or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › January dating thread!!!!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

January dating thread!!!! - Page 15

post #281 of 306
I'm having it now. With cool guy who has taken me out on two nice dates who I think is really nice otherwise, but only slightly taller than me (like 2 inches). I just can't feel that attracted to him when he is not built like a basketball player. What is wrong with me? :
post #282 of 306
My guy is the love of my life. Im pretty sure. How amazing - I never thought I would find him.. I feel happy and more vulnerable than ever..
post #283 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
I'm having it now. With cool guy who has taken me out on two nice dates who I think is really nice otherwise, but only slightly taller than me (like 2 inches). I just can't feel that attracted to him when he is not built like a basketball player. What is wrong with me? :
From readin replies in the other thread about this, Im getting that these things won't be important to us once we get to know/like the guys personality more and more. We just won't notice those things so much anymore. I hope that's true, because I do think the phone guy is nice, and I don't want to be not attracted to him just because of a couple facial physical things yk? Personality is definately more important, but physical attraction helps with chemistry between you surely?

Seie that's so great! Congrats girl! Are you gonna do anything with him next weekend? Has he asked to meet your kids?
post #284 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
My guy is the love of my life. Im pretty sure. How amazing - I never thought I would find him.. I feel happy and more vulnerable than ever..
Oh you sweetie pie! I'm so happy for you!!! :

But please don't have a nervous breakdown obsessing about him if he doesn't call or text back within three minutes, ok? Remember, he is different than you, and you complete him, and everything is as you want it to be, in it's own way....
post #285 of 306
im off to see my counsellor in a few mins :

I need to quit focussing on negatives here....Like I was thinking how I really want an older guy than my phone guy who is only mid 20s. -Because an older guy will have lots more life experience than me, and be able to teach me lots of stuff. Where-as this guy doesn't seem to know very much himself, which is where I'm at -so im not calling him stupid or anything, im just saying since I don't know much about things being young myself...it would be nice to be with an older guy who DOES know lots of stuff yk? Im wondering, what can this guy teach me about?

Do you think that too at all?
post #286 of 306
Anne I think you need to stop thinking so much.. Meet up with the guy, smell the air and if it feels right meet him again. It really is that simple..
post #287 of 306
Yep, I agree... stop thinking so much. Easier said than done, perhaps... but.

Seie, that is wonderful to hear. Just wonderful.

Butterflymom... just - haha, I mean, I know it's not *really* funny, but... maybe get him to wear heels?
post #288 of 306
Tripleaces: Im in the same spot. Right now I know I want this to last forever and ever, but it has to work with the kids. I am feeling ready to let him meet them, but on the other hand I dont want to put pressure on him so on one hand I am kind of waiting for him to suggest it - on the other hand I think its about time so maybe I should bring it up - maybe just ask him when he thinks he will be ready for that part. I want him to be part of my whole life - not just the "without kids" part. Im also a bit worried that it will change something - right now it all feels so perfect..
post #289 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
My guy is the love of my life. Im pretty sure. How amazing - I never thought I would find him.. I feel happy and more vulnerable than ever..
I know that feeling. IME it only gets worse with time or rather it will pop up from times to times. The longer the relationship, the deeper the love will be and the anxiety can be much worse. It's not related to breaking up but more to things like what if he was in accident or got cancer. Three months ago I had a lump in my breast (Benign thank god). My DP thought it was almost unbearable to go through the waiting period while the different tests were done. It's the good old existential fear of losing the ones you love the most - probably the same way you can fear that something might happen to your kids.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tripleaces View Post

I'm also just... very happy. The whole meeting the kids thing seems like a chicken/egg deal with me. I can't know if this can be "for real" without him meeting the kids, but I don't want him to meet the kids until this is "for real". And by that I mean long term. I've decided to wait a couple months at the least, but I can imagine waiting years and how will I ever know for sure?
I've never seen anything wrong with letting your bf meet your kids IF and only IF the kids has only met very few bfs or if bfs have been introduced as friends only and hasn't met the kids more than once or twice. My DP met my son after 10 days (we had spent five whole days together). I knew we would be together long term and my son hadn't met anyone before him.
post #290 of 306
Seie

I haven't been on here in some time, but was going through this thread when I came upon this....

