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Dear Polite Offender, - Page 2

post #21 of 132
Oh my goodness your DH is a hottie no wonder you had 5!

nak Anyone who can incubate for 9 months, deliver a babe and raise that babe, then rinse and repeat 5 times should be worshipped.
post #22 of 132
Thank goodness for small favors. Next time I will look at you and say, "Wow, what are you, barren?"



:

OMG I am so sorry that hag said those things to you, but THIS was priceless and gave me a fantastic giggle!

Hug your beautiful babies and ignore de crazy folk! She's just jealous...when she's old and decrepit there won't be anyone to insult for the holidays!


Bellevuemama
post #23 of 132
My mother told me I better not have another ever if i don't get married.
I don't think she knows how badly a comment like that hurts.
post #24 of 132
As a single and pregnant mama to 5, soon to be 6, i totally commiserate with you. I am tirelessly asked how can i not abort this baby when i already have so many kids on my own with no other parent involved. When i visited the clinic for a pregnancy test i was asked by 4 nurses if i would be aborting and how in the world did i intend to care for 6 when i already have 5. My small and very hippy town is being very judgemental towards me and i am tired of it. I am sorry that i was abused by my previous husband and had to leave the father of my 5 children. I'm sorry that the courts decided the father could have no involvement but also ordered no child support. I am sorry that my partner who is the father to this child suddenly decided he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby when i was 10 weeks along. It was too late for me to feel ok with an abortion although i don't think i ever could. I am also sorry that i was taking a birth control pill that apparently did not work because yes i was taking precautions, and yes i understand it appears that i am careless since i am pregnant and single. It isn't easy, it wasn't all by choice but darnit it is no ones business.
post #25 of 132
Sarah - you are beautiful, your children look darling and I'm so very sorry for your loss of one of your children.

That woman is a moron, as are most who think commenting on families of any size is appropriate, and I hope your mutual friend says something to her regarding her rude behavior.
post #26 of 132
I wish people would just mind themselfs.

People just need to live their life and hush. LOL!
post #27 of 132
I'm pg with my 4th and have two step-kids so I get a lot of comments as well. I'm pretty mouthy too when people step out of line. I've run out of patience trying to come up with witty comebacks so I just say something like, "what on earth makes you think that it's even remotely ok to say something so terrible like that to me? Why don't you just shut your big mouth and mind your own business!" I have to agree that it's much worse when it comes from family. My situation goes a step further because my first two have different fathers. Somehow I missed the blaring neon sign over my head that not only gives permission to people to say rude and harrassing things but demands it. My tongue grow sharper with each jerk who feels compelled to thrust their opinion in my face.

When we found out we were having this one, I called to announce the news to my dad. He first said, "wow, you're really turning into a baby factory, aren't you?" Then he said, "Well, at least now you'll have two kids with the same dad." Thanks dad.
post #28 of 132
Wow.. some people.. I am sorry you had to deal with this. You have a gorgeous family!! I loved the letter as well.. makes very clear what should be (but isn't) obvious as to the limits on the appropriateness of commenting on someone's family.

You just can't win- if you have a "large" family, it's too big (like you weren't aware of the number of children you chose to bear).. But if you have "only" one, you are depriving your child of a sibling, and if you have one or more when unmarried, divorced, or low-income, well you should be ashamed! I'm really looking forward to hearing what people have to say about my li'l family too..
post #29 of 132
thats crazy, I am so sorry. I only have 3 and I already start seeing those people looking at me.

I kinda want more. But I am insane so we will see if "they" let me.
post #30 of 132
What nerve of that person! I just had to post that your children are gorgeous
post #31 of 132
People are stupid. I've gotten comments for only having just one too. I don't know why people think they have a right to tell other people what size family is right for them.

post #32 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelBee View Post


You know how many sex talks have come up with my children as a result of inappropriate comments from strangers?

"Oh...don't you know how that happens?"

"Can't you keep you wife off you?"

"Don't you know what birth control is?"

All with complete shock or disgust on their faces. And this started with baby #3!

I went to my grandmother's funeral last year, my cousin whom I had not seen for 20 years, does not bother to say "hello", but does say: "Haven't you EVER heard of a vasectomy?"

NICE huh?

This is a girl who married into money, very well off...I wanted to say "Well I see that all that money hasn't bought you any manners either." I didn't . I wanted to. I should have, but I didn't.

