What would you do?

[Juliacat]

Dh, dd and I currently live in a house that we love but that is too small for us. We live in a town that we love, with lots of friends, close to dh's family but far away from mine. I love my job and want to work there until I'm old and crusty, dh hates his and is looking for a way out. We live within walking or bike-riding distance of everything. Lots of educated people around, low cost of living, low crime. However, we can't afford to buy a bigger house.

My brother--actually my half-brother, he's far older than I am and we've never lived together, but I love him, and we've bonded over our beloved father's recent death--over Christmas, told dh that he owns a lot on the other side of the lake from where he lives, and that if we wanted to build something on it, he would GIVE it to us.

They live about 400 miles away from us in a town that is beautiful to visit but not to my liking for living--too rural, you need a car to get anywhere, plus it's on a lake, which isn't great from the global warming perspective.

But the thought of being able to build our own house is SO tempting. Did I mention that my brother builds houses? Yeah, and he's GREAT at it too, like super awesome. But he's in poor health and with his kind and generous heart I could see him overworking himself just to be nice to us. But I love him and it would be so cool to live near him. His wife already watches their granddaughter and I would pay her to watch dd so they could grow up like sisters (dd will probably be an only child).

I hate to say "no" to a generous offer from someone I love. On the other hand, I love our town and don't want to leave it. On the first hand, we've outgrown our house and building one of our own would be a dream come true. On the other hand, I don't want my brother to overwork himself....

Please help me think this through! I think we should tell him yes or no within the next few months.

[jrabbit]

Originally Posted by Juliacat

They live about 400 miles away from us in a town that is beautiful to visit but not to my liking for living--too rural, you need a car to get anywhere, plus it's on a lake, which isn't great from the global warming perspective.

I do have one question: what is the problem with being on a lake? I thought I was pretty "up" on global warming and environmental issues, but I don't understand this one.

Personally, the town would have to be pretty awful to keep me from taking this opportunity! You can get a hybrid car and still use the bikes. AND, I'd want to build a straw-bale or rammed-earth dwelling.

BUT, I also am confused by how a house can be too small for a family of 3. I'm coming from a different perspective, maybe - because I'm downsizing from a 2000+ sf house to an RV (maybe 500sf?) with a family of 5 and a bunch of pets! I think that your current home sounds more to your liking, since you've got a community already.

--janis

[Juliacat]

I figure there will be floods that could easily take out the house in the years to come. It's on a lake, but it's also near the coast. Where we live now is far inland.

Our house isn't exactly too small for US, it's that I love having company and the living room is impossibly small and there's no way to add on. The other rooms are fine.

[I Fly]

Stay where you can walk everywhere and have people and place connections. How big is your house? A lot just depends on perspective. I think you could make any house work for three. I thought our old house was too small (1100sf), but now I could see living there again, even with three kids. Are there some changes you could make that would really help it feel more roomy? Adding a shed outside for extra storage? Adding on a deck or screened porch for more space? One reason our old house felt small was because we were hanging onto furnishings that would be "useful" in a "real, grown-up house."

One thing I miss about a small house is that everything is more affordable. If I had installed new windows in our old house, that would have been 11 windows. Now we have 35 windows, so it is hard to imagine ever affording that upgrade.

We moved away from our community, and we haven't come close to re-creating it, even after 3.5 years.

[Juliacat]

Our house is 680 square feet. The living room is closet-sized. The rest of the rooms are fine.

[Stephenie]

I would do it, but it sounds like an adventure to me and in my own life I would want that.

What does your family think?

[Juliacat]

Dh is on the fence, too. He loves it here and would miss his mom if we left. On the other hand, both of us are intrigued by the idea of building a house slowly as we can pay for it.

Our life here is normal and safe, which is fine with us, but I keep imagining that life there would be more wholesome for dd. Instead of going to preschool with a group of suburbanites, she'd be out in nature with her cousin every day.

It'll be a couple of years before I'm through with school and I'm not willing to forego THAT, but then again it's not like we would be moving tomorrow anyway.

[KoalaMama]

I would pretend I'd made my decision (yes or no) and then sit with it for a bit to see how it feels. Then I'd try on the other decision to see how that feels, and pick the one that spoke to my heart.

Good luck deciding!

[Pariah]

I would be concerned with leaving behind friends, family, connections, etc. We've moved around a lot in the past five years, and we just came back home in the fall. It was those connections that really made the other places less enjoyable, and made me so happy to come back here. You do meet other people in other places, but I always longed for "my" people that I missed back home. I would also love the ability to walk/bike anywhere I needed to go, and wouldn't want to part with that if I ever had it.

However, free land to build on IS an exceptional offer that doesn't come around too frequently so I can definitely understand feeling conflicted. Personally, I think if I were in your position, I would stay and maybe renovate or otherwise work on the house you have, if that is possible.

Good luck, and let us know how everything works out for you!

[dawningmama]

If it were *me,* I would stay put. I know how hard it is to find a town and neighborhood that works for me, and I would be very hesitant to give that up. Plus, rural living has zero appeal to me.

Are you sure there are no ways to add on to your current home? Even bumping out just a foot or two can give so much more room. Maybe you can lose some square feet in the bedroom to gain in the living areas?

[anitaj71]

Less debt = more freedom. Imho. That would be the first thing I would be looking at and if moving away to a free lot and building a home would accomplish that goal than that's a good thing, right? I think it depends on the kind of people you two are. For some being close to friends and family is not huge and moving away would be an adventure etc. Decide what's important for the two of you long term and go from there.

[Juliacat]

I'm really wondering how much it would cost to build, to buy the materials, to pay my brother and whatever workers he needed to hire to do the building, to pay for gas to drive down there to visit, and so forth. Then, when that was totaled, if we put that same amount of money towards our current mortgage, or towards the down payment on a bigger house here, what would it look like?

I wish I could get my brother to come visit us here so he'd have a better understanding of what a great little town we live in and so that he could maybe give us some ideas on ways to improve our house that we might have overlooked.

[becoming]

I'd build the house, but I prefer rural life over city life any day.

[SuzyLee]

I would not move. That would not be worth it to me. Building can be very expensive even if you brother is doing it for you. I would think if you can afford to build you could afford to mvoe within your city, or remodel your house to have a larrger living room. You could even consider building your house UP if it is a 1 story house and the lot size is the problem.

[YesandNo]

You love your house, you love your town, you love your job. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Most people can only dream of that scenario. Stay put!