the only other waldorf family near me is moving

[counterGOPI]

ok for right now let's forget about the fact that it's my best friend and i'm going to miss her more than words can say...

i'm scared! the 2 of us are the only waldorf families in this area so once she's gone i'l have no one
i don't know what i am going to do about playtimes and interaction with other kids now. with her it was perfect b/c we are the same way and follow the same things. our girls even play the same way! plus i never had to worry about tv,characters, ect ect with her. it made life so easy..care free even! i have always just felt normal with her. man,i love my best friend! : shes even a former waldorf kindi teacher so i could always go to her for everything. i mean i still will over the phone and all..

but ok seriosuly,enough emotional rambling. what am i going to do,now having no other waldorf family near me? we are *hopefully* (if dh gets his butt in gear) moving this summer to a waldorf community and school so it will only be for a few months but still thats a long time!

im concerned for my 3yo daughter more than anything. i want her to be around waldorf children as much as possible to avoid other influences,kwim? i mean we have non waldorf friends as well that we love dearly,of course, but.. ughhh i can't seem to get out what im trying to say.
how do you mamas away from waldorf families do it? what do you do for interaction for your kids? HELP!!

[operamommy]

I'm sorry your friend is moving. That's tough no matter what.

I guess my best advice would be to try to gently remind you that other influences aren't always bad. We're not a fully Waldorf family by far (kids go to public school, we watch TV) but I think we're pretty great.

You know, I hope I don't sound like a big jerk for saying that! I know if it's really important to the way that you live then hanging out with non-Waldorf friends a lot could be rough. I'll send you some good moving vibes.

[LenasMommy]

I'm sorry that your bestfriend is moving away. I live in a community that doesn't have many, if any, waldorf families. I haven't been able to find them anyways. It's difficult, but I've found that coming on here and a few other boards helps me feel like I belong. It's difficult being different than most families. I think the best thing you can do is try to do more things at home. One resource I use is Waldorf and Earthschooling. This is for her lesson plans ages 3-8 The creator, Kristie Burns, is so wonderful and has so many ideas. The yahoo group is always brimming with ideas as well. She also has a radio station on that site where she shares stories and how-to's for doing creative things within the family. This is only one suggestion, but the information I gain from this helps keep my family busy. This could be used until you move to a Waldorf Community and possibly while you're there too. I hope I helped somewhat. I just wanted to say that I understand.. It's tough, but there are ways to make it easier.

[KatelynsMomma]

it is difficult. we have basically all mainstream friends since there isn't much else out here and i have pretty much decided that it was just better to limit our visits to other's homes. i just can't handle the fact that i don't allow DD to watch TV at home and then we go to someone else's house and the TV is on if anyone is watching it or not. i don't mind the plastic crap toys so much since i know she has good stuff at home but I hate the fact that when there are so many cheapo toys, the kids seem to throw the toys EVERYWHERE around the house. DD never does that at home. it just annoys me. it's really funny too that i have had discussions with my mainstream friends about the tv stuff and they will totally agree with me that kids shouldn't watch tv then when i go to their home, it is on constantly. ughh. good luck but like you said, it's only for a few months, hopefully!

[Hannahsmummy]

I hear what you are saying and it can be tough to be far from people whom we really relate to. It would just go without saying that the kids wouldn't watch TV or whatever when you got together. I'm sorry that you are losing that, it's sad.

We are really immersed in a Waldorf community but even within that community there is a big range of how people parent. I also have mainstream friends.
I really try to look at it as my daughter seeing other people's lifestyles and that it's OK for them to be different from us. She knows that some kids have loads of plastic noisemaking toys and she likes playing with them when we are over, no harm done. But we leave those behind in our home and my daughter is much happier in what her own home is like.

I do ask that the kids not watch TV when we are over and that has never been a problem. If it were, I would plan activities that avoided that like going to the park or out to lunch or the like. I also often have children in our home and they will play or do activities like baking or crafting.

We have discussed how some people have things that we don't have and we have things that they don't have and that everyone is different and that neither way is necessarily better.

I doubt that there is long term damage going to come from my daughter playing with kids who's lifestyles are different from ours and I actually hope that she will learn to accept that everyone is different in some way.

