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I'm floored and sad. **UPDATE #92** - Page 4

post #61 of 93
They're definitely sexualizing the whole thing, or she wouldn't have worded it like she did . . . "while dh is in the room".

There are just people like that out there.
post #62 of 93
Originally Posted by bellevuemama View Post
Hmmm...you could offer him a blanket to cover his head if it bothers him?


awesome. I am going to keep this in mind.

There are a couple of people in my extended family who are uncomfortable about my nursing. Whenever it is possible for me to anticipate a nursing session (such as when he starts getting fussy), I make a blanket announcement that it looks like I need to nurse soon. It is then the men's responsibility to leave the room if they so wish.
post #63 of 93
wow. i would be really upset. i don't even know what i would do about a situation like that.
post #64 of 93
I'd definitely be hurt if someone I considered a good friend told me they didn't want to be around me because I might feed my child. I would also realize that it was their issue, not mine.

I'd likely let it go for a few days and then possibley try to talk to my "friend". If she honestly didn't ever want to be around me when there was a possibilty of me nursing my lo, then I suppose there really wouldn't be a way to remain friends. Honestly, if she cares so little about seeing you because you feed your baby, she isn't much of a friend, and I'd feel a little sad for her really.

I'm sorry your friend is acting this way.
post #65 of 93
Originally Posted by Peppermint Leaf View Post
wouldn't a "true friend" tell you this in person rather than a text message.

Nope. IMO a true friend would get over herself. Even if she personally preferred not to see someone breastfeeding (which I find weird, but it's her right to have that preference), if she's a friend, she'd get over it and want to go out for dinner, regardless.

OP - you go way further to placating this friend than I would. I absolutely refuse to go to different rooms to nurse my children, period. It doesn't matter whose home I am in. If I'm not welcome to nurse where I happen to sit, then I view it as not bieng welcome in that house, and I'd leave. Thankfully, I've never had a problem over nursing, and my friends are cool, but I'd personally not go to any lengths to cater to anybody's stupidity over NIP.

But in your own home - heck, what a nerve your friend has!!

I'm sorry this happened, but I think you need to stand your ground and very politely tell her that you intend to nurse for some time to come, so maybe you guys just shouldn't hang out right now. And I'd look for new friends, and make that a permanent arrangement.
post #66 of 93
Sometimes ignorance isn't bliss, sometimes ignorance is just ignorance.:
post #67 of 93
I feel sorry for them, because they will most likely be a family the chooses to formula feed if they have children, She will never experience the amazing feeling of breastfeeding her child, she will never have the same closeness that you and your child share and she will never have the confidence in her body that you do, Your body has nourished that baby inside and outside of the womb, you are an amazing goddess good job mama!

I am tandem nursing toddlers sometimes you CANT cover up. my cat never covers up while nursing her kittens I have never see a cow covered with a blanket nursing in a field. And I bet none of those people have ever complained about that.
post #68 of 93
what weirdo's....do they have kids?
post #69 of 93
Just text them back, "Yeah, I was pretty uncomfortable last we saw you too, what with your husband's [insert random potential problem you've noticed, however slight... belching, burping, farting, laughing too loud, noisy eating, unwashed hands, ogling waitresses, etc.] When you've gotten some manners maybe we can try again in another decade or two."

I know, rude, but they were so rude too that I don't think the relationship can be salvaged.
post #70 of 93
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by jeliphish View Post
what weirdo's....do they have kids?
Yeah, they have 2 kids. She breastfed each for a few mos, that was it.
post #71 of 93
Thread Starter 
Know what I realized? In my reply txt to my "friend" the other day, I ASSUMED that they were weirded out about getting flashed.

Maybe they're just weird freaks about it and it has nothing to do with flashing but it's just the IDEA of breastfeeding that bothers them. How pathetic. :
post #72 of 93
Hope you're feeling less stressed about this today! You did nothing worth feeling embarrassed or ashamed about. Silly people.
post #73 of 93
This is what drives me insane about our society. My husband was/is uncomfortable with some of my friends who extended breast feeding. He thought it was weird for someone to nurse until a child is past a year old, let alone 3+. Now I have never nursed that long and probably wont, BUT, I told him to SUCK IT UP. He would NEVER tell someone their kid couldn't eat at the table so how dare he tell someone else how their kid should eat. Personally, if we could tell people how to eat I would walk around all over screaming at people to shut their mouths while chewing their food, but that would probably start a fight. So if I can't tell complete strangers to close it, he shouldn't even think of being in a position to tell someone else how to eat (the 3 year old). Not to mention, boobs are for FOOD.

