This was my first single Christmas...but I'm not a mama yet. I'm 8 months pregnant. My H left in August to explore greener pastures (greener meaning younger and not pregnant old hat of 8 years).
I had a really tough week leading up to it...I'm so uncomfortable and tired and just wanting to be loved, and I became so lonely once the reality of nothing to do on xmas surfaced. I had a little meltdown the other night and cried myself to sleep, because I wanted my last Christmas (which I don't even really celebrate!) before baby to be special and memorable. Ended up seeing H for lunch on Tuesday, at which time we decided to spend the holiday together.
Had no idea of what to expect. It's been a really painful split for me, but the last 2 months have seen a change in both of us, and we're approaching each other on a very loving level, putting the pieces of our friendship back together.
What transpired was a beautiful day of togetherness, heartfelt conversation and an invitation to spend the night. We spent a lot of time alone, but also with his family, and at the end of the night we bundled up in our sleeping bags to do some Christmas stargazing. At home, we laid together talking for hours; I got human skin contact, my belly lovingly cradled by daddy (who just 4 months ago demanded that I abort) as I drifted off, and he told me that he's really excited to meet our baby. If you read any of my posts from the summer, you'll know how huge this is.
So yes, it was really hard because I'm not THE woman in his life any longer, but we are best friends and I am the mother of his baby and I know what I mean to him. So all in all I got my special Christmas.
Next year, however, I have no idea of what to expect, with the new baby and how much the dynamics of all of my relationships will shift! He and I spoke a little bit about how we plan to address the holidays with her, and I think that if we can keep on this path, we should be able to spend it as a "family". Who knows!