I do have to say that we actually get the most influence about TV shows, characters and toys trends from fellow families at our Waldorf school sadly.

[LuxPerpetua]

Originally Posted by Hannahsmummy

I hear what you are saying and it can be tough to be far from people whom we really relate to. It would just go without saying that the kids wouldn't watch TV or whatever when you got together. I'm sorry that you are losing that, it's sad.

We are really immersed in a Waldorf community but even within that community there is a big range of how people parent. I also have mainstream friends.
I really try to look at it as my daughter seeing other people's lifestyles and that it's OK for them to be different from us. She knows that some kids have loads of plastic noisemaking toys and she likes playing with them when we are over, no harm done. But we leave those behind in our home and my daughter is much happier in what her own home is like.

I do ask that the kids not watch TV when we are over and that has never been a problem. If it were, I would plan activities that avoided that like going to the park or out to lunch or the like. I also often have children in our home and they will play or do activities like baking or crafting.

We have discussed how some people have things that we don't have and we have things that they don't have and that everyone is different and that neither way is necessarily better.

I doubt that there is long term damage going to come from my daughter playing with kids who's lifestyles are different from ours and I actually hope that she will learn to accept that everyone is different in some way.

I do have to say that we actually get the most influence about TV shows, characters and toys trends from fellow families at our Waldorf school sadly.

These are my thoughts as well, except that we do not live near any Waldorf families. I would recommend checking out Finding Your Tribe here on MDC because even if most folks aren't Waldorf, most are media-free, have high quality toys, model compassion, etc. Waldorf and NFL and AP share many of the same ideals. I also agree about meeting up with people either at your house or at a park somewhere, that way you can control the environment. Imho, to limit your child to just Waldorf friends is a bit sheltering. Of course, you want to make sure that the kids get along reasonably but to never allow your dd to play with non-Waldorf approved toys and to discount the graciousness of someone else inviting your dd into their home to enjoy the company of their precious little one is rather harsh, I think. I'm probably feeling sensitive this morning but I'm just finding that rather hurtful. I do know how hard it must be to be losing both a friend for you and a great playmate for your dd, but the world is a wonderful and diverse place and I don't think it's a good thing to make it otherwise. Your home will be the most influential part of your child's upbringing, not the times she plays with a plastic toy at someone else's. And, believe it or not, plastic can be just as imaginative and in some ways more versatile than wood, as I've discovered. Of course, you still have control over your own home environment but I'm just pointing out that to say that all plastic toys are junky and unimaginative is a fallacy.

[counterGOPI]

thank you everyone!!! im so glad to have you lovely ladies!! : :
you know i didnt even think about asking ppl to turn off their tvs when we are there!! silly me!!
we are lucky to have a waldorf circle time once a month with families that do a little bit of waldorf in their schooling so that is always nice! i wish it were more than 1 time a month though!!

lux i never once said anything along the lines of this:

to never allow your dd to play with non-Waldorf approved toys and to discount the graciousness of someone else inviting your dd into their home to enjoy the company of their precious little one is rather harsh,

your statement and accusation is harsh! as i stated we have non waldorf friends we love dearly. but my dd needs balance!

plastic is not natural and disrupts a child.( i know lost of families waldorf or not have it and thats fine i just don't agree with it for our household) thats not to say i dont let her play with it outside of our house,of course i do! she needs to be exposed to these kinds of things every now and again. and sadly in this world it can not be avoided. but to say 'calling it junky is a fallacy' , i disagree.

waldorf is not just schooling to me,it's a way of life,literally. theres a lot that goes into it. i still have tons to learn but i'm loving every step of the way i go.

i value your opinion! thnk you! but i think you and i just need to agree to diagree

[LuxPerpetua]

Originally Posted by counterGOPI

thank you everyone!!! im so glad to have you lovely ladies!!
you know i didnt even think about asking ppl to turn off their tvs when we are there!! silly me!!
we are lucky to have a waldorf circle time once a month with families that do a little bit of waldorf in their schooling so that is always nice! i wish it were more than 1 time a month though!!

lux i never once said anything along the lines of this:


your statement and accusation is harsh! as i stated we have non waldorf friends we love dearly. but my dd needs balance!

