or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Dear Polite Offender,
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Dear Polite Offender,

post #1 of 132
Thread Starter 
Dear Polite Offender,

You don't know me. I am the woman that walked in with her five beautiful children. We met at a mutual friends house. I am the woman to whom you stared blankly, silently counting my kids...at which point you loudly and rudely exclaimed..."Are these all your kids? OH MY GOD!!!" You said this with a true look of horror on your face. My children witnessed this. Ms. Offender, at my house, and in my family, we absolutely don't take the Lords name in vain. Not to mention that you said so right in front of my kids, not to mention that you found it appalling that I have five children. Aren't you lucky that my triplet died in utero, I wouldn't want you to have a heart attack. Thank goodness for small favors. Next time I will look at you and say, "Wow, what are you, barren?"...oh wait, that would be incredibly hurtful and tactless and horribly insulting and painful. Not to mention just plain rude.

Ms. Politeness, I am wondering on what planet you get to have an opinion on how many children I have? I ask this question because when you sat down next to me and said "So, are you done yet...or are you going to have more?" I thought that maybe YOU thought that I was in some way a part of your life. When you said "yet" like I somehow go around vomiting out children without cause or reason...like I needed to get your permission for each one. I'm sorry, but do I know you? Do you have a say in the lives of my children? Do you even know my name? Do you know my story? Do you know what it took to get these beautiful (if not naughty) children. Do you know how I suffered? Yet you get to look at me, right in my eyes, and question me...on whether or not I am done yet? How does it matter to you, stranger that I will never see again? What if I have five more? What if I have none?

Ms. P.O., When you come in and say that "They are all too much for you, you have to leave...they are too (fill in the blanks, I was seeing red)..." well, you pretty much just don't say that. You can leave, please. I will warm up your car for you. See you now, bye bye!!


You have to understand, those of you with minimal children, that there is nothing wrong with a large family, although five isn't large. I bet that my "carbon footprint" with a family of seven living my lifestyle is less then her family of one. But I won't go there. I wouldn't want to be a polite offender.

Sarah B. mother of five horrible nasty rotten earth ruiners
post #2 of 132
Sarah... I am so sorry someone acted so appallingly to you. :

And now one for me...

Dear Brother
No, I am not "one kid away from religious nut family." I don't think "religious nut" is a number. Also, making jokes that you will have to change our last name to "Wacko Waco" if we have more children shows that you don't even know that most people at Waco didn't even have large families so you might want to work on the accuracy of your insults.
Thanks.
post #3 of 132
Oh, honey, your family is beautiful!

My parents were young when they started (which invited all types of comments alone), and had four of us, which also triggered a lot of rude comments despite being one less than your family. People used to go around saying to my mom with a look of shock and horror, "Are these all yours?" As if we weren't humans, but some stack of things my mother had been dragging around. I hope you take some comfort in the fact that these comments never phased us, the kids.
post #4 of 132
I'm sorry. Your kids didn't need to be subjected to hearing her opinion.

I don't know why some people say things like that.
post #5 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
Dear Polite Offender,

You don't know me. I am the woman that walked in with her five beautiful children. We met at a mutual friends house. I am the woman to whom you stared blankly, silently counting my kids...at which point you loudly and rudely exclaimed..."Are these all your kids? OH MY GOD!!!" You said this with a true look of horror on your face. My children witnessed this. Ms. Offender, at my house, and in my family, we absolutely don't take the Lords name in vain. Not to mention that you said so right in front of my kids, not to mention that you found it appalling that I have five children. Aren't you lucky that my triplet died in utero, I wouldn't want you to have a heart attack. Thank goodness for small favors. Next time I will look at you and say, "Wow, what are you, barren?"...oh wait, that would be incredibly hurtful and tactless and horribly insulting and painful. Not to mention just plain rude.

Ms. Politeness, I am wondering on what planet you get to have an opinion on how many children I have? I ask this question because when you sat down next to me and said "So, are you done yet...or are you going to have more?" I thought that maybe YOU thought that I was in some way a part of your life. When you said "yet" like I somehow go around vomiting out children without cause or reason...like I needed to get your permission for each one. I'm sorry, but do I know you? Do you have a say in the lives of my children? Do you even know my name? Do you know my story? Do you know what it took to get these beautiful (if not naughty) children. Do you know how I suffered? Yet you get to look at me, right in my eyes, and question me...on whether or not I am done yet? How does it matter to you, stranger that I will never see again? What if I have five more? What if I have none?

