Help me please.
I need to do this in order to move on in life. I have been suspended with anger and hurt for too long, its my turn now.
My father died on Memorial Day weekend 2005. The last conversation I had with him I yelled at him because neither he nor my mother saw fit to inform us that he was having his aortic stent replaced the prior Monday. Yet they told their co-workers and neighbors.
This was his second stent. He died because the anticoagulation/anti clot forming medication they gave him did not work. I believe my mother was influential in his death by ignorance. He had a heart attack on the Thursday after the Monday of his surgery. He lied in bed the whole day complaining about feeling 'fluish'. It never occurred to my mother, or maybe she just never took action on it, to call his doctor to report his condition, yet he was released from the hospital two days earlier. The symptoms he was experiencing were similar to his first heart attack. He told her not to call she says, so she didn't and then she just let him die. Even if that's what he wanted she still should've called way before she decided to call the ambulance on Saturday when it was too late. Frankly I think my mother is directly responsible for his death.
I was told not to come to the funeral or to come to where they live because he did not want a funeral with 'everybody there'. I was told by my mother and grandmother (mothers' mother) this. I supported that decision yet I wish I was afforded the opportunity to say goodbye. I don't even know where his grave is. We had a 'ceremony' at my house 6 months after his death where DH & I bought and planted a tree in the yard. It did not and still does not have any meaning for me because I was too busy trying not to be hurt by my family and to being 'strong', pretending that I accepted the fact that I was told not to come by my mother and grandmother when in fact I do not. It makes me feel insignificant like I don't or didn't even matter.
There is a lot of anger here and things to grieve. I need to grieve him before I can deal with the other things that contributed to the situation that got me here. This has changed me forever.
Heather
I need to do this in order to move on in life. I have been suspended with anger and hurt for too long, its my turn now.
My father died on Memorial Day weekend 2005. The last conversation I had with him I yelled at him because neither he nor my mother saw fit to inform us that he was having his aortic stent replaced the prior Monday. Yet they told their co-workers and neighbors.
This was his second stent. He died because the anticoagulation/anti clot forming medication they gave him did not work. I believe my mother was influential in his death by ignorance. He had a heart attack on the Thursday after the Monday of his surgery. He lied in bed the whole day complaining about feeling 'fluish'. It never occurred to my mother, or maybe she just never took action on it, to call his doctor to report his condition, yet he was released from the hospital two days earlier. The symptoms he was experiencing were similar to his first heart attack. He told her not to call she says, so she didn't and then she just let him die. Even if that's what he wanted she still should've called way before she decided to call the ambulance on Saturday when it was too late. Frankly I think my mother is directly responsible for his death.
I was told not to come to the funeral or to come to where they live because he did not want a funeral with 'everybody there'. I was told by my mother and grandmother (mothers' mother) this. I supported that decision yet I wish I was afforded the opportunity to say goodbye. I don't even know where his grave is. We had a 'ceremony' at my house 6 months after his death where DH & I bought and planted a tree in the yard. It did not and still does not have any meaning for me because I was too busy trying not to be hurt by my family and to being 'strong', pretending that I accepted the fact that I was told not to come by my mother and grandmother when in fact I do not. It makes me feel insignificant like I don't or didn't even matter.
There is a lot of anger here and things to grieve. I need to grieve him before I can deal with the other things that contributed to the situation that got me here. This has changed me forever.
Heather
:
lol luckily I knew what it was supposed to be like .. by the experience I had with my mama .. so it helped me push all the ugly stuff away and focus on the love.