plastic is not natural and disrupts a child.( i know lost of families waldorf or not have it and thats fine i just don't agree with it for our household) thats not to say i dont let her play with it outside of our house,of course i do! she needs to be exposed to these kinds of things every now and again. and sadly in this world it can not be avoided. but to say 'calling it junky is a fallacy' , i disagree.

waldorf is not just schooling to me,it's a way of life,literally. theres a lot that goes into it. i still have tons to learn but i'm loving every step of the way i go.

i say you and i just need to agree to diagree

I apologize for coming across strongly myself. As I said, I'm probably just being sensitive. I have a natural knee-jerk reaction against assumptions made about non-Waldorf folks--that the TV is always on, that their toys are unimaginative and uncreative, etc. I realize that you weren't saying that but that vibe just came across in your post by some of your language. I acknowledge this is may be my own issue so please accept my apology.

Since you stated that in a few months you will be moving to a Waldorf community I was assuming that since it's really not that long of a time that your dd should be fine playing with her non-Waldorf friends for the remainder. If we were talking years here that would be one thing, but a few months is really not that long, especially if it's just a once-a-week get together sort of thing. You might be pleasantly surprised with how well your dd does and how creative both she and her more mainstream friends can be together. I just see your reaction as a bit much ("I'm scared!"). Perhaps your feelings are stronger right now primarily because you feel the loss of your friend and her family . . . I don't know. I'm just trying to provide a wider perspective here.

You mentioned that plastic toys "disrupts a child" and to be honest this has been the total opposite of my experience, just fwiw (and I was very gung-ho about wooden toys in the beginning). DD is far, far more creative with her open-ended, high quality plastic toys than she is with her Waldorf-approved wooden ones. Maybe my child is just odd (she probably is ) but really not all plastic toys can be grouped as unimaginative even if they are not "natural." Not all plastic lights up or blinks or beeps or is made cheaply. I'm just trying to say that if your child plays with her friends that have plastic toys for a few months it may very well be okay. I don't know what kind of plastic or toys your friends have but I'm just saying that it's important to be open to new experiences, even non-Waldorf ones. If you feel uncomfortable with your friends' households then host it at your house or at a park, etc., or send some of your daughter's toys for play. This just doesn't seem like a horrible situation to me. I'll be honest and say that if I were your mainstream friend I would be deeply hurt that you were upset that your child might have to play with my child and her toys. Can you see how that comes across as rather insensitive and narrow? It just really seems like in your post that although you say you have non-Waldorf friends that you are somehow discounting or devaluing their friendship as "less than". I hope that isn't the case. Maybe it was just emotion coming through at the loss of your best friend or the fact that you are posting on a Waldorf-only board, etc. I do truly empathize at the loss you must feel of such a comfortable and close friendship, as I know that must be heart-breaking on many counts.

Hopefully, you can find a good balance that will work for your family in this meantime.

And just to add, Waldorf is a way of life for us, as well, just in a different way than the way you interpret it. Unschooling is actually our educational choice.

[LenasMommy]

CounterGOPI,

I couldn't have said it better myself! I completely agree with you. I feel the same way about Waldorf not just being about schooling, but a lifestyle as well. It's only natural to want to find other families that share your values. It's nice to feel like you have something in common with another family. It also reaffirms what you are doing. You have another family to celebrate with and learn with. I'm not saying you can't learn from non-waldorf families by any means, but it's always nice to be able to talk to someone about something you feel so strongly about. Most families I know in my area have never even heard of Waldorf. So it can feel a bit lonely at times and they think I'm pretty weird in my ways since they don't know anything about it. So I completely understand where you are coming from.

[LenasMommy]

Originally Posted by LuxPerpetua

I'll be honest and say that if I were your mainstream friend I would be deeply hurt that you were upset that your child might have to play with my child and her toys. Can you see how that comes across as rather insensitive and narrow? It just really seems like in your post that although you say you have non-Waldorf friends that you are somehow discounting or devaluing their friendship as "less than". I hope that isn't the case.

