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Dear Polite Offender, - Page 4

post #61 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama_Gaia View Post
You just can't win- if you have a "large" family, it's too big (like you weren't aware of the number of children you chose to bear).. But if you have "only" one, you are depriving your child of a sibling, and if you have one or more when unmarried, divorced, or low-income, well you should be ashamed! I'm really looking forward to hearing what people have to say about my li'l family too..
You're right - people make inappropriate cruel comments no matter what. For fifteen years my husband and I had no children and were constantly told we were selfish, unfulfilled, not a family, materialistic, etc. Judgment is passed either way. Now that I’m in the ‘kid club’ some of these same people treat me differently – it makes me angry.

To the OP...I'm sorry this woman was so rude.
post #62 of 132


I am the oldest of 5 and I had to hear that kind of thing way too many times. Not to mention that we are all girls so my step-dad often got the whole "OMG five GIRLS, poor guy" thing.

I don't even think 5 kids is a lot though. My mom is one of 11 so I guess having 5 kids didn't seem all that big of a deal to her.
post #63 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
Dear Polite Offender,

You don't know me. I am the woman that walked in with her five beautiful children. We met at a mutual friends house. I am the woman to whom you stared blankly, silently counting my kids...at which point you loudly and rudely exclaimed..."Are these all your kids? OH MY GOD!!!" You said this with a true look of horror on your face. My children witnessed this. Ms. Offender, at my house, and in my family, we absolutely don't take the Lords name in vain. Not to mention that you said so right in front of my kids, not to mention that you found it appalling that I have five children. Aren't you lucky that my triplet died in utero, I wouldn't want you to have a heart attack. Thank goodness for small favors. Next time I will look at you and say, "Wow, what are you, barren?"...oh wait, that would be incredibly hurtful and tactless and horribly insulting and painful. Not to mention just plain rude.

Ms. Politeness, I am wondering on what planet you get to have an opinion on how many children I have? I ask this question because when you sat down next to me and said "So, are you done yet...or are you going to have more?" I thought that maybe YOU thought that I was in some way a part of your life. When you said "yet" like I somehow go around vomiting out children without cause or reason...like I needed to get your permission for each one. I'm sorry, but do I know you? Do you have a say in the lives of my children? Do you even know my name? Do you know my story? Do you know what it took to get these beautiful (if not naughty) children. Do you know how I suffered? Yet you get to look at me, right in my eyes, and question me...on whether or not I am done yet? How does it matter to you, stranger that I will never see again? What if I have five more? What if I have none?

Ms. P.O., When you come in and say that "They are all too much for you, you have to leave...they are too (fill in the blanks, I was seeing red)..." well, you pretty much just don't say that. You can leave, please. I will warm up your car for you. See you now, bye bye!!


You have to understand, those of you with minimal children, that there is nothing wrong with a large family, although five isn't large. I bet that my "carbon footprint" with a family of seven living my lifestyle is less then her family of one. But I won't go there. I wouldn't want to be a polite offender.

Sarah B. mother of five horrible nasty rotten earth ruiners

Sarah, you and your family are so very special! Your children are absolutely beautiful . If you walked in somewhere withy them where I was I would surely be impressed and make sure you knew how blessed you are

I would LOVE to have started having children earlier because I'm sure I could beat out the Duggars But, sadly, I waited until I was 40 for DS #1. Now I just hope and pray that we can have another next year and carry to full term.
post #64 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah View Post
Dear Polite Offender,

You don't know me. I am the woman that walked in with her five beautiful children. We met at a mutual friends house. I am the woman to whom you stared blankly, silently counting my kids...at which point you loudly and rudely exclaimed..."Are these all your kids? OH MY GOD!!!" You said this with a true look of horror on your face. My children witnessed this. Ms. Offender, at my house, and in my family, we absolutely don't take the Lords name in vain. Not to mention that you said so right in front of my kids, not to mention that you found it appalling that I have five children. Aren't you lucky that my triplet died in utero, I wouldn't want you to have a heart attack. Thank goodness for small favors. Next time I will look at you and say, "Wow, what are you, barren?"...oh wait, that would be incredibly hurtful and tactless and horribly insulting and painful. Not to mention just plain rude.

