It is really hard to know, isn't it?
Some of it is genes, some of it is how tough the pregnancy was...
I will never look the same unless I have plastic surgery. When preggo my tummy stretched out further out than most women I have seen, except for moms of twins. It is now wrinkled, saggy and bulgy - not a pretty sight according to the standards of society, but a small price to pay for having the kids I have.
It is sad that we are conditioned to believe that a "decent body" is not one that bears the natural marks of motherhood. Breasts must be perky, tummies must be flat... it is a losing battle for most moms to aim to have a teenage body again. Why is it so difficult for us to see beauty in a body that shows the sign of living, signs of giving life?
My self esteem is very low because my body does not look like those of women my age who have not had kids. It is even worse when I see women who look fantastic even AFTER having kids. So i am working hard in trying to change my way of thinking.
Edited to add: I shared THIS
sight on another forum, but I was very sad with the reaction it got
It is a sight to inspire people to see the beauty in the body of a mother, but the reaction I got was "OMG! I am so happy I don't look like THOSE women" or "Holy cow! Those women look awful!" So it backfired and I ended up feeling worse than when I did before, considering so many of those women look just like me
So my goal to post this link here, is to share the ideal of the maker of the site: that indeed, it is ok and normal when moms bodies look different, and that there is beauty in the shape of a mother.