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what to feed our adopted newborn?? - Page 2

post #21 of 49
I tried to induce lactation with pumping and herbs, and had nursed a biological child (but not for over a year), and it did not work for me (I couldn't take Dom). I know one adoptive mom who was able to produce a little bit of milk, and one who was able to produce a lot more, though not a full supply. They had both nursed biological children before.

As I sat after 8 weeks of being hooked up to a pump every few hours, I was realizing that I was depressed. I was already feeling like a failure to my new baby, and it was probably going to be the first of many times. Then we were almost had an 18 month old placed with us who I was doubtful would have ever nursed, and my then 3 year old son was wondering why mommy couldn't play, instead pumping all of the time.

So then I was done. We adopted a 2 month old who had never had breastmilk, and we kept her with the bottles and formula she was used to. She has food allergies and had bad reflux as a baby. Don't know if being able to breastfeed would have made the difference, but of course I have thought about it. But I know that there are babies who are breastfed exclusively who have these issues.

One of many times as a parent that you will have to dismiss all of us talking heads with our own biases and go with your gut and heart.

Best wishes with your decision, and you are an excellent mama for even thinking about it.

L.
post #22 of 49
I am not an adoptive parent but I have friends that are ( one who has already shared in this thread as a matter of fact )... so I stopped in to have a peek at what's happening on this part of MDC. After reading this thread I'm sad. Most of you have lost sight of what is even important in this thread... not to mention the actual question that was asked by the op. She never even asked about methods of feeding ( bfing for example), nevermind all of your opinions about it or what makes a "good" adoptive mama. She asked about formula.A suggestion about donated milok is understandable but to turn this into what it is becoming is depressing and uncomfortable to read. Think about how the op may feel reading what her simple post created, at no fault of her own. Maybe we should just stick to the question? You're all turning this into a mommy war.This isn't what MDC or the lifestyle of natural parenting is about AT ALL.
post #23 of 49
"so what type of formula is the next best thing??"

Not an adoptive parent here, but as an infant myself whose mother was unable to bf and who was extremely allergic to commercial formula, I am partial to the idea of using homemade formula. My kiddos have all been exclusively bf'ed but if I was ever in a situation where I couldn't my first choice would be for that.

You can find some recipes here... http://www.westonaprice.org/children/recipes.html and some FAQ's on using it here... http://www.westonaprice.org/children/formula-faqs.html

HTH,
post #24 of 49
No kidding. End the Mommy Wars!

Of course, the biggest battle was in my own head. I put a lot of pressure on myself to induce lactation and I too got really depressed. It is a side effect of progesterone, fenugreek and domperidone. I had good information, I work in a research library but I think those side effect were either glossed over or I chose to completely ignore them. It was bad.

As for formula we used Similac. We eventually had to switch to the soy one because as it turns out DD is allergic to milk. (The birth siblings who were breastfed by the birth mom have allergies too.) The best formula is the one that works with your child's phyisology. Take advantage of formula samples to find out what works best. Our pediatrician's office had samples but you had to ask for them. It is all too easy to get on mailing lists for samples. Somehow I randomly started getting them again!

My one bit of experience might be useful here. Our social worker was really freaked out by the idea of donor milk. She was kind of okay with breastmilk from my sister (which didn't end up happening) but did not like the idea of stranger's milk. I don't think this would have been a dealbreaker especially since the birth parents are our friends but it just isn't a good idea to freak out your social worker.

I agree with what a previous poster said about giving the breastmilk right at the beginning to try to populate the gut. There was an article in Chemical and Engineering News about the deep science of breastmilk that went into this a little. I posted the link when it first came out and could find it again if you want.

and hey Congratulations!!!! My DD just turned 3 so we've been reminicing a lot about when she was born. It was amazing.

There will be plenty of overwhelming and daunting things happening to you in the next few months. You'll find the right thing to feed your child.
post #25 of 49
OP,

I want to apologize for my role in the mommy wars. I certainly didn't want to do that, nor did I realize I was on that path, it's just that I had tremendous support along the way. The only naysayer was someone who tried to adoptive nurse and who did not do well at making milk. Here I was, only supplementing with an ounce or two a day, and she was talking failure to thrive. If you want to induce, I don't want you to feel pummeled before you even start.

