I'm ambivalent about Santa and looking for perspective

[Shanana]

DD1 is almost 3.5. We've given her gifts at xmas in years past, but never really talked about Santa. I don't know why, we just haven't. But she's old enough now to "get" xmas, yk? I've always felt that we would "do" Santa in our household - it just seems so magical, I guess. But now that the time has come, I can't bring myself to talk to her about it. This may sound strange, but it seems so weird to outright lie to her like that. I am always very truthful with her, even about little things (like, I won't fib and tell her that we're out of cookies just because I don't want her to have one, etc.). But every time I think about talking to her about Santa it feels wrong in some way. I can't exactly identify why I feel this ... it may just be the "lying" aspect, or it may be something in addition that I haven't identified yet. But we're, ahem, kind of running out of time, and I'm not sure what to do. She has seen Santa at two events this year and sat on his lap at one of them. (When asked what she wants for xmas, she always says a cookie .) But she hasn't really asked me any questions about him yet.

Additionally, we give gifts at xmas but not a ton of them. I think we're getting her 4 things this year, all fairly small. My mom goes WAY overboard, and mil is pretty minimal (which is my preference). I'm fine celebrating xmas, but dh and I don't even give each other gifts and our preference is to keep the consumerism to a minimum. I like a special meal, time with family, etc.

I know there are people at MDC who don't do Santa, and those who do, and maybe there are those in the middle like me . I'm sure it's been discussed a zillion times, but I'd still love to hear what others think! Maybe it will help me figure out why I feel the way I do .

[octobermom]

We do santa a little more than some and not as fully as others. We tend to do more the santa spirt and honoring of Saint Nicholas but her own imagination has included some various aspects of jolly fat man in the north pole and flying reindeer, we playfully pretend with her. As for teaching honestly we like never really did much. We Celebrate Nicholas day in Early December and do units learning on who he is, in January we do a celebration of the 3 kings and diffrent studies on that and Christmas focus on Christ but we also allow her to watch the ABC family Christmas specials or see santa decorations or hear twas the night before CHristmas ect we never delibertly sat her down and said anything it just evolvd over time.

Deanna

[eirual]

If you're not feeling it, don't force it. We have chosen to let DS know that Santa is pretend and part of a story. No problems playing with that story from time to time (as a child myself, this is the approach my parents took- I knew he was fictional, but my parents played with the idea of santa from time to time. Like leaving milk and cookies for 'Santa' when we knew it was my parents who would eat them) His reply: "No, there is a Santa! He brings presents" (even though he's seen DH and I wrap them and put them under the tree...) I left it at that- I'm not going to insist he believe there is no santa.

Go with the flow, if you feel you should introduce it to some level, what about watching a christmas special and then asking her what she thinks, or use it as a launch into introducing the concept as play and go from there.

Good luck!

[beanma]

I would read a Santa story of your choosing and then just say "Wouldn't it be cool if Santa came to our house? Would you like to hang up a stocking? Maybe it'll have a present in it Christmas morning." Notice that I never said SANTA would leave a present, nor did I say he was real. Just give her an invitation to pretend. Think "pink dragon" instead of "Santa" when you talk to her about it and that might help you to get in the pretending mode instead of the lying to mode. Read plenty of story books and watch cartoons about it. She's beginning to understand that stories are stories and cartoons aren't real at 3.5. My dd1, at 2, was scared of the idea of some strange man in a red suit coming in our house in the middle of the night and she flat out told us – "That's just a story." I didn't want to disagree with her truth, but I still wanted to play Santa so I just asked her the same thing I said above, "wouldn't it be cool?" and she thought that invitation to pretend was okay. Different times she has said she believes and other times she's said she doesn't. It's clear she loves playing along, though. I have NEVER told her or dd2 Santa was real, though.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

When Santa come up here I told them right off the bat that he was make believe like things on TV. I want my kids to know the true meaning of Christmas and where their gifts came from.

