or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Dear Polite Offender,
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Dear Polite Offender, - Page 7

post #121 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzanneDeAz View Post
If it was not for another family asking my husband and I a personal question after we were married for 5 years about our present state of having children we would not be blessed today with our one and only child.

After being married for at least 3 years this Muslim family asked us why we were not having children. By the time they were married 3 years they had at least two children. I was a little taken by their question so I told them if they knew of any young teen who would like to give up their baby for adoption we would hire a lawyer and adopt.

A year later we got a call from them as they had a teen girl renting one of their motel rooms who was giving up her baby for adoption. Three months later my hubby and I had our baby girl. That was over 18 years ago. Had they not asked such a "rude" or a "personal" type of question we would never had our beautiful daughter.

Wow! What a touching story! How sweet. I guess it sometimes pays to ask personal questions.
post #122 of 132
We are a family with 3 children - and i cant count how many rude comments i had when pregnant with my ds.. all the "hoping for a boy" and "you'll be done after this" and so on and so forth. And most of the slack was from my own family

My best friend from high school had 4 sons, and i cant recall how many rude comments she got from work over that (we both use to work at the same nursing home), esp when she would come back from maternity leave already pregnant... or how she was just trying for a girl, etc..

And while Dh and I are done having children (my tube were tied, i get very unwell while pregnant, and DH and I said we were done after 4 pregnancies (1 ended in m/c), i know personally if i could have done it physically, i would have loved more.

BTW - that video is AWESOME! lol
post #123 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2threenurslings View Post
Carbon footprint:

My sister has 2 children. I have 5 children.

Her house is twice as big as mine.

They buy everything new. They throw things away when they're done with them (toys, electronics, housewares, clothes). We rarely buy new (major appliances and carseats) and reuse, repourpose, donate or recycle everything we can.

My sister used bottles w/ inserts and formula and disposable diapers with her kids. We use cloth diapers / ec our kids ... the same cloth diapers (purchased used at a tag sale) for the first 4 with a few used diapers thrown in here and there and I breastfeed.

They use more electricity and water than our family. We grow/forage/trade/CSA a good portion of our fruits and veggies - they grew tomatoes last year.

And the list goes on.

Who knows how many children my children will have - they may decide to adopt and/or foster (having friends who are adopted/fostered), not to have kids, or to have small families. My sister's kids may decide to have 6 kids a piece. We just don't know.

All I know is that the odds of my kids living a more eco-friendly, less consumer-driven lifestyle are greater than those of my sister's gotta-have-it-kids.

No matter how many children you have (or not) and how you come about parenting the children (birthing, fostering, adopting), what right does anyone have to say what is the right number of children for anyone or what is "too many"?
post #124 of 132
If you change the word 'population' for people, partners, friends, lovers or family you see something different?

What if my third child falls in love with someone's second child and becomes a strong kind loving partner to them, parent to someone's grandchildren and daughter in law to someone?

What if my fourth child becomes a special person in the life of your first child through friendship or her work or her kindness or her art or her music?

I hear the environmental arguments loud and clear: I am frugal with cash and far more thrifty with the earth's resources than my SIL with only one child despite the fact that there are 6 of us.

My third and fourth children should not be people I apologise for or people who have to atone for their existence in later life.
post #125 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
Lux - I do understand where you are coming from, and I don't take any offense by it. I do what I can to educate my children, and FWIW, I am from a small family, and so is my husband, and yet we have five children. I did have twins, which don't run in the family, and it was close to being triplets, which really don't run in the family! I never thought that I would ever ever have five kids.

What I hope to do, is show the kids that by having our own chickens, growing a large garden, shopping locally all year from the markets and having a CSA (we are in MN, so it's not always possible in winter) buying in bulk for meat from a local farmer, using E85, homebirthing, breastfeeding, shopping second hand for everything...blah blah blah...you get the point...is that this earth is incredibly fragile and that we need to watch what we do to it. I do think that we live in a fallen world and it won't get better until Jesus comes!! But again, that is just me!
What are CSA and E85?
post #126 of 132
I haven't read the whole thread, just OP.
But I'm sorry you had to deal with such ignorant ppl, I know the feeling, having 5 kids myself.
And I have to say, your kids are so beautiful!
post #127 of 132
OP - You and DH are total hotties and your children are just gorgeous. I am jealous of your big family since 1 is driving me up the wall Ignore that rude women and keep on doing what you are doing.
post #128 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by KJoslyn78 View Post
And while Dh and I are done having children (my tube were tied, i get very unwell while pregnant, and DH and I said we were done after 4 pregnancies (1 ended in m/c), i know personally if i could have done it physically, i would have loved more.

I think things like this play into the decision not to have more or have more children, far more than anyone wants to admit.
Reasons like "good for the environment", etc. are much easier than admitting that our bodies don't birth babies well.

