I'm a late comer to this thread, but I just finished reading everything and I really want to join in!
I'm planning my first HB. I'm really excited because although I had a vaginal birth by the skin of my teeth last time, the hospital did everything it could to prevent it!
You have all made me feel so blessed with my family. My mom tried for a HB VBAC with my brother and sister, but the mw missed that she was having twins and my brother was breech, so after 36 hours she went to the hospital. Both babies were fine. She's obviously very supportive, as is my older sister (the younger ones don't have opinions about where to birth yet). On my husband's side, my in-laws are either supportive or too polite/kind to interfere. Whichever it is, I'll take it!
I too worry about something going wrong. My water broke about 20 hours before my ds was born, and I've read really sad stories about babies getting into trouble when the water breaks (one in Mothering magazine in particular). I figure though that if something like that happened, planning to go to the hospital wouldn't make that much difference. Even if I were planning a hospital birth, i'd want to labor at home for as long as possible, so either way I'd likely get caught at home if something went wrong. I really trust my mw, and I trust that she'll steer us to the hospital if a HB isn't wise.
Finally, I'm not sure if I want my ds there. I want him near by, but I'm not sure I want him in the room while I'm laboring, etc. The "mama bear" idea was new to me, and gives me one more reason to keep him close but not in the room. One reason to keep him near though is that my mw says bf is a great way to speed up a labor (lol! that's why I love my mw).
I've decided that I won't volunteer the info that I'm planning a HB to co-workers and friends. If someone asks where I'm giving birth, I plan to inform them before I tell them that I'm not interested in negative reactions. I know what I'm planning, and if they want to do some research then we can talk.
One last thing I wanted to say, for people whose dhs and families are on the fence/negative. Have you watched "The Business of Being Born" with them? I found it very convincing personally, and I can't wait to force my already supportive dh to watch it with me (he said he would next time I was pregnant).