"It offends me" - Page 3

[caro113]

my family was like this on thanksgiving. My two cousins are 11 and 7 (both boys) and since they were 'curious' or 'looking' I had to leave the room. They can be curious or looking all they want, I'm not leaving. My response was simple: Do you eat in front of other people? Then so can she.
They of course go on to say that it's different, but it's not. If they want me to nurse in another room, then I want them to eat their meat in another room. Since I don't make a big deal - or even say anything for that matter - about them eating meat in front of me (I'm a veggie) then they can't say a damn word to me about nursing in front of them. Yes, I will nurse while watching the football game. Yes, I will nurse while eating at the dinner table (although I did eventually leave the table because we were crammed in there enough as it was and it just wasn't working, so I sat on the couch next to the table and could still see everyone).

I agree, it's complete bull when families do things like this. You were right to refuse to attend any more events where you and your child are unwelcomed. And yes, not being allowed to eat is being unwelcomed. Congrats to you and your SIL for standing up for yourselves and your babies!!

It offends you? Then don't look.

[KittyKat]

Maybe you could bring a cute fluffy receiving blanket, and if someone behaves as if they are offended, offer them the blanket to put over their head so they can't see the shocking sight of a baby being fed and cared for by his mother.

I do sometimes leave the room to breastfeed while at family gatherings, but that's more to get out of all the noise and busy-ness than for fear that someone might get their dander up over a hungry baby. I've also fed the baby right at the table, sitting on the couch while we all watched a movie/TV show, etc. My FIL used to be more uncomfortable about it than he is now, but he realized that it's not such a big deal.

Life is also too short to treat your family, and its most vulnerable members, the babies, like second-class citizens. A fully grown man should be mature and self-controlled enough to get over a bit of mild discomfort, and support his nieces' and nephews' need to eat.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by KittyKat

Maybe you could bring a cute fluffy receiving blanket, and if someone behaves as if they are offended, offer them the blanket to put over their head so they can't see the shocking sight of a baby being fed and cared for by his mother.

:

[dflanag2]

Originally Posted by caro113

my family was like this on thanksgiving. My two cousins are 11 and 7 (both boys) and since they were 'curious' or 'looking' I had to leave the room.

I have 5 nephews and 1 brother between the ages of 10 and 20, and I think bfing in front of them is a great learning experience. Not only do they learn that breasts feed infants (Gasp!), they learn self-control, how to avert their eyes, etc. Skills that every young man should learn and that can be valuable to him in many situations other than with nursing mothers!

Parents are doing a great disservice to boys when sheltering them from such a great learning experience, IMHO.

[Murihiku]

How about just "[Baby's name] doesn't mean to offend you."

[amydidit]

Originally Posted by KittyKat

Maybe you could bring a cute fluffy receiving blanket, and if someone behaves as if they are offended, offer them the blanket to put over their head so they can't see the shocking sight of a baby being fed and cared for by his mother.

I love that!


Them: You really need to (cover up, go to another room, etc) to do that. It's offensive!
You: Oh, I'm sorry. I have just the thing for covering up. (pull out the blanket and hand it to them). Here you go. Just toss that on your head and you won't have to see it anymore.

[cjuniverse]

All I'll say is that if there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding, it shouldn't have to be covered up and hidden in any way.

If breasts are for feeding babies, if they are not just meatbags for men's pleasure, then there is nothing wrong with one being exposed in any way in the act of breastfeeding (or in any other act, as far as I'm concerned. Men have breasts, too. Nobody wails about them covering up).

If you're pro-NIP, you have to be pro-breast, pro-woman, and pro-nursing in public with no conditions.

If you support conditions, you support the notion that breasts are dirty and sexual. There's no way around it. Either you support breastfeeding and women, or you don't. You can't have it both ways. You can't go on about modesty, and shaming women for showing too much, if you truly believe that breastfeeding is natural and normal. The two are not compatible.

It is the culture of over-sexualization surrounding everything, especially and including breasts, that is the problem. Not nursing mamis of any stripe. Put the blame where it belongs and leave. nursing. mamis. alone.

OP, I encountered this attitude a few times when my son was a baby. I went to one party where I practically spent the entire time in their spare bedroom. I got over that real quick. Take no flack. You are doing nothing wrong. Make them act like adults and deal with it, or don't hang with them.

I'm so sorry for you and any and all women that have to endure this prejudice. It's sick and sad.

[brennatsi]

Originally Posted by readytobedone

basically i'd say, "i'm sorry you're offended. but you don't have a right to be comfortable all the time. my baby does, however, have a right to eat."

I LOVE that and will use it, if I ever am in this kind of situation! Thanks!!

[terre_mere]

I can relate 100% to your situation. My older half sister took her three children and husband and left because I breastfed in the living room. She said it made her husband "uncomfortable". The reality is, She went outside to tell her smoking husband that they were leaving because she wasn't comfortable (from the looks of things). My argument? Maybe someone, whoever it was, would be more comfortable with breastfeeding if they had educated themselves to the benefits of breast milk and not formula fed all because (and I quote) "my boobs are for men only". I'm so offended that I've decided we're not going to spend time with her or her family anymore. I never saw her much to begin with, maybe once every couple years, but that event sealed the deal.. I just can not surround myself with people who refuse to be anything but ignorant.




I guess it's more common to see family issues with breastfeeding than I thought!

[Millicent]

I think this all comes down to values. When my mom got all hysterical about me having a homebirth, I didn't see her during my pregnancy. And she was only invited for short visits PP.

My parents are also staunch atheists, and we love God so they are fading out of our lives, by our choice. They have different values, and neither of us are going to bend. They are antagonistic about it, so we don't visit them. (Even though they live at a resort in Hawaii half the year!!!) It's really sad that we are no longer close and I can't lean on their support but it's just not worth it to us!

If nursing is part of your value system and your lifestyle and they reject it as "offensive", I don't think there is much wiggle room there, IMO.

[bvnms]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I have a family member who refuses to allow me to breastfeed in her home and has been this way for years, so I haven't been to her house for a very long time. My family knows that I breastfeed and I don't think I should have to leave the room, just because the baby is hungry.

On another note...I was really proud of my sister. She works at the deli at Walmart and this lady came up to her asking where she could nurse her baby. Apparantly, someone had told her she couldn't nurse out in the store or something. My sister told her to feel free to nurse wherever she wants. She said "My sister just nurses while she's walking through the store." She did let her know that if she wanted to sit down, there were chairs in the dressing room.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by cjuniverse

If you support conditions, you support the notion that breasts are dirty and sexual. There's no way around it. Either you support breastfeeding and women, or you don't. You can't have it both ways. You can't go on about modesty, and shaming women for showing too much, if you truly believe that breastfeeding is natural and normal. The two are not compatible.

^A great big Yeah, That!

[jimblejamble]

I'd tell him "Well your ignorance offends ME" and continue right on feeding.

[1littlebit]

Originally Posted by JessicaRenee

I'd tell him "Well your ignorance offends ME" and continue right on feeding.

: truthfully the first time it happened i would probably blow him off and tell him to get a life. its ridiculous to make a big deal about it.

from now on i would just say No. and then disengage. when you start to nurse he says you need to go to the bedroom. you say No. if he tries to argue or suggest something else don't acknowledge him. only answer once per nursing session. next time you start nursing. he says cover up. No. then ignore him. you get what i am saying? one response each time you nurse. eventually he'll give up.