January dating thread!!!! - Page 16

[rubelin]

Hey, I have a copy of "he's just not that into you" that I just got on Half.com and read through in an evening and I'd love to pass it onto one of you. If anyone is interested, send me a PM with your address

I'm getting the kids to bed but I'll pop in later with my fun dating stories

[Seie]

Pupsnelda - I would break it off too. I agree if its not big and certain no need to put your job on the line for him. An SMS huh? I dont know where you are coming from, but if a guy wanted to stop dating me - even after the first date, I would very much prefer him to tell me - not necessarily face to face after just one date, but on the phone at least. All those things you want to put into it - you cant do that in a single SMS - a letter perhaps but not a text. I say eat your shyness/pride and call him up and tell him in person. It doesnt have to be long or complicated - just tell him that you have thought about it and decided you are not ready to jeapardize your job for a relationship. He may protest and then you just need to be short and firm and tell him that you just dont have those feelings for him - or whatever. If he is into you he will be hurt - it sounds like he is just trying things out though so I dont think you should be so nervous. Just get it over with.

My guy is coming today. Im having doubts again - not about my feelings for him, but about whether I can live with being such a small part of his life that we only meet on fridays and if he is busy like yesterday when he had to hand in a big paper for his studies only a few hours on saturday. Whenever I'm actually with him everything feels just right - but when I'm waiting to be with him its just agony It looks like we need yet another talk

[pupsnelda]

Thanks Seie for your anwser.

I am from Germany, actually. Why do I want to tell him by SMS?

First, we have never talked on telephone, I would have to contact him on his company cellular not knowing whether he is right now busy (sounds like an excuse, I know).

We have never spoken on the telephone, him me asking out in several occasions IN the company, once during a meeting, later by mail to my company account. Our later exchanges went by SMS.

And I really would like to put something down in writing, so I am sure, that I say the things I want to say, well thought and nicely and at the same time firmly written down. If he'd call me back after that I would talk to him on the phone and say anything else which needs to be said or clarified.

And I am the master of looooooooooooooooon sms, so that is no problem.

I would love to have some more concrete ideas how to phrase this if I write my decision to him. Please (see thread # 300)!!!!

Thanks again, Seie.....

[guestmama9915]

Just tell him the truth. You had a nice time, but in retrospect your job is very important to you and you don't want complications at work. I think that's good?

Seie, the time limitations suck... is he always going to be so busy?

[Anne2008]

Originally Posted by tripleaces

Seie, the time limitations suck... is he always going to be so busy?

I was going to ask that too. Is he just real busy right now, or is this a permanent thing? I would ask him how he thinks you can get to know eachother better and be in eachothers lives more as time goes on, if he continues to be so unavailable to you.

On the other hand, you've only been with him like 2 months, so I don't see anything wrong with just seeing eachother once a week. You do spend a lot of time together imo, because even though it's once a week, you spend a full 2 days together, where-as a "normal" weekly date would be a few hours together probably.

Bottom line is, if you're not happy with seeing him that often, I agree you need to discuss this with him. Maybe he isn't aware of how you feel, and maybe he wants to spend more time with you too, but doesn't want to seem too clingy etc?


About my phone-guy, we were talking today and he said something that made me like huh??? -He's told me previously how long he's been single for, when he last relationship was, and then today he told me a completely different story of how long ago it was. I said that to him and he just was like "oh...well does it really matter?" And ok, no it doesn't matter to me how long he's been single, BUT it matters that he would say one thing, then say something completely different. Makes me feel he's not being honest with me yk? so now im like hmm???

[Seie]

Anne I agree - not being honest sucks. He's probably ashamed of how long he's really been single? He sounds like probably a nice guy - but possibly a bit desperate too?

Tripleaces: Sounds like you are having a great time with your guy It's a good feeling right - knowing you found something real!

As usual after seeing my guy just a few hours today I feel much better. He always calms me down, his warm presence, his calm way - everything about him just makes me feel safe and protected.. We had another talk about our relationship. I had been thinking about my wishes for this relationship and one thing I have made myself clear in the past week is that I cant stay in it, unless his feelings are as serious as mine. And thats what I told him - I said - I mean this for real, and I expect you to be serious about me too - anything else is just not good enough for me. He is however very serious - as I think I have known all along, so after that we have been talking future. We've talked about when he will meet the kids (soon - no date set yet though) and how many kids we want together, what our firstborns name will be etc. He was going to visit his parents in the afternoon so I drove him all the way there as it was on the way to my childrens dads house where I was going to pick them up, so we had a nice long drive together. He offered to introduce me but we agreed it would be better to wait till we can do it properly. Anyway he has told his parents about me ( a big thing for him as he is a very private person) and we are planning a sort of mini-holiday next week. Still just one night, but planning to get a bed and breakfast, go see a friend of mine play in concert and my guy will be formally introduced to my two closest friends.

So all is well - Im super happy and amazed to find that for the first time in my life, I am in love with someone who is in love right back. Amazing that I had to be 31 to experience this.. Better late than never though right!