What brought you to intactivism?

[PuppyFluffer]

We are a varied and diverse group.

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

Why are you active on this topic?

Tell us a little about yourself.

I'll go first.

I am female, married, mother to three young children. Two girls, one boy.

I first learned what circumcision was in my teens and just instantly thought it was wrong and I couldn't understand why someone would do that to a perfect little baby.

I came across the book "The Joy of Uncircumcising" a few years later in a bookstore and skimmed it. Another reinforcement that circumcision was not a good idea.

I have been reading Mothering Magazine since I was 19, on and off. Good information to be had there through the years.

When I began to realize that my boyfriend and I were getting serious, I asked him his thoughts on things like birthing, sleeping, breastfeeding and finally circumcision. His answers were very AP/NFL and I knew we were going in the right direction. When I asked about circ, he said, and I quote directly "No way would I do that to a child and frankly, I'd like mine back." I knew then that he was marriage material! That really was the tipping point. We've been married 8 years nowl

There are so many angles to the issue and they all speak to me on one level or another. The strongest point I take is that I believe that creation doesn't make mistakes and that the right of the child to decide their bodily integrity is a vital human right.

Dating

[Sharlla]

I was 18 when I was PG with DS1, I heard about circ from the DR when she asked me if we were going to do this and informed us that medicaid would not cover it. DH and I talked about it and decided that there was no reason to do it so we didn't. It was the same choice that we made when we had DS2 6 years later.

exDH had a really tight circ and I think that is why he doesn't enjoy sex very much. DP is intact and I really love it, I think it makes it so much better.

[Fyrestorm]

I witnessed my first ritual circ when I was about 10...I thought it was horrible.

When my brother (P) was having a babe, my mother was planning the ceremony in her home along the the party, before they even knew if it was a girl or boy...I thought that whole process was pretty twisted (I originally offered to bring the mini weiners in blankets). P's child turned out to be a boy...

Brother L (who had converted to Paganism age of 16) and I talked about it and refused to attend the 'Party'. L decided to look into the whole procedure.

I can't go into the rest of the details because it would get into UA violation territory, but L refused to speak to my mother ever again after that (She passed in 2003)

I have since become a loud and proud intactavist along with L. Trying to prevent all male genital mutilation for any reason on children that are too young to decide how they wish to live their lives.

[Dabble]

I really had to think about this to figure out how I came to where I am. Here goes:

I am female, married, and the proud mother of two intact boys. I grew up in a female-only household, so my experience with penises had been limited before my boys were born.

Before kids and before pregnancy, I don't know if I had an opinion about circumcision. I remember people talking about it and feeling vaguely uncomfortable about the idea of modifying a body from its original form. But I live in a very high circ-rate area and it is just done here with very little thought. I knew very little about what the surgery involved, and nothing about the function of a foreskin. I wouldn't have known an intact penis from a circumcised penis if you had paid me to point out which was which.

When I got pregnant, I RESEARCHED EVERYTHING! I was making decisions about my prenatal care (midwife), and birth (no drugs), and wanted to make decisions about how my baby would be cared for immediately after he was born. So many choices!

I remember a conversation with DH where I said I was pretty sure I didn't want to circumcise the baby, and his reaction was dubious at best (he is circ'd). Actually, his response was "I don't want him to have a caveman penis."

We tabled the issue until the ultrasound when we knew for sure that we were having a boy. In the meantime, on my own I watched a circ video and in my absolute horror knew without a doubt that this would not happen to my baby. After that I told husband that we wouldn't be circing, and invited him to watch the circ video if he disagreed. I answered his questions and told him my reasons for not wanting it done. He came around to my way of thinking eventually

But myself as an intactivist was not born until my then 19-month-old son had some pain upon urinating due to the foreskin separating naturally from the glans. I didn't know what was causing the pain at the time, and took him to the doctor where I was promptly told to circ him. A desperate search for answers led me here to Mothering, where I learned more about the foreskin and circumcision than I ever thought possible.

My anger at the ignorant circ-happy doctors and feelings of fierce protection for my son are what birthed the intactivist in me.

This is a great place to be.

