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Watch Us Commit Financial Suicide... - Page 4

post #61 of 92
I have been in a similiar situation with family where plans were made, money was spent and we backed out at the last minute for reasons similiar to yours. If I could do it all over again, I would have gone because the rift it created was really bad, and 4 years later its still an issue. Initially when I read your post I was going to say just don't go. On the other hand based off your additional post, I agree with the poster who stated you just kinda need to do it, see where you can reduce costs and try to enjoy yourself.

Its easy to say just talk to them, but I can see a situation where years down the road you backing out would create drama. Sorry you are in this situation.

Shay
post #62 of 92
Well, I haven't read all of the posts and I was kinda in your position last year. I was at my mom's for Christmas just in time to see the photo album (professionally done book) my SIL put together to commemorate the first annual family vacation that we missed. I just could not bring myself to do it. And our lodging was being paid for. It just did not fit into our budget and I declined our family attending. And, we're still loved! We may be talked about behind our backs, but, I don't care. They're not paying our bills and I know from my brother that they're barely paying their own. SIL's entire side of the family lives in CA and the vacation was there and we were having to fly from Chicago. Fares were ridiculous and we're in a rehab. My mom is retired and flush with cash, so, it was no problem for her.

And yes, they rented 2 condos in anticipation of our coming. Well, that wasn't my idea, so, I didn't feel horrible saying no. Thanks for trying to include me and my family, but, we're not in the financial position to attend.

Since I've already said no, I can whole heartedly recommend saying no, that you're not going.

ETA: I just went back and read your update - are you my twin? My dh is a SAHD, my bonus is paid like clockwork, but I think *he* rather than his family thinks I'm his mealticket (subject for another post). It is a hard situation since his family has already paid for this vacation. In my case, it was my family and I long ago got comfortable with doing what was right for me even though they may disagree with it. Not going will surely make an already bad situation worse. If you think that in the long run, it will not damage the grandparent/grandchild relationship, I'd still advocate backing out. Not pretty, but totally practical. In doing so, I would reques that dh take the lead in explaining this to his parents. The reality is they have a completely different financial view than you do. I totally get this as I, too, am fiscally conservative. The sad thing is that knowing how it is to be that way, you won't totally enjoy the vacation yourself. If, however, you can see how much it would mean to your kiddos and dh, that might give you some emotional satisfaction that will take the sting out of the financial hit you're taking. I didn't catch how old your kids are, but, if they wouldn't remember the trip at this point, that'd be another reason to not go in my book.
post #63 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
Dont know the ages but one more idea:

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2068

That is about an hour from Orlando. Maybe less from the Disney area.

This is closed for the winter.
post #64 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybunmom View Post
Well, I haven't read all of the posts and I was kinda in your position last year. I was at my mom's for Christmas just in time to see the photo album (professionally done book) my SIL put together to commemorate the first annual family vacation that we missed. I just could not bring myself to do it. And our lodging was being paid for. It just did not fit into our budget and I declined our family attending.

Yes, but it sounds like you said no when it was initially proposed and before they booked anything? Or maybe I'm reading you wrong and they booked things without clearing them with you first? In either of those situations, your response is totally reasonable and great. I think the OP is a different situation.
If you (general you) say yes when it is booked, then just weeks before the event you can't responsibly and politely decide not to go.
post #65 of 92
Imo, Sea World is definitely a one day kind of park. Maybe 1 day tickets rather than week passes would help a bit.
post #66 of 92
Given the situation with the in-laws and the fact that they've already gone to this expense using their timeshare for the holiday, I'd go, but consider it a learning experience.

Maybe give the Seaworld thing a miss and focus on free activities. Your kids are really young, and they may be crazy about animals, but if there's a free/cheap zoo or petting zoo, some parks, and hanging out with the grandparents, that feels like a vacation when you're 3 and 1 respectively. Heck, my kid still talks about having come across a cat to pat while we were out walking on our last vacation! And you said there's swimming at the timeshare, right?

The food budget probably isn't toooo far off what you would budget at home, is it?

And perhaps check out renting a van, as you mentioned.

As vacations go, that's pretty darn thrifty, and your finances sound like they will sort out in not too long. Closer to the wire than you (or I) would be comfortable with, but you live, you learn.
post #67 of 92
Another who has changed her mind based on your 2nd post, and thinks you should go.

I think you should look into driving though, that would limit expenses the most. You and your husband would just have to wear yourselves out keeping your kids entertained - but you could each rest in turns, when you finally get there.
post #68 of 92
Thread Starter 
Ugh. Now the whole thing is completely up in the air and we are --><-- THIS CLOSE to considering divorce/separation over it. Anything having to do with my ILs seems to drive us right to the brink, but I think I may have been pushed over this time.

(Big old rant ahead, feel free to skip)

So, we were down to $50 before my paycheck, which doesn't come in until 1/9. I did a bunch of math, and figuring that we only paid essential bills (ie. rent, food, utilities, car and gas) that we could come up with the bare minimum in order to pull together this trip.

Then this afternoon we come home from New Year's Eve to discover that our phone and internet have been cut off. DH is responsible for managing the finances, and holds the only access to online banking (despite numerous attempts on our part and our bank's part to get me signed up to access our accounts online we haven't managed it) He swears blue in the face that he mailed the check earlier in the month and signed us up for auto-billing. But he never checked to assure that the check cleared, and didn't monitor to make sure auto-billing was happening.