Quote:
And he seems so - calm about it all. It seems that he doesnt really mind that its two weeks where we dont meet up - like its no big deal as he doesnt seem to mind things going slow. He has indicated several times that this is for real and that he sees potential for a long relationship too - I just cant get my head around why he's not as thrilled about meeting up whenever possible as I am?
I am seeing a guy that acts this same exact way. He doesn't call as often as he once did (we've only been seeing each other since Nov 1st and started to talk (we met online) in the middle of October. I start thinking maybe he isn't into me anymore, but when we're together, I can tell he's interested, we talk so easily and can joke with each other, etc. I don't know if he's already just gotten so comfortable with me or what. Maybe I am deluding myself and he really isn't into me. When I sent him an email last Thurs cause I hadn't heard from him and said "either you're really busy or trying to tell me something" - that very evening he called (I was at clinical and can't answer my phone) and he even remembered that and said as he left his message, that "I don't know why I'm calling now, I remembered as I was calling that you have school tonight..." But the thing was, he actually called and explained that he is indeed busy. I just thought it must mean something that he actually took it upon himself to call me (and that he actually remembered my school schedule) and let me know. He then called me on Sunday evening.

I don't know what to say, except that when I read what you wrote, it was so strange, like I could've written your post. It gets frustrating sometimes b/c I want to have a talk with him about our relationship, but I don't want to, because I'm afraid it's too soon. I really like this guy and don't want to scare him off. If he can't see me (we can only see each other once/week because he has a little girl and we live about 45 minutes from each other) he's very laid back about it. I don't know. It's weird. It's like the guys are twins!

I see we both got out of an abusive relationship, too.

Oh, and off topic, but when is a good time to have the kids meet your bf/and his (or her) kids?
post #291 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by catlvr976 View Post
Seie

I haven't been on here in some time, but was going through this thread when I came upon this....



I am seeing a guy that acts this same exact way. He doesn't call as often as he once did (we've only been seeing each other since Nov 1st and started to talk (we met online) in the middle of October. I start thinking maybe he isn't into me anymore, but when we're together, I can tell he's interested, we talk so easily and can joke with each other, etc. I don't know if he's already just gotten so comfortable with me or what. Maybe I am deluding myself and he really isn't into me. When I sent him an email last Thurs cause I hadn't heard from him and said "either you're really busy or trying to tell me something" - that very evening he called (I was at clinical and can't answer my phone) and he even remembered that and said as he left his message, that "I don't know why I'm calling now, I remembered as I was calling that you have school tonight..." But the thing was, he actually called and explained that he is indeed busy. I just thought it must mean something that he actually took it upon himself to call me (and that he actually remembered my school schedule) and let me know. He then called me on Sunday evening.
How often do you talk on the phone? How often do you text and email? Who calls?

In my opinion it's a long time to wait from the thursday that you were in class till sunday evening. I understand if you have doubts. I think talking to him would be a good idea.
post #292 of 306
He usually calls me. We started out talking every single day. I knew that wouldn't last, so it came down to a couple times week. HOWEVER, last week was the longest we ever went without talking, it was a week; that's why I sent him the email I did. He's an accountant, and I do remember him saying a couple of weeks ago that his employer got a whole bunch of new contracts or something that was going to keep him busy.

He's hard to figure out. Like I said, when I sent him that email, that's when he called me. When we're together, though, everything seems fine. He also goes to class one night/week (he's taking classes so he can take some test to become a CPA) and I know he studies.

I mean, if he's losing interest, that's fine, I just wish he'd tell me. But then, he's usually the one to call and he has no problem making the drive to see me so we can go out and do something. As I mentioned, things seem fine when we're together. I don't want to delude myself, though!! LOL!

