Would you approach someone you don't know?

[ChristaN]

A friend of mine invited me to a baby shower for a friend of hers (someone I don't know). The friend is having her first boy and has a scheduled C-section the day after the shower. In this instance, would you say anything to the expectant mom about circ or maybe just enclose a brochure with your gift (given that the gift is likely to be opened in front of everyone)? I don't want alienate my friend who is fairly non-commital about circ and has no boys of her own by catching her friend off guard on this the first time I meet her and in a public forum.

[PuppyFluffer]

Yes, I would. I would pull her aside and say that while it may be a personal issue and difficult to discuss, you know so many mothers who never got the information and who are deeply regretful to not be fully informed on circumcision. I'd let her know that no medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision and that it is something that the boy can decide when he's older as it's his body and should we really be making cosmetic chioces for our children's bodies? Then give her some print material.

Members here can give you a list of pamphlets to print.

Please check out the Web Resources sticky at the top of the forum.

Good luck!

[DahliaRW]

I'd stick something in with the gift. But if that's a medically unnecessary c/s, well, I'm going to take a guess which way she's leaning.

[Picturesque]

Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer

Yes, I would. I would pull her aside and say that while it may be a personal issue and difficult to discuss, you know so many mothers who never got the information and who are deeply regretful to not be fully informed on circumcision. I'd let her know that no medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision and that it is something that the boy can decide when he's older as it's his body and should we really be making cosmetic chioces for our children's bodies? Then give her some print material.

I would and have on a couple of occasions. I said something very similar to the above. I would encourage you to do this. I've actually found that it's easier approaching those I don't know that those I know. What do you have to lose vs. what her little one does?

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by CashewMommy

I would and have on a couple of occasions. I said something very similar to the above. I would encourage you to do this. I've actually found that it's easier approaching those I don't know that those I know. What do you have to lose vs. what her little one does?

ITA with this. I've had better luck with strangers/acquaintances than I have with friends, because the pressure of past relationship issues isn't there to complicate matters. No sibling rivalry, or in-law rivalry, or friendship issues to clutter up the topic.

But I also agree with Karen (PuppyFluffer) that it's better to say something rather than just give a pamphlet. She's having a section the next day, the odds are high that she won't read it. Since you know she's having the section, I would talk to her and tell her that she has as much time as she needs to research it, as it can always be done after discharge, but once it's done it can't be undone and it's a surgery that needs to be researched fully before making a final decision.

[Ophelia]

I did just this past weekend. I always keep a few brochures in my son's backpack. We had visited some friends, then went to another friend of DH's house. I had not met them before, they had two girls and she was 20 wks pregnant and had not found out yet the gender.

I started out by saying "I know this is akward since we just met, but..." and explained a bit and gave her the brochures. I was pleasantly surprised when she mentioned she knew it wasn't medically necessary, and it sounded like she didn't want it done but wasn't sure how to talk to her DH about it. She has read Mothering also.

I also talked to my cousin about it at Thanksgiving, she is due in a couple weeks. Unfortunately I'm not sure if anything sunk in or if she was going to talk to her DP about it (she said they were doing it ). I had given her the brochures and an article previously but I doubt she even looked at them.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by DahliaRW

I'd stick something in with the gift. But if that's a medically unnecessary c/s, well, I'm going to take a guess which way she's leaning.

My understanding is that it is a repeat c-section b/c you have to be at least 2 yrs out from your last c-section to try a vbac and this baby will only be 18 months or so younger than his big sister. I have no idea why she had the last one. It may be been necessary, so I won't assume at this point.

My fear re just sticking something in with the gift is that she'll be, presumably, opening it in front of everyone, and I don't want to hit her off guard like that in front of a crowd.

[Night_Nurse]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

My fear re just sticking something in with the gift is that she'll be, presumably, opening it in front of everyone, and I don't want to hit her off guard like that in front of a crowd.

First, I'm so happy in reading this thread to know I'm not the only person who gives out pamphlets to people (I do know people have made fun of me on another board for giving out pamphlets but it's an easy way to at least plant a seed).
Personally, I wouldn't bring it up for a big discussion in a group of people you don't really know because you never know who will be in the group, who will be offended for whatever reason, or who will spout off incorrect info/myths that will give the preg. mom the wrong impression. Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't bring it up for discussion under normal circumstances, even in a group I didn't really know, but just a day or two before the birth, the mom will remember "I HAD to circ my 5 week old because he had a UTI" or "I wouldn't have sex with an intact man I met back in 1981 because foreskin scares me" over any advice you might give. If she hasn't researched it at all before now, she won't have much time to research it now. I believe speaking to her privately, and keeping it short and positive, will be of greater benefit at this point. And I agree you shouldn't just drop the pamphlet in a gift bag. You could pull her aside before you leave and wish her luck on her delivery. Then give her the pamphlet and leave her with one or two key points to ponder, such as it's not recommended by the AAP, circ rates are declining nation wide, and how she really should google a circ video to see the procedure before she consents to have it done to her son.

[ChristaN]

I just found out, unfortunately, that the baby shower has been postponed for a week or so until after the birth of the baby, so I imagine it will be too late to say anything at that point b/c it will already be done if it is going to be.

[Fi.]

Why not get her email address and send her the info.

[LavenderMae]

I would definitely include info with her gift!