So. We have no internet, which I am 100% REQUIRED to have for work. We need to come up with at least $150 + $17 for a reconnect fee, plus possibly a deposit to get it turned back on again. Not having internet could cause me to lose my job, and I'm the only one working. DH's response is "Well, I don't see how we're going to pay that, so no phone or internet until Thursday." My response to his response is "You will get me the damned money. Sell plasma or give blowjobs, but you will get the internet turned back on." His response to that was to wake up the baby to use as a human shield and pitch a fit about how we're not going on vacation -- which he was going to inform his parents of by e-mail (we're presently borrowing a neighbor's wireless) -- and ignore the phone bill issue entirely.

(As an aside: DH has horrific Adult ADHD. His meds haven't been working on full thrusters for probably about a year, but it's been an unbelievable nightmare getting him to a shrink to get them monitored and adjusted. So, while I'm still about ready to tell him to get the heck out, I'm trying to forbear hoping that things will be better once he sees a shrink in February. The fact that our house is a complete dump, the toilet is plugged and nearly overflowed on my feet and he took the kids overnight to my mothers with no diapers is really making me feel like I'm at my absolute wits end with my marriage right now, though. I could really use some hugs and support)

If there is a deposit on the internet, we can't afford the vacation -- flat, balls-out cannot afford it and do not have the cash to pay for it. Even if there ISN'T, we still have December bills that need to be paid in Janurary, which throws my calculations off and probably means we can't afford it. Moreover, at this point I have ZERO trust in DH's money management and feel like we can't go because we'd be down to the wire financially and I'm scared there may be more lurking alligators like this out there, you know?

I'm heartsick at having to let down my little boy, who is excited to go on the airplane and meet whales and see grandma and grampa. I'm heartsick and demoralized myself because I have been working my ass off for months, and have been looking forward to a well-deserved vacation AND I feel awful and like a failure that I can't provide this for my family because I earn the sort of income where these things shouldn't be an issue. I feel like I've failed them.

I'm really not looking forward to the fall-out with the inlaws, but as far as I'm concerned this is DH's responsibility to handle with them and I'm just not going to get involved. I've leveraged my (emotional and financial) resources to pull his ass out of the fire before and I'm not doing it again.

*

This is all posted in a hurry and in the heat of the moment, so I do reserve the right to change my outlook once I've calmed down a bit, FYI. I just had to talk to someone, and obviously phoning a friend is right out.
post #69 of 92
Oh Belleweather, I'm sorry you are so stressed.
post #70 of 92
Oh, that sucks. Anyway the ILs can loan the $ until later?
post #71 of 92
I don't understand not having access to those bills; why can't you just use his username and password to login ?
post #72 of 92
Holy crap mama. I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. That sucks.

post #73 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmeline II View Post
I don't understand not having access to those bills; why can't you just use his username and password to login and take care of it?
I was thinking the same thing. I know everyone does things differently, but we keep a sheet of legal paper in the desk with all the logins and passwords to every bill, account, etc... we have online access for. I manage the bills and money, but if DH ever wanted to poke around on there, he can knock himself out. Anyway, maybe that's a problem for another day.

I'm sorry you're so stressed out!! I hope things get better for you soon.
post #74 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmeline II View Post
I don't understand not having access to those bills; why can't you just use his username and password to login and take care of it?

Yeah, that part confused me also. I handle all the banking, but all we need is a password/username to login and see/pay everything.


I'm really sorry you are going through this right now. Your inlaws just need to understand that things happen and it's just not possible for you to go right now.
post #75 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by amynbebes View Post
Imo, Sea World is definitely a one day kind of park. Maybe 1 day tickets rather than week passes would help a bit.
Agreed. I live 15 min from one of the sea Worlds and you can TOTALLY spend one day looking at the animals and doing any rides and catching shows and be DONE. I went w/ a 6 wk old and 6 and 7 yr olds and things went fine.
post #76 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmeline II View Post
I don't understand not having access to those bills; why can't you just use his username and password to login ?
:
post #77 of 92
Just read your update on the bills and stuff. I'm so sorry.



Don't go. Il's and dh can go sit on a tack! You need to have internet for your job. If dh can't see that then he has bigger problems than just no vacation.

Plan a vacation for you guys in a couple months.
post #78 of 92
post #79 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by KayTeeJay View Post
I was thinking the same thing. I know everyone does things differently, but we keep a sheet of legal paper in the desk with all the logins and passwords to every bill, account, etc... we have online access for. I manage the bills and money, but if DH ever wanted to poke around on there, he can knock himself out. Anyway, maybe that's a problem for another day.

I'm sorry you're so stressed out!! I hope things get better for you soon.
Yeah, I make sure dh has access to the usernames/passwords for the bills, but he just puts stuff on my desk to pay so as not to mess with my system.
post #80 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belleweather View Post
I'm heartsick at having to let down my little boy, who is excited to go on the airplane and meet whales and see grandma and grampa. I'm heartsick and demoralized myself because I have been working my ass off for months, and have been looking forward to a well-deserved vacation AND I feel awful and like a failure that I can't provide this for my family because I earn the sort of income where these things shouldn't be an issue. I feel like I've failed them.

I'm really not looking forward to the fall-out with the inlaws, but as far as I'm concerned this is DH's responsibility to handle with them and I'm just not going to get involved. I've leveraged my (emotional and financial) resources to pull his ass out of the fire before and I'm not doing it again.

*

This is all posted in a hurry and in the heat of the moment, so I do reserve the right to change my outlook once I've calmed down a bit, FYI. I just had to talk to someone, and obviously phoning a friend is right out.
Oh mama, you do sound like you need/deserve a holiday. I hope you get to go and have fun with your littles. I really hope you can talk the internet company into no deposit. If not, maybe tell your il's about the internet issue?
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