[Fellow Traveler]

Ok, I'll bite. For those of you who don't know I am an intact male. This has been an issue that has always sat in the deeper recess of my mind, not understanding why it occurred [even as a young kid], but I was content in the knowledge that it was in decline. What has driven me to be more proactive is the renewed vigor to justify the practice while at the same time when I dug into this, it seemed to me we might be reaching a critical mass and I wanted to help finally push it over. I enjoy participating here to try and give advice and perspective, to new members and long time members, of an intact guy who grew up and lives in the US.

[kldliam]

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

The birth of my son (my first child). I knew there was some sort of 'choice' to be made. I did ZERO research and made the decision solely based on my gut feelings. After the birth I began to reflect on the decision more and more and then discovered this whole "pro-male-body" online community. It felt good to know that my gut was right all along.

Why are you active on this topic?

I believe that if you have an intact child - that you must have understood on some level that genital cutting was wrong. With that being said, I believe that you have an absolute duty, to make that known to other people. Protecting your own child from this dirty cruel practice is a wonderful thing, but you simply can NOT close your eyes and your mouth to the needs of other children. We must all stand up and protect ALL children from this disgusting social ritual, regardless of whether or not we give birth to them.

Tell us a little about yourself.

Female-37, married
F/T Mother to 2 (boy,7 and girl 20 mos.)
Social, political, animal activist
Artist
Skeptic

[Treece]

Well, as I have stated here b4, my xh is intact and when we were prego with ds1of course this came up. I asked if we would, he said why, so I researched "disadvantages of circ" and "advantages of circ" What i came across HORRIFIED me to the point I appologizeed 4 asking.

Then, I dated my hs sweetheart again, also intact, and he told me how younger bro "had to be" at 5 yo and he "wouldn't put a child therough that." Intact path was starting to be paved.......

Then my next bf no way no how would it NOT be done, how his sister circed her son tho her hubby was intact, his religion required it (Christien, btw). This put me into intactivism BIG time. We broke up over this.

Now, dp is and our ds isn't circed. And dp is a fellow intactivist.


F, 27, Oklahoma, living together, not married

Mother of 2 intact boys, college drop out, born in TN.

[dinahx]

I have a degree in Early Childhood. Since the first 'task' for a newborn is to develp trust and secure attachment, well it didn't seem like such a great idea to perform genital surgery as part of that process! IDK Circ has horrified me from the first time I thought about it.

Even in HS, when I first learned about foreskins, I was scared of them but fascinated. I can still tell you the foreskin status of every one of the 100 boys I went to HS with, and it wasn't from experience! It was just a subject of academic interest for me.

It wasn't until I had an intact som though, that I really APPRECIATED the role of the foreskin in overall anatomy, and this allowed me to experience the blessing that is my husbands totally incomplete circumcision. Suddenly he had half a foreskin to me and not half a circ!

It isn't just about foreskins, though for me. Any elective invasive medical procedure performed on an infant for no better reason than custom or cosmetics would horrify me. And most medically neccesary procedures horrify me too, frankly. I just see surgery as SO primitive and despite all our apparent sophistication, I truly believe we are basically some cave people messing around with other people's bodies. The fact that circumcision involves the genitals makes it even more horrifying though.

Also, from a strictly medical perspective, I find the whole 'day two' timing of most circs to be medically CRAZY and really highlight how true all of our medical system's overtures of really CARING about the health of infants are. Not very.

[bmcneal]

Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer

We are a varied and diverse group.

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

Why are you active on this topic?

Tell us a little about yourself.

I am a 22 year old mama to a 3 year old DD and expecting a new LO, a boy, any day now. (EDD 12/28) This website/community is actually what brought circumcision to my awareness. I was very naive when I was first married/got pregnant the first time. I had no knowledge beyond basic human anatomy on the topic of the male body. Before we found out DD was a girl, I never thought about circumcision, never knew there was a choice, never knew that there was something "missing" (w/ a circumcision.) I had never heard/seen anything about intact-ness, and kind of thought penises "came" that way (circed) Yeah, *very* naive. Honestly, I'm glad that DD was a girl, because I would have never had any idea, and if asked if we wanted to circ, probably would have said yes, for lack of knowledge.

