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Partner at Birth = Ruined Sex Life? - Page 2

post #21 of 59
12/27/08 at 4:50pm
dh caught dd and we are closer and more intimate than ever. we're expecting #2 in june
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post #22 of 59
12/27/08 at 4:51pm
Isn't that sort of like saying that watching someone eat and chew would ruin oral sex? Seriously, body parts can have more than one function. My hands change diapers, clean things, knit, drive the car, yet still manage to perform sexually. Same could be said of my breasts or any other body part that is used during sex.
post #23 of 59
12/27/08 at 7:59pm
3 kids, no problems.

But...dh also did an OB rotation as a nurse, and has a very definately NON-western view of sex and feminine beauty, so I wasn't worried to begin with. :
post #24 of 59
12/27/08 at 10:40pm
4 babies later and sex life is hotter than ever. I think watching me birth his babies has made me seem like a warrior to him! And he has watched and caught the babies!

when I am pregnant, he definitely loses interest for a while! He has that illogical...I am man and my huge... will surely bump my baby on the head mentality!

But he gets over it fairly quickly!
post #25 of 59
12/27/08 at 10:52pm
Well, I don't think sex was on his mind while I was giving birth. But afterwards, there was no problem. The whole 'men get sexual hangups due to childbirth' thing strikes me as something which is vastly overreported--it may be true for a tiny percentage of men, but everyone seems to be 'warned' about it.
post #26 of 59
12/27/08 at 10:54pm
OK, well 4 homebirths here, the last one a bit over a week ago was accidentally UC and he caught the babe. He's seen loads of fluids and poop released LOL...and hey he even caught the last one. And, it's been 10 days and we already dtd post partum. And, he is all over me. Go figure.

And, I agree with the other person here who said the UC actually helped increase the sense of intimacy. I asked him about that one and he totally agrees as well. Though it wasn't planned, the way it wound up actually I think was a good thing.
post #27 of 59
12/27/08 at 11:45pm
Heck no. DH was ready to jump me within 24 hours after having both babies
post #28 of 59
12/28/08 at 12:03am
Thread Starter 
Okay, I just talked to DH. He does want to catch the baby, but is afraid of hurting her and hurting me. It has nothing to do about his reservations with my body (he says doesn't have any ). I'm not surprised by this. He's been to all my prenatal appointments—including ones that involve vaginal and breast exams. I think his mom just totally misread his hesitation. Like I said, his folks are very traditional...his father was at the hospital, but wasn't even in the room when he was born.

I think it's really helped we've been watching Youtube videos and birthing DVDs in our birthing class.

His main concern is whether or not how he is supposed to guide the baby out. On Youtube it looks like people just catch them. On one of the DVDs we saw, the nurse pulled the baby out (it was a hospital birth). We're going through a birthing center so I think the awesome midwives will help advise him if he catches her.

It's funny. There is so much focus on first-time moms and their confidence as parents that I think birthing partners sometimes get left on the sidelines.
post #29 of 59
12/28/08 at 12:23am
DH is a complete wimp about anything medical or bloody. The day of my second birth, which was a scheduled c-section, he passed out at the hospital hours before the procedure, just from thinking about it. Anyway, my first birth involved lots of tearing and quarts of blood. He said the birth was the scariest, bloodiest, grossest thing he'd ever seen.

Witnessing that birth has done nothing to diminish my sex appeal in his eyes. For him, sex and childbirth are only vaguely connected, and that one horrifying moment was easily erased by all of the good times to be had.
post #30 of 59
12/28/08 at 1:05am
Dh has witnessed every birth and obviously if we are on #8 it has not hurt our sex lives.
post #31 of 59
12/28/08 at 4:47pm
My H was front and center for the birth and even saw extreme closeup shots after the fact and our sex life is not at all ruined. He does admit that he felt really helpless and bad for me seeing me in pain but there is no connection to seeing birth and our sex life. I agree that this would likely only apply to a man who was superficial. Most men end up having more respect and are in awe of their wives after seeing them give birth.
post #32 of 59
12/28/08 at 4:59pm
DH was so amazed by how hard I worked, and that I had an HBAC and birthed our big (10lb 6oz) baby girl drug free, that he's more turned on by me than ever!
post #33 of 59
12/28/08 at 8:58pm
This is a generational issue. Our parents were TOLD that a man should not watch his wife give birth. It has nothing to do with reality. Men who still believe that they shouldn't watch have ben brainwashed perhaps, or are just insecure/afraid (not always bad, but important to admit), but there is no biological reason why they can't "handle" the concept of watching women have a baby.

By the 60's (I think), men were beginning to acknowledge their wishes and be participants in birth, but the hospitals wanted total control - hence the protocol of husbands NOT being able to be there. Besides, the hospitals couldn't drug and tie down the women if their husbands were there.

DH told me recently that he is definitely more attracted to me because he sees me as strong as well as sexual.

--janis
post #34 of 59
12/28/08 at 9:49pm
not a problem here


dh watched me give birth 3 times. the 4th he missed the birth because it was so fast & he was in the waiting room with my girls waiting on my mom , but he saw me delivery the placenta
post #35 of 59
12/28/08 at 9:58pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kidspiration View Post
Birth has made us closer and more intimate. After watching me go through pregnancy and birth, dh thinks I'm hotter than ever.
Exactly.. Dh has been there for all 4 of our births and will be even more upclose and personal for this birth coming. It hasn't changed his view about me or my vagina and our sex life is awesome. He thinks there is nothing better then pregnancy and intimacy during that time.
post #36 of 59
12/28/08 at 9:58pm
Not true in our case at all. Definately brought us a lot closer. We are really good at dropping our roles as parents at the bedroom door though and just getting in touch with out primal selves.

I can see how it might change things if the man has some sort of barbie-doll complex when it comes to his partner or a madonna/whore complex- if she can't burp or fart in front of him without him getting grossed out or if she can't come to bed without make-up because he won't find her attractive, if he won't have sex with her while she's pregnant because of some sort of hang-up, then he probably won't do too well with watching the labor/birth process. But if you respect each other as people and he still thinks you are hot after watching you puke during the morning sickness phase, then everything will probably be fine sex-wise after watching the birth.
post #37 of 59
12/28/08 at 10:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by OceansEve View Post
Heck no. DH was ready to jump me within 24 hours after having both babies
DP was the same way! What are they thinking? lol It must be something to do with the hormones released or something. I just had to say "umm did you see what just happened down there? no"
post #38 of 59
12/28/08 at 10:17pm
I just asked DH about this. "Were you weirded out by seeing me push out a baby? Sexually?"

He thought for a minute and went "nope!".

So, nope, no problems here. Actually I think I was more weirded out than he was... I mean, seriously, after I pushed out Morri, the LAST thing I wanted was something going back IN THERE.
post #39 of 59
12/28/08 at 10:22pm
We are closer after having shared the birth of our second child, who was born vaginally at home and Dh caught him--then we were after having our first child who was a c section...I am proud (and incredibly thankful!) that I gave birth to our second son 'the proper way' and that DH was there to experience it with me. :
post #40 of 59
12/28/08 at 11:19pm
Seeing the baby born/ catching her didn't phase dh in that way!
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