I had two c-sections & both my children have blood incompatibility with me which requires intensive care immediately after birth, hospital stay, follow up home care for weeks, etc.

We'd be kidding ourselves if we didn't admit that our concerns over pregnancy/birth weighed very heavily in our decision to stop at 2.

I think we all need to take it a little easier on each other with our decisions on how many children to have or not to have.
post #129 of 132
Thread Starter 
CSA is community supported agriculture. Basically you buy into a farm share and then work the land a couple of times throughout the season and get a box of organic produce every week.

E85 is corn based fuel. It is 85% corn and 15% gas. It is about 30-45 cents cheaper here too! I filled up for 1.20 a gallon the other day!! I almost passed out!


Canid- I think that in a lot of ways, having one child can be just as hard as having five. Now if I had one after having five...piece of cake! But when one is all you know, and you have to be the soul source of entertainment for that child...it can be really draining sometimes. My babies can be held by my older girls, and they are a huge source of entertainment for them. It is fantastic!
post #130 of 132
Thread Starter 
Also, I would have more if I could handle a pregnancy. I have severe hyperemesis, and was sick until 20 weeks this last time. That would be unfair to put onto five kids, and my husband (not to mention me!) again. Birth is easy for me and postpartum too. But the pregnancy...uck! I haven't ever felt the call to adopt, but you never know what the future holds.

At this point, I am starting back to birth as a doula in one month for a family I was with before. They are having a homebirth, and I can have my man bring the babies to nurse. I am starting back apprenticing in April for a second time mom I was with before. (I just attend the prenatals now with the babies) I have one other family that my midwife told me about (attended her birth last time) that is due with another baby in August. After that I will be retiring as a full time doula and basically will be an apprenticing midwife. I can still get my baby fix!
post #131 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
CSA is community supported agriculture. Basically you buy into a farm share and then work the land a couple of times throughout the season and get a box of organic produce every week.

E85 is corn based fuel. It is 85% corn and 15% gas. It is about 30-45 cents cheaper here too! I filled up for 1.20 a gallon the other day!! I almost passed out! ..........
Cool! I wish we had something like CSA here. I feel like it is really challenging to be ecologically responsible here in Italy, and also that it is so frustrating that so many others here are not. I was raised in The San Francisco Bay Area and have a completely different attitude toward the environment and what we need to do to maintain it than many Italians seem to have. At least we are able to drive a car which is rigged to take natural gas.
But this is not really the main subject of your original post.

Thanks DoulaSarah.
post #132 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
Dear Polite Offender,

You don't know me. I am the woman that walked in with her five beautiful children. We met at a mutual friends house. I am the woman to whom you stared blankly, silently counting my kids...at which point you loudly and rudely exclaimed..."Are these all your kids? OH MY GOD!!!" You said this with a true look of horror on your face. My children witnessed this. Ms. Offender, at my house, and in my family, we absolutely don't take the Lords name in vain. Not to mention that you said so right in front of my kids, not to mention that you found it appalling that I have five children. Aren't you lucky that my triplet died in utero, I wouldn't want you to have a heart attack. Thank goodness for small favors. Next time I will look at you and say, "Wow, what are you, barren?"...oh wait, that would be incredibly hurtful and tactless and horribly insulting and painful. Not to mention just plain rude.

Ms. Politeness, I am wondering on what planet you get to have an opinion on how many children I have? I ask this question because when you sat down next to me and said "So, are you done yet...or are you going to have more?" I thought that maybe YOU thought that I was in some way a part of your life. When you said "yet" like I somehow go around vomiting out children without cause or reason...like I needed to get your permission for each one. I'm sorry, but do I know you? Do you have a say in the lives of my children? Do you even know my name? Do you know my story? Do you know what it took to get these beautiful (if not naughty) children. Do you know how I suffered? Yet you get to look at me, right in my eyes, and question me...on whether or not I am done yet? How does it matter to you, stranger that I will never see again? What if I have five more? What if I have none?

Ms. P.O., When you come in and say that "They are all too much for you, you have to leave...they are too (fill in the blanks, I was seeing red)..." well, you pretty much just don't say that. You can leave, please. I will warm up your car for you. See you now, bye bye!!


You have to understand, those of you with minimal children, that there is nothing wrong with a large family, although five isn't large. I bet that my "carbon footprint" with a family of seven living my lifestyle is less then her family of one. But I won't go there. I wouldn't want to be a polite offender.

Sarah B. mother of five horrible nasty rotten earth ruiners
I have not read the responses only your post and I must say that brought tears to my eyes. Your "rotten horrible earth ruiners" are breath-taking as well as you and your husband. Be proud of your family. You are very lucky and wonderful.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Dear Polite Offender,