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Wtf bio mom just sent police!!! - Page 2

post #21 of 71
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Transitions View Post
I havent read all the other replies so I dont know if this has been mentioned but calling you mommy can cause him to lose custody.
You are not the mommy.

Yes, you can stop the kids from calling you mommy by saying "no, i am not your mommy, you have a mommy and she loves you very much" even if you dont believe it, or think it. do it for the kids you love so much.

it is not a good thing to have other peoples kids call you mommy or daddy.
this can cause the custodial parent a lot of grief if the non custodial parent decides they want custody. seriously, it can.

the father of your stepchildren needs to nip that in the bud, quickly.
as well as taking away presents given by the MOM(not bio mom there is no biomom its just mom)
Sorry but she is their mother, she gave birth to them I AM THEIR MOM... She can go for custody all she wants, she won't get it, nor does she really want it. She abandoned them and NOW that she is dating a man whom has no children and cannot have them, all of a sudden she is interested?

It's not something I will tell them not to say, it's their choice and the courts cannot take away their right to say what they want to say.

Are you telling me that if they called some stranger mommy, she could have them taken?? Thats silly and I doubt it.
post #22 of 71
You can tell them no, just like you tell them no for anything else. Do you let the children decide everything, no you do not.
You, in the courts eyes are not the mom. The mom and dad are the parents. Not you, but if she signs her rights away yes then you can tell them to call you whatever yout dlike.Until then, be careful.If she wants them back now, great for those precious children who you love so much, you keep saying. You should want them to be happy and if their mother wants to be with them and spend time with them it should be a GOOD thing not a nasty thing.

If you continue this mommy bit and she does decide she wants custody and finds out about this her lawyer will be all over your dh. Seriously.

Im not being mean, I know you think those kids are yours but they are not. They are someone elses for now, until those rights are signed away.
post #23 of 71
Good Grief these children have enough on their plate already, they get dragged through there BIO moms junk, she doesn't want them now she does... and you honestly think its a good idea for there stepmom to tell them not to call her mommy?

Thats horrible. I would never reject my child like that. It would be a slap in the face to any child.

I say keep it up, the kids need a real mother.
post #24 of 71
Oh, are the children adopted?Otherwise the use of BIO
mom is inappropriate.There is stepmom(if you and father are married only)and mom.

They are not your children unless the mom signed rights over.I am speaking from a courts view.

If you or anyone would like advice on this calling mommy business go to freeadvice.com under child and custody and ask the question to the lawyers on there, see what they say.

I understand you want to protect your stepchildren but they still have a mother, you need to protect their emotional interests...and telling them their mother loves them is doing just that. that is real love, not looking out for yourself, but the children.
they still love their mom, no matter what.even if they say they dont.
post #25 of 71
I refuse to speak for someone else, I speak for my self and I tell my children I love them. Its not my job or my desire to tell my children that there BIOmom loves them. its her job. I love my children. They know I do. Thats all that matters, They will always call me mom, I agree with the OP she is the mom here, they might have a mother, but she is the mom.

Besides, she didn't post to ask you if it was ok about what her kids call her, she posted to vent about the situation. Not asking if you thought it was ok for them to call her mom.

Have a good day!
post #26 of 71
I think it would be weird to not allow little kids to call someone "mommy" if that's what they thought.

If my XH ever remarries my son can call her anything he wants. Why should I care? Ok, aside from if he were calling her obscenities and what not...
Otherwise, what would it change if he called her mom also, or step mom, and me biomom.

It doesn't change anything for me.

Obvs if someone is forcing someone to call a parent "mommy" that would be weird.

I don't believe in telling a child that an absentee parent loves them in all situations. To know that a parent loves them but still doesn't want to be around them is confusing to my 12 yr old. He would rather know that some people are just not good people, and incapable of proper parental love. In fact, my son would have LOVED LOVED LOVED to have had someone in his life to call "dad." Real, bio, step or fake. He had love and wanted to give it to someone.
post #27 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Transitions View Post
You can tell them no, just like you tell them no for anything else. Do you let the children decide everything, no you do not.
You, in the courts eyes are not the mom. The mom and dad are the parents. Not you, but if she signs her rights away yes then you can tell them to call you whatever yout dlike.Until then, be careful.If she wants them back now, great for those precious children who you love so much, you keep saying. You should want them to be happy and if their mother wants to be with them and spend time with them it should be a GOOD thing not a nasty thing.

If you continue this mommy bit and she does decide she wants custody and finds out about this her lawyer will be all over your dh. Seriously.

