I feel like weaning my almost 4 yr old

[kavamamakava]

Hi all
I have been breastfeeding since my oldest was born in Jan 2001. He began tandem nursing when his sister was born in July 2002 and then nursed until the age of 3 yrs 9 months when I was pregnant with number 3. I think he was just annoyed with the slow milk flow and stopped being interested. Once he realized he could fall asleep without nursing it became something that he only asked for when he was upset about something.

The next one weaned when she was 4 1/2 and tandem nursed with her sister from the age of 2 1/2. One December we talked about nursing and how babies nurse and toddlers nurse and kids nurse until they don't need it anymore. She said she didn't need it. So I suggested that since she was going to start Kindergarten in 2007, she could also finish up nursing in 2007. She thought it was a fine idea. I still nursed her through December and didn't think she would actually stop in 2007. But on New Year's day she said it was 2007 and she was done nursing. Just a few months ago she told me she didn't mean it and she didn't want to stop nursing then. I offered it to her sort of as a joke and she didn't want to nurse, she said she was just checking. That was the only time she talked about since then.

My youngest will be 4 in February. She nurses to sleep maybe 4 times a week. I'm starting to get super annoyed twitchy feelings when she nurses. And I'm thinking that if I told her I was done she would accept it. I can't bring myself to do that though since her siblings got to choose when to stop.
So I guess I'm torn. I think child-led weaning helps so much with confidence and indepence but I guess I'm touched out and ready for it to be over. Just kinda impatient. Jan 28, 2009 will make 8 years of continuous breastfeeding. If I don't have any breastmilk, what will I do when someone gets something in their eye? Or a scrape on the playground? Or all the other neat uses for breastmilk?

Can anyone relate?

[ElliesMomma]

wow! congratulations!! eight years- hey, you gotta hit that mark if nothing else, right? but seriously, i'm only 2 years 9 months in continuous breastfeeding (so far), what do i know about what you are experiencing?

i really don't have the older kids and tandem experience to relate to, but it *sounds like* your others went about this long in time, maybe the one a little longer, so in any case you are probably close to the finish line.

i can't tell you what to do. but i do wish you good luck!!

[halo8]

i just wanted to chip in that I feel much like you do. I am currently tandem nursing my 4.3 year old and 14 month old. I don't mind so much nursing the younger one but I do get so annoyed nursing the older one. I find myself setting many limits (at night especially) and really wishing she would just hurry up and wean already! I am very committed to CLW but at this point not sure if I can make it!

so no real advice here, just letting you know that you are not alone. your post mentioning that your others both seemed to stop about this time is giving me hope. I keep thinking that maybe i need to realize that I am about at the end of our nursing relationship and maybe just enjoy the rest of it.

[kavamamakava]

Thanks ElliesMomma

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by halo8

i just wanted to chip in that I feel much like you do. I am currently tandem nursing my 4.3 year old and 14 month old. I don't mind so much nursing the younger one but I do get so annoyed nursing the older one. I find myself setting many limits (at night especially) and really wishing she would just hurry up and wean already! I am very committed to CLW but at this point not sure if I can make it!

so no real advice here, just letting you know that you are not alone. your post mentioning that your others both seemed to stop about this time is giving me hope. I keep thinking that maybe i need to realize that I am about at the end of our nursing relationship and maybe just enjoy the rest of it.

How often does your older one nurse? I started working full time in November 2006 when my middle child was just a little older than 4. Once I did that, I found that nursing her at bedtime was too chaotic with also needing to nurse the 1 1/2 yr old and get the 5 year old to sleep. Being a single parent at bedtime after a full day of work can be tough! So I did set limits and ask her to wait until the younger one was asleep to nurse. Often she just fell asleep without nursing. And then she just stopped asking to nurse at bedtime and started just nursing on weekends. I continued nursing the younger one in the morning before work, when I picked her up at daycare, after dinner, and at bedtime. She usually woke up to nurse once or twice as well - sort of reverse cycle nursing.

I know some don't consider restricting access to be child led weaning, though. But I feel that I need to set limits on my own personal space and let them nurse when I wasn't feeling too touched out. The only problem is that I don't want to nurse anymore at all. Tandem nursing is another topic though. I think there sometimes can be negative feelings or irritation or impatience toward the older one and that's perfectly normal.

[halo8]

Hi there, sorry it took me so long to get back to this. busy busy days!

The older one nurses almost as much as the younger one some days. always first thing in the morning and at bedtime. just before her sister was born, she was down to maybe once or twice a day, but as soon as she saw the baby nursing, she was up to 5 or 6 times a day right away. She would also nurse throughout the night - sometimes 5 or 6 times alone between bed time and morning! I too have been feeling like I just want to stop nursing altogether. I've even entertained thoughts of just weaning both of them so that the older one would stop! that was temporary insanity though. I hope.

