Wow. I haven't been on MDC in a while. I needed you ladies and this thread. Glad something had me come here tonight.
to all of us though. For living the life. Its a job within your job.
MW -- I feel your pain. Every bit of it. We are on tour 4 since '03. One big difference from most of you is we are Reserves. Which sucks in its own way because no matter how much your friends and family love you and support you -- civilians don't get. Period. And how could they. And while Active Duty is getting better, we do tend to get the cold shoulder from base personnel when approaching for help. Anyway, I told DH before this tour that I was scared. I lose a little piece of him every time he leaves. And each tour he returns with a shorter temper fuse and much more defensive. Which yes yes yes I can freaking expect and understand. But that does NOT make it easier. The kids don't understand what you have been going through. I do just try to focus on the positive or find the f'ing silver lining in every situation (it may be hard to find, but its there.)
I'm going to vent a bit too:
I am honestly super scared about this return. My husband lost his brother in June. He returned on Emergency Leave and was a walking Zombie. Which I completely expected and tried to explain to our eldest as much as possible. Since being back in country though, he has engrossed in his work and combat as much as possible. He has not faced his brothers death (and they were very close.) He wrote and email a few weeks ago saying he was going to volunteer for an extension. Initially I said, "Do what you have to do." Then after talking with him a few times I didn't agree that is what he needed. So I told him. I wrote him a long email telling him how much I loved and supported him, BUT I thought he was staying for the wrong reasons. I said I though he was a lost soul and running and as hard as it was to say I told him that no matter how many extensions he stayed for, when he returned it would be a greater gap to fill in our family AND his brother would still be gone.
So, he called about 3 days after I sent the email. When I saw the # I knew it was going to be a blessing or he would be pissed. Well, he cancelled the extension. He agreed with me. But, he did say he is coming home a mess and really doesn't want to. He said he knows its the right decision so he's doing it, but he doesn't want to. That hurts to hear! Ouch. I want to start counseling asap, but hubby isn't too keen on therapists. Think I'll just have to approach that one once he's home. But I do think I'd like to find one for me either way. One thing we both decided was that we are keeping the homecoming quiet. Immediate family only so the adjustment is much slower. And I'm kind of glad, because the few people I have told (that need to help me with watching our animals so I can meet him) yell or get overly excited and expect me to be too. Don't get me wrong ladies, I am excited my hubby will be out of battle soon enough -- but its not going to be a walk in the park. Its not like I can start taking on Doula Clients again immediately or leave the kids or expect anything from him really.
I am just scared. He was so vacant and distant and in his own world in June. How will I handle that on a day to day basis?
Ok, my turn to stop whining. Thanks for listening/reading. You all are the first I've been able to discuss this with without feeling like I had to defend my husband or our choices or our life. You know?!?!