I'm floored and sad. **UPDATE #92** - Page 2

[talk de jour]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

LOL No. The wife paid for her D's. It works for them QUITE well.

Maybe she's jealous that she might not be able to BF, then.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by seastar311

I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but at least your friends were trying to be honest with you. Is there another way they could have said it that would have been better?

Well, maybe if she hadn't included herself in it? We've had the conversation before. She has always said it's great to breastfeed and has seemed really supportive. I KNOW her dh is uncomfortable, so at their home I go elsewhere or grab a blanket. But in my home, I don't even THINK about it. It's my house. I don't keep random blankets around just in case someone gets weird over it.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by talk de jour

Maybe she's jealous that she might not be able to BF, then.

She got them between kids and bf both for a few mos.

(Darn. We're just not finding any logical reason!)

[seastar311]

Yes, that must be very confusing to suddenly hear that she is uncomfortable with it after all this time. If this is true, it's too bad she couldn't have told you before. If she's just siding with hubby, that's also a shame.

Good thing they're staying home if he/she/they can't deal with it.

[rmzbm]

So that's why you're "sad." Want me to rough her up for ya?

Seriously though...eh. You know better. Let it go, not worth the energy. I lub u!

[dogmom327]

I vote that their issues likely stem from their own issues with sexuality. If it really is the guy that's uncomfortable, then it could stem from being uncomfortable with the reality check of a woman using her breasts to feed her children (perhaps this is part of the reason his wife only BF for a few months). If it's really the woman who's uncomfortable, perhaps she thinks her husband is viewing you sexually?

Either way, it's their issue, not yours!

[smanore]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

I just... I just want to cry and hide and never go anywhere!

It's not on purpose! I'm feeding my baby! Look away if it bugs you!

Oh, I'm sorry. Don't feel that way. Come on over to my place. All the men in my home (husband and grown sons etc) wouldn't bat an eye at it. They would understand what you're doing (nourishing your baby). Plus, I've never seen them turn away from a breast -lol- sorry. I just had to break the tension with a little humor.
I second the post that suggested finding other more like-minded friends. It's not that you can't be friends with this couple, just that you might not be as comfortable around them now for a while.
I'd strongly suggest you discuss this openly with them, couple to couple, to clear the air. Not over the phone, computer, or text messaging, but in person. And also be sure to have everyone present. You never know what a little brainstorming might do. Perhaps you can come up with a solution that fits well for everyone. Besides, open communication might actually bring all of you closer together as friends. If all else fails, they might revisit this discussion at a future date when they have a baby that needs to feed. Being nice and open with them might be just the thing they need to later say, "We're so sorry we were such jerks back then." You can smile and say, "Oh you just didn't know any better then." Hold your head up mama, you're doing a great thing. Hugs

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by smanore

Come on over to my place. All the men in my home (husband and grown sons etc) wouldn't bat an eye at it. They would understand what you're doing (nourishing your baby).

ITA, my DH and my 15 yo son wouldn't even bat an eye. It's all in how they are raised!

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by seastar311

Yes, that must be very confusing to suddenly hear that she is uncomfortable with it after all this time. If this is true, it's too bad she couldn't have told you before. If she's just siding with hubby, that's also a shame.

Very confusing! And while I understand siding w/ one's partner, I would never do that if the shoe was on the other foot.

Good thing they're staying home if he/she/they can't deal with it.

Yeah. I don't think I even really want to be around them anyway now.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by smanore

Oh, I'm sorry. Don't feel that way. Come on over to my place. All the men in my home (husband and grown sons etc) wouldn't bat an eye at it. They would understand what you're doing (nourishing your baby).

Thanks.

Plus, I've never seen them turn away from a breast -lol- sorry. I just had to break the tension with a little humor.

I second the post that suggested finding other more like-minded friends. It's not that you can't be friends with this couple, just that you might not be as comfortable around them now for a while.

Yeah. I thought we were like-minded. I guess not so much...

I have a hard time finding like-minded, crunchy-ish ppl in our area. And I'm not looking for a complete hippie! Just someone who doesn't get weird about nursing. You know?

I'd strongly suggest you discuss this openly with them, couple to couple, to clear the air. Not over the phone, computer, or text messaging, but in person. And also be sure to have everyone present. You never know what a little brainstorming might do. Perhaps you can come up with a solution that fits well for everyone. Besides, open communication might actually bring all of you closer together as friends.

They're definitely not the type. And they're not having any more kids. And I don't know how I could ever bring this up even casually. It would be too hard to mention it without feeling sad or angry or showing some kind of distaste.

[Leisha]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

I suggested we get together w/ some friends tonight. They declined because, according to her text, "I am very sorry but dh and I both get very uncomfortable when you are breastfeeding while dh is in the same room, so to not inconvenience you, it's better if we don't go."

I'm floored. I'm hurt. I'm... just...

I texted back, "Oh. Ok. I'm sorry you're uncomfortable. It's not my intent to flash. I apologize for that. The shirt I wore the other day was problematic for sure."

I had a nursing tank underneath, but the top of the shirt over it was a big pain and made it look like I was exposing way more than usual.

Either way...

That last time my nursing came up as an issue, a girl was overheard saying that I "just flopped it out there!" I asked the hostess about it later and she told me that apparently her dh (host) and another guy got flashed.

I just... I just want to cry and hide and never go anywhere!

It's not on purpose! I'm feeding my baby! Look away if it bugs you!

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

At their house I do go elsewhere, but the event she is referring to happened in MY HOME!

