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Military Moms - Jan-Feb '09! - Page 37

post #721 of 1125
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Lauren, congratulations on your baby!!! With over 3k posts, you must have been trying for some time. I'm sending you sticky vibes.
haha, thanks. I was on orthotricyclen for 10 years before ttc. It took my body close to 11 months to start ovulating after going off it and then another 4 months before I got pregnant. NEVER again.
post #722 of 1125
Wow, eight kids! I wish I could get my dh to agree to that. We're struggling right now with him saying he's done having children and me wanting another (sort of). I don't want to TTC but I would like to not prevent and let things be what they will be. I got pregnant by accident (my dh didn't withdraw) back in May right before my dh deployed but miscarried at 11 weeks. DH wasn't happy about the pg when he left but by the time I was able to tell him I lost the baby he said he had started getting excited. We haven't been able to talk about it but I'm hoping he's had a change of heart (although I think that's unlikely).
post #723 of 1125
Thanks for all the love ladies!

mw - sorry you're worried, but i think the letter was a good thing! I am lucky that my hubby talks pretty open about what happens over there. I think its a start for you guys.

mesa - that is pretty funny about the ridgeback. I can see it though. They do have a scary look about them if you've never seen them.

ew - Wow, 8 children? I can't imagine. Hubby and I go back and forth on whether we want more. Some days its a definite, and some days (when they're both screaming at the same time or fighting me when trying to get them out of the bath) I say NO WAY!! lol. If we do decide on another, my biggest thing is for him to be mentally healthier and for us to be stable and comfortable in our marriage. I also want him closer with the two we have before bringing another into the pic.

Well, I am now trying to plan our units Homecoming party from a different state. Not an easy task! And since we're a Reserve Unit, all families will be coming from different areas and we don't really have a 'place' on base. Fun. Fun. LOL.
post #724 of 1125
Thanks for all the encouragement. We weren't really planning to have so many, it just happened that way. It has been pretty stressful lately. I keep hoping that things will start to get a little easier and less stressful before he leaves, but it isn't. We were supposed to close on our house this Friday, but we might not even close this month! And if we don't close by the 30th, we won't be able to close until the 7th. I really wanted to get settled in our new house at least a month before he had to leave. I can't even think of Christmas until after we move. So, it is looking like not much of a Christmas now. Sorry for the little rant. I am kinda upset over the news. But, as my dh says, it isn't the end of the world. So, we will get through this too. I just wish that something would go smoothly for a change.

justme-I hope things work out with the homecoming party.

Lauren-that is just what I needed to hear. I was thinking that he was going to miss so much. But you are so right. He won't miss a whole lot.
post #725 of 1125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren31 View Post
Also, I know a woman who said that she was glad her husband was deployed for the first half of the child's first year, rather then the second half bc she said that is when the dad is more hands on (ie you are always breastfeeding, the baby is not as mobile, etc). I guess it's helpful to look on the bright side
I can sort of see this. My dh was home for the first 6 months after ds2 was born but gone from 6-15 months. Then home again from 15 months to almost 3 years but gone again from 3-4 years. That was sad for me because I think it's just around 3 that children really start to move away from their moms and closer to their dads. I worry that dh missed a critical bonding period for him and ds2. With ds3, dh was gone from birth to 6 months, home from 6 months to almost 2 years. Now he's pretty much gone from 2-3 years. It sort of worked out opposite with ds3 from how it was with ds2. That's been nice because dh, overall, gets to experience all the ages and stages.

We're having a lot of guys coming home right now. It's kind of got me worried. It seems there have been a lot more car accidents lately. A woman who was walking just up the road from my house got hit by a car. When I took my dog to the vet yesterday the lady their was very worried about a co-worker. Apparently, her dh had come home recently, they've been having problems and she was late for work. They were afraid he'd done something to her. Yes, the lady at the vet told me all this even though I didn't ask. It's just all very unnerving. Makes me a bit concerned about something crazy happening.

