Quiverful Tribe: It's 2009! (Part 1) - Page 9

[mercy589]

Hello Mamas,

I've just read all 20 pages of the summer thread and now 1/2 of this thread. I've just read A Full Quiver and have been doing some reading online and trying to determine the truth in this all and what God's plan in for my family. I've got two girls, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. They are both very intense high needs kids and I'm exhausted! ...but seeking God in all this. We plan to homeschool (I was homeschooled!) and are AP parents, delay vax, etc. I've been wondering where to find AP minded moms of large families, and am happy to find this thread here! I am a member of MDC and have been for awhile but I didn't think to look here, I found the thread through a google search, lol.

So, my thoughts... I feel that my obstacle to having a large family is just that I don't know how to do it, my kids WEAR ME OUT with nursing every 3 hours round the clock, all night, till they are 2 or 3. They don't need much sleep at all, intense kids. Very smart though and wonderful, just exhausting. I started to wonder if I'm parenting wrong or if AP parenting can't go hand in hand with having a large family. Because how do you stay up all night with the 5th kid if its anything like my first two and get up the next day and bake bread and homeschool? Seriously, I want to know how you do it, what a typical day looks like around your home. I wish I could come visit you all and see how you do it. I get that you're not super moms and that its hard and based in trusting God to provide, but I do wish that I could hang out with some of you and see the joys of your large families!

DH's question to me was what about people who get VERY deathly sick with pregnancy? Friends of ours are on a second very difficult pregnancy and the mom is on bedrest, etc, incapaciated, how can you choose to do that to yourself and family?

I don't know, my thoughts are running together right now. LO is sick and throwing up and here I am on the computer all day holding her and reading about having more kids??? lol

[rstump]

I have been VERY sick and basically on bedrest for each of my 5 pregnancies.

My family (DH, Mom and kids) are more than happy to help out while I am sick...we are blessed with new life and that is what is important. It is hard but it has brought our family together MORE each and every time.

[TzippityDoulah]

Mercy,

I don't know if you read my story... but i get VERY sick with each pregnancy and have ben on bed rest several times. It is NOT easy. and I worry and fret a lot. and I wont lie - I question God "God are you absolutely certain this is your will?" pretty often. This has not been easy. it's full of contradictions. (but life always is). when we choose to obey in any area, sadly another area always seems ot go by the wayside. and that's difficult. But, God blesses obedience in all sorts of ways. and I agree fullheartedly with the PP who said that it brings a family closer. it truly does, when their hearts are right. and there is almost mothing better in this world than a close knit family.

The act of obedience is a wonderful thing. God knows all our needs before we do. and not only that He loves the sacrifice he gave up. (just think of the sacrifice His son made for us!!! nothing could compare - but motherhood is about as close as one can get!)

about the AP thing... well I will only say this. I love MDC and all the mamas here... and I do not wish to go against anything on MDC terms of use, but i will say this - my family isn't "AP". we read the bible and follow as God leads my husband and I. we don't have a name for it. we just try to parent in how God shows us for each kid and the time sin their lives. We don't nurse for 3 years (though we nurse long term!) and we don't co-sleep b/c I can't sleep that way (exceptfor with newborns if they are fussy, or sick children etc) and we don't do anything that ANY label tells us to. we parent how we feel God is leading us to. that's all.

my point is, surrendering yourself and your fertility to God isn't easy. but to surrender it fully you must surrender your parenting ideals too and look to HIM for direction there. that's between you, your husband and God where He will lead you. I would be leery of ANY label though. because then you feel bound by the label when really you should be bound by seeking God's direction - if that makes sense.

[cappuccinosmom]

Mercy

We aren't whole-hog AP here either. We do what works for all of us, and what is good for the kids *and* the family. Like Henny, a label doesn't really stick to us. We're not mainstream either. I do nurse round the clock up to a year. We semi-cosleep. But we also teach and train starting very young so that they learn to live with the rest of us and so that we don't all drive each other bananas. I wasn't willing to lose my sanity for the sake of following AP perfectly, and I came to that conclusion with my first child.