Ms. Politeness, I am wondering on what planet you get to have an opinion on how many children I have? I ask this question because when you sat down next to me and said "So, are you done yet...or are you going to have more?" I thought that maybe YOU thought that I was in some way a part of your life. When you said "yet" like I somehow go around vomiting out children without cause or reason...like I needed to get your permission for each one. I'm sorry, but do I know you? Do you have a say in the lives of my children? Do you even know my name? Do you know my story? Do you know what it took to get these beautiful (if not naughty) children. Do you know how I suffered? Yet you get to look at me, right in my eyes, and question me...on whether or not I am done yet? How does it matter to you, stranger that I will never see again? What if I have five more? What if I have none?

Ms. P.O., When you come in and say that "They are all too much for you, you have to leave...they are too (fill in the blanks, I was seeing red)..." well, you pretty much just don't say that. You can leave, please. I will warm up your car for you. See you now, bye bye!!


You have to understand, those of you with minimal children, that there is nothing wrong with a large family, although five isn't large. I bet that my "carbon footprint" with a family of seven living my lifestyle is less then her family of one. But I won't go there. I wouldn't want to be a polite offender.

Sarah B. mother of five horrible nasty rotten earth ruiners
Can you share who came in and acted like this? I am appauled. Why was she so shocked?
post #65 of 132
If it was not for another family asking my husband and I a personal question after we were married for 5 years about our present state of having children we would not be blessed today with our one and only child.

After being married for at least 3 years this Muslim family asked us why we were not having children. By the time they were married 3 years they had at least two children. I was a little taken by their question so I told them if they knew of any young teen who would like to give up their baby for adoption we would hire a lawyer and adopt.

A year later we got a call from them as they had a teen girl renting one of their motel rooms who was giving up her baby for adoption. Three months later my hubby and I had our baby girl. That was over 18 years ago. Had they not asked such a "rude" or a "personal" type of question we would never had our beautiful daughter.
post #66 of 132
I think your family is beautiful. I am jealous of large families. I think it looks like so much to have lots of kids.
For many reasons 2 is our cut off but I wish I had the nerve and everything else to have a lot.
post #67 of 132
First, how horribly RUDE and HURTFUL to your children and you.

Second, I'm so puzzled because her reaction seems so weird. I could understand the momentary faux pas of gasping if you had 18 children. But five really isn't that many. How bizarre!
post #68 of 132
Yeah, I get stuff like that a lot with my five. Most often its " FIVE CHILDREN you sure have your hands full". Depending on how its delivered I will either smile and say "fully blessed" or "actually they feel somewhat empty since I have one more in heaven". That usually shuts them up.

(we lost a twin hours after birth)
post #69 of 132
What does EC mean?
post #70 of 132
I HATE those comments. There is, almost, nothing worse. When I was early pregnant with #4 I got TONS of "Are you going to terminate?" questions- even from strangers! I was in shock! I also had 2 girls in diapers at the time and my brother's MIL asked me (mind you I just met her 10min before) "So, are you going to house break this one before the next comes?" dead serious. I asked her to leave at that point. She also pulled the "WOW- you know there is this whole aisle at the store that prevents this many kids." Hell, I've even had Dr.'s make comments about us having 'too many' kids. Whatever that means.

My SIL this summer was trying to be funny and said "I get them all mixed up, I think I'll just start calling them all J." (jake, jilly, jenny, jacen) My other SIL got really pale and looked at me like I was about to murder the other sister... I calmly said "NO- you will use their names or you won't talk to them." and walked away. I HATE that! It's not that hard to learn WHO they are- or ask what their name is- for the millionth time.

I do love the comments though... "OMG- Look! They keep comming and they are SO cute!" and our dear friends give DH and I a really hard time about having "like 17 kids" or "the Shankles HEARD" but that's different because they love ALL our kids, respect them and us- and it's all in good fun!

Mom's of 1 or MANY- sending mad Love! It's a hard job, and it's even harder when people make hurtfull comments!!!
post #71 of 132
to you. How rude!