Ms. P.O., When you come in and say that "They are all too much for you, you have to leave...they are too (fill in the blanks, I was seeing red)..." well, you pretty much just don't say that. You can leave, please. I will warm up your car for you. See you now, bye bye!!


You have to understand, those of you minimal children, that there is nothing wrong with a large family, although five isn't large. I bet that my "carbon footprint" with a family of seven living my lifestyle is less then her family of one. But I won't go there. I wouldn't want to be a polite offender.

Sarah B. mother of five horrible nasty rotten earth ruiners
:

Thank you for putting into words the thoughts that have crossed my mind MANY, MANY times.

Some people just don't think.
post #6 of 132
I am so sorry you have both had to go through this.

It's none of anyone's business how many children are in anyone's family...none, one, the usual two or more, or lots more. No one else's business.

Sometimes maybe people are surprised, since larger families are unusual these days, so it may SOUND like they disapprove, when really they are just surprised and don't know what to say. Or maybe they don't feel like they could personally deal with many children, since they are overwhelmed already with the ones they have.

And I guess there are people who ARE judging you and saying mean things that shouldn't be said.

Enjoy all your children. My mom came from a family of six ( really seven, but one passed away at two years of age) my dad from a family of five, but back then larger families weren't unusual.

Just enjoy your babies...you are blessed.
post #7 of 132
How disgustingly rude and thoughtless that woman must have been. I'm sure you're still seething and thinking of the things you wish you had said to her. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Just know that not everyone thinks that way.
post #8 of 132
I wish.....I wish people who said these things to us (mothers with big families, and yes five is a big number when those around you are "only" having one or two) knew how much it hurts, how completely devastaing it is for it to be said in front of our children. Even then, I wonder, would they still say it? The looks would be so comical if they weren't so rude, the comments would be water off a duck's back if our children didn't have to hear them.

Ms. Politeness, which one, tell me, if I stood them up against a wall, should never have been born? You will never, ever know how truly unselfish you have to be to "have that many children" and that's the real pity.

To deal with it from a stranger is hard, to hear it from your own family members is almost unbearable.

post #9 of 132
Thread Starter 
The sad thing is that I have heard that from members of my family. It isn't as negative when they say it, but it is still hard to hear. The only person who truly gets to have an opinion other then my husband is my MIL. She does help to support us, and I respect her a lot. She loves each and every one of my kids so much! The fact is that I don't think that I will have more, not because I don't want more, but because I get so so sick when I am pregnant.
post #10 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by momo7 View Post
I wish.....I wish people who said these things to us (mothers with big families, and yes five is a big number when those around you are "only" having one or two) knew how much it hurts, how completely devastaing it is for it to be said in front of our children. Even then, I wonder, would they still say it? The looks would be so comical if they weren't so rude, the comments would be water off a duck's back if our children didn't have to hear them.

Ms. Politeness, which one, tell me, if I stood them up against a wall, should never have been born? You will never, ever know how truly unselfish you have to be to "have that many children" and that's the real pity.

To deal with it from a stranger is hard, to hear it from your own family members is almost unbearable.



You know how many sex talks have come up with my children as a result of inappropriate comments from strangers?

"Oh...don't you know how that happens?"

"Can't you keep you wife off you?"

"Don't you know what birth control is?"

All with complete shock or disgust on their faces. And this started with baby #3!
post #11 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
The sad thing is that I have heard that from members of my family. It isn't as negative when they say it, but it is still hard to hear. The only person who truly gets to have an opinion other then my husband is my MIL. She does help to support us, and I respect her a lot. She loves each and every one of my kids so much! The fact is that I don't think that I will have more, not because I don't want more, but because I get so so sick when I am pregnant.
My mother's response to baby #4 was "That is f***ing HORRIBLE!"