I really don't think she meant that at all. I think this is all about wanting another family to connect with. When you have a belief in something, its only natural to want to surround yourself with others who share those beliefs or atleast understand them. Or willing to learn about them. I don't think she was saying her non-waldorf friends aren't as good as her waldorf friends. Atleast that is how I perceived it.

[operamommy]

I find the need to ask someone to turn off their TV while visiting downright weird. Not weird asking for it to be off - but that it's ON in the first place!

We're TV watchers, but *never* have I had the tube on while someone is visiting. None of my friends do either. I think that's less about mainstream vs. Waldorf and more about rude vs. polite! My dh's sister's family leaves the TV on during visits, and I just find it unfriendly and annoying.

[weliveintheforest]

I actually find it really hard to ask people to turn their tv off when I am in their home.

[Hannahsmummy]

Originally Posted by weliveintheforest

I actually find it really hard to ask people to turn their tv off when I am in their home.

We have TV watching friends but this is not something I have ever had to ask when it is actually on. My friends know that my daughter is screen free and for the most part will automatically respect that and not have it on. If it is someone I am not sure about, I mention it before coming over and it's always been positively received.

[mommabeehilly]

so i read this thread last night and mulled it over in my sleep. the struggles with moving and having people move away are very real to me after having moved across country 6 months ago, leaving our like minded friends behind. so i have a few angles to write out on this.

first off, enjoy the time with your friends before they are gone. plan fun things, find ways to help them and have some sort of a ceremony when it's time to truly say goodbye. of my two closest friends, when i was moving, one pushed us away and one pulled us closer. the ones who pulled us closer helped us get through it all together.

also....there are times when we are learners and there are times when we are teachers. it sounds like you've learned tons from your friend who is a waldorf teacher...maybe you can find some folks to share your wisdom with? sounds like the circle time might be a good place to start.

know that this will require more creativity and ingenuity than you ever thought you had. and that will make you grow.

you'll find new friends and you may be surprised where you find them. but there are wonderful people everywhere. :

[berrymama]

I am sorry your friend is moving. I would be upset too, but look at it this way:
There are many of us on this board, myself included, who don't even know of any Waldorf families in real life. I would feel so lucky to even just know of someone else, muchless have them as a friend, just a phone call away. Is this the same friend who has the Waldorf store? I may be wrong...(I read your blog ) When you share photos about festival celebrations, I always think how lucky you are to have a place like that to go to celebrate festivals and interact with other Waldorf families. But like a previous post said, this is an opportunity for you to become a leader and perhaps challange yourself to come up with new ideas on your own.

I recently loaned my copy of Heaven On Earth to a friend (the only other AP mom I know) and she is just loving it and has noticed a change in her DS since she turned off the tv, weeded through the toy bin, and made other little changes. Maybe you could share a Waldorf book with a family you are already friends with. I think HOE is nice because it paints such a lovely picture, but is not overwhelming to mainstream folks. They probably won't become Waldorf overnight, but they may see where you are coming from and implement a few ideas in their own families.

Good luck!

ETA: I just looked at your blog...I think I am wrong about your friend being the one that owns Kinderhaus Toys...but, man, I wish we had a place like that near me!

[Melaniee]

I'm sorry. That would be really hard, to loose both your best local friend and your entire 'playgroup' for your Dd at the same time.

It IS hard. I do understand where you are coming from as I once had an 'innocent' (LOL) three year old whom I'd cringe when another child mentioned something like Power Rangers just around him.

waldorf is not just schooling to me,it's a way of life,literally. theres a lot that goes into it.

As for the TV thing, we really do not have many friends who would even have it on (like PPers have said, IMHO, it's not just a question of being Waldorf or not, I think it's totally unnecessary when you have friends over to just 'plug' them all in!? Even if you are a TV-user-as-babysitter, there are other kids here - enjoy!). I do have one friend in particular who heavily relies on television in their home so I thought if it came up I would just always say that Ds & I were going to go for a walk (or play outside) if they'd like to join us, or else we'll come back when their Dc is ready to play. IN the end, they just always had it off when we came. I think it's a little bit of politeness and a little bit knowing we're just "wierd" like that. I suppose it would have been more direct to just ask that they turn it off, but I feel strangely like I'd be 'telling' them what to do in their own home or it would come off as a judgement? I suppose it's really neither, more like a polite request.

