DS ruined santa for another family :(

[PaxMamma]

so i had a friend of ds's over to play today (both 5) and the little boy's sister (6). it was time to clean up and my ds pitched a fit and the little girl said, "you better clean up your toys or santa won't bring you any presents" to which ds replied "santa isn't real".

i stepped in and said, "remember we talked about this, some families choose to celebrate and some don't, but we will respect their family" not the first time i've told him this, he knows the deal, but i think he was miffed by the manipulation of being told he won't get any presents.

when the mom came to pick them up, i told her what happened and she was miffed. i apologized, i feel bad, but what was i to do? she told me this is a big deal in their family and they work really hard to keep the santa thing alive, but she never told me anything about it.

anyone else have a whistle blower??

[sapphire_chan]

Oh yes, poor lady, your ds didn't let her dd bully him into doing something because of Santa. No wonder she was miffed. Given how the girl presented the situation, I have some suspicions about why that family is going to "work really hard" to keep the santa thing alive.

How'd the little girl react? If she didn't immediately retort "oh yes he IS real" then I'd bet she was already questioning.

[PaxMamma]

both of the other children said, "oh yes he is!" that's when i stepped in. ds really wanted me to tell her she was wrong, but i gave my reply. the kids didn't act crushed at all. they left my house as happy as they came, but the seed of doubt has been planted. we all attend a small montessori school where i also teach, so i will be seeing a lot more of this family and this little boy is very special to my ds. it's his first school friend.

[bri276]

I'm sorry the mother was miffed, but honestly, this is the way many children find out. no matter how much parental guidance you give to kids, they tend to have a mind of their own. and truly, I don't think it's a bad thing for kids to find out when their parents use it as a threat like this family obviously does (the whole "if you're not good" thing- yuck). really, you didn't do anything wrong, so I hope they get over it quickly.

[octobermom]

Your son didn't do a thing to ruin it. Part of the "magic" associated is the willinginess to believe and even question it when others say its untrue. Were are faced with chalanges in all areas throughout life some are out right lies some very true some true in spirt others in our imginations etc.. The mothers over reaction would give me a lot more pause than the hnest words of your child.

Deanna

[littleaugustbaby]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Oh yes, poor lady, your ds didn't let her dd bully him into doing something because of Santa. No wonder she was miffed. Given how the girl presented the situation, I have some suspicions about why that family is going to "work really hard" to keep the santa thing alive.

How'd the little girl react? If she didn't immediately retort "oh yes he IS real" then I'd bet she was already questioning.

I think that's a little harsh. I would be really upset if that happened to my DD. Santa is a big deal in our family. I wouldn't really be upset at the other kid or at his parents, though, unless they were deliberately disrespectful. But I would be upset.

OP, I think you handled it well. You explained to your DS that some people don't celebrate, and when he said something, you stepped in to make peace. It's one of those situations where there's not really an easy solution. I think you handled it well and in a way that was respectful to everyone involved, and you say that the children were happy when they went home, so all seems ok!

[DevaMajka]

I think kids will believe in Santa even if some other kid tells them he's not real. Heck, my ds believes in Santa even though *I* tell him he's not real. lol.

My ds spilled the beans in a similar situation- his friend was telling him that "if you're bad, you get nothing but coal." Ds said a few times that he didn't care if he got anything, and his friend kept going on about being bad and getting coal. Ds finally said that Santa isn't real. I stepped in and redirected to something, and that was that. The friend still believes in Santa. lol.
(That was before ds decided that Santa IS real, and *I* just don't know it because he's never come to our house before.)

To be honest, there is magic that I believe in that very few other adults believe (and I truly honestly believe it's true). But I still believe in it. That's part of magic, right?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I have never heard dd tell another child that santa isnt real but wouldnt be surprised if she has since that is what I have taught her since she was old enough to be able to understand real and imaginary. I dont incourage her to tell others of course but I have taught her to tell the truth.