I have been reasonably successful at adoptive nursing. I don't know if it's true, but I've been told what I did--try to jump start my body once it was well into the weaning process--is much harder to do than to start out as a never been pregnant. If that's the case, I figure you've got a better chance at it than I did. You may not reach the ultimate goal of full supply for your baby, but if you want to try and you are talked out of it, you will likely regret it.

If you don't want to try inducing, or if your body doesn't want to participate, what will give your baby the benefits of breastmilk is to get donated milk and use a lactaid.

I was very disappointed when I went from full supply to needing to supplement. This was compounded by the fact that I had plenty of milk in the freezer and would not have needed donor milk except we had a freezer accident and I lost 75% of my stash. Talk about an emotional trauma.

I disagree with the idea that a relative's milk is safer than "stranger" milk. No matter who donates, they should be tested for diseases they may not know they have. When I worked for the Red Cross doing blood donations they talked about the false sense of security in getting blood from a relative. No matter who is giving you the milk, they should be tested for all the diseases as described on milkshare.com. Some of those diseases are obvious, but others are not and can cause cancer.

Do what feels right, but don't let the fear of failure--whether its the fear of not making milk or the fear of judgment for using formula--dictate what you do.
post #26 of 49
Thread Starter 
ladies~
first i want to thank you all...despite any "wars"..the information was valid and valuable! we only found out that we were taking this road of adoption about 3 weeks ago...kind of fell in our laps as we were researching adopting from ethiopia. as some background for you all, i originally did think about inducing lactation...but with 3 months to go...i have a lot to learn. when i first started reading about it i got kind of scared off because i have been through 3 unsuccessful rounds of IVF in the past 12 months and i am freaked out of doing anymore fooling around with hormones in my body right now. it's still something i will spend some more time looking into. i appreciate the ideas about milkshare and homemade formulas in particular! i had already contacted a local bank but they don't donate unless it's a preemie with special needs. my feelings weren't hurt reading thru the thread and i hope everyone else is feeling ok too. i'm just over the roof excited about this baby and want to do everything i can to give the baby what he/she needs. we had the first ultrasound this morning and she's measuring at 26 weeks...so i really need to start figuring this stuff out. so thank you all for your advice!
post #27 of 49
Whoops double post
post #28 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethNC View Post
This might get me kicked off MDC, but it's my reality to share. If you aren't able to induce lactation, or choose not to for whatever reason, formula isn't horrible.

I'm a foster parent and have used formula with several children. They grew to be wonderful, healthy, toddlers. For me, breastfeeding isn't an option to even be considered. Your situation is different but my response is the same.

Baby formula is regulated by the federal government. Every brand has to meet the same standards. In fact, my first foster daughter did best on Walmart's brand of formula. There are organic brands (which I would choose if it's an option) but the regular (name brand or store branded) is fine.

Of course, breastmilk is best but formula, if needed, isn't the end of the world.
I totally agree
If I couldn't feed my baby (adopted or Bio) then I'd go with the Oragnic formula, There are even store brand organic formulas to save a little money.
post #29 of 49
fwiw I did not read all the posts, but thought I'd toss out my .02.
My personal progression would go like this:
-induce lactation
-donated breast milk
-homemade formula from weston a. price foundation recipes which are also in the book Nourishing Traditions
-organic formula supplemented w/recipes from nourishing traditions
-some combo of the above using a supplemental nurser so your babe can still have time at the breast.
Good Luck and congrats on your new addition!!
post #30 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by mybabysmama View Post
OP,
snipped
I disagree with the idea that a relative's milk is safer than "stranger" milk.
I agree however what I was speaking of was the social workers perception. She seem to have an ick factor with donor milk that went beyond disease concerns. She wasn't all that thrilled about my sister's milk but admitted that bothered her less. I was trying to say that the OP should feel out her social worker's attitude on donor milk etc before spilling the beans.
-----------
I have at times felt bad about sharing my bad experience with inducing lactation because I don't want to stop anyone from trying. However, I wished I had known about the possibility of depression as a side effect. I thought the worst that would happen is no milk. I could have easily dealt with that. Just putting a name on what was happening to me would have helped.