What I did do is work on night weaning the older one. That was something I really didn't want to do, but I was not getting any sleep at night between the two of them. So I prepared her for a few days and then on the night we chose, no more nursing after falling asleep, until the clock read "7:00" am. It actually went much easier than I had anticipated. She will sometimes wake up and ask for nummies and when I say, "no, remember no nummies until 7, but we can snuggle" she will let out a few half hearted cries and then fall back to sleep. Most nights though, she sleeps until about 6:30 am!

I know what you mean about some not believing that using restrictions is actually CLW, but I think for us it is either restrictions, or mom will crack. so it's a choice of weaning, or restricting. I will restrict her during the day too, if she'll let me She will ask many many times a day, especially when her sister is nursing and a lot of times I will say, no, you can nurse later but not right now. usually she's okay with it but somedays she just asks and asks and asks and so I give in.

I've head some say that a child will kind of ramp up and want to nurse much more frequently when they are getting ready to wean and I am really hoping that's what this is!

I had absolutely no problems nursing my older dd right up until dd2 was born. then I really became irritated that I 'had' to nurse her sometimes instead of taking care of my newborn. I thought these were normal feelings and some kind of mother instinct thing and that they would eventually go away. They have definitely lessened, but I still feel that irritation and it is affecting our nursing relationship for sure. I worry on and off if I am doing the right thing.....

You very much have my admiration for being able to do this (parenting and tandem nursing and extended nursing!) as a single parent. Some days I can barely make it through the days (and nights) with my husband's support. He is going away on business for three days in a couple of weeks and I am freaking out about being alone for three whole nights! Your kids are very lucky to have such a caring momma!

[Lordy5]

If you want to wean, you should

[library lady]

I completey feel your pain. I too have been nursing non-stop since 2001. I have a 7 yo, a 4 yo, a 22 mo, and a 1 mo and am finding it increasingly more difficult to tandem nurse. My 7 yo nursed until she was almost 4. My 4 yo weaned pretty early. I don't really remember what age it was but I know she nursed until the 22 mo was born. Now, I have a newborn and it drives me nuts to nurse the 22 mo. She fidgets and wiggles and it just plain hurts. I try to distract her and have told her no more than I should. At 22 months, she is still just a baby and still needs to nurse, especially with needing extra reassurance.

I always plan to nurse for at least two years. I have never ever set a limit on my kids when it came to nursing so I feel like I am really being unfair to my 22 mo. and it bugs me. I can tell you all of the reasons that I should just suck it up and let her nurse as often as she wants but that doesn't change the fact that I just can't take it.

I am looking at a minimum of another 2 years of nursing. Like you, I wonder what I will do when I no longer have milk. It is such a mixed bag. On one hand, I am looking forward to the day that I don't have to wear clothes that allow easy access and can eat and drink whatever I want. On the other hand, nursing is such a wonderful experience and has so many benefits that I will be sad when my baby weans.

[SereneBabe]

I just wrote a long reply that would apply here in the "Nursing 4y.o. and 2y.o. and now pregnant" thread.

My short reply is... you're posting in the Child Led Weaning forum, so, you probably want to follow your child's lead, right? :-)

[Eman'smom]

I've been nursing pregnant or both since August of 2000, so I get where you are coming from. Have you talked to dd about when she would be done? When dd was three we started talking about when she would be done and she and I agree that 4 would be a good age.

Nursing is a relationship and like all relationships it needs to grow and change, it sounds like you might need some limits?

[smibbo]

I do believe it's called "child LED weaning" not "child controlled weaning"

You don't always have to follow every single lead of your child. That's why you're the mother. Your feelings are just as important. If you want to wean, do it.

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by Eman'smom

I've been nursing pregnant or both since August of 2000, so I get where you are coming from. Have you talked to dd about when she would be done? When dd was three we started talking about when she would be done and she and I agree that 4 would be a good age.

Nursing is a relationship and like all relationships it needs to grow and change, it sounds like you might need some limits?

She always tells me that when she's big she won't nurse anymore. She also said she'll be big when she's 4. But I'm not going to cut her off on her birthday and say BUT YOU SAID!
She hasn't nursed since last week Wednesday though. And her birthday is tomorrow.

[jazzerita]

I've been dealing with the twitchy feelings, too. I had attributed it to a funky latch or from her having hand foot and mouth disease but I can't figure it out. My DD is 3 years 6 months today and she has cut down, on her own, to only nursing in the morning and at night. Some days she'll nurse during the day but only if I offer. She never asks to nurse during the day.