I do however find myself guilty of staring a women nursing in public, but totally because I am jealous and couldn't wait to have another baby of my own. If they noticed me it was always met with a smile and sometimes a thumbs up, but really, I just like seeing babies eat.
post #74 of 93
Originally Posted by Justthatgirl View Post
They declined because, according to her text, "I am very sorry but dh and I both get very uncomfortable when you are breastfeeding while dh is in the same room, so to not inconvenience you, it's better if we don't go."
I am reading her text more that SHE is uncomfortable with you nursing when her husband is in the room. Is she worried that he's checking you out or something? I mean, seriously, that's a bit weird.

I will add that one of my dearest friends came to visit us before we had kids. They came down with their EBF 5 mos DS. Since she and I have been friends since elementary school and been in Girl Scouts forever and have seen each other naked a million times she is very comfortable in my household. So, let's just say she was not discreet when latching/unlatching her son. My sweet DH left the room when she started nursing. I followed him and he was just so concerned about not offending her that he didn't know where to look. He was worried that if he stared at the ceiling it would seem rude but he didn't want to look AT her for fear she'd think he was staring at her breasts. Luckily we're such good friends that she and I could talk about it openly and honestly... I told her DH just really didn't know where to look and she told me it didn't bother her/offend her if he looked away or looked at the ceiling.

I share that story because DH's feelings are pretty similar to most other men I know who either do not have children or their wives/SO's did not breastfeed. They know it's not polite to stare at a woman's breasts but they also don't want to offend a nursing mom by looking at the ceiling. Perhaps a frank conversation between you and your friend about this would be appropriate? (Of course now that I've nursed 3 kids it doesn't bother DH at all... he can carry on a conversation with a nursing mom and not even notice at all.)

post #75 of 93
You poor mama. How awkard you must feel.

Around here people with issues are free to leave the room when my child is hungry. I prefer to give the heads up so people know l'm going to feed. Not in the form of an announcement or anything. It doesn't offend me if people prefer to go outside or into another room until we are done.

So if you can't cope with a baby eating:
a. Leave the room
b. Put a blanket over your head
c. Pull your finger out (oops can l say that?)

I don't leave the room to feed at my house or someone elses unless there is a different reason for me to do so. I think alot of people (both males and females) also think that you may want/need some privacy and prefer to leave the room (subtley not storm out) or look away until you are done anyway.

Personally it doesn't bother me but would you be more offended if your friends DH went into another room until you were done? I just don't see why you should have to be inconvinienced to feed your child. Also have your tried asking your friend why her and her DH so uncomfortable?
post #76 of 93
Originally Posted by WeasleyMum View Post
These folks need to get over themselves. It's not like you're trying to seduce your friend's DH by feeding your child in front of him.
Yeah that. They are obviously not very good at dealing with their own insecurities... It's not you. How rude!
post #77 of 93
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Dizzie View Post
Personally it doesn't bother me but would you be more offended if your friends DH went into another room until you were done?
He DID go in another room for a couple minutes. Totally didn't bother me at all. I know he's uncomfortable, so fine. Do what you need to do. I initially thought he was checking out the game the kids were playing until his wife told me, "He went over there because you're nursing." And then I just picked up a weird vibe. No idea why.

And 2 days later I get the text.

I just don't see why you should have to be inconvinienced to feed your child. Also have your tried asking your friend why her and her DH so uncomfortable?
I haven't seen her since and I really don't care right now. Obviously, they aren't ppl we need to hang w/ if they suddenly get weird about something that previously hadn't been an issue. (Heck, we typically go to their house and I go in another room, but this time she suggested we get together at MY house. Ok. But then this happens.)
post #78 of 93
Oh man, if it makes you feel any better i was so spastic in the begining and so intent on getting my screaming, back arching child fed that I didn't worry a bit about flashing a few people. It's not like I'm blinding anybody. My mom would be like "are you sure you don't want a blanket or something?" but honestly, how do you modestly arange your atire while holding a nipple and a child? it's not like we have eight arms. Flash away, i say. Flash away. Baby has got to eat...
post #79 of 93
Originally Posted by Justthatgirl View Post
I don't feel comfortable with them at all anymore. In someone else's home, I will go w/ whatever they prefer. But in my house? No. You can put a blanket over YOUR head.

I think I would have texted her back with that message. And the image of a man sitting on your couch with a blanket over his head is hilarious.
post #80 of 93
I think it was SHE who felt threatened either by your body or by the closeness with your child and she wanted to punish you by sending such a callous, hurtful text. I'd say good riddance.
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