Ugh. Now the whole thing is completely up in the air and we are --><-- THIS CLOSE to considering divorce/separation over it. Anything having to do with my ILs seems to drive us right to the brink, but I think I may have been pushed over this time.
(Big old rant ahead, feel free to skip)
So, we were down to $50 before my paycheck, which doesn't come in until 1/9. I did a bunch of math, and figuring that we only paid essential bills (ie. rent, food, utilities, car and gas) that we could come up with the bare minimum in order to pull together this trip.
Then this afternoon we come home from New Year's Eve to discover that our phone and internet have been cut off. DH is responsible for managing the finances, and holds the only access to online banking (despite numerous attempts on our part and our bank's part to get me signed up to access our accounts online we haven't managed it) He swears blue in the face that he mailed the check earlier in the month and signed us up for auto-billing. But he never checked to assure that the check cleared, and didn't monitor to make sure auto-billing was happening.
So. We have no internet, which I am 100% REQUIRED to have for work. We need to come up with at least $150 + $17 for a reconnect fee, plus possibly a deposit to get it turned back on again. Not having internet could cause me to lose my job, and I'm the only one working. DH's response is "Well, I don't see how we're going to pay that, so no phone or internet until Thursday." My response to his response is "You will get me the damned money. Sell plasma or give blowjobs, but you will get the internet turned back on." His response to that was to wake up the baby to use as a human shield and pitch a fit about how we're not going on vacation -- which he was going to inform his parents of by e-mail (we're presently borrowing a neighbor's wireless) -- and ignore the phone bill issue entirely.
(As an aside: DH has horrific Adult ADHD. His meds haven't been working on full thrusters for probably about a year, but it's been an unbelievable nightmare getting him to a shrink to get them monitored and adjusted. So, while I'm still about ready to tell him to get the heck out, I'm trying to forbear hoping that things will be better once he sees a shrink in February. The fact that our house is a complete dump, the toilet is plugged and nearly overflowed on my feet and he took the kids overnight to my mothers with no diapers is really making me feel like I'm at my absolute wits end with my marriage right now, though. I could really use some hugs and support)
If there is a deposit on the internet, we can't afford the vacation -- flat, balls-out cannot afford it and do not have the cash to pay for it. Even if there ISN'T, we still have December bills that need to be paid in Janurary, which throws my calculations off and probably means we can't afford it. Moreover, at this point I have ZERO trust in DH's money management and feel like we can't go because we'd be down to the wire financially and I'm scared there may be more lurking alligators like this out there, you know?
I'm heartsick at having to let down my little boy, who is excited to go on the airplane and meet whales and see grandma and grampa. I'm heartsick and demoralized myself because I have been working my ass off for months, and have been looking forward to a well-deserved vacation AND I feel awful and like a failure that I can't provide this for my family because I earn the sort of income where these things shouldn't be an issue. I feel like I've failed them.
I'm really not looking forward to the fall-out with the inlaws, but as far as I'm concerned this is DH's responsibility to handle with them and I'm just not going to get involved. I've leveraged my (emotional and financial) resources to pull his ass out of the fire before and I'm not doing it again.
This is all posted in a hurry and in the heat of the moment, so I do reserve the right to change my outlook once I've calmed down a bit, FYI. I just had to talk to someone, and obviously phoning a friend is right out.