When I first came across Mothering in 2006, and started looking around, that was the first time I became aware of circumcision. Honestly, I never really paid that much attention to it, partially because I didn't have a son, and partially because topics such as circumcision felt "taboo" to me. (Instilled from childhood. I never had any variant of "The Talk", no talk about puberty, etc.) When DH and I started talking about TTC this LO, I started to kind of peek into the CAC forum, learning about it a little more, but not really getting "into" it at all. When we found out I was pregnant, I knew from the time I got the positive home pregnancy test that it was going to be a boy. I can't explain it, and none of my family/friends have ever experienced that, but I *knew*. I knew I had to jump in to learn anything. I got to the video link in the resources thread, and that was it. I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't watch the whole video, but I figured there *had* to be *some* reason they would do circumcisions routinely, so I kept looking, but found nothing. I read an article something about circumcision reducing urinary tract infections, but it still didn't seem like a very good "reason". But I found a lot of reasons why it shouldn't be done, and was/am shocked that people still want it done.

The whole fact that there is no good reason for a circumcision to be done routinely aside, I just can't wrap my head around carrying/caring for your baby for 9 months, birthing your baby, and then just a short time later thinking something is "wrong" with them, and sending them away to have part of their body cut off. I just don't understand it at all... Knowing what circumcision is, and knowing that, if you *know* what it is, and have it done, it seems like saying you think there is something wrong with your baby, and that would be enough for me to not have it done.

I'm the first person in any of my IRL relationships, as far as I know, to have accepted "intactivism." When I told my sister we weren't going to circumcise LO, she told me we should do it, it's cleaner, all the other "reasons" people say it should be done. I told her what my research has proven (circumcision is not cleaner, more risks/complications, etc.) and she still won't accept it. I haven't really talked to my mom about our choice, as, like I said above, talk of "that nature" is taboo in my family, but from the response I got from my sister, I am assuming she wouldn't be so supportive either.

[kldliam]

Bmcneal: I am a 22 year old mama to a 3 year old DD and expecting a new LO, a boy, any day now. (EDD 12/28)............

Beth, you sound like a very wise young woman. I have great admiration for your better instincts and thoughtful research. I wanted to wish you great happiness and joy on the pending birth of your son. What a treasure he has in you! Please check back in here and let us know how the hospital staff reacts to your decision. I'd be curious to know. Thank you.

All the best. :

[njeb]

What brought me to intactivism?
Well, it was lurking here, on MDC, that did it. I am an older woman, married, with two intact grown sons in their 20's. I am also a long-time reader of Mothering Magazine. When I was pregnant with my first in the 70's, I chose to give birth at home with a midwife. I'd heard horror stories about the way women were treated in the local hospitals and decided that I didn't need that kind of treatment. Because I gave birth at home, my ds wasn't automatically circumcised. My midwives, bless their hearts, were adamantly opposed to circumcision and educated me.
Unfortunately, giving birth at home and leaving them intact did NOT turn me into an intactivist; indeed, I forgot about the issue. What made me one was lurking here and reading this forum. I learned so much about the proper care of the foreskin, the functions of the foreskin, foreskin restoration, etc. The thing is, even though I left my sons intact, I STILL thought that the foreskin was "just a flap of skin." The research showing otherwise hadn't yet been done.
I feel like my sons dodged a bullet.

[3pink1blue]

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

I think subconsiously, it was when my baby brother was born. I was 4.5, and my mom was changing his diaper, and he was all bloody. I remember all I could see of my brother was the blood and the black stump of his umbilical cord. I don't remember what I felt, and I don't remember consciously thinking about that again, but the picture has been burned into my mind and comes up now and then. It affected me far more deeply than one might think.

Circ didn't come to my attention again until I met a man who I now believe was a fetishiest, because he asked if I would ever have a son circumcised. I thought about it for a second and said "no." He was horrified. Even then, knowing nothing at all about the foreskin, I knew circumcision was nothing but a violent assault on an innocent child.



Why are you active on this topic?

I believe RIC is a despicable form of sexual assault on a child. I am shocked and saddened and angered by all the myths perpetuating about circumcision and the intact penis, especially the "cleanliness" issue and the "useless skin" argument. It absolutely makes me ill tot hink about that type of wound happening to a person for no reason at all. After having my son in September, it has become even more personal. I am not "active" in the intactivist community, per se, but I do sneaky things. For isntance, I buy disposable diapers and repackage them into cheap diaper bags and give them to expecting parents, along with three or four pamphlets from nocirc, doc, etc. I've also been known to tuck pamphlets into diaper bags at the store,packages of newborn onesies, etc. I don't have the gall to be truly proactive, so I sit back and do passive-aggressive intactivism.

