Originally Posted by DanishMom
I think most of us here can testify to that. Even the greatest mom can turn into a mom who is stressed out and only has energy to deal with her own problems once she's in an abusive relationship.
After reading about Anne's last conversation and then her last park date with her abusive boyfriend, I actually felt sick to my stomach, felt all the energy drain out of my body, and like I wasn't sure whether I wanted to vomit or burst into tears. Not so much for her sake, like DanishMom said, but because it won't be long, at this rate, before her son loses his previously fabulous mom, and she's replaced with a different woman who is just totally distracted by walking on eggshells/trying to figure him out/feeling guilty/justifying behavior/feeling awful or nervous, in this relationship which has already turned abusive after one movie date, a couple of walks in the park, and a handful of creepy phone conversations where he already is showing himself to be a liar (but not a very good one) and have serious anger issues.
God if STBXH ever hung up the phone or got mad at me that freakin' early in the relationship..... well,.... of course he didn't. He was prince charming for 9 months and waited until I had moved to a foreign country and gotten pregnant and gotten engaged, and were planning the wedding details before he started doing anything similar to this behavior to me, and at that point I really felt like I had already made my choices to be with this man and I should try to 'talk out' our problems and fix things, somehow.
Anne2008, you are getting more obvious red flags of abuse, and earlier on in the relationship than I have ever heard of. He's not even very good
at this whole game of getting a woman entangled with him before letting his true colors come out. You let him fondle and talk about your ass and breasts in a public park and have passionate tongue kisses four separate times? That would be absolutely fine, except for that it's you, and all of us know here on this board that it's not something that you want at this point in the relationship (to get more
sexual with him, immediately). But you just went along with it.
|Please know there are really wonderful men out there. Men who are willing to walk the dog once a week for a month if it means they get to spend time with you. Men who respect your boundaries and honor them. Men who read your cues, hear your words and do their best to respond accordingly. Those are the men you want to find and date and they will want to date you too. .
: Anne2008, please believe these words. You haven't even spoken with a potential 'guy' in your life, other than him, in 6 years, so you really have no perspective and concept of how other men could treat you, and I'm just fairly certain it makes you an easy target for this 24 year old Afghani guy who is (seemingly) able to manipulate you. Comparison shop, Anne2008!
You'll see him in a whole new light and I bet you'll be dodging the slutty kiss and ass grope next time you see him, if you ever are willing to see him again, after you find out that there are other men out there who would love a shot with you.
Put up a dating profile on match.com or eharmony.com and try to find a headshot of yourself you really like, and write a few sentences describing yourself and your situation honestly (without getting into terribly deep and personal description of course), and watch the emails from men in your area come rolling into your inbox, introducing and describing themselves, and offering to get to know you a little bit better over email and phone before you have to even consider getting together in person. I think this would be your perfect next move (along with dumping mr. 24-year-old-ass-groper-tongue-thruster). You won't believe us that there are other halfway-decent men who would be interested in you until you see for yourself, and what's to be so scared of by putting a profile on a website--you can do that from the comfort of your home, behind your computer screen, just to test the waters before any social anxiety could come into play. Go for it!