Hey mamas - I have been meaning to jump in here but I've had zero time over the past few days....things are somewhat starting to calm down though, my mom left on saturday and my sis leaves tomorrow, so it'll be just us in the house again. Still trying to clean up from Christmas and I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do.
: Seriously, it's probably about 17 loads. Not looking forward to it at all.
I'm currently at 7 weeks, don't know how many days. I've interviewed a couple of MW's and am pretty sure which one I'm going with, but haven't set up any appointments yet. I'm feeling very blah about this pregnancy.... I feel like it's not really real most of the time, as I posted in another thread. I mean, I'm somewhat excited, but nowhere near as excited as when I first found out.
I guess maybe the hormones have just taken over and are making me feel irritated and gloomy about life in general? I dunno. One thing that's irking me is the feeling that I have to walk on eggshells around everyone and remember to tell them what they want to hear, lest I open up a Pandora's box. Like, for instance, my sister. She is 10 years younger than me, but we have a pretty good relationship. She's just finishing up college and planning on going to med school, haha. And here I am planning a homebirth. I figured she might be open-minded to it, and was actually going to ask her if she would like to be there(but to please keep it a secret from our mom, who would drive me nuts). Then on Christmas Eve my sis and I were having a conversation about books we wanted to read, and I was telling her that I'm going to be getting all these birthing books, like 'Birthing from Within' and she said: "what's that?" So I explained what it was about, and she said, with an actual hint of disdain in her voice: "Oh, I thought you were going to say that you wanted to have the baby at home, with a midwife
I almost started laughing. Well, I guess there's no need to bring up THAT subject! It just sucks that I feel like I have to lie to everyone, b/c 1.I'm a crappy liar and 2. I feel so much joy and excitement over the possibility of having this baby at home in the water - and I can't share that with anyone except dh, who will probably be sick of hearing about it pretty soon
and my best friend. And I'm very grateful for them(and for you guys, I know you understand), but I just have the feeling of wanting to scream it from the rooftops, and I can't.
Maybe that's why I feel so frustrated and grumpy, because I feel kinda stifled? Idk....I'm just eager for January to be here so I can be that much closer to the second tri and start going to my MW appointments. I'm excited for that.
Thanks for reading, mamas.