Im not being mean, I know you think those kids are yours but they are not. They are someone elses for now, until those rights are signed away.
I'm going to have to disagree with you about the Mommy thing. DH and I have custody of dss8, and we have since he was 2 years old. We have been in court more times then I can count. Dss first called me "the mom", then it moved onto "mom". For a short time afterwards he called me Gina, then back to Mom, and we are now back at Gina. When we were dealing with the moderators, judge, and everyone else involved (we also had to do psych evals), we were told that the fact that dss felt safe enough to call me mom showed a lot to the courts. It was never ever once brought up that it was a negative thing.

Being a parent is more then just birthing a child. It is the day to day things that makes a parent. Just like my dss knows that I can be a safe place for him to land when he gets angry about his bio mom and lashes out at me, he feels safe and secure enough to call me mom.
post #28 of 71
*puts on moderator's hat*
I would like to remind everyone participating in this thread to stay respectful
to one another, even when you disagree with someone's opinion very strongly. We don't have to agree, but we do need to stay polite for the discussion to be able to continue.
post #29 of 71
I am confused. Is the child in question here adopted? How is this child related to the OP and the OP's fiance?
post #30 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotmamacita View Post
I am confused. Is the child in question here adopted? How is this child related to the OP and the OP's fiance?
It is my understanding that the OP's partner is the child's father and the OP is the child's father's fiance. The child's father is the custodial parent. The child's mother is the noncustodial parent who has visitation with the child.
post #31 of 71
Oh. What a mess.

I really feel for the child involved here.
post #32 of 71
I feel for you mama. Bio mom sent police once to our home because she couldn't get a hold of us soon enough. There was no emergency, it was dhs' visitation weekend. She was just being her usual crazy self. I won't get into the back story but the short version is: the kids were so upset. Horrified/embarrassed/stressed dhs' daughter had the worst upset stomach and the police showed up at the door and the kids were so woried that they had done something wrong and caused all this melodrama. The police were very kind but they had to ask the kids if everything was o.k. etc. What an ordeal for everyone.

It's awful when something like that happens in your home and you have no control, it's as if you are caught in the middle of something and you're not even sure what/where the middle is and how you got there in the first place. There is nothing you can do but grin and bear it and of course, vent here !
post #33 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
i refuse to speak for someone else, i speak for my self and i tell my children i love them. Its not my job or my desire to tell my children that there biomom loves them. Its her job. I love my children. They know i do. Thats all that matters, they will always call me mom, i agree with the op she is the mom here, they might have a mother, but she is the mom.

Besides, she didn't post to ask you if it was ok about what her kids call her, she posted to vent about the situation. Not asking if you thought it was ok for them to call her mom.

Have a good day!


bravo!!
post #34 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammastar2 View Post
I do want to say though, that you won't get anywhere by telling yourself that "she isn't a mother" because she doesn't meet your definition of what a mother should be. In the end, you don't get to define whether she is or not - the simple fact is that she's your stepkids' mother, will always be their mother, and they and you will just need to work with the mother they've got. I say that with huge empathy, because she does sound pretty dreadful, but getting your nose out of joint about it simply doesn't help you or them.
Yes, yes, a million times yes. She doesn't meet up to your criteria, but she is their mom, like it or not.


Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
I refuse to speak for someone else, I speak for my self and I tell my children I love them. Its not my job or my desire to tell my children that there BIOmom loves them. its her job. I love my children. They know I do. Thats all that matters, They will always call me mom, I agree with the OP she is the mom here, they might have a mother, but she is the mom.
You know what, though? It's not all that matters. Not to them. You can love your stepkids more than anyone in the world has ever loved a kid, but you still can't ever fill the void left by an absent parent. And when you say things like "It's not my job to do xyz, it's her job," then you turn it into a pissing contest over who's the better mommy. And that's not what any kid needs. I don't see any harm in saying "Yes, you've got 3 parents, and you are so lucky, because we all love you so much."
post #35 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby View Post
You know what, though? It's not all that matters. Not to them. You can love your stepkids more than anyone in the world has ever loved a kid, but you still can't ever fill the void left by an absent parent. And when you say things like "It's not my job to do xyz, it's her job," then you turn it into a pissing contest over who's the better mommy. And that's not what any kid needs. I don't see any harm in saying "Yes, you've got 3 parents, and you are so lucky, because we all love you so much."
I DO see a problem with telling a kid that his non-custodial parent loves him unless you wholeheartedly believe it. It would be lying and I don't lie to my kids. It can be confusing to be told someone loves you when they act like they don't (like not showing up for visits or other behaviors typical of drug addicts) and even more confusing if the person who you associate with stability and love is perpetuating the double standard (I love you and I show it by treating you well but she loves you too even though she doesn't). Am I getting my thoughts across here? Kids can make up their own minds about who loves them. It's not a step-mom's place to try to create a feeling of love for a child from his mom/dad that is absent or mostly absent. Of course she shouldn't be negative either but I believe it's best to be neutral in that situation.