Wow how rude/sad/unbelievable/immature/weird... of them

I agree... can't they just LOOK AWAY?! :

And I don't know if I agree with saying that it's good that they were honest about it... because now you just feel uncomfortable over something you totally shouldn't feel uncomfortable about!
I would be very hurt/upset too if one of my friends acted like this. :


Pfff breast are so over-sexualized that "flopping it out there" (or accidentaly showing some breast/nipple while nursing your baby) is like doing a nude pole dance on the dinner table or something


Also, if she had breast surgery, I'm guessing she has maybe always (or for a long time) had a bad "relationship" with her breasts (thinking they are not big enough, maybe even kind of obsessing over it etc) and just cannot see them as something totally normal, nothing to worry about, something good , especially in their natural state and doing what they're meant for...
Ehm I don't know if I'm making sense, it's almost 2am here

[Family4Christ]

I'm sorry! Gosh, that's pretty insensitive of them. I have big breasts too and short of using my homemade bra, there's no way I could be discrete. I'm sorry that happened to you!

Nurse away mama, and I hope you are able to find some friends who have established immunity to rectal corncobitis in the future

: Oh gosh, I just cracked up on this one!

[happyhousewife06]

wow! this is part of the reason that I think twice about NIP and I am not a shy person... I just know that should anyone ask me or tell me to stop that I might just smack the crap out of them.

I would cut that friend off fast!

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Leisha

Also, if she had breast surgery, I'm guessing she has maybe always (or for a long time) had a bad "relationship" with her breasts (thinking they are not big enough, maybe even kind of obsessing over it etc) and just cannot see them as something totally normal, nothing to worry about, something good , especially in their natural state and doing what they're meant for...
Ehm I don't know if I'm making sense, it's almost 2am here

That does make sense. She was flatter than an A cup before she had surgery. And she has told me she and her dh have issues in the bedroom. (She has lowered libido due to some of her medications.)

I've often used the line that Jesus was breastfed AND a UC and if it's good enough for him, then it's good enough for us. (My youngest was UC.)

[Viola]

Originally Posted by WeasleyMum

These folks need to get over themselves. It's not like you're trying to seduce your friend's DH by feeding your child in front of him.

Some women really seem to believe that...and maybe some men too, you know? It seems incredibly egotistical, and yet I've heard of it happening. Women who believe that other women are trying to attract their husbands, men who believe if a woman exposes her breast, that on some level she is doing it on purpose for the sake of titillation.

I wonder if like on some primal biological level if maybe men were attracted to women who could breastfeed successfully as a sign of fecundity and survival of the species and all that junk.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Viola

Some women really seem to believe that...and maybe some men too, you know? It seems incredibly egotistical, and yet I've heard of it happening. Women who believe that other women are trying to attract their husbands, men who believe if a woman exposes her breast, that on some level she is doing it on purpose for the sake of titillation.

I actually know a guy like that. I'd forgotten about it, but he would comment whenever I nursed my dd (now 7, nursed till 2y 9m). And dh was bff's w/ the guy for ages. (Finally parted ways and we've long since matured!)

I wonder if like on some primal biological level if maybe men were attracted to women who could breastfeed successfully as a sign of fecundity and survival of the species and all that junk.

Interesting thought. Quite possibly true.

[Juvysen]

I'm so sorry. That sounds really uncomfortable.

How old is your baby? Since she breastfed and all that, I wonder if she's uncomfortable because of the age of your babe? Obviously people get more uncomfortable with a 3 year old nursing than a 3 mo, if you kwim? I know lots of people are even uncomfortable with a kid that is close to a year nursing.... Just trying to come up with a reason...

i really think that'd be a deal breaker for me, though...

[MrsAprilMay]

I'm sorry she made you feel that way, mama. I feel so sorry for people who can't see nursing as just a way to feed a baby and not a strip show.

I think that the issue lies with her. Maybe a combination of things (her body image, libido, possible marriage problems) has lead her to feel threatened by you. Maybe it has nothing to do with nursing at all and she just used it as an excuse.

Whatever her reason, rest assured that it is HER reason and not YOUR problem. You nurse your beautiful babe to your hearts content and find a friend that deserves to be in company with such a great mama!

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

I'm so sorry. That sounds really uncomfortable.

How old is your baby? Since she breastfed and all that, I wonder if she's uncomfortable because of the age of your babe? Obviously people get more uncomfortable with a 3 year old nursing than a 3 mo, if you kwim? I know lots of people are even uncomfortable with a kid that is close to a year nursing.... Just trying to come up with a reason...

I wondered this, also. He just turned 13 mos and is, obviously, more wiggly than, say, a 3 mo old.

Originally Posted by MrsAprilMay

Maybe it has nothing to do with nursing at all and she just used it as an excuse.

This is what I fear. I'm sitting here thinking, "It's because ds1 has Asperger's syndrome and can be a handful. It's because another friend of hers and I don't get along. It's because I part my hair on the side and spin 3 times under a full moon while wearing a tutu and spraying glitter everywhere..."

Whatever her reason, rest assured that it is HER reason and not YOUR problem. You nurse your beautiful babe to your hearts content and find a friend that deserves to be in company with such a great mama!

Thanks. Everyone keeps telling me this. I know it's true! I know! Good reminder, though.

I've never had anyone tell me anything about nursing, though! Not friends, anyway.

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

It's because I part my hair on the side and spin 3 times under a full moon while wearing a tutu and spraying glitter everywhere.

You do this TOO????

I lose more friends that way :