I've been finding that it helps when I tell myself, while she's nursing and I'm feeling anxious, to stop for a second and just look at her. Then I'll go over a little list in my mind about how she's the same little baby with the same little mouth and nose and eyes, etc. It keeps me distracted enough to get through the nursing and I'm able to not make her stop. I was cutting her nursing sessions short and she was having a really hard time with it--melting down during the day, telling me she's not my daughter and she wants to live with her grandma, etc, so it told me it was really messing her up.

Sorry I don't have answers other than that you're not alone. I never wanted to wean and I still don't really want to, but I do wish it was as enjoyable as it used to be (some days it's fine but it really coincides with where I'm at in my cycle). Good luck

ETA: I'm not planning on weaning, but I think it's natural to have those doubts crop up when you're practicing child lead weaning and it's nice to have a place to talk about it where you're not told you're a weirdo for even worrying about the effects it will have on your child if you wean them before they're ready. I hope that you are able to find something that works for you and your little one, but if you want her to wean when she's ready, then maybe finding some tricks for making it more enjoyable will be helpful.

[kavamamakava]

Thanks jazzerita! That was inspiring and so true!

[pixiepunk]

perhaps just having the conversation with your LO (like you did before)? just start with the fact that kids eventually don't need to nurse. let her absorb that fact, she what she has to say about it. go from there. how she responds will give you a lot of insight into whether she'd be amenable to discussing plans to stop or if she's not ready to think about it yet.

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by pixiepunk

perhaps just having the conversation with your LO (like you did before)? just start with the fact that kids eventually don't need to nurse. let her absorb that fact, she what she has to say about it. go from there. how she responds will give you a lot of insight into whether she'd be amenable to discussing plans to stop or if she's not ready to think about it yet.

Well, she told me that she was going to stop nursing when she was a big girl. She also told me that she would be a big girl when she turned 4. She turned 4 and stood next to me and said she was still pretty little compared to me She's still nursing to bed.

[lil_earthmomma]

Originally Posted by kavamamakava

Well, she told me that she was going to stop nursing when she was a big girl. She also told me that she would be a big girl when she turned 4. She turned 4 and stood next to me and said she was still pretty little compared to me She's still nursing to bed.

Sigh, so cute!

[ani'smommy]

I was planning to CLW with DD, but the twitchy feelings became so overwhelming, that I stopped offering, and put limits on nursing. She nursed until she was 3.5.

I actually wish I had stopped sooner, because the feeling of revulsion when she nursed was just horrible, and has actually affected my relationship with her now. I was hesitant to cuddle with her because I was afraid she'd ask to nurse. I still feel a little strange nursing DS when she is around because I know that she would still like to. (She just turned 4.) I just plain can't do it though.

I think you really have to listen to your own body as well as to your child.

[sweetpeppers]

Originally Posted by kavamamakava

Jan 28, 2009 will make 8 years of continuous breastfeeding. If I don't have any breastmilk, what will I do when someone gets something in their eye? Or a scrape on the playground? Or all the other neat uses for breastmilk?

Can anyone relate?

My only son just turned two, so I can't relate that way. But I can't imagine not having milk someday. I feel like when my son is done, I'd want to pump, because it's such a precious liquid. lol, I've never been a pumper though, so I doubt I'd do it. But still it would be weird not to be producing milk.

[foreverinbluejeans]

If you think about it you lead the conversations so you could almost call it momma led child led weaning. If you are ready to wean you can lead your child to be able to wean.

I nursed my 3 children over 10 years and my youngest only got to breastfeed 3 years. I had several serious medical conditions and was taking 11 oral medications, 2 inhalers, and IV medications every 3 weeks. I'd been taking most of these drugs since I was pregnant with my youngest. By the time he was 3 I was just tired of nursing and tired of dealing with doctors being upset with all the meds I was taking and nursing.

My oldest got to nurse until he was 6 and the youngest until he was 3. They are now 28 and 20. The 28 year old remembers nursing but it isn't that big of a deal to him. I don't think in the long run it mattered that the youngest didn't get to nurse as long. His oral development was OK and he didn't need braces.

My middle son is 25. I don't remember exactly when he weaned. I think that's kind of the way it's supposed to be. He nurse a lot with his older brother and when his brother weaned it wasn't as fun and he didn't nurse nearly as much. He weaned about the time I got pregnant with my youngest when he was close to 5.

I enjoyed about the first 8 years of nursing. I have a friend that nursed for 11years - the only person I have known that nursed longer than me.