"I only love you, I don't love Daddy"

[limabean]

I know it's normal for kids to strongly identify with one parent or the other at various times. DS is going through a major mama-phase right now, and he says stuff like the quote in my thread title regularly. He also asks me whether I love him more than I love my DH.

So far I've said things like, "I love you more than any other 4yo boy in the world" and "Mommies have lots and lots of love to go around, but yes, I love you very very much." Any other ideas on how to respond to stuff like this?

[hipumpkins]

We have little book about a bear who asks his mom if she loves him most and through the whole book she is telling the bear all about his good qualities and things she loves about him. Seh also talks about how he grew up...every time he asks she says, "well let's see" and tells another story about how wonderful it is to have him in the family and all the ways he is fun, smart, funny..things like that.
She never says she anyone more or less..just, "well let's see, this is what I lve about YOU!"

[mama2K&G]

I don't post often, infact this may be my first. But, I just wanted to let you know we are experiencing the same thing. My DS will be 4 in April and is all about mama right now. He actually tells DH "I don't like you. Go away!" However we have delt with this before. My DD, who is now 10, was all about her Daddy at that age and really still is, although she isn't so out spoken about it. DD is 10 now and about a month ago we were all snuggled up reading a story to DS, there was a picture of a daddy holding a baby girl, and a mommy holding a baby boy. DD said "Hey that's like our family- I Love Daddy and Gavin (DS) loves you" I said something like "thanks a lot" and DD said "I just mean I love Daddy MORE" LOL

I think you are handling it wonderfully!

[Maluhia]

We have the same problem in the opposite way - DD loves DH more than I.

He deploys a lot - so I know it's all about how cool it is when he's home.

I've worked hard to have DH react strongly and correct her verbally when she is rude or insults me. She needs to know he appreciates her but it's never "cute" for her to insult or brush me off - it's how children learn they are loved BUT can not come between parents who are each others partners.

When we reinforce that verbally, always with a reminder that we both love her very much, etc. she settles down. It's like testing the limits - he's the "cool" parent and I'm the "always" parent so it's "safe" to test me, because she's seen through example that she can't ever "loose" me. It's how she learns what social boundaries are, and how much her parents are committed to each other and her.