I wonder if anyone has done a study on women who try to induce lactation who have a normal hormone profile and those that have faced infertility for hormonal reasons.

coome -That is so cool about going to the ultrasound. I signed up for BabyCenter's pregnancy tracker so I could get an idea of where the baby was. You get weekly emails with developmental stuff. The pregnancy information was difficult to read but helpful as well. I went to one doctor's appointment with our birthmom and the doc was trying to get the heardbeat on the dopplar stethoscope. She asked me something as she was searching. In the middle of my answer we heard the heartbeat and I burst into tears. Both the birthmom and the doctor laughed at me.
post #31 of 49
Hello,
Thebirthmom we are matched with is due March. We have bio. children and adopted and do to thyroid issues etc I wasn't able to breastfeed past 5 weeks so I will be looking into donor milk, but realistically I will be using formula. Good Start worked well for my children as they had milk allergy, but Good Start still went well for them - they never had any problems on it. Before I do Good Start this time though I am going to try Baby's Only organic formula- they say it is for toddlers to encourage breastfeeding, but from what I understand it has the same vitamins amounts etc for newborns and many are using it forbabies and it is a good price(you could check out there website)I want to add also-and this is just my experience- but I tried making my own formula from home using the recipes from Weston with cow milk and goat milk and both of them really messed up my children digestion and it took 3 weeks for them to go back to being happy babies on Good Start formula. I think every baby is different though so it might work for you- it was just a lot of work and money and especially when it didn't work for my children. So when my children are 15 mos old I switch them successfully to raw goats milk and they do great. Just giving my opinion and experience and hope it helps. Blessings on your adoption journey- we are excited too, and it seems so far off waiting 3 more months, but I know the timing will be perfect in the end.
post #32 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momily View Post
Ouch. As another adoptive mom for whom inducing wasn't an option, I feel like I have developed a really thick skin to the implication that I run into here that giving birth a certain way (or at all) or bfing makes you "more" or "better" as a mama.

However, to come here, to a place for adoptive parents, and read that one's value as a parent is measured by how many of your stem cells are in a child hurts.

OP, I think that breastmilk is a wonderful thing to give a child, and if you have a way to make that happen, whether through donations or inducing lactation I'd jump at it. I have a child who probably would have benefited from breastmilk, as he had multiple medical needs. However, I also know that formula is not the end of the world. I also don't believe that breastfeeding is some magic tool for attachment, partially because I can see the warm wonderful strong bond my DS and I have despite bottlefeeding, tube feeding, and lots of complications along the way.

If I were in the situation you describe, with a limited stash of breastmilk, I'd probably exclusively feed as long as possible to preserve the virgin gut, and then when the stash is used up, move to formula. If new breastmilk came in while I was formula feeding I'd give that as much as I could. But that's just me, I haven't done a lot of research into the question because I wasn't in your situation.

I also have to say, I'm skeptical of the "Baby's Only" claim that their formula is the same as infant formula even though they haven't undergone the testing. If they were serious about not marketing to families with babies they would, presumably, choose a different name for their product. My guess is that the testing is expensive, or that it would require changes to their product. I myself would not consider it as option for a young infant. However, there are other organic formulas out there (there weren't when DS was little) that I would probably choose.
:

That was well said
post #33 of 49
Depending on your state and how/when TPR is done there, you may have no/little say as to what the baby eats in the hospital and in interm care (if they have that). The baby will probably be started on the formula your state uses through WIC (usually a name brand, either Similac, Enfamil or GoodStart), and the birthmom will be given a supply to give to you. If the baby is tolerating it well, and you do decide to stick with formula, you could just continue to use what he/she is used to, or switch to the organic version of that brand. Some babies have a hard time switching around from various kinds of formula, so you may want to consider finding out what will be given in the hospital.
post #34 of 49
Choosing your brand of formula is going to depend on the baby him/herself. Dfd started w/ Enfamil lipil in the hospital, but bmom and I suspect that she has a dairy intolerance, so I switched her to Similac soy. I would really prefer to try out Similac lactose-free, but here, WIC only pays for GoodStart, and they dont make that kind. The next can I buy will be GoodStart soy so that she can get used to it before WIC kicks in. Dfd is able to drink her moms breastmilk, too, so she is getting a half-and-half mixture.

Uhh, long story short, pick a basic kind and try it. If baby tolerates it well, you have your formula
post #35 of 49
Not an adoptive mom, but birth mom, so that is why I was reading here, but you do have many options.

1. would be looking for another milk donor. You can change surrogacy websites for a donor. Many surrogates WANT to pump and the parents don't always want the milk. The shipping isn't always cheap, but when you compare it to formula and the long term benefits, it is worth it. I pumped for all of the children I delivered through surrogacy and the one that was adopted and even donated extra milk to twins locally who's mom had a very hard time producing enough milk for two babies.