[littleaugustbaby]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

I have never heard dd tell another child that santa isnt real but wouldnt be surprised if she has since that is what I have taught her since she was old enough to be able to understand real and imaginary. I dont incourage her to tell others of course but I have taught her to tell the truth.

Do you not care if she ruins it for another kid or if it upsets another kid? I get not wanting to lie and encouraging your kids to tell the truth, but I also think that teaching them to be courteous to others is important too.

[LittleBlessings]

Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby

I think that's a little harsh. I would be really upset if that happened to my DD. Santa is a big deal in our family. I wouldn't really be upset at the other kid or at his parents, though, unless they were deliberately disrespectful. But I would be upset.

:

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by octobermom

Your son didn't do a thing to ruin it. Part of the "magic" associated is the willinginess to believe and even question it when others say its untrue.

Give yourself and your son a break....he doesn't have the power to ruin Santa for anyone who wants to believe!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Do you not care if she ruins it for another kid or if it upsets another kid? I get not wanting to lie and encouraging your kids to tell the truth, but I also think that teaching them to be courteous to others is important too.

It hasnt really come up honestly. I havnt thought much about it. The most I would be comfortable telling her would be if one of her friends says santa is real to just not say anything back to them.

I mentioned before that I wouldnt and have never encouraged her to tell others that santa isnt real. But I am not going to tell her it is OK for her to agree with them either.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby

I think that's a little harsh. I would be really upset if that happened to my DD. Santa is a big deal in our family. I wouldn't really be upset at the other kid or at his parents, though, unless they were deliberately disrespectful. But I would be upset.

I can see upset, I can't see failing to respond to an apology with a reassurance that I wasn't upset at the other kid or at his parents.

[EviesMom]

Eh. Kids hear this from other kids. I think it's fine and you were kind not to tell the kids that Santa isn't real. The other mom was probably just surprised. Give her a little time.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by EviesMom

Eh. Kids hear this from other kids. I think it's fine and you were kind not to tell the kids that Santa isn't real. The other mom was probably just surprised. Give her a little time.

Exactly, if it's not your DS then it's another older child. I am always careful to tell DD1 that others do believe he is real and we don't want to tell them he isn't but children are children. The truth comes out eventually.

[Realrellim]

Originally Posted by EviesMom

Eh. Kids hear this from other kids.

Exactly. I get that Santa is really important to some people. I don't understand why people get really upset when someone at school or a neighbor kid or whatever says "Santa isn't real." If your kids believe in Santa, at some point someone is going to tell them he isn't real. If it's so important that they never hear a dissenting view, then don't let them out of the house.

Besides, which, a kid telling another kid that Santa isn't real is not a deal breaker. Plenty of kids continue to believe in Santa even after someone else tells them he's not real. And half of the Christmas stories and movies out there have a kid who says Santa isn't real and then Santa shows up anyhow, so it's not like that topic hasn't been covered. If parents want to push Santa, then be prepared for someone to challenge it and decide how to respond ahead of time.

[Alyantavid]

Eh. Kids hear this from other kids. I think it's fine and you were kind not to tell the kids that Santa isn't real. The other mom was probably just surprised. Give her a little time.

Yeah that. I don't want my kid to question if Santa's real or not, I like that we believe in it. Obviously he will at some point and I do think it will happen sooner rather than later, but I will be a little sad about it.

[Changed]

I hate the whole santa thing. I feel totally stuck pushing it on my own kids for fear of them being "that kid" who ruins it for other kids. DD is 9 and starting to doubt. I tell her it's real if she believes- kinda makes me feel like less of a liar. I don't think you should sweat it. Kids talk yk?

[philomom]

If the other family hadn't lied to their kids about pretend men in red suits... then there would be no issue. Your kid was just being honest.

[littleaugustbaby]

Originally Posted by philomom

If the other family hadn't lied to their kids about pretend men in red suits... then there would be no issue. Your kid was just being honest.

So it's ok to be rude as long as you're being honest? OP, I don't think your DS was rude here, but I hate this line of reasoning, and I see it a lot here. Whatever happened to common courtesy? Believe, don't believe, do whatever you want...but be a decent human being about it.