Tell us a little about yourself.

I'm just a regular mom of 3 girls and a boy. Nothing fancy, nothing special. Just regular.

[nummies]

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

Such a long, drawn-out, painful story. Before we had my son, I didn't research circumcision at all. DH is circ'd and we just agreed to do it. At the time, I thought it was "just what you did". I asked my MED-wife about circing and she told us to do it. Her boys were circ'd and it just looked so much better, was easier, etc. After the birth, I was having second thoughts. I just had this feeling at the pit of my belly telling me "don't do it." My mama instincts were trying to tell me something and I didn't listen. I asked the doctor, if it was "really necessary" and she said "yes, better now than later". So they did it and I felt awful. Crying hyserically about it day after day. DH thought it was just having some baby blues. Then I found Mothering by searching for anti-circumcision information to present to my husband. I started reading about it and what happened to my son. I found the circ video and threw up. DH and I talked about it and I told him I was never doing that to another child; I told him that I would rather not have another child than do that again. He said "ok" and we left it at that. DH started doing his own research and we found the site about how circing hurts women (mostly related to sexual issues). And DH came to me crying. He just kept saying "how could we have done this". After much research, DH decided to restore his foreskin. He has been doing that for around 9 months now. It is a long road but he is gaining a lot. We plan to tell DS how sorry we are. How we shouldn't have made that choice for him. How daddy is different because he has been restored. We will teach him about restoration and he can make the choice for himself.

Why are you active on this topic?

Because I put my son through that torture FOR NO REASON. Because if I can save one baby boy from feeling that pain and save one mother from feeling the intense sadness that I feel, then it will be worth it.


Tell us a little about yourself.

I'm 25. I am a mother to one son. I am married to a great man. We have been together for almost 5 years, married for 3 years. I am a SAHM now, but I am also a RN and plan to return to work eventually. We are planning on having more children and are currently TTC #2. Deep down I am hoping that our second child is a boy. For lots of reasons, but also because I want a chance to bring an intact son into the world.

[AstridS]

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

I was reading on an American babywearing site and stumbled upon a thread about circ. It absolutely horrified me. There was a link to this site and I followed it and discovered that there are sane voices speaking out and trying to end this...

Why are you active on this topic?

I read here from time to time and try to offer an outside perspective, when I think it's valuable. Apart from that, I don't do much. I'm lucky enough to live in a country where there is not much need for anything to be done.


Tell us a little about yourself.

Female. 29. born and living in Denmark. married. Mother to two girls.

[A&A]

I was very anti-FGM and that got me thinking about MGM, as well.

Then I had a boy and left him intact (although lots of people were telling me to circ him---FORTUNATELY dh was very supportive of my decision.)

kldliam is right--it's our duty to educate others. (And I'm similar to kldliam in that I just went with my gut when I left my son intact.)

[asunlitrose]

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

I'm not sure what did it exactly, but feminism helped a lot. I started thinking about genital integrity, and being on a women's sexual health website helped. We learned not to judge other women by the size of our labia, and so I thought why judge men on their cut/intact status? Then I thought more about FGM, MGM, and RIC. And I got f-ing furious. Really furious.

It wasn't until I was studying to be a doula that I learned there are no HEALTH reasons for circ-ing. Then I became a fervent intactivist and bothered all of my family members with it. Even my mom and dad came around to my side, and my mom was always the one saying how "disgusting" intact penises were.

Why are you active on this topic?

Because I don't think anyone should have cosmetic surgery done TO them. They should be an active participant in that scenario, since it is their body. Add this to the fact that it is being done to vulnerable newborns, and it makes me sick.

Mainly, being a doula and an educator, I think it is my duty to stop the spread of misinformation and to spread accurate information. If doctors aren't going to truly get informed consent, then I will inform the parents. Someone has to. And of all the doulas I know, none of us have had parents still say yes after finding out the facts.

Tell us a little about yourself.

Single, 23-year-old female, no children yet. Postpartum doula and high school English teacher.

