4yo who is very "in touch" with herself...

[Nicole B]

I'm embarrassed to even bring it up but figured that if anyone could give me any tips it would be you lovely gals/guys here

I've noticed it for quite some time now but it's getting to be more frequently and I don't know how to handle it.

She will be laying on the couch face down "watching TV" and I'll catch her with her hands between her legs (outside of cloths) and she'll sometimes be all hot and sweaty

I've asked her all the questions like "does anyone ever touch you in your private area's ever" and she'll always shake her head yes and point to herself.
I'll ask her if anyone besides her (and me for helping to wash) touches her and she always says no and I'm pretty certain that is true (I'm always home with her and she goes to pre-k 3hrs/day always in the presence of other children...

Anyway I don't want her to feel ashamed of her body and at the same time it's just not appropriate to do that where others are around ya know?

Anyone BTDT?
Any advice on how to approach her on this?

[ashleep]

My 4yo has done this for 2 years now. I will be watching for responses.

[Thalia the Muse]

There was a just a thread here about a two-year-old doing the same thing!

Anyway, it's very, very common and doesn't mean she's been molested in any way.

My daughter went through quite an enthusiastic period, and we just told it's fine to do, but it's a private thing so please go do it in your room, not in front of the TV or in other public areas of the house/at school.

[MusicianDad]

Just what Thalia said. Explain that it's ok to do it, but like going to the bathroom it's private so it's something you do in your bedroom. Eventually she will start remembering on her own.

[tinuviel_k]

Yep, this is absolutely 100% normal for the age. I always explain to my daughter that she is welcome to touch any part on her own body, but if she is touching her private parts she needs to do it in a private place away from other people and be sure to wash her hands after.

[Mercury_Girl]

I did the same as Thalia & it took a few times of telling her, but now she knows only in her room.

[Zan&Zav]

four year old boy doing the same thing here

[prettypixels]

The bathroom thing wouldn't work for my daughter since we have potties everywhere for her, not to mention she feels it is her duty to come entertain us when WE are going, so bathroom privacy is non-existant in our house.

But I do want to talk to her about doing certain things in private; although right now I'm not sure she gets the concept of "privacy."

[meemee]

pretty normal. i used to help out at nap time in my dd's ps and a few of the girls would need to touch themselves to go to sleep. i guess it is like their pacifier.

if she hasnt done it in front of anyone and if she is the kind who sees a huge deal in a no or do it in your room, i would just let it be.

with my dd since it is the two of us i didnt tell her to do it in privacy. but i watched and noted somehow she knew she shouldnt do it when friends were visiting.

though i think it was a relaxing, comforting thing for her. so if there was someone around she didnt feel so relaxed.

[amcal]

I would simply explain that it is completely fine to touch her own body but, when she is touching her private areas, she needs to do it in her own bedroom. I never say bathroom because, well, that's not their room. Other people need to use the bathroom. But, their room is their room - it's quiet and private - so I always encourage that they go to their room for a whole host of things - private touching, if they are feeling to angry to be kind etc...

[Nicole B]

Thanks so much for the speedy responses:

The only reason I mentioned the piece about bad touch is because when I bring it up ever (even on a hypothetical level) IRL I immediately get people on the defensive thinking a child that touches themselves has been molested in one way or another
That's why I was even hesitant to even bring it up here

AND that's why I'm scared that she'll end up doing it in front of company and that they'll know what she's doing...
People are so quick to think the worst about these natural explorations kids go through

You have no idea how much it eases my mind to know that this is a common thing for a 4yo!

I had kinda been getting on to her about it here lately but I'll be sure to sit her down and tell her that was wrong on my part and to just make sure to tell her to keep it to her bedroom

Thanks again for your responses!

[theretohere]

Originally Posted by Nicole B

Thanks so much for the speedy responses:

The only reason I mentioned the piece about bad touch is because when I bring it up ever (even on a hypothetical level) IRL I immediately get people on the defensive thinking a child that touches themselves has been molested in one way or another
That's why I was even hesitant to even bring it up here

AND that's why I'm scared that she'll end up doing it in front of company and that they'll know what she's doing...
People are so quick to think the worst about these natural explorations kids go through

You have no idea how much it eases my mind to know that this is a common thing for a 4yo!

I had kinda been getting on to her about it here lately but I'll be sure to sit her down and tell her that was wrong on my part and to just make sure to tell her to keep it to her bedroom

Thanks again for your responses!

mama. MDC is a great place to ask this stuff- don't be embarassed! I'm glad that all the responses reassured you.

[Kira's mom]

Originally Posted by Nicole B

Thanks so much for the speedy responses:

The only reason I mentioned the piece about bad touch is because when I bring it up ever (even on a hypothetical level) IRL I immediately get people on the defensive thinking a child that touches themselves has been molested in one way or another
That's why I was even hesitant to even bring it up here

AND that's why I'm scared that she'll end up doing it in front of company and that they'll know what she's doing...
People are so quick to think the worst about these natural explorations kids go through

You have no idea how much it eases my mind to know that this is a common thing for a 4yo!

I had kinda been getting on to her about it here lately but I'll be sure to sit her down and tell her that was wrong on my part and to just make sure to tell her to keep it to her bedroom

Thanks again for your responses!

This is a VERY normal part of development. Dd is almost 6 and we still co sleep, and often she will just watch TV with us and touch herself ALOT! I have explained that it's perfectly fine, but daddy and I don't care to watch it. She may go into her room and touch all she wants. It is private and her friends and family would rather not see it! This being said, I also explained that hands carry alot of germs and she needs to wash them frequently. I don't want her to think there is anything wrong with her body and we are very open, At 4 she didn't quite 'get' that it was inappropriate in front of us. It also was an unconscious act of exploration and didn't seem like masturbation at all. Kinda like twirling your hair! LOL