CMV stress

[Scalpel]

I had to post something about this because I am a bit disappointed and figured it would help me feel better if I posted something. First off my partner is CMV + and we recently found out I am CMV -. We have a beautiful baby girl using our unknown donor who is CMV -. Today we found out the vials we were to purchase from the waiting list are incompatible with my CMV status....apparently while in quarentine the donor switched from CMV - status to CMV +. We do have one vial left of the when the donor was CMV- I can use this 1 vial but I mean what a blow. After finding a donor we like and then getting the chance to order more after the waiting list and now I can't even use him??? My partner reminds me that the ultimate goal is to have a baby but I just had a strong hope that our children would be biological siblings. I feel all the pressure in the world now for our 1 lone vial to work. I mean I know its not the end of the world but its hard when you have a vision of something and it doesnt turn out that way. I need to think of the positive but its hard when I am the type of person to think realisically and weight in all the negatives....I think I need a spa day. Thanks for letting me rant. This place is great to share all the ups and downs.

Has anyone eles had to deal with the CMV postive/negative aspect of ordering sperm and you or you partner being different? It would be interesting to hear.

[smartycat]

There is some discrepency in the issue of CMV status.

Since we decided to do at home inseminations with frozen annonymous donor, we did not have Quasar tested. We read enough articles, sources, forums, etc to feel comfortable with the fact that CMV is really a non issue. That the donors that are CMV positive do not have an active infection and that the chances of the baby getting CMV and there being problems is almost non existent.

Now, if you are going through an RE, they may not be willing to inseminate you with CMV+ sperm if you are CMV-... You would have to ask your RE what their policy is. Much of what I read pointed out that most hetero couples going about it the "natural" way never know what their CMV status is and there are no problems. I even think that if the RE was dealing with a married couple, and they knew the CMV status of the partners was different, that they would still go ahead with the inseminations as long as there as no sign of active infection. And the frozen sperm will NOT pass quarantine if it shows the active form of the antibodies. And maybe even if your RE does have that CMV rule, they might be willing to bend it so that you can keep the same donor.

I don't know how much research you have done on CMV, but maybe do some more to see if you feel comfortable using the CMV+ sperm. I have a medical background and what I read made me feel 100% comfortable with our choices about CMV status. Heck, I couldn't even tell you what our donor's CVM status was... that is how much of a non issue it was for us.

Sorry you are having this added stress.

[lexbeach]

This wasn't even something that was tested for when we were first ttc 6 years ago. I have no idea about my, dw's, the donor's or the kids' CMV status. The fact that they sell CMV+ sperm makes me feel like it's not a huge health issue . . . but I admit that I am not fully educated about it. If it were me in your shoes, I would probably choose to use the CMV+ sperm in the hopes of having a biological sibling. It's definitely not the most important thing, but it is really cool if you can make it happen.

But don't discount the possibility of getting pregnant with that one last vial of CMV- sperm either!

Lex

[FtMPapa]

My doctor told me that CMV was basically a non-issue. Turned out I was positive, so it really wasn't for me.

This means that you can get around it, as Smartycat suggested, there are ways. And, as Lex said - that last vial might be all you need!

[Scalpel]

Thanks guys for the insight...I do feel somewhat better. I think now what I am mainly disgrunteld about the issue smartycat brought up the fact that in the general public ie hetero couples the issue is nill and at home inseminations its not a factor but at the RE's office then is becomes a huge deal breaker. I feel comfortable and understand the risk and want to use the CMV + sperm but the sperm lady who orders the stuff wont even let me order it. She says its listed in FDA and they cant go against that. I think I need to talk to the doctor in charge directly...maybe there is an overide or consent form I can get. Another option we have is that we do have a docotor friend who I am sure would be happy to help but I really dont how I feel about her getting involved. Plus by tuesday we will be off waiting list and our vials will be offer to another family. I am just going to do what lex said and not discount and hope our last cmv- vial is all we need!!

[soso-lynn]

Where I work the rules for doing inseminations are pretty strict and heavily regulated, but whenever a CMV- person wants to buy CMV+ sperm we just have them talk it over very quickly with an embryologist and make them sign a consent form without any fuss. If it is something you are comfortable with, you should be able to use the CMV+ samples, just be a little persistent if your doctor wants to get all controlling about it, remind him of a little thing called "informed consent".

[Scalpel]

Thank you so much soso-lynn ...I will call monday morning and ask about an informed consent...please keep your fingers crossed for me guys. I'll up date you all on what happens.

[indigoscot]

good luck scalpel, i hope it works out for you today! i have fx.

my dp and i are both cmv- and our donor is also cmv-, so that isn't an issue for us. what is an issue is having a 1/2 sibling...we definitely feel your desire for that. we had 2 iui vials leftover from my ttc adventure back in 2006 that resulted in our wonderful son but no chance (at the time) of getting any others since he was retired and sold out. we did try asking other 1/2 sibling parents but they either were going to use the vials themselves or had none. then out of the blue we lucked into 6 ici vials that were "spare" from another client reactivating our donor. it was definitely karma working for us because by rights those should have been offered to the waiting list but we just happened to email right when they came out of quarantine. that still doesn't give us a whole lot of leeway and the counts on the ici vials are somewhat lower than the iuis - there's a 4 year gap between donations.

we are in the last few days of our first tww trying for baby #2 and are hoping for the best.

hopefully your re will agree to the cmv+ status if you sign something saying you know and are aware of the risks.

g

[RainRaven]

I am CMV negative the father of my kids is CMV positive, it is really not a issue.

[Scalpel]

Well apparently it is a issue because not only did I talk to my RE but all of the other ones in town. I guess what it comes down to is that the clinics each make their own offical policy and then they submitted to the FDA and they can't go back on that because of fines ect...ok i get that. I also asked about if it so serious then why doesn't it matter for the hetero couples that are different status...she said that they do get tested and are told the possible complications but since they dont have a choice then its ok. I think that is strange. Because I know that I am negative then I am automatically obligated (choice made FOR ME) that I have to use a negative donor. I know I am not going to win this one but now in some way I feel alot better. I guess the not knowing what the verdict would be was more upsetting than knowing that I did everything I could do and its not up to me. Well I am off to get some red raspberry leaf tea, pinapples and viatmins. Cheers to my lone vial and thanks again to you all!!

[smartycat]

You could also try going through a midwife or regular OB if you weren't doing heavily medicated or regulated cycles. We did our IUI at home ourselves. There are always options.

[RainRaven]

Originally Posted by Scalpel

Well apparently it is a issue because not only did I talk to my RE but all of the other ones in town. I guess what it comes down to is that the clinics each make their own offical policy and then they submitted to the FDA and they can't go back on that because of fines ect...ok i get that. I also asked about if it so serious then why doesn't it matter for the hetero couples that are different status...she said that they do get tested and are told the possible complications but since they dont have a choice then its ok. I think that is strange. Because I know that I am negative then I am automatically obligated (choice made FOR ME) that I have to use a negative donor. I know I am not going to win this one but now in some way I feel alot better. I guess the not knowing what the verdict would be was more upsetting than knowing that I did everything I could do and its not up to me. Well I am off to get some red raspberry leaf tea, pinapples and viatmins. Cheers to my lone vial and thanks again to you all!!

We were actually never even tested or asked for that matter ( I knew from giving blood and after DS 2 was born DH gave blood and we found out) So it is not something the doctors/ midwifes ( here at least) even check for. It is really messed up that they are making it a issue for you. I hope you find a way to work it out.