[Shanana]

Originally Posted by beanma

I would read a Santa story of your choosing and then just say "Wouldn't it be cool if Santa came to our house? Would you like to hang up a stocking? Maybe it'll have a present in it Christmas morning." Notice that I never said SANTA would leave a present, nor did I say he was real. Just give her an invitation to pretend.

I really like this approach ! I am all about imagination, etc., and I think presenting it in that fashion, without coming out and saying YES it is or NO it isn't true, will satisfy both of us. Hopefully .

[LynnS6]

We do Santa for a couple of reasons.

I liked the magic as a child and I wanted my kids to experience that. Santa is such an integral part of our family Christmas, that it would be hard to do it without Santa.

I wasn't traumatized by learning the truth. When I asked, my parents told me. They didn't go to great lengths to keep me believing, they didn't go to great lengths to tell me the truth.

I don't view it as lying. I view it as pretending. There's a difference, and my kids can tell the difference.

We do Santa without the "you'd better be good or you won't get any presents". Santa brings presents no strings attached. That wasn't planned, but after it happened, I made a conscious choice to do that.

You could do a low-key, non-consumerish Santa. You could choose not to do Santa. What do you want your Christmas' to be like in the next several years?

[Shanana]

You're right - it is pretending and not lying. That helps me get into a different mindset about it. And I totally agree about no strings attached.

Instead of me telling her what it's all about, I will try broaching it in an open way with her and let her imagination lead the way. I will try to report back with results .

[MaidenMoon]

I've explained to my LO that Santa is kind of like a mascot for X-mas. She know sports team mascots are 'real' people dressed up for entertainment's sake, so I think this way she can get into the spirit without running the risk of having her find out the truth and otherwise possibly be crushed later on.

[Realrellim]

Well, we weren't doing Santa and we weren't vehement that he didn't exist either. But, DD just turned 4 and adecided that he's slightly more than a storybook character (or possibly that he is, but that storybook characters aren't entirely fictional?). This is a surprise, as we haven't played him up and while we do have a few stories that have Santa in it, she's never even mentioned him before, and always looked at people funny if they asked her if she'd visited Santa or whatever. But she's expecting something in her stocking. We're glad she told us this now.

So we're still trying to treat him like a storybook character, which isn't too hard because she's constantly pretending to be someone in the books she's reads and we're supposed to play the other characters. She just wants a gift--not anything specific--in her stocking. I'm not sure she sees him as much different from other storybook characters so we're downplaying it as much as possible (in comparison, she also wants to visit Frog Creek, Pennsylvania and meet Jack and Annie of the Magic Tree House books, so maybe that line is a little fuzzy). It seems kind of mean to be like "no, he's not real! Jack and Annie aren't real! Pooh isn't real!" so she'll have a couple of things in her stocking and that will be that for this year. We put stuff in her stocking after she went to sleep on Christmas Eve anyhow, but we never specified who it was from. Anyhow, I'm hoping that as she figures out that Jack and Annie are fictional, it will follow that Santa is fictional.

That said, if she discovers there are mall Santas and wants to visit one, I'm going to tell her they aren't real Santa 'cause I'm not paying for a stupid photo.

[CallMeKelly]

We "did' santa this year with my 4yo. Just basically told him that santa would bring presents Christmas eve. He wasn't interested so we haven't discussed it any more.

I am still in love with Frank Baums version of santa and I want to give them that version of the story... Wood Nymphs take care of a baby human child who grows up and dedicates his life to making children happy with the help of all his friends. His friends vote and agree to give him the cloak of immortality so he can continue bringing joy to children forever. The actual tale is full of things that I cringe at introducing to my young'uns but I don't think they are without merit and might spark good discussions at an older age.

[mommy68]

We don't do santa in our house. We stopped doing it the year my oldest child turned 3 (he's 13 now). My kids don't seem to mind. They've still always pretended over the years anyway. It's just fun to imagine a santa bringing their toys I guess, even when they know the truth. And I don't feel I've ruined anything magical for my children. They don't seem damaged by the truth.

