when he just brushed against you suggestively...you have said yourself that it was traumatic...you're making the right decision to cut off all contact with him. you deserved better when you were little, and your daughter deserves better now.
post #30 of 86
Thread Starter 
well spoke to mom, over the internet as I could not do it in person or on the phone

She did not seem surprised. OF course I will be regarded as the evil horrible person who is taking away this man's joy. He is ill, can not walk well and apparently is losing his eye site and his only joy was seeing my daughter

Well you made your bed... not I.

I guess i can say that if I am wrongfully accusing him or have imagined any abuse that occurred in my past. It is really sad for him, but i am willing to take that risk over the risk of him hurting dd in any way.

I really hope I am doing the right thing. But I care far far more about DD than i do protecting my mom or him.

Thank you so much for the support. DH is also being incredible and supportive, thank god.
post #31 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post
Trust your instincts. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't watch and wait for alarm bells, the whisper you're hearing is enough.

I'm so sorry.
ITA!!!!! You and DH have a bad feeling for a reason. Trust it.
post #32 of 86
You did the right thing, mama!! Good for you!
post #33 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by yukookoo View Post
well spoke to mom, over the internet as I could not do it in person or on the phone

She did not seem surprised. OF course I will be regarded as the evil horrible person who is taking away this man's joy. He is ill, can not walk well and apparently is losing his eye site and his only joy was seeing my daughter

Well you made your bed... not I.

I guess i can say that if I am wrongfully accusing him or have imagined any abuse that occurred in my past. It is really sad for him, but i am willing to take that risk over the risk of him hurting dd in any way.

I really hope I am doing the right thing. But I care far far more about DD than i do protecting my mom or him.

Thank you so much for the support. DH is also being incredible and supportive, thank god.
You did the right thing. From what you discribed in the OP you were not imagining it, nor are you making it up. Protecting your child is never the wrong thing to do and when you gut tells you there's a problem you listen.

post #34 of 86
I imagine that this will be a very difficult conversation with your mother. I hope it goes well. The fact is that he made you feel uncomfortable while growing up many times and he makes you and your husband uncomfortable around your daughter. Your husband obviously noticed some "off" vibes coming from your Stepdad.

You don't owe him anything. I think it's going to make your mother mad or sad, but this is your child. She didn't protect you, but that doesn't mean that you can't protect your own child...and frankly, yourself, from this guy. I hope that your mother agrees with you and supports you. If not, then I feel bad for the new circumstances that will happen from this conversation. It absolutely has to be talked about and dealt with though. Good for you for being assertive in this situation.

I was molested for 9yrs by my step-father and if my mother were still with him, there would be absolutely no contact with her or him. Just the thought of him ever laying eyes on my kids creeps me out. I feel for you. Also, from my own personal experience, I can tell you that you may not remember if he did anything to you. You may have supressed memories that will come up as your daughter ages or under other circumstances. You know what you know, but you may not remember other things. As I've gotten older, supressed memories come back to me and I absolutely cannot believe that I forgot these things. You know he's unsafe and that's enough.


Lisa
post #35 of 86
I went through the same with my step-grandfather. He molested me (multiple times) when I was a child. My grandmother knows (although I think she is still in hard-core denial)about this and, while I still keep in touch with her, I will never ever bring my LOs over there. She wants to be hurt or offended, I couldn't care less. I will not put my children in danger.

If you want, please feel free to PM me.

Stay strong, you are absolutely doing the best thing for your child.
post #36 of 86
Please listen to all these other posters and protect your daughter from this predator. There are many things that we remember from our childhood as something "not quite right" and we don't process it until we're adults or we completely forget until something else triggers it. No one wants to believe bad things happened to them when they were a child and it's even harder to believe when the perp is suppose to be a trusted family member or friend.

When I was about 8 years old this family friend temporarily lived with us and there were a few incidnets hat was completely inappropriate, but not outright physical. In fact what you describe sounds almost exactly like what this man did around me: sexual innuendos, being sexual with his girlfriend in front of me, accidentally brushing up against me etc... Now I was never left alone with this man, and yet these incidents happened with people who were around but not necessarily paying attention or thinking anything of it.

Also consider the fact that I was a very mature for my age due to having a chronically ill mother (who I took care of quite a bit) and a father who had shady business dealings and friends. When these incidents happened I knew it wasn't right, but I was still too young to completely understand what was going on and to say anything about it. And frankly I was afraid that the adults in my life wouldn't believe me.

After the third incident I was uncomfortable enough that I just would be a total brat to the guy all the time and so he steered clear of me. Like Jeliphish said about "grooming" I believe this family friend tried to "groom" me into being his victim. He started by testing the waters with me to see how I'd react. And after each incident when I said or did nothing he got bolder until I did reacted in a negative way. But I still never said a word to anyone in my family about it, in fact I completely forgot about it until I was in my twenties when I found out this family friend had passed away.

While I consider myself very lucky that those incidents didn't really affect me, it's still an icky memory that I could do without. In your post all I could see was a bunch of big, bright red flags. Clearly you are uncomfortable, confused and upset at your memories and that's nothing to ignore.

I know it's hard because it's your stepfather, but consider the fact that he's considered a trusted person in your DD's life by others and you really can't guarantee 100% that she'll never, ever be alone with him in the future when no one thinks anything of leaving him alone with your DD other than you and your DH.
post #37 of 86
Hooray for you keeping him away! ::: It was clear from your original post how much this loser has played with your mind. It is HIS fault, not yours. He still is abusing you by doing these crazy mind games/ power plays. You deserve more and so does your DD.
post #38 of 86
I haven't read all the replies but just want to say

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way in hell would this person EVER be allowed around my child with or without me. Feelings aside, you have to do what is best for your dd and that is keeping her as far away from this person as possible.



I just read that you have decided not to let him around your child. Good for you mama! You are absolutely doing the right thing and never let anyone ever tell you different.
post #39 of 86
You described my fil pretty well. He will never be around our children. Ever. And neither one of us has any qualms about it.

ETA: one more thing, please stop thinking you may have imagined it. You didn't. A trusted adult took advantage of his position and none of this is or was your fault in any way. Kids don't make these memories up. And good for you for protecting you dd.
post #40 of 86
Good for you Mama! You are totally doing the right thing by protecting your child. I posted earlier before I saw your update.

Forgive me here, but am I reading your update right?? When you say she did not seem surprised, did you mean she wasn't surprised about what you had to say? Because if she's not angrily denying anything you said and still guilt tripping you then there is seriously wrong with her. If that's the case, I'd never leave my child alone with her either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yukookoo View Post
well spoke to mom, over the internet as I could not do it in person or on the phone

She did not seem surprised. OF course I will be regarded as the evil horrible person who is taking away this man's joy. He is ill, can not walk well and apparently is losing his eye site and his only joy was seeing my daughter

Well you made your bed... not I.

I guess i can say that if I am wrongfully accusing him or have imagined any abuse that occurred in my past. It is really sad for him, but i am willing to take that risk over the risk of him hurting dd in any way.

I really hope I am doing the right thing. But I care far far more about DD than i do protecting my mom or him.

Thank you so much for the support. DH is also being incredible and supportive, thank god.
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