Also, those ages you have are very intense anyway. My younger two are exactly those ages. Oh. My. : And the baby is a wild one. He can take down his 5 yo brother, and generally, if I hear someone screaming, it's one of the older boys being sat on and squashed by the "baby". It does get better though. My 5 yo is a *huge* help. And the 3 yo is working on it. They're good kids and even though some days are completely crazy, as they're getting older I'm getting a glimpse of how good life can be with them.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

Mercy

We aren't whole-hog AP here either. We do what works for all of us, and what is good for the kids *and* the family. Like Henny, a label doesn't really stick to us. We're not mainstream either. I do nurse round the clock up to a year. We semi-cosleep. But we also teach and train starting very young so that they learn to live with the rest of us and so that we don't all drive each other bananas. I wasn't willing to lose my sanity for the sake of following AP perfectly, and I came to that conclusion with my first child.

Also, those ages you have are very intense anyway. My younger two are exactly those ages. Oh. My. : And the baby is a wild one. He can take down his 5 yo brother, and generally, if I hear someone screaming, it's one of the older boys being sat on and squashed by the "baby". It does get better though. My 5 yo is a *huge* help. And the 3 yo is working on it. They're good kids and even though some days are completely crazy, as they're getting older I'm getting a glimpse of how good life can be with them.

I'm glad you shared that I thought i might get bashed for what I said about us not being too "AP". hehe

[cappuccinosmom]

No bashing here.

[mercy589]

HennyPenny, I think I did read your story. I'm in awe of you guys in that I'm coming to see that this isn't easy and you aren't supermoms but you're following your convictions to this point. The faith is amazing.

More thoughts... since I can't come hang out with you all and learn that way, you need to teach me! What things do you feel make your home run more smoothly? What do you wish you would have learned earlier? What can I do right now to prepare for having a bigger family if God chooses that?

I've been really working on meal planning and trying out new recipes, starting to make our own granola bars, granola, tortillas, etc, ... I feel like I'm really growing in that area and that will help me as our family grows to be more organized with recipes and meal planning. Although cooking for an army is so foreign to me, how does that even work? I doubt there are many leftovers! lol

The other thing I feel could help is getting my house as organized as possible. I'm sort of feeling called to do this right now and don't know where to start, but feel it may be preparation for the future. Does that make any sense?

[mercy589]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

congratulations! I understand your concerns, though. I really do. My best advise (aside from obviously praying about it often) is to try and prepare your body as best you can. get as much rest as you can now. take some extra supplements to help with iron, magnesium and all the other things mom are normally depleted in. May seem silly, but it makes a huge difference in post partum parenting!

This is interesting, what supplements? Just a prenatal or more specific doses of something?

[100%mom]

Bri, hugs to you! I just thought that I'd share that I have a friend that has had two babies with a cerclage. She lost her first baby when she was five or six months pg and so for her other two pg's she used a cerclage. Also, I understand your frustration about ppl who don't want babies having it so easy. When my husband and I first got married we had two miscarriages in a row and I knew single gals at the time that were having babies with no problems. God knows what is best for us though and now we have been blest with 3 kids.

Mercy, as far as getting your house organized Flylady.com is a very good place to start. I don't follow flylady all the way, but to the extent that I keep my house way cleaner then ever before. It shocks me if my bed isn't made now. As far as cooking for an army, kids most of the time only come one at a time. You don't just go from cooking for two to cooking for twelve overnight. Meal planning is great! Every week before I go grocery shopping I make a menu for the week and buy what I'll need. It saves many trips back and forth to the store. We aren't all out AP either. We did have our last two at home, have done delayed vacs, co-sleep for the first few months and have nursed as long as possible. Though I've yet to make it to a year. That's my goal each time. Last time I made it to 11 months.

[fruitfulmomma]

I am agreement with Henny Penny also. Our first commitment is to the teachings of the Bible and I just happen to believe that a lot of what AP promotes fits well, but there are some areas that I completely disagree with. Anyway, I am not sure I have a lot of advice as of yet. Our house is chaotic a lot but every morning is new, right?

I have actually been doing a lot of thinking on the issue of physical hardships of maternity and how my QF beliefs line up with that. I have PSD, which developed in my third pregnancy and has progressively gotten worse with each one. I was finally able to get some relief from Chiropractic care a few days before my last birth but before that I was basically immobile for two months. For me, while it was difficult, it wasn't really an issue, but my husband relayed some comments from a Christian man we know that made me really have to go back to the scriptures and reaffirm my position on the issue. And I just keep coming back to the place where I know that God has required certain things of me and I don't get to try to take control of the situation and do things my own way just because things don't look right to me.

For me, the big issue of faith comes with our finances. We are very low-income and sometimes I just want God to tell me what He is doing with us, but ya know every night we go to bed with a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and a full stomach, so who am I to complain?