[mamabadger]

I am old (almost eligible for official Crone status) and when I was expecting my first child in the early eighties, RIC was still common, but was being discussed and debated quite a bit here in Ontario. I was researching the issue as well as I could, and had almost decided not to circ. I worked at that time in a hospital, and when I was about six months along, I had an opportunity to watch the procedure being done on a newborn boy. Well : as you can imagine.
I decided then and there it would never happen to any son of mine. DH, although circ'ed as a baby, was absolutely with me on this. The first baby turned out to be a girl, but her two brothers were spared the procedure.
I continued to research both male and female circumcision out of interest, and years later when I became a CBE, was able to incorporate a lot of this information into my prenatal classes. My approach to prenatal instruction, on whatever topic, has always been: rather than defend babies directly, inform and support the parents, and the babies will be taken care of. This is why I do my best to inform expectant parents about RIC.

[Ophelia]

What brought circumcision to your awareness? Being pregnant with a boy. I was quite naive most of my life, and thought that only Jewish people circ'd, even in the U.S. I thought it was a 'mean' thing to do and knew there was no way they could take all the pain away from the baby. My sister had her two boys before I had mine (not circ'd), but even then I still didn't think much about it, even though I knew that if I had a boy I would not consent to have it done. Only while doing research while pregnant (to have to convince DH) did I learn of the atrocities that are commited upon non-consenting boys and children. I had also never heard of FGM before.

Why are you active on this topic? To try and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. To educate people on foreskin function. I think people will be more open to intact if they know about the function and how much each male loses from circ.

Tell us a little about yourself. My son is 2.5yo and I WOHFT. I am currently a temporary MN State office for the 2009 MGM bill http://www.mgmbill.org, have anti-circ buttons on my son's backpack, and anti-circ printouts (just text) in the side windows of my car.

[Bm31]

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

Probably the fact that they circ'd me twice, as an infant and again when I was six. I didn't really understand it at the time and no one ever really explained it to me. It actually wasn't until I was in my 30's when I started questioning why I never really enjoyed sex and I was able to do some real research with the availability of the internet making it so much easier. With what I learned, I finally confronted my mother about the whole twisted history of what was done to me and she filled in the blanks. This pretty much confirmed what I had pieced together, that the whole mess was caused by the original circ.

Why are you active on this topic?

Sometimes I don't really know why. I'll never have kids of my own and it's too late for me to benefit from it. I suppose it spurred me on to share my story with others when I failed miserably at saving my nephew from getting cut and I didn't talk to my sister for two years. I guess if in some small way I can even help one child from being cut up then it is worth it for me.

Tell us a little about yourself.

Single, college educated, professional male, 42 who lives in the circ captitol, the midwest . I'm a proud uncle with a 5 year old nephew and a 3 year old niece, and also a proud godparent to a darling little girl who just turned 4 and is the daughter of some of my best friends. Participating on this board has made me more vocal and less embarrassed to speak out whenever I get the chance irl.

[CherylDec&Jul]

What brought circumcision to your awareness?

I first thought of it when I was pregnant with my dd. Our bradley teacher brought it up (she must be an intactivist). I remember in the car after that class saying to dh - I just assumed everyone circumcised. I guess if we ever get pregnant with a boy we will have to look into it. Dh said - what's to look into - if we ever have a boy we will circumcise. I said - you are the one with the penis - so whatever you want. (Don't flame me - I was uneducated)

When I was pregnant with ds - I came to mothering.com looking for something totally unrelated & I dont remember how I got to CAC but started reading all the threads.

And then I had to convince dh. It wasn't easy - but it wasn't hard either because he is a wonderful respectful man! It just took some time.

Why are you active on this topic?

I think of how it easy it would have been if dd would have been a boy that she would have been circumcised. The ONLY time I heard about it during my first pg was from our Bradley teacher. By one single person. I believe if I knew I was having a boy I would have done more research at that time . . . but you never know & what if my teacher never said anything & it was a boy?

With so little information out there now (unless of course you are on all the internet boards out there - but not all moms are as you can see - I dont have lots of "board" time logged) - anyway it seems so easy a thing to just have done to son. Im sure at some point I would have learned about it & then I would have been devastated that I did it.

Im so lucky that I was educated in time.

Tell us a little about yourself.

Mom in the Midwest of an intact boy! (I know of no other intact boy in my circle of people - not that there aren't any - just my closest friends all have circ'd - so when I read those threads of how can you be friends with someone who circ'd - I think Id be one very lonely lonely mom. On the plus side so far all the moms Im close to there has only been 1 boy born since my ds was born - and she was "almost" convinced. She decided not to do it & then her pedi totally freaked her out - anyway long story.)