The other comments were "OMFG!" (so awful) "Wow, don't you know what causes that?" "Aren't you EVER going to stop?" and "Is HE the father of them all?" I just love that one.


post #33 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
As a single and pregnant mama to 5, soon to be 6, i totally commiserate with you. I am tirelessly asked how can i not abort this baby when i already have so many kids on my own with no other parent involved. When i visited the clinic for a pregnancy test i was asked by 4 nurses if i would be aborting and how in the world did i intend to care for 6 when i already have 5. My small and very hippy town is being very judgemental towards me and i am tired of it. I am sorry that i was abused by my previous husband and had to leave the father of my 5 children. I'm sorry that the courts decided the father could have no involvement but also ordered no child support. I am sorry that my partner who is the father to this child suddenly decided he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby when i was 10 weeks along. It was too late for me to feel ok with an abortion although i don't think i ever could. I am also sorry that i was taking a birth control pill that apparently did not work because yes i was taking precautions, and yes i understand it appears that i am careless since i am pregnant and single. It isn't easy, it wasn't all by choice but darnit it is no ones business.

But you see you know what sacrifice is and THAT is the whole point. There is nothing in this world that will make you want to give more, take less and give more joy to you than your children. You are doing the best you can and in the process you bring into the world a soul who has something to give back to you for all your hard work and sacrifice......love.

What is a child's love worth? What would you trade it for? Your family's approval? A man that you want to stay but doesn't love or respect you or his child? Society's ideal of what you should be? A new house with a larger mortgage? Name anything.....is it worth your child's love for his/her mother?

The world and anything in it is nothing compared to what a child can give back to you. I had to learn this lesson the hard way and it took a really long time. I still struggle with it, but truth is truth and when you know it, there's no getting away from it.
post #34 of 132
This childless and probably barren lady has nothing but respect for people with a bunch of kids! God bless you for being such a great mom to your *blessings*, Sarah.
post #35 of 132
I'm sorry that woman said that to you. I don't know why some people think it's alright to comment about other peoples' families. I can't imagine anyone thinking they have the right to say some of the things they say. I've *always* wanted a big family. Seriously, 8 or 9 to me would be amazing. (#2 is still baking, so it will be awhile before we start talks of that nature, but just saying.)

We only have DD and LO on the way, and already people are saying how we must be "done" because now "you have your boy and your girl." I know DH would like to have one more, and like I said, 8 or 9 doesn't sound too bad to me. When I say that I would like to have more, everyone looks at me like I'm insane, or thinks I'm being irresponsible, even if *they* have more kids than 2. *shakes head* I'm so sorry, OP, that people are so insensitive. Your family is beautiful.
post #36 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
I wonder why people think they have a right to comment on the size of other peoples families???: This women was WAY over the top
I don't understand it either. Unless someone is personally contributing to your household finances, IMO, they have no right to make any comments on your family size.

It started with #3 for us, too. Now that #5 is on the way, the comments come out of the woodwork. I especially hate it when the kids hear. And I agree, many times I have been tempted to ask which one they thought should not be here.
post #37 of 132
As a mother of one with a painful and high risk birth/pregnancy history, I am offended to have a stranger asking about "when are you having another one?" My DD isn't old enough to ask for a sibling yet, but I don't want to have the discussion about it every time this is asked by (we'll hope) well-meaning strangers.

Why can't people say something like "I can see you've got a wonderful family" regardless of your no-kid/1 kid/many kid status? Why are our reproductive lives such an important topic of discussion? We don't talk about politics or religion in mixed company, but somehow my uterus is now a great place to start?

People are weird. This is my motto in times of bewilderment.

Sorry to hear about your most recent experience with the weirdness of people!
post #38 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asher View Post
I don't understand it either. Unless someone is personally contributing to your household finances, IMO, they have no right to make any comments on your family size.
Even if they ARE contributing to your finances- they have no right at all to say anything!

They are more than welcome to KEEP their money, and their opinions to themselves, and allow a person to find another way to pay the bills. And if they decide to continue to contribute, they don't get to put conditions on it after the fact. Period.
post #39 of 132
:

I get the "are they ALL yours" or "you're done having kids, right?" comment all the time - I have five kids.

We ARE done having kids (well, if dh ever gets his vasectomy! ), but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have more if we wanted to.

I try to have fun with it ... adding a little more shock value by saying things like, "Yes, and they're mine 24/7 because we homeschool." or "Yes ... and the last two were born at home." or "Yes, but you'll have to excuse me because the baby needs to go potty" (we EC ... and did this with my infants- this tends to put people into total shock when they find out I'm serious) or I just get it all over with quickly, "Yes, they're all mine, Yes, they're all wanted, they're all homeschooled, the ones with the long hair are boys, the ones with the short hair are girls, we live on under $35,000 a year, and we only have one bathroom. Any questions?"
post #40 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
You have to understand, those of you with minimal children, that there is nothing wrong with a large family, although five isn't large. I bet that my "carbon footprint" with a family of seven living my lifestyle is less then her family of one. But I won't go there. I wouldn't want to be a polite offender.
OMG, I can't believe anyone would behave this way. I'm so sorry.

I remember seeing a quote
"Better to have your hands full than your heart empty"...sounds like you have the former and Ms Politeness the latter.
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