Writing This Instead Of Doing Something Horrible. . .

[calgal007]

Does anyone else have a child who has lost virtually EVERY jacket, sweatshirt, vest, etc.????? It is nearly December, and my little nine-year-old has not got a single warm item to wear, except for a dressy sweater!! Everything has been left somewhere. I check the lost and found to no avail. I am ready to lose my mind, and can't afford to replace all the warm clothes. I went to the second hand store, but they have nothing in the right size. I can't figure out why this unhinges me so much; I am irrationally angry about it. Suggestions?

[lil' love]

Hi there!
I'm sorry to hear about your irritation. Yet, I can sympathize with you.
My son goes to school with a sweater and comes home empty handed.
Is your child losing these cloths at school? If so, try talkng to the teacher about it.
Write your childs name inside of all their sweaters, jackets, ect.

Also, does your child get an allowance? If so, let them know that you are going to start holding them responsible for their cloths. If they lose them, they will have to replace them, WITH THEIR OWN MONEY.

that might motivate them to become more watchful of their belogings.

I hope this helps a little

[calgal007]

Thank you for the words of sanity. The suggestion about buying a new sweatshirt/vest/etc. with allowance money is EXCELLENT. I've given the little darling a one-day-grace-period, as in, bring it home tomorrow or else we're going shopping using allowance/birthday money. We'll see how that works as a motivator. Thanks again.

[SoHappy]

Or buy the ugliest, loudest, most embarrassing thing you can find at a thrift store and hang it by the front door. Then every morning you can joke, "Remember, if your jacket doesn't make it home today, you can always wear THIS ONE!"

[calgal007]

SoHappy, I'm glad I'm not the only weirdie who thinks of such things! My idea was a little nastier -- dear child ABHORS turtlenecks, although we have two for dressing up. I was fixing to say, well, here you go, you'll have to wear a turtleneck today.
I'm sure the people in the Second Hand Store thought they had a nutcase on their hands when I went scowling and muttering through their inventory. I actually went to Old Navy, thinking I'd get a cheap sweatshirt, then I thought what--buy some logo'd thing made by sweatshop labor to reward my darling child? I don't THINK so, and I beat a hasty retreat.
I notice you're from the Central Coast -- did you get the horrendous storms on Wednesday? Go gently, Calgal

[SoHappy]

Hi, Calgal
Yes, we got pounded pretty good Wednesday night. We're in San Luis Obispo. The news said we got about two inches overnight. There were some great puddles on Thursday!!
Smiles,
SH

[mamakarata]

Blessedx4,

My dd w/b 11 in a few weeks, and the last month or so I am also seeing a change, like she is snappy for the littlest reason. It is hard not to blame myself for a sec, like, "what did I do wrong as a parent, is this how she is going to be" kind of thing, but I have learned that allowing that kind of fear in only worsens things.

To read your post actually made me feel better because it reminds me that she is standing upon a threshold, and it is scary for them. Even if they aren't aware of it. Did you read that article in Mothering about the ritual for their menses? My dd has been very interested in that. I am finding that keeping an ongoing dialogue with her about her behavior, and how she is reacting to things around her is important and effective. The theme of our last big talk was not trying to change who she is, but how to help her be her authentic self.

My DH and I came up with that when we realized she is sort of trying out different attitudes, and that the communication is sort of breaking down. We gave her examples of people she knows who are communicative and who are mumblers with nothing more than a shrug to answer back with. It was good, and we keep referring back to it when she starts to snap, or shrug or pout. Just reminding her to find her voice and communicate the feeling she is having.

I know I am rambling. I will stop here. I hope it becomes easier. Feel free to email me anytime.

[barjem]

Just a reminder many pre-teens are very absent minded .I have read this and have expericened this around the age of 10years and lasts until they want a car!!!!! They then remember everything to show you they are responsible again!!Good Luck ,This to shall pass....................:

[sleepies]

yep.

my 9 yr old leaves his jackets at school allllll the time.

of he will leave his coat at his father's.......and forget to bring it when he stays here.

so, then he has to go days without one.


he has TONS of them , but they are scattered between three houses.


when it gets COLD he doesn't forget, but in the fall and spring, looook out.

the school gets the most jackets.

i have to be sure to put his name in them.

[Curious]

Break this evil habit now! - joking sort of...

Someone in our home loses his coats on a regular basis. The liner to the sentimental North Face jacket lent to future wife on first trip together. The expensive replacement. Then the old (expensive) liner with the expensive replacement, nearly lost warm coat Christmas gift from his mother and would have if not for wife's noticing it was missing quickly...the culprit of whom I speak?

DH!!!!

[jempd]

Boy did your post ring a bell. I was one of those kids that lost everything. I remember having left a jacket loaned by a sister at the library and going back to get it but the library was closed and just sitting on the steps and bawling because I knew how much trouble I'd be in. I was famous throughout neighborhood for it. And at times this would happen during adulthood-into my twenties anyway. It's like some weird affliction--everything flies away from you. I finally had to attack the problem myself--really work on it. I actually worked with a therapist on it because it got me so upset; I'd lost really nice things that meant a lot to me by that time. It may be very upsetting to your kid, too. I can imagine it would drive you wild too--I remember my mother just being at her wit's end, like when I lost a new pair of shoes . . .
I think dealing with it as an adult and helping your child deal with it are two different things, so I'm just guessing that maybe helping your kid practice a checklist before he oes out of things he might leave behind would help, such as: jacket, sweater, umbrella, keys.

[gauge14iv]

DH and I refer to the absentmindedness of 14 yo dd as "BSOS" or bright shiny objects syndrome. Just easily distractable at that age. And yes, she has lost her jacket and we made herwear one of DH's old 80's style jackets that we dug out of the back of the closet until her birthday rolled around and she could buy a new one with her own money. She hasn't lost another one!

As an aside - I havae a great tip for the parents of a child who skips school - dress like a hillbilly and go to school WITH them for a few days - be sure to tuck baby pictures of your child in your pockets and sit with her friends at lunch. This worked like a charm on my oldest when she was 16 and skipped 3 days of school. She never missed another day of school again! I dressed like Minnie Pearl in construction boots, complete with straw hat. She was SO mortified.

sometimes creativity is key