[karemore]

I'm struggling with the whole santa thing too this year. DD is 3 1/2.

I haven't promoted santa, but I haven't come out and said he isn't real either. I can't bring myself to burst her bubble, and yet I can't bring myself to lie. (I'm not usually wishy washy)

We've focused on making cards and gifts for giving, every once in awhile she asks if SHE will get a gift too.

I keep waiting for her to ask me if Santa is real, because she knows that characters we see at Disney World, Chuch E Cheese, B&N character storytimes etc are just people playing a role. We had breakfast with the Easter bunny last spring and she knew it was someone in a costume.

I just assumed she'd ask about santa because she always asks when we see a character someplace.

I think I will just ask her what she thinks if and when she does ask, and just roll with it.

[DevaMajka]

I told ds that Santa is fun to pretend. I was totally honest about it all, and answered his questions honestly, etc.
He's decided that he believes Santa is real, though. lol
We celebrated Christmas with the IL's last weekend, and I had MIL wait to put out most of the gifts until after ds went to sleep. I felt kinda bad for being deceptive, but it seems like ds will believe in Santa regardless, and I thought it would be fun for him to wake up and see lots of gifts that weren't there before.
I still answer direct questions honestly, though he doesn't ask me anything about Santa atm. I think he just really doesn't want my answer. hehehe

Dp was bummed that I wasn't going to tell ds that Santa was real, but he has said since that he'd feel strange about lying to him about it, too.

[Shanana]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate hearing how others have handled it .

[Mrs_Hos]

We *believe* in Santa here.

If you really want my personal perspective...here it is:

We are a Christian family--so Santa is perceived as a loving, giving soul much like Jesus would've been...Santa notices if children are caring and loving to their family and friends (not just 'being good') and then he brings them presents that they are expected to share with their siblings/friends graciously. It is important to be kind hearted and to share...to show both Santa and Jesus that you can be loving to people around you.

We also tell our kids that some kids don't believe in Santa--so he doesn't visit their house. And unfortunately, we have had other kids tell our dd that Santa doesn't exist--we remind them that he will only come if you believe--and the Parents must believe too!!

Jesus is celebrated at Christmas even more than Santa of course. We even make Him a bday cake and sing happy bday! When asked what the 'reason for the season' is, my dd would say "it's Jesus' bday...and Santa comes!" so she may see it as 'equal' hahahahaha

[philomom]

We don't do Santa here. We do consider it lying and we never, ever lie to our children.

[elizawill]

we do santa here. my kids love it! i have no regrets either. the only thing we do that is different from others we know, is santa only brings one gift. i feel this keeps the focus on the magical aspect, and not the consumerism of santa. we don't put ANY gifts under the tree until the kids are asleep though. it makes it feel like a WOW experience this way. ....but only one gift is from santa, the rest our from dh & i, siblings, and other family members. even the stocking is from us. anyway. good luck with whatever you do.


oh, and we don't do naughty and nice either. santa is giving gifts as a celebration for the birth of christ (yea, we're christian). anyway... have fun whatever you do!

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I wasn't traumatized by learning the truth. When I asked, my parents told me. They didn't go to great lengths to keep me believing, they didn't go to great lengths to tell me the truth.

i wasn't traumatized either. honestly, when i meet adults who did not celebrate santa, more times than not - they say they wished they had. i have yet to meet an adult IRL though who is upset that they did santa growing up. (IRL - i need to say that because inevitibly someone is about to post with their terrible story, lol).

[Justice2]

Originally Posted by philomom

We don't do Santa here. We do consider it lying and we never, ever lie to our children.

I completely agree with this statement. I can't bring myself to lie to my children either. It just felt wrong to me to lead my child to believe that a man breaks into our house on Christmas eve and leaves presents. Which is what it boils down to. We are very careful to assure that our children don't spoil it for other children though!