Any advice on how to go about just asking him what's up with us? How do you start such a conversation?
post #293 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by catlvr976 View Post
He usually calls me. We started out talking every single day.
That is opposite of what happened between bf and I. We started out talking every couple of days and progressed to talking/checking in every day. That has also always been my experience.


Quote:
Originally Posted by catlvr976 View Post
Any advice on how to go about just asking him what's up with us? How do you start such a conversation?
It is probably best to figure out... what do you want? Once you determine what it is you want and are looking for, then present it to him as such. Tell him what you want and are looking for in a relationship. Then, ask him if he is in a similar place or if he would consider such a relationship with you.

BUT, it is imperative to figure out exactly what you want. Otherwise, it becomes confusing and can cause a lot of misunderstandings.
post #294 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by tripleaces View Post
I'm also just... very happy. The whole meeting the kids thing seems like a chicken/egg deal with me. I can't know if this can be "for real" without him meeting the kids, but I don't want him to meet the kids until this is "for real". And by that I mean long term. I've decided to wait a couple months at the least, but I can imagine waiting years and how will I ever know for sure? Anyway... oh Anne, just noticed your question. I met him on okcupid.
ITA about the chicken/egg meet the kids situation. The guy I'm with (for almost 5 months) met my teenage son very briefly, but hasn't met my 6 or 3 yo yet. I'm worried about it, because he is a person who has never wanted children at all. I'm afraid that the kids thing might be our downfall, but we can't know how it will work out until they all get to know each other. But if they get to know each other and he decides he can't do it, then my kids get stuck in the middle of another break up. Argh. He's said he will leave it up to me totally and he's ready to meet them anytime, but will wait as long as I think is necessary.

tripleaces, your thing seems so similar to mine! We even met on okcupid.
post #295 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by catlvr976 View Post
He usually calls me. We started out talking every single day. I knew that wouldn't last, so it came down to a couple times week.
Yes, it's like that with my guy (we haven't met in person yet). We started off talking on the phone every day, sometimes twice a day...then it slowed down a bit. We now talk every day, OR every other day....and I'm expecting it to slow down a little more at some point. It doesn't seem real to me to be talking all the time, there's not a lot to say to eachother when we speak so often. If we don't speak one day or rarely for 2 days, then we will be texting eachother a couple times instead.

Am I not doing okcupid right? you all are getting replies on there and meeting people, and I haven't received one message of interest yet...am I not doing it right? I have filled int he front profile page, and answered 200 of the questions so far. What else have you other ladies on there done?

Just wanted to update on this:
Saw my counsellor yesterday, told her I want to be seeing someone on a weekly basis not like I see her every 4-6 weeks -that isn't enough at this point. So anyway it turns out I can see her weekly for 4 weeks, then we'll re-evaluate if I need to continue the sessions or not. So that's good for now at least

I spoke to her all about my social anxiety, she says I definately have it. Honestly, I don't really see how she is going to be able to help me change in 4 weeks something I have been struggling with since I was a teenager. But anyway, it's a start right? We are doing some cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. She has is signing me up to do a course on it online (only 8 weeks), and wants me to start going to a support group for people with anxiety and depression -which I've wanted to do for a long time. She was surprisingly understanding and supportive of it. At one point she was writing down a word to do with something social and saw how just reading that word affected me so strongly. -That shocked me because it was realising my fears are very deep.
post #296 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by catlvr976 View Post
He's an accountant, and I do remember him saying a couple of weeks ago that his employer got a whole bunch of new contracts or something that was going to keep him busy.

He also goes to class one night/week (he's taking classes so he can take some test to become a CPA) and I know he studies.
Just wanted to pop in and say I'm sure he very busy this time of year. My fil, mil, and sister are all accountants. This is their busiest time of year. My sis is working 12 hour days and saturdays. Plus he's taking a class? busy busy busy
post #297 of 306
Thanks for your replies everyone! You guys have a totally different take on it. I posted about this on anther website and everyone's telling me to drop him, he's not that into me, etc. Maybe one or two people actually said that maybe he really IS that busy.