I also wanted to mention that this company - http://www.visionforum.com/ is having a sale (through the 10th) on a package of resources on this issue that includes the Duggar's new book, a movie called The Demographic Winter, and a couple of more things and if you click on the blog and scroll down just a bit there is a letter from his wife that is very encouraging.

Oh, and I am not sure I did an intro for this thread yet, so... Lloyd and I have been married 10 years and we have 5 children - ds is 8 and 4 dd's ages 6,4,2, and 8 weeks. (Yeah, we were supposed to have a bunch of boys as there are hardly any girls in his family in the last 5 gens. Guess we are making up for that.)We are starting to get "the look" and comments and such. Mostly it seems all curiosity and positive though. My husband loves to shock people who ask how many more we'll have that I want 20, which is true but unless God decides to move us off the singleton every two years track, I don't think it's going to happen.

We are raising/homeschooling our brood out in Northern Colorado right between the Great Plains and the Rocky Mnts.

[cappuccinosmom]

mercy, organization and time management are the biggies for me. Knowing what I need to do, and having a flexible schedule really has helped me out. I still need to work on that.

Another thing I wanted to mention was this--being QF doesn't automatically mean you're gonna get 15 kids. Dh and I both wanted a massive family. He laughed out loud with joy when he heard how many I wanted, because he was having a hard time finding a woman who wanted as many as he did.
I was 19 when we married and our first was concieved on our honeymoon. So we thought for sure we'd be super-fertile. As it turns out, our three boys are 24 months apart, and my youngest is 22 months old with no pregnancy in sight this time. I track my fertility for my own knowledge. Dh has no clue and we don't use NFP to ttc or to avoid. I have been fertile about 5 months now, plenty of opportunity , no baby.

Although, it looks like might be fertile over Valentine's Day weekend. So who knows.

[akichan]

For momtokimari

Good luck on the rest of your pregnancy! It will be hard but so worth it in the end!

Flame away, but I don't find talking about a vasectomy any different than talking about circumcision, really, so intactivists that make it their business to go around spreading their views aren't very different than those suggesting a vasectomy for your husband.

Also, people would always ask me if I was going to "try for a girl" because I had two boys. That's also rude. I just found out that #3 is going to be a boy, too. Wonder if I'll still get questions? Sorry, I commiserate with you, because sometimes people can be sooo insensitive.

[akichan]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

Another thing I wanted to mention was this--being QF doesn't automatically mean you're gonna get 15 kids.

Sooo, so true! There are people who never use any method of birth control and end up only having 1 or 2 children. It doesn't mean that they can't also be QF. It's about God opening AND CLOSING the womb, after all. I believe that not everyone can have so many children, and that those who do are blessed in a way that others are not. A friend of mine always wanted 4 children, but she had 2 in 3 years, and that's it. Actually, I know quite a few people who didn't have as many children as they wanted because although they tried, they never conceived.

[momtokimari]

Originally Posted by akichan

Good luck on the rest of your pregnancy! It will be hard but so worth it in the end!

Flame away, but I don't find talking about a vasectomy any different than talking about circumcision, really, so intactivists that make it their business to go around spreading their views aren't very different than those suggesting a vasectomy for your husband.

Also, people would always ask me if I was going to "try for a girl" because I had two boys. That's also rude. I just found out that #3 is going to be a boy, too. Wonder if I'll still get questions? Sorry, I commiserate with you, because sometimes people can be sooo insensitive.

I think it's just America. We aren't trained to be polite anymore.

[meowee]

There's an article on the nytimes about large families that mentions quiverful:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/fa...html?_r=1&8dpc

It is a bit snide but at least isn't scathingly critical.

[JesiLynne]

I really liked that article, I'll tell you why. It high lights the criticism families with more than 3 children get. Plus it gives some insight as to the intelligence of families who have to make more go farther.
I liked the responses at the end

[huskermommy]

subbing to learn more

[mama2Elisha]

I have 2 boys, both my c-section. My husband and I have just decided a few month ago to be QF, a few months after that I got prego and then miscarried at 9 weeks. Ina weird place for sure.

[mama2Elisha]

Why Does God take babies away?

HI. My husband and I have 2 boys and about 6 months ago we went QF then got pg and lost the baby at 9 weeks. Why would God do that? Why, after giving it to Him, would He gives us a baby then take it away.... sorry... I'm just having a hard time understanding....

[100%mom]

mama2Elisha! God's ways are far above our ways. I've miscarried twice and it's hard.