I never told my kids that their absent bio dad (and yes it IS bio-dad for us since my kids have been adopted) loves them. That would be stupid seeing as he abandoned them. When asked, I would say things like "he decided he didn't want to live with us anymore" or "you'll have to ask him why when you are grown up if you want to." These are real, truthful statements that don't poison a mind against somebody but also don't create a false image.

I'm also aghast at the thought of telling a child he can't call a step-mother Mommy. There's no reason to create that distance and take away the only real mom the child (in the OP's situation) has. My husband was raised by his grandparents from infancy. He always called them granddaddy and grandmother - never mom and dad even though that's what they were. His mother abandoned him completely and his father was at first in the military and then with a new wife and child. His grandmother tried very hard to create a relationship where there wasn't one and the only thing she accomplished was to make it so my DH never really had a "mom and dad" at all. IYKWIM? It seems harmful to me. Children deserve to have that feeling of comfort and stability from having a mom and if it makes them happy to call the person that mothers them "Mommy" then they should be allowed to.

Laura
post #36 of 71
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Transitions View Post
Oh, are the children adopted?Otherwise the use of BIO
mom is inappropriate.There is stepmom(if you and father are married only)and mom.

They are not your children unless the mom signed rights over.I am speaking from a courts view.

If you or anyone would like advice on this calling mommy business go to freeadvice.com under child and custody and ask the question to the lawyers on there, see what they say.

I understand you want to protect your stepchildren but they still have a mother, you need to protect their emotional interests...and telling them their mother loves them is doing just that. that is real love, not looking out for yourself, but the children.
they still love their mom, no matter what.even if they say they dont.

Dear no where have i said anything about telling the children their mother doesn't love them. No where and an no point was I rude or mean to her. SHE SCREWS UP HER VISITS. She takes her BF first.

I understand your speaking "legally" but Its also illegal to walk across the street not in a cross walk, J walking is illegal. Not many people get in trouble for it. SHe can be mommy for her little 6 hours per week. They can call me step mommy and I AM STILL THEIR MOMMY!!! LOL Thetitle mommy means the one who is with them not the one who birthed them.

I never have done anything to benefit myself over these children and the part where u assume so is presumptiuous. I have given up a lot for these children, their mother on the other hand has given up nothing.

The courts and you and anyone else can validate her all you want, she is wrong, she is not a good mom, and I am with them all of the time.... They are mine!
post #37 of 71
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gromero View Post
I'm going to have to disagree with you about the Mommy thing. DH and I have custody of dss8, and we have since he was 2 years old. We have been in court more times then I can count. Dss first called me "the mom", then it moved onto "mom". For a short time afterwards he called me Gina, then back to Mom, and we are now back at Gina. When we were dealing with the moderators, judge, and everyone else involved (we also had to do psych evals), we were told that the fact that dss felt safe enough to call me mom showed a lot to the courts. It was never ever once brought up that it was a negative thing.

Being a parent is more then just birthing a child. It is the day to day things that makes a parent. Just like my dss knows that I can be a safe place for him to land when he gets angry about his bio mom and lashes out at me, he feels safe and secure enough to call me mom.

ITA! and CPS and DSS knew they call me Mommy, they think it's great. They told the court to give Df total physical custody and they listened to the reccomendation. The only person on her side is her PAID lawyer. If it was an issue they would hav told us that
post #38 of 71
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotmamacita View Post
Oh. What a mess.

I really feel for the child involved here.
ITA.. I am concerned about the kids. That was the point of my post. I don't want them to be in the middle of her crap mess.

I feel like DF and I are working our butts off to be positive and nice to her and try and keep the kids happy and she spends her 6 hours undoing it!!! Why would you do that to your own children?
post #39 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Transitions View Post
I havent read all the other replies so I dont know if this has been mentioned but calling you mommy can cause him to lose custody.
You are not the mommy.

Yes, you can stop the kids from calling you mommy by saying "no, i am not your mommy, you have a mommy and she loves you very much" even if you dont believe it, or think it. do it for the kids you love so much.

it is not a good thing to have other peoples kids call you mommy or daddy.
this can cause the custodial parent a lot of grief if the non custodial parent decides they want custody. seriously, it can.

the father of your stepchildren needs to nip that in the bud, quickly.
as well as taking away presents given by the MOM(not bio mom there is no biomom its just mom)
Um, no! if it looks like a mom, talks like a mom, walks like a mom, etc............

I think it would be awful to tell a child not to call someone they love and that is definately in the "mother" role day in and day out, doing the good, the bad, and the ugly to not call that person mother, especially when it's the child's decision. This child obviously needs to associate someone as being his/her mother and has turned to the one person who has been a mother, the step-mother.
post #40 of 71
Am I missing something here? Your "DF"? That means your not even married so how can this child even be your stepchild? She is your DF's child. What is a biomom? Is this biomom the adopted mom?
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