I'm floored and sad. **UPDATE #92** - Page 3

[milosmomma]

I understand what people are saying about it being good that she was honest about her reasons, but I think that a "No Thanks" would have sufficed. Is she planning to never see you again until you wean? That's a little crazy. And, even in this age of technology, if it was really an "issue", a text message is not a particularly mature way to address it.

I agree with all the PP's. This is THEIR problem....not yours.

Just keep thinking this: You are doing a beautiful and incredible thing. YOU are producing milk to sustain your child and YOU are giving your milk to that child (no middle man!). How on Earth could anybody NOT be in awe of that????

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by bellevuemama

You do this TOO????

I lose more friends that way :

Maybe THIS is her problem and I should wear a bra when I do that...

[hollytheteacher]

I would have gotten so annoyed and said:

"Okay, how about I text you back in a few years when DS has weaned so we can hang out again without you having to be all offended about me trying to nourish my child."

[talk de jour]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

She got them between kids and bf both for a few mos.

(Darn. We're just not finding any logical reason!)

Oh ffs. Then she is just being a weird uptight b****.

Well, I have NO dc yet and to be super honest, I don't want to see anybody's boob unless I ask to (I mean, like, if I'm watching a R movie or somethin', not just running the streets saying "SHOW ME YER BOOB" rofl) ... but when it's in a baby's mouth I just see "feeding device." Not "sexual device." It's a totally different "sight" to me. I dunno why some people are incapable of making that distinction.

[Peppermint Leaf]

wouldn't a "true friend" tell you this in person rather than a text message.

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

At their house I do go elsewhere, but the event she is referring to happened in MY HOME!

Maybe you should send them a nice note and sign it "I'll call you in a few of years when we've weaned."

Just kidding, that's my vindictive side coming out.

[SUOMI-SOFIA]

Sorry!

I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I know how heartbreaking & strange it can make you feel. We don't live in a bf'ing friendly culture in the US. Most of my friends were formula users, but are very supportive. I was in a parking lot at the mall feeding my daugher in the privacy of my car & 2 little girls & their mom walked by & the little girl looked and I smiled & then I heard her yell "Gross" - I was mortified & so devastated that that little girl already hated such a beautiful part of her body & womanhood. Keep bf'ing - it needs to be seen to become accepted. And what's wrong with a little flashing anyway - half the girls I see running around have all but their areolas hanging out of their wonderbra's & their thongs sticking out of their pants! Perservere sister! Tanja:

[Beppie]

our culture is so messed up. what are breasts there for anyway? I hate how (some) men just think breasts are for them alone. And some women just go along with that, too. I get so annoyed just thinking about it! ARGH!

[MaryJaneLouise]

I think the fact that she got breast augmentation surgery explains a lot. Both she & her DP are way oversexualizing your breasts. Sorry to hear this :.

[debbieh]

Originally Posted by Justthatgirl

I've never had anyone tell me anything about nursing, though! Not friends, anyway.

I too am sorry that you were made to feel sad about nourishing your little one. I have to wonder tho, how she can be a good friend to you, and make you feel this way. Friends are supposed to support each other. I had a "good friend" who I supported in anything. But when it was time to offer ME that support, she wouldn't/couldn't. Maybe you are a better friend to her than she is to you.
When I was nursing dd1, some 33 years ago, my MIL and her husband came to our house for Christmas. My dd was 2 weeks old. I was sitting in the chair nursing her when they got there. She said in a rather cold, unfriendly voice, My goodness! Can't you DO THAT somewhere else? Tommy (her husband's name) doesn't want to see THAT!" (saying "THAT" as if it were something nasty). Before I could say anything, her husband said, "leave her alone! She's feeding our granddaughter. I would think you would be proud to see that." I then told her that if it bothered her, she could go sit in the kitchen, but I would not take my dd into another room to eat, IN HER OWN HOUSE.
Some people just have no concept of the fact that nursing a child IS NOT sexual. You keep feeding your little one. If she's a true friend, she'll call and apologize for acting like that.

[Ruthla]

Your baby's need to eat is more important than "not offending adults." If they were true friends, they wouldn't destroy a friendship over this. Hopefully, they'll come around in a few days and apoligize- but if they don't, it's really not much of a loss.

Is this the first they've said anything about being uncomfortable with your nursing? I'd think the first step would be to politely ask you to try to be more discreet.

Obviously, their values are very different from yours or they'd put their own discomfort second to the baby's needs, and prioritize "seeing you and spending time with you" over "the possibility of being a little uncomfortable during feeding time." I remember my FIL used to completely face the other direction when he realized I was nursing his granddaughter(s)- but he still came to visit a lot! He was so glad to hold the baby as soon as feeding time was over!