I've had someone say to me "You better be done after this."
My reply : "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize my uterus was any of your business." :

Also after this babe (#3) I've had at least 2 people TELL me that I was done now and even had one say "That;s enough" and that she'd kill me if I had another (said "jokingly") WTH??
post #72 of 132
i am pregnant wiuth number 5, an i am sure to come across a whole slew of these type comments in the coming months.

so far its been one person made a whole bunch of nasty comments based on all my parenting ways. she bashed BF, not putting DD in creche, told me i HAVE to to help "bring her on" ok this is the kid who walked at a week before she was 1, creched didnt do that, DD2 did, with a little help from her 3 siblings, (i have photographs of DS2 "helping" dd2 to crawl by getting behind her and shoving her towards what ever it was she wanted! so cute, so funny)

i am so not looking forward to all teh looks, comments, and things that i will get between now and start of next school year.

the worse bit i am dreading is after the summer holidays (6 weeks here from end july to beginish september, i am due sometime 21/22 augutst, and will probably go late, so its possible i will not have had the baby before 5th september, and once they clap eyes on me in teh school yard dropping off DS1 DD1 and DS2 i will get google eyes adn "have you not had that baby yet!" gah, i think i will be hard pressed not to bite someones head off!!

Kiz
post #73 of 132
Quote:
What does EC mean?
Elimination communication. It is recognizing that babies including newborns give signals that they have to pee or poop. By recognizing and learning those signals you can put the baby on a little potty or over sink and let them eliminate.
You can get lots of information in the diapering forum under "elimination communication" or google "diaper free" or elimination communication" or infant potty training. It isn't really potty training though and it is very gentle.
post #74 of 132
Thread Starter 
Isn't it great that people are universally rude?!! My favorite of course, is the total strangers that ask me "Are they natural"?

Well, let's see, strange person in Target...yes they are natural, no we didn't use fertility methods, no they don't run in the family, they are a boy and a girl, no, they aren't identical...I just said they are a boy and a girl...no, they can't be identical and be a boy and a girl...actually, I am pretty sure about it...yes, I do have my hands full...yep, better me then you...you can't stand the one you have?....ahhhh, well I am sorry about that....
post #75 of 132
Oh my goodness, OP, your children are just beautiful. And they're lucky to have such a wonderful mama.

post #76 of 132
So the other side of the coin is when you have no kids. DH and I were together for 9 years before we decided to conceive, and for most of those 9 we were adamant that we didn't want kids. And we caught tons of flack for it. All of his friends who were married and had kids pressured us, as did his family members (my friends are younger and without kids, and my family was just a bit more tactful). His aunt once commented, "Well, you have to have at least one." Would she say that to someone who couldn't conceive? When we finally did decide to have a child, it was our decision and no one else's. I think it's equally rude to presume a couple has to have a kid just because they're married or have been married for a certain amount of time. Procreation is a totally personal decision!
post #77 of 132
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipumpkins View Post
Elimination communication. It is recognizing that babies including newborns give signals that they have to pee or poop. By recognizing and learning those signals you can put the baby on a little potty or over sink and let them eliminate.
You can get lots of information in the diapering forum under "elimination communication" or google "diaper free" or elimination communication" or infant potty training. It isn't really potty training though and it is very gentle.
I remember reading about that some time ago. Does it really work? Those who do this are the babies without diapers?
post #78 of 132
What I don't get is if you coud see someone "had their hands full" why would you stop them from the business at hand and hassle them about how they do it with 5 kids. Smile and hold the door. LOL.

The young woman my brother is going to marry and is going to be the mother of my niece or nephew made a snotty comment last night about Christmas day at my houseand how could I stand the noise of 5 kids. (Actually there were 6 but apparently she missed one. LOL) Better get used to it seeing as she's pregnant! And I feel like telling her you're one to talk seeing as thanks to her and db we will be +1 lil "noisemaker" next Christmas. LOL. They are getting one of those popper toys for sure.
post #79 of 132
A comment I get A LOT is:

Well now that you have your girl, you don't need anymore"

Like I was just having kid after kid to have a daughter? I was super happy with the sex of all my children and never "prayed for a girl".

Like my boys were just a stepping stone to get a girl? totally irks me.
post #80 of 132
to the OP.

I try not to be too sensitive because sometimes the OMG! reaction is just their mouths opening before their brain starts working and they don't mean it to be bad. However, it sounds like that woman just didn't know when to stop. It is especially maddening when people make their ugly comments in front of children.

Cafepress has some awesome, awesome t-shirts for large families. I've always wanted the "Birth control is for sissies" one but wouldn't have the guts to wear it. Because, well, it would be rude and i wasn't brought up to be rude, unlike *some* people who think other peoples reproductive behavior is fair game for unsolicited commentary.

Since I have three boys the one I get most is "Oh, trying for a girl, huh?". I know that will be said over and over and over again next time I show up pregnant. As if my last two boys were "failed" tries for a girl. : I would looooove to have a girl, but I would also love to end up with a massive horde of just boys. :
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