He did call me last night and said that he was going to try and email me today, and that he knows he's been telling me that for a little while now, but that he's really going to try, but that he's just been really busy at work. I told him, fine, no big deal. So far, I haven't heard anything yet. We'll see.
post #298 of 306
Quote:
Originally Posted by catlvr976 View Post
Thanks for your replies everyone! You guys have a totally different take on it. I posted about this on anther website and everyone's telling me to drop him, he's not that into me, etc. Maybe one or two people actually said that maybe he really IS that busy.

He did call me last night and said that he was going to try and email me today, and that he knows he's been telling me that for a little while now, but that he's really going to try, but that he's just been really busy at work. I told him, fine, no big deal. So far, I haven't heard anything yet. We'll see.
Don't you text each other. I find texting - just to say "I miss you", "sleep well" or whatever is a great way of keeping in touch on a daily basis. It is so hard to know for others if he is in to you or not. I know that I personally wouldn't thrive with that level of communication.

I hope you figure things out.
post #299 of 306
Jessica: Did you read the book "Hes just not that into you"? Maybe you should.
I read it and must say its food for thought. As it says if a man is too busy to call you - hes just not interested enough. How much time can it possibly take to make a phonecall to make another person happy? It can take two minutes! Being busy IMO is not a good enough excuse - its just an excuse. In my case I seem to be just very fast to get insecure - and so far if I havent called my guy he has always called me within a day or two. He has never used the "busy" excuse - actually thinking about it he has never used any excuse..
post #300 of 306

Help - dating a guy from work - need INPUT

I need some advise, please.

I work in a very large company as an assistant of one of the managing directors. He is responsible for one unit. I have a great and very understanding boss who gives me lots of freedom (letting me go home earlier if my two DS need me), supports me, lets me be who I am, pays good and talks a lot with me about very confidential business information, something very unusual in our company culture between a boss and his secretary. Anyway, he is at the same time difficult, but I can work around his “style”, accept his personality. So all is quite good. I really want to continue working with him as it gives my life financial security, as we are a good team, as in this company there will always be further oportunities. In the past I have been always very honest with him because I think this is the best way. He knows some details about my private life, etc.

A few weeks ago a guy from another unit (a bit like our competitive unit) asked me out. Due to various reasons it never worked out until the week before last. And I thought, why not. It is not so easy to date men (in Europe), there are just not so many opportunities. We went out, had something to eat, went to a bar afterwards, talked a lot. We did not talk about work. It was nice, not too nice, but ok (this is not my first experience with dating). I knew he would not be the one to have a real longtime or lifetime relationship with but it could be nice to go out once in a while with an intelligent male person, flirt some, have even physical contact. At the end of the evening we were kissing and also touching (but nothing further) which was nice, not earthmoving but a good feeling. He kept in touch with me the following days, not every day but like every three days or something like that.

Once he asked me to have coffee with him at work which I declined. He is now gone on a business trip and wants to meet again next week.

Fine, right? But all of a sudden I think, it is not good. I fear the consequences at work. There are no rules, of course, no law against dating a guy from another unit BUT I feel my boss would not be happy. I have the feeling to hide something. He knows I am loyal, I do not talk about the confidential things he tells me but still.... And I think this guy is not important enough for me to jeopardize my professional situation. Can anyone relate?

I have decided, I do not want to date him any longer, nor friendship neither. If I date I do not want to hide. So, I want to send him a text message, I do not want to tell him in person. I need some ideas how to phrase this, being firm on one side but kind on the other side and to make my reasons as comprehensive as possible for him. If he gets angry, or does not understand, then it’s his problem, but I would like to try to make it as good as possible, I do not want to hurt him (AND there will be opportunities at work where we will meet by coincidence or even for professional purposes, so I want to be careful with my wording).

Any input, suggestions of a few sentences would help me a lot!!!!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › January dating thread!!!!