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by bellevuemama

Wow, most guys are thrilled to get a glimpse at some boobage. Humph. Spoilsports.

I'm so sorry you're feeling self conscious now! You didn't do ANYTHING wrong! Hmmm...you could offer him a blanket to cover his head if it bothers him?

Oh there I go again....being snarky....oops....

I'm impressed you handled it with such decorum. I tend to get a little snotty in those situations and it wouldn't have helped ME look good at all.

Nurse away mama, and I hope you are able to find some friends who have established immunity to rectal corncobitis in the future

Bellevuemama

that is hilarious! lol.

i would have had a hard time not being snarky to them. i would have prob wrote back something snotty myself.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by MaryJaneLouise

I think the fact that she got breast augmentation surgery explains a lot. Both she & her DP are way oversexualizing your breasts. Sorry to hear this :.

Yeah, probably so.

He also comes from a very uptight family, so I'm sure that adds to it.

I'm still feeling so sad this morning. I have anxiety and this is REALLY tearing up my stomach.

[rivkah]

Originally Posted by MaryJaneLouise

I think the fact that she got breast augmentation surgery explains a lot. Both she & her DP are way oversexualizing your breasts. Sorry to hear this :.

I tend to agree. There are issues here. I am so sorry that is may cause you to lose a friend. But with friends like that.....

The thing I don't understand is being so intolerant. I have friends who do and say all sorts of things I don't agree with or I wouldn't choose, and sometimes they make me uncomfortable. (bottle feeding babies, having annoying marital arguments in front of me, leaving the television on all day, driving absurd gas-guzzling vehicles). I wouldn't dream of dropping them as friends--I mean how boring if you only hang around people exactly like you.

I know it isn't quite the same, but our dear friend and ex-neighbor looks like a model and dresses accordingly, even when pregnant. We went to her house on several occasions when she was wearing a skirt that I swear was two inches and a top that was cut approximately to her navel. I would never dress that way (even if I did was 5'9" and weighed 120 pounds). My DH and I actually joked about the "free show" he got whenever we went to her house. They are a really nice family, and since both their marriage and my marriage are just fine, I have come to find her exhibitionism a charming quirk of her behavior.

So--It isn't YOUR problem. Your friends are uptight and not very good friends, IMO.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Is this the first they've said anything about being uncomfortable with your nursing?

Sort of. The wife has always voiced support but told me her dh is uncomfortable with it, so in their home I always go in another room or use a blanket. When we eat out w/ them I also grab a blanket. Really, that's for MY comfort because I don't want strangers gawking at me. But I never cover his head w/ it because none of my kids have ever gone for blankets on their head, they get all sweaty, and I can't see what's going on anyway. So I just rely on the bulk of my shirts to cover the top of my boob.

Obviously, their values are very different from yours ...

More than I ever realized, apparently.

[Juvysen]

You know... when I try to cover my DS's head when he's nursing, it usually ends up being more of a show than when I don't. DS is SO wiggly (moreso if his head is covered! pulling it off and all that) and it's harder for me to keep my shirt in a way that I can cover back up if he pulls off or keep things a bit more discreet. Trying to cover him would be a total disaster...lol

[hrsmom]

I'd be floored and sad, too! I agree, it's their issue, not yours. I can tell you that none of the friends I had before my baby was born have the same values as me, and I hardly ever see them anymore! I'm in the process of making new friends, thank God for mommy networking groups! You're right in the middle of it, and they're your friends, and I think your reaction is totally normal. As someone completely outside of the situation, I would encourage you to accept that that is how they reacted, and don't let it get to you! Their reaction says nothing about who you are or the choices you're making to nourish your baby- it really is their problem. You're doing the best thing for your baby and for yourself! :

[mytwogirls]

Oh wow! I am floored too. I would be ticked off for sure. I once had my BIL say something to that extent to me at our house. I said "Well I have never heard of a man going blind because he saw a breast. And if that were the case you would have been blind a LONG time ago because I saw your stash of Playboy in the bathroom." : Seriously some people can be so rude. I am sorry mama. How awful.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by mytwogirls

Oh wow! I am floored too. I would be ticked off for sure. I once had my BIL say something to that extent to me at our house. I said "Well I have never heard of a man going blind because he saw a breast. And if that were the case you would have been blind a LONG time ago because I saw your stash of Playboy in the bathroom." : Seriously some people can be so rude. I am sorry mama. How awful.

Oh, if they'd have said something in person I may have had a snappy comeback! That was a good one.

[LeahC]

Originally Posted by WeasleyMum

These folks need to get over themselves. It's not like you're trying to seduce your friend's DH by feeding your child in front of him.

Exactly what I was thinking. I don't understand why people have to "look" if it makes them so uncomfortable. ((hugs))