And about feeling so ill when being pregnant.
post #12 of 132
(a mama of one and one in the belly speaking here)
I am so sorry someone was so rude like that. Seriously??? Your kids are so rediculously adorable, I just dont understand what crosses peoples minds to say things like that? Why do people think it is ok to make comments like that? now, I know on the other end, many many people comment on singelton kids as well, "when are you going to have another?" etc... I blows my mind.... What, do people see a certain # of kids to be acceptable? and above or below that not???
grrrrrrrr!!!!!!
post #13 of 132
Thread Starter 
Kellykins...If I ask women if they are planning more, it is usually birth related! As in, how was your first birth, are you having more?!!
post #14 of 132
So rude!

She's just jealous and lets her mouth run before her brain processes her thoughts. You're so blessed to have those beautiful babes (and a hottie DH) so don't let her steal your joy. :
post #15 of 132
I wonder why people think they have a right to comment on the size of other peoples families???: This women was WAY over the top
post #16 of 132
How RUDE!!!!! I am shocked and appalled that someone actually said that to you. First of all it is nobodies business how many kids you have. Who does she think she is saying something like that, especially in front of the children :

As the mother of 5 (three of them age 2 and under), I too have gotten rude comments and looks. Especially when I was obviously pregnant and had my infant twins with me I try REALLY hard not to let it get to me (of course mine are too young right now to understand when people make rude comments), but it's not always easy to do.

I LOVE my large family and I am so thankful to have each and every one of them!!!
post #17 of 132
I think children are a blessing and a family with five is super duper blessed. Count me in the camp who thinks it is none of my business how many you have. And - those ringlets are precious. And - as a mother with only twins, I've admire mamas who have twins and other children - I can only imagine how busy you are and how loud and happy your house is!
post #18 of 132
I am so sorry she said that to you. Having BTDT, I can totally empathize!
post #19 of 132
I starting getting comments when I was pg with #3. I plan to have at least one more child, but would love to have 2 more children. I cannot stand ppl who feel the need to comment on your family size. It is NONE of their business.

I have a bit of a temper, especially when it comes to my kids... so I've been known to be a bit snarky to people at times. For example, the woman who started going on and on about how "girls these days just don't have any morals" and "I bet that one is on welfare" and "I wish they'd just keep their legs crossed" in a loud tone to her friend (I was very pregnant w/DS and had ODD (4 at the time) and YDD (16 mos at the time) with me ... and wasn't wearing my rings). I marched right up to her... and very calmly said "Look, I don't know who you think you are but you don't know me or anything about me. My husband and I have been HAPPILY MARRIED FOR ALMOST NINE YEARS! We have always planned to have a large family. My husband works hard to support our family so that I can stay home and raise the children and care for our home. We are self - sufficient and pay our own way... so why do you speak so badly about us? Oh, and for the record I am NOT as young as I look, in fact, I just turned 31." I then turned around and went to the checkout at the grocery store like nothing had happened. But really, even if I was a pregnant teen on welfare, what business is it of hers? Or, with this economy what if I was on food stamps? She doesn't know my situation, why should she judge? It makes me SO mad when ppl do that.

Oh, and OP you are my hero. I would LOVE to have 5... I haven't managed to talk DH into 5 yet though... we're going to revisit that discussion after #4. And your kids are beautiful!

Beth
post #20 of 132
People can be incredibly rude. It doesn't matter whether you have one kid or 18. I have spent years listening to people ask me when I am going to have another child. Ds is an only and I have had a complete stranger tell me it is child abuse to have just one!! Then one time we had a plumber here and ds (about 4 at the time) and I were watching the plumber work. The plumber asked ds if he had any brothers or sisters. When ds said no the plumber asked "aren't you lonely?" How insane is that!!!! Then I was helping out a friend by watching her 4 kids for an afternoon. I had to run to the grocery store with all 5 of them. They were well behaved and the older ones were helping me with the little ones. A woman came up to me with a look of horror on her face and asked me how I kept them in line without slapping them up. I was flabbergasted. I just hustled all of the kids away from her. After we left the store I thought of all sorts of wonderful thingds I could have said to her. Somehow I think if you don't have the standard 2 kids people think it is ok to comment on your family size.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Dear Polite Offender,