My dh is out of touch again. I don't know for how long. I keep waiting for him to just show up on my doorstep. He did that to me as a surprise in the middle of his yearlong IA deployment. Shocked the you-know-what out of me.
post #726 of 1125
ewh -- ugh. dont apologize for your rant. thats why we're here. we closed on our house 4 days after dh left for training. so of course that left another move for me. yay! they can be tough, but you'll make it. plus you have all those kiddos to put to work, right? And I have to agree, sometimes I thought it was nicer not having hubby around with dd. (he missed birth-6mos with her and 5mos-present with ds.) No rush to heal quicker for post-partum sex -lol- No added pressure to have house clean/dinner ready... etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I would never WANT hubby gone, but, again you have to find that silver lining.....

mw -- sorry you're worried. i would just be prepared as much as you can. expect things to be different (not BAD, just different), expect to things to take a while to get back in synch... maybe then it won't seem like quite a shock?

i know said this before, but ---- hugs to ALL of us!!!!!!!!!1
post #727 of 1125
Quote:
Originally Posted by justme77 View Post
mw -- sorry you're worried. i would just be prepared as much as you can. expect things to be different (not BAD, just different), expect to things to take a while to get back in synch... maybe then it won't seem like quite a shock?
I'm not worried about my dh doing anything crazy. I'm worried about all the other Marines and Sailors who've just come home or are coming home now. That's a lot of people coming home with combat stress and no real services for dealing with it. I know the military says they provide services but most people who have issues say they can't get effective help.
post #728 of 1125
I've posted on previous months, but I'm not that active on the thread. I'm Leslie. My dh is AD Army. We've been at Fort Bragg for about a month and a half now; I feel pretty adjusted. We got great housing on-post. I've joined the local running club and have found some good races to run here.
My dh likes his job okay; he's been in for almost 6 years and cannot wait to get out in 2011. So we'll be here about a year and a half, and then it's bye-bye military. Dh will be almost 40 when he gets out, and he's ready to move on.
We've been pretty lucky on the deployment front. He's done one 15-month deployment to Iraq, but has been back in the States for almost 2 years. He was at the Presidio of Monterey for school for almost a year and a half. He did 1 year in Korea, so that also kept him out of a deployment. He's definitely deploying somewhere at least one more time before he gets out, though.
I like the security of the military, but I'm ready for us to have control over our lives. We want to live where we want to live, and dh is so sick of the Army schedule. Being enlisted, he has to do PT, which, for him, is a total joke. He just wants to do his own thing. When he was exempt from PT in California, he worked out every day and was in so much better shape than when he did PT. He just doesn't want to do the 6:30am-6pm work day anymore. And he doesn't want for his son to not have a dad every other year.
The military hasn't been all bad, though. He's gotten a lot of experience and great training that will be useful down the road, so he doesn't regret going into the Army at all. He's just ready to leave it now.
So anyway, that's us!
post #729 of 1125
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
I'm not worried about my dh doing anything crazy. I'm worried about all the other Marines and Sailors who've just come home or are coming home now. That's a lot of people coming home with combat stress and no real services for dealing with it. I know the military says they provide services but most people who have issues say they can't get effective help.
That, and there is still a great stigma on mental health in the military. You'll hear a lot of old-timers tell them to just suck it up and deal with it. I think they're afraid of repercussions as a result of seeking help and are less likely to get it. At least they're more likely to get good help while they're in the military, once they're out they're pretty much on their own. I agree that the help is not effective enough, PTSD is still not very well understood and there is not cure for it so it can be very difficult to treat. Having a psychology background I can least let DH decompress and talk things out while being able to remove myself emotionally in order to help him, there really isn't a means for immediate, safe decompression for military members at this point.
post #730 of 1125
I don't mean to be petty especially compared to the stress of dealing with PTSD and deployment, but I need to whine a little bit.

DH was gone for six months in training. He wasn't here for the birth of our daughter. Now it's taken a full month for them to get his command sponsorship and you know what they said?

"It's not called CS anymore, it's called [whatever I forget already] so you need to do it again."

Will we even be there by Christmas? We were doing sooo well. I just want a few months before he deploys. Is that too much to ask? Just a couple months? Poor me.
post #731 of 1125
Oh Edna that IS frustrating. I hate it when the paperwork holds us back from the small bits of time we get with our DHs Harumph.
post #732 of 1125
Thread Starter 
That is incredibly frustrating, I'm sorry they're giving you a hard time. Why does it always seem like the really miserable stuff has to happen to people with families? I hope it gets figured out soon
post #733 of 1125
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatieJD View Post
That, and there is still a great stigma on mental health in the military. You'll hear a lot of old-timers tell them to just suck it up and deal with it. I think they're afraid of repercussions as a result of seeking help and are less likely to get it. At least they're more likely to get good help while they're in the military, once they're out they're pretty much on their own. I agree that the help is not effective enough, PTSD is still not very well understood and there is not cure for it so it can be very difficult to treat.
There is a huge stigma attached to needing any kind of counseling whether it's related to combat or not. I went to our reunion brief the other night and learned something interesting. MilitaryOneSource has a program where you can get a referral for 12 free therapy sessions outside of the military for PTSD/deployment/combat stress (maybe even just family separation stress). It's available to the military member and any of his/her dependents and it's 12 free sessions per person per year, not per family or a once a lifetime thing. It's completely outside the military so no one in the military member's unit or command will know. I don't think it uses TriCare, either. The militaryonesource people cover the cost.