[mkl]

i also find it very difficult to deal with not having other waldorf families around, and i would definitely be bummed if a waldorf friend was moving. it is so hard when we go to other people's homes and try to explain how we are raising our children. i often find that it is easiest just to invite people to our house rather than go over to another's.

with the tv thing - i have found that my eldest will watch maybe a half-hour at someone else's house and then he'll get up and turn the tv off for them -lol. But if it is something that i am really against him watching i will ask them to turn the tv off. i've gotten a few weird looks, but no one has ever made a fuss about it.

[libertymom]

Hey Nicole!

Remember me, from the apvirginia group? We are not a Waldorf family, but a Montessori family. Like you said, it's a way of life for us. I try having my friends come over with their kids to play, but my kids end up stressed out when other kids are being crazy, loud, and breaking their toys. HAHA So anyway, I know what you mean about wanting to have your kids interact with other Waldorf kids. I would LOVE to have a Montessori family close by. Yea, all of my neighbors probably think I am a snob because I won't let my kids play with their kids. I don't care. I know I can't shelter them forever, but they are 4, and some things they just shouldn't be exposed to yet!

[KJoslyn78]

Originally Posted by berrymama

I am sorry your friend is moving. I would be upset too, but look at it this way:
There are many of us on this board, myself included, who don't even know of any Waldorf families in real life. I would feel so lucky to even just know of someone else, muchless have them as a friend, just a phone call away. Is this the same friend who has the Waldorf store? I may be wrong...(I read your blog ) When you share photos about festival celebrations, I always think how lucky you are to have a place like that to go to celebrate festivals and interact with other Waldorf families. But like a previous post said, this is an opportunity for you to become a leader and perhaps challange yourself to come up with new ideas on your own.

I recently loaned my copy of Heaven On Earth to a friend (the only other AP mom I know) and she is just loving it and has noticed a change in her DS since she turned off the tv, weeded through the toy bin, and made other little changes. Maybe you could share a Waldorf book with a family you are already friends with. I think HOE is nice because it paints such a lovely picture, but is not overwhelming to mainstream folks. They probably won't become Waldorf overnight, but they may see where you are coming from and implement a few ideas in their own families.

Good luck!

ETA: I just looked at your blog...I think I am wrong about your friend being the one that owns Kinderhaus Toys...but, man, I wish we had a place like that near me!

i've been mulling over this post for some time now - and this post sums it up a lot for me.

This section is the only place i can come to for 100% advise/ideas/etc about Waldorf lifestyle/festivals/etc. IRL - we dont even LOOK like we would even be interested in Waldorf - but behind closed doors - i've been making a lot of changes - yet still have a long way to go. I know, for us, its been easier so far to change whats around them, such as toys, less tv on, etc - mostly simple things - though for DH and my oldest - its bit of a struggle.

I think i might have at first, taken your post a bit to personally - cause for most all of my friends IRL, i'm too "weird", yet to someone who is full on Waldorf - i would be too mainstream for them... and i would be sick to think that if i were lucky enough to have someone like you local as a friend, would considering me "less" of a friend because i do not have all the knowledge/experience that you or your friend have.

I am sorry she is moving away - and i hope you are able to find other friends for you and your dd.

[kananaskismama]

Hi - I 'm sorry to hear that your best friend is moving away. It is hard to part with like-minded friends especially when they have children the same age as yours.

One of my good friends recently moved away with her boys. She wasn't a Waldorf friend but had many Natural Family living values: didn't believe in screen time and loved to be outdoors, didn't have any character toys or clothing. I really took it for granted how much I enjoyed having them here and now miss them dearly.

I can relate to many other posters who live in a mainstream community. We are about as far away from Waldorf as you can get in this neighbourhood full of excess and complicated lives. Any of the moms that I have met r have their young ones scheduled in multiple activities during the day and have an over-abundance of toys. Especially large plastic battery operated ones!!

I wish I knew more like-minded families to play with.

This board is a very refreshing place to visit.
I like what one other poster said about using your knowledge and sharing it with someone else you meet.
I hope you will find that other family to hang out with soon.