Surrogates have been medically screened for more diseases then you will ever imagine, so the milk is SAFE.

2. inducing laction. Difficult, but for some can be done.

3. Formula. When I had to stop nursing my own son and he had to take formula, I used good start. It was easy on his tummy and it didn't stink as much. My ped used it for her own baby. The first surrogate kids I delivered were quadruplets and of course, I pumped for 3 months for them, but after that, i couldn't keep up with their demand (and I had to get back to my life) so their mom used the walmart brand (parents choice) she was a dr. herself and had great results with it.

I think the fact that you are willing to look at all the options is awesome.

Now I will say, when I gave my daughter up, I nursed her in the hospital and it was awesome for her and me. Not sure about your BM's situation, but it did work well for me. Of course, this child was not my first and she was given to a gay couple so really, they were PUSHING for her to nurse, and I am still considered her mom even though she isn't legally mine anymore. So it might be different then what you are comfortable with, but it worked for us.
post #36 of 49
Please see our Sticky above for more info on this topic!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=481793

Here is a piece from the first post that may also serve as a gentle reminder for those participating in this thread:

The purpose of this sticky is to share resources about feeding an adopted baby or toddler. Feeding can be a central activity around which attachment occurs in adoption. Secure attachment is essential to the emerging relationship in adoption. Parents and babies that are joined through adoption need to establish the attachment relationship and food (survival, trust) is a close way to do this.

Members need to know that there are adoptive parents that are seeking to establish adoptive breastfeeding and those that either cannot do this or haven’t been able to sustain it for one reason or another. Members should be supportive of one another and assume that the mother’s best efforts have already gone into any breastfeeding attempt, or that there are reasons that this is not an option that the member may not wish to explain. Resources on various methods of attachment-focused feeding are welcome here: induced lactation, herbal/medical supplements, supplemental feeding systems, best methods of “bottlenursing” and best bottles, how to help the baby that resists eye contact, organic formulas, formula and milk allergies, etc. In all posts please observe the User Agreement and keep in mind MDCs commitment to attachment parenting and natural family living. If there are resources that you are not sure are appropriate here, please PM the mod to check.
post #37 of 49
If breastfeeding weren't an option, I'd go with the homemade formula too! Dh and I have talked about this because we hope to adopt.

As for gov't regulations in formula, I'd be wary of them. My dh works for a company that makes substances from milk and one of them is the protein for formula. The process by which they heat the milk and extract it uses toluene. There are still small parts per billion of toulene left in the final product. Toluene is a substance so toxic the EU has banned it form all cosmetics and some US cosmetic companies have followed suit. Dh thinks he has his client convinced that they need to remove it from the dairy protein substance. However, the FDA just did an audit of his company and didn't blink twice at the toluene. :Like vaccines and other issues, the gov't isn't always reliable on their standards

So because of that, because formula is not a whole food and I believe in whole foods, I'd make a homemade formula if I couldn't nurse the baby.

Good luck with whatever you find will work best for your family. Sounds like things are moving along quickly. How exciting!
post #38 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attached Mama View Post
As for gov't regulations in formula, I'd be wary of them. My dh works for a company that makes substances from milk and one of them is the protein for formula. The process by which they heat the milk and extract it uses toluene. There are still small parts per billion of toulene left in the final product. Toluene is a substance so toxic the EU has banned it form all cosmetics and some US cosmetic companies have followed suit.
I'm new to this forum and only have experience with bf my bio dd. We are hoping to adopt this year and I'm just beginning to look into adoptive feeding options. I know nothing about formulas so this is really helpful to know.
post #39 of 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma View Post
"so what type of formula is the next best thing??"

Not an adoptive parent here, but as an infant myself whose mother was unable to bf and who was extremely allergic to commercial formula, I am partial to the idea of using homemade formula. My kiddos have all been exclusively bf'ed but if I was ever in a situation where I couldn't my first choice would be for that.

You can find some recipes here... http://www.westonaprice.org/children/recipes.html and some FAQ's on using it here... http://www.westonaprice.org/children/formula-faqs.html

HTH,
Loving this. I believe I would do the same.
post #40 of 49
Thread Starter 
that sounds great...i think i'll really look into making my own if i can find a supportive and helpful pediatrician. thanks again! keep the ideas coming...
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