Camp LeJeune was recently criticized for not providing proper care for their Marines returning with PTSD. They were being housed in trailers where they could easily hear machine gun fire and mortar explosions from training operations. They have since been moved into permanent quarters near the hospital so farther away from the training areas.

I found out that the BAH for Lawton, OK is only $40 less than BAH for here. So, even if this school dh has to go to is a PCS move, at least I won't have to worry about that dropping considerably. As it is, our BAH doesn't cover our mortgage payment. I asked my dh's CO about the PCS thing. He said anything 20 weeks or over is considered a PCS. I still haven't gotten a straight answer on whether this school is a PCS move, though. It's right around 20 weeks so no one seems to know for sure.

Edna ~ Don't feel petty. I started off joining this group by whining about not getting my needs met while everyone is so concerned about my dh's. I don't know what a CS is. Is that a new duty assignment, orders to move to a new base?

I don't know if I ever properly introduced myself after everyone else did. My dh is a Captain in the Marine Corps. He's been in for almost 8 years. We've been married 9+ years and are both almost 40 (he had to get a waiver to join because he was too old ). We have 3 boys, 18 years, almost 6 years and 2 1/2 years. We've been stationed at Kaneohe Bay Marine Corps Base on O'ahu, HI and here at Camp LeJeune in North Carolina. My dh's MOS is artillery.
post #734 of 1125
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
I don't mean to be petty especially compared to the stress of dealing with PTSD and deployment, but I need to whine a little bit.

DH was gone for six months in training. He wasn't here for the birth of our daughter. Now it's taken a full month for them to get his command sponsorship and you know what they said?

"It's not called CS anymore, it's called [whatever I forget already] so you need to do it again."

Will we even be there by Christmas? We were doing sooo well. I just want a few months before he deploys. Is that too much to ask? Just a couple months? Poor me.
That is so frustrating!
post #735 of 1125
Thanks for coming to my pity party, everyone. Just knowing you all are out there is a great comfort. Tonight I made spanakopita and ate four AND the leftovers from my brownies.

CS is Command Sponsorship, except you can forget that acronym immediately, because apparently it's called something else now.
post #736 of 1125
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
CS is Command Sponsorship, except you can forget that acronym immediately, because apparently it's called something else now.
I got what it stands for because you said so before. I don't know what it means.
post #737 of 1125
Oh, sorry! LOL. I'm reaaaaally sleep deprived right now because I'm doing National Novel Writing Month and am averaging four hours a day. I miss a lot! Apologies.

Command sponsorship is when the local Army command agrees to invite the soldier's family over. You aren't automatically "sponsored". It requires a process. It's confusing at first but all the steps are more or less rational, if a little opaque. It's just the fact that they changed it mid-way for us that is frustrating.

But as my sponsor (the woman of the house that is helping us navigate the sytem) says- "Army wife strong!" So I'm trying to live up to that. I'm much better with physical deprivation than psychological mind-screws, so I need to toughen up. :P
post #738 of 1125
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Command sponsorship is when the local Army command agrees to invite the soldier's family over. You aren't automatically "sponsored". It requires a process. It's confusing at first but all the steps are more or less rational, if a little opaque. It's just the fact that they changed it mid-way for us that is frustrating.
We're Marine Corps so I've never heard of this. I'm not trying to annoy you. I'm truly curious. What do you mean "invite the family over"? Over where? For dinner at their home? What is the significance of that?
post #739 of 1125
MarineWife- Command Sponsporship is for soldiers who are stationed overseas. When a soldier is stationed overseas the family is not automatically allowed to go like when in a stateside assignment. The family has to go through a process of paperwork to get approved by the soldiers unit to come over to that country as well as a visa to live in that country. Its a long mind draining process and the more family members u have the longer the process takes. Even newborn babies have to have a visa and passport.

Sending everyone good Turkey vibes
post #740 of 1125
ug, dh failed his PT test last week. didn't pass the waist measurment portion. he needs to lose about 3 inches around the middle by sometime in jan. or they may just kick him out i'm afraid he's not very motivated though, he told his mom it would be just fine with him if they gave him the boot- a load off his shoulders. i really hope he doesn't let it come down to this though, he has less than 2 years left, i'd hoped we could just ride it out then move on. this would be such short notice!
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