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He thinks she is dead

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
BioMom was suppose to pick up dss 2 days ago for an overnight. She never showed up, we can't get ahold of her.

So we swung by her place just to ease his worries. She wasn't there. her car is at the shop, so I don't know where she could be.. Plus its not really any of my business where she is.


He said he thinks she is dead. he said it like he would say I think it might rain today. just a brush off Well maybe Sherry is dead?

I was a little taken aback by how lightly he said that. I said, well lets hope she is ok and just super busy, and forgot to bring her phone with her.

I wonder what we should do. She doesn't have any family, except a boyfriend that dss doesn't know, he knows of him, but doesn't know his name or anything.

I told him we will try again later.


I feel creeped out for him. I seriously hope for dss sake that she is ok.
post #2 of 24
That sounds like a really yucky situation. I'm so sorry. Has she been this unreliable in the past? Is this abnormal behavior for her? If she doesn't show up by this evening perhaps you should call the authorities for a well being check. Good luck!
post #3 of 24
I can understand that, think about it, no kid wants to believe that there mom didn't show up for them, its easier to think mom can't pick them up for what ever reason. When there young death would be a good reason. What ever the reason I hope she shows up soon
post #4 of 24
I just saw your post on top, forgive me for posting where I don't really belong. I really think you should call the police right now to do a wellness check. I understand they are generally glad to do those and take them seriously. From what you've said, there is reason for concern. She may be perfectly fine but there's plenty enough reason to call the police. I hope she's ok.
post #5 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
I just saw your post on top, forgive me for posting where I don't really belong. I really think you should call the police right now to do a wellness check. I understand they are generally glad to do those and take them seriously. From what you've said, there is reason for concern. She may be perfectly fine but there's plenty enough reason to call the police. I hope she's ok.
ITA.

I've, sadly, had the experience of checking up on a relative and finding that he'd passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Only wish I'd called the police sooner
post #6 of 24
I too don't belong on this board but I just wanted to say if this is something that has happened before I would keep trying to contact her but if this is something that has never happened before I agree with calling the police.
post #7 of 24
Yes, definitely call for a welfare check.
post #8 of 24
This is your stepson's mother, not a babysitter or a friend--I'd have your husband call the police. It may not be your business where she is, but it's certainly your stepson's business (and by extension, his father's business) whether she missed the pick-up due to being a flake or due to being incapacitated or worse.
post #9 of 24
I agree, call for a wellness check. Also, call the shop where the car is and ask when she dropped off the car?
post #10 of 24
I'd call the police.
post #11 of 24
Thread Starter 
This isn't the first time she has done this, it is the longest she has gone without calling and bailing on him.

Having dh go over wouldn't help anything, she hates him more then she hates me and that says a lot.

I did call her neighbor and he said she was there last night and seemed fine, he chatted with her while she was smoking outside. He also said he saw her leave this morning.

So she is just not calling.
post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
This isn't the first time she has done this, it is the longest she has gone without calling and bailing on him.

Having dh go over wouldn't help anything, she hates him more then she hates me and that says a lot.

I did call her neighbor and he said she was there last night and seemed fine, he chatted with her while she was smoking outside. He also said he saw her leave this morning.

So she is just not calling.
Poor kiddo. We've btdt. I'm sure it's best that she's not around right now, she's probably having some issue that he shouldn't be around. But, still.
post #13 of 24
Thread Starter 
I emailed her and sent her a text asking for her to call.

It is possible she is scared to call, she is pretty flighty, and if she thinks dss is mad at her, she will do this dramatic sob thing over the phone, begging forgiveness and make him tell her how much he loves her, witch he does, like a little robot.

I just don't get it. If she couldn't get here, we would have been more then happy to drop him off, we have before?

I told dss what the neighbor had to say, and he just shrugged it off. We made clay out of corn starch and baking soda and he is now making a temple out of it.

He asked if he had to go to her house when she finally shows up, I told him it would be up to him, whatever he is comfortable with, so if he doesn't want to go he doesn't have to because its not a set visit for him. But that it would probably be best to go. No use creating more drama.
post #14 of 24
Well, then, sounds like no well-check needed. That's good, then.

Turning the attention back on DSS, I'm very sorry he's having to experience this. That's gotta hurt.
post #15 of 24
My dh is 28 and when his dad bailed on him this Christmas (most likely, as far as he could tell, due to being hung over from excessive drug use the night before), he was STILL hugely upset and left me the angriest (at his dad) voicemail that I have ever heard from him. Amazing the ability of parents to continue to have this impact on their children even when grown. Even dh was surprised that he could still be upset/disappointed by this kind of thing.

Hugs to your dss. I'm sorry he's dealing with this . . . it's so hard.
post #16 of 24
Thread Starter 
She called!!! Said she was sorry, that she just forgot and it wouldn't happen again... She was saying sorry to me not him. That irked me a little but I kept quiet, then he talked to her, and agreed tomorrow night he would go over. i offered to drive him. I hope she is there when we get there.

I feel bad for him, he turns into a little robot when he talks to her, uses the same tone, doesn't say more then yes or no or ok.

Tonight we are going to cuddle in bed and watch the Labryinth and princess bride.


I had a mother like his when I was a kid so I know how heartbreaking it can be.
Even though he just seems sedated about it all I know it hurts.
post #17 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
Tonight we are going to cuddle in bed and watch the Labryinth and princess bride.


I had a mother like his when I was a kid so I know how heartbreaking it can be.
Even though he just seems sedated about it all I know it hurts.
Ooh, that's so sad. I'm sure he's detaching/disassociating to cope with his pain.

I'm so glad he has someone (you) in his life who understands his pain. I think having someone to acknowledge your pain, validate its reality, and love you in it is a very powerful thing to help him. Not that there's anything anyone can ever do to erase his pain, but your understanding is a big, big deal.

Also, there is much healing power in each of those two movies. Those two movies and the Little House on the Prairie tv series are my family's "life sucks, everything hurts, I need to escape for awhile" tools.
post #18 of 24
I totally agree with the PP above, I'm glad your DSS has someone like you to understand him and be there for him. It's sad his Mom is so flakey and doesn't seem to realize how painful this is for your DSS. I'm sorry he has to deal with that.
post #19 of 24
Thread Starter 
He is doing good today. we made french toast and started our bread baking.

He loves to cook!

I think he is in a forgiving mood today because we asked to make his mom a loaf of bread. So we are. I wish I still had that whole forgiveness button like kids do.

I want to shake her and say "GROW UP Your 46 years old lady! Get it together!"
But of course I won't I will smile and wave.
post #20 of 24
Aye...we have a mother in this family like that. She hasn't seen her kids since..ooh...June of 2007. I believe her place of residence on Christmas 2007 was jail. Her place of residence on Christmas 2008 was also jail, but she was out and on the run in the interim and just simply didn't want to get caught, so never called and never showed up, ever.

If only the fact that her daughter has to completely make her up from scratch nowadays (hair color, what her house looks like, what they do together etc) prompted any kind of guilt or responsible feeling from her. It clearly doesn't though. C'est la vie - her son doesn't even talk about her anymore. Ever.

I'm sorry your DSS has to go through this. God only knows I have seen what it does to a kid *HUGE hugs to your DSS and you* XXX
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