Quiverful Tribe: It's 2009! (Part 1) - Page 5

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

but b/c I just don't happen to say things like "we NEVER use birth control, but we really like having sex!" in the middle of conversations with people.

: That is just too funny!

[MOMYS]

It is one of those things we don't advertise, but it is kind of hard to miss our family size when I'm pregnant with #7. We usually just say: Yes, we are very blessed! We don't know if our family is complete, we leave that up to God!

We've had plenty of stunned expressions :-) :-) and a number of rude comments.

Anelle

[momtokimari]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

but b/c I just don't happen to say things like "we NEVER use birth control, but we really like having sex!" in the middle of conversations with people.

[TzippityDoulah]

well I do imagine if you have 5 or 7 kids people probably get even gutsier and start asking even more point blank questions lol. So maybe I would say it then... but with only 2.5 kids I only get those questions glances or semi-rude comments so far. I haven't been stopped in the store and questioned by a total stranger just yet - but if I had to I would say that

[FCMomofaBunch]

Do people know you are QF? No

If no, then why? I'm just afraid that people wouldn't understand. I get a kick out of people who say "You're busy" or "you've got your hands full". I think to myself, "well, I'm working on my quiver-full!"

I see my children as a blessing, and it just hurts to think about preventing God from blessing my family with more. I feel that is God's choice to make, not ours. I am just a servant to the Lord. After the arrival of #3, I realized that God is giving us what we can handle.

[lil_earthmomma]

Delurking to ask a question.

I introduced myself a while back, and this has been on my heart for well... ever. I've always visualized myself with a large family, and having as many children as God gives us. BUT...

Are there any qf mama's that are wohm? Can this ideology be compatible with working outside of the home?

Argh, my mind is going crazy with all of these problems and scenarios.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma

Are there any qf mama's that are wohm? Can this ideology be compatible with working outside of the home?

Argh, my mind is going crazy with all of these problems and scenarios.

sorry I'm unfamiliar with that term... what is "wohm"?

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

sorry I'm unfamiliar with that term... what is "wohm"?

Work-Outside-Home-Mom (Just as WAHM means Work-At-Home-Mom and SAHM means Stay-AT-Home-Mom).

I know one couple with 14 kids who is planning on this. Both Mom and Dad have been going to college for a couple of years, while their older children homeschool and watch the younger children while their parents are in class. I suppose the plan is that the older will watch the younger fulltime when both Mom and Dad finish school and start their jobs.

[Kidzaplenty]

I know a few WOHM's and it is not easy. Most have some other support system built in, one has a SAHD to replace her. If you don't homeschool and all the children are of school age, it could be done somewhat easily if you worked school hours. Otherwise it would take careful thought and work on the matter to make it come out right. But it could be done.

[mammal_mama]

Oh, and I forgot to add that the family I mentioned that now has 14 kids, used to earn most of their income delivering papers. They had a whole bunch of routes, and their older kids all helped. One of the girls would stay home to care for the little ones, while everyone else did the routes. I think the kids did all the legwork, while Mom and Dad each drove (separate cars) and directed everyone.

It just depends how comfortable people are about kids working but not exactly getting their own pay. I mean, I know everyone helps out in a family -- but these kids worked super hard ... I guess it's no different from Little House on the Prairie, though. And the kids seem happy.

It's like a major bonus to each of these kids, when they reach the age where they can get a job and actually earn their own money. They've been working hard all along, but now they actually have something in their own pocket.

[100%mom]

The Bible says that the Woman is supposed to be the Keeper at home. To me that means that I'm supposed to stay home and take care of the household and not work out of the house. I also don't think God wants me to have a bunch of kids for the oldest to raise. If I'm going to let God decide how many blessings I'm to have then I think I should be the one to raise them.

[lil_earthmomma]

Originally Posted by 100%mom

The Bible says that the Woman is supposed to be the Keeper at home. To me that means that I'm supposed to stay home and take care of the household and not work out of the house. I also don't think God wants me to have a bunch of kids for the oldest to raise. If I'm going to let God decide how many blessings I'm to have then I think I should be the one to raise them.

Ouch, I was waiting for that. I used to say things like that before I realised that sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and that just because your children go to daycare/preschool/public school/have a nanny/dayhome etc. does not mean you are not raising them. You are still their mama, and you still raise them.

Thank you for the other responses. I am praying about this.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma

Delurking to ask a question.

I introduced myself a while back, and this has been on my heart for well... ever. I've always visualized myself with a large family, and having as many children as God gives us. BUT...

Are there any qf mama's that are wohm? Can this ideology be compatible with working outside of the home?

Argh, my mind is going crazy with all of these problems and scenarios.

I work outside of the home for approx 30 hours a week right now. I am lucky though that my kids can come with me.

It presents challenges, but we make it work.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma

Ouch, I was waiting for that. I used to say things like that before I realised that sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and that just because your children go to daycare/preschool/public school/have a nanny/dayhome etc. does not mean you are not raising them. You are still their mama, and you still raise them.

Thank you for the other responses. I am praying about this.

There is alot of truth to what she says though. It is HARD to work outside of the home when there is so much here to do. Many times I have dropped the ball as a result of being pulled in so many directions.

We have a family owned business that we are trying to make a living off of so dh wants me to work there. It is a dance academy.

We are rearranging our schedules though so that both he and I are there at the same time for most nights.

I would be VERY CAREFUL what you choose to do outside the home because it can be hard.

[LuvMommyAllison]

Question of the week:

Do people know you are QF?

If no, then why?

If yes, what do people say; family, friends, church, and strangers at the store?

I've been away for a week and hope this is still going?

We don't tell people we are "quiverful". Most people don't know the term and some think of it negatively. First of all I don't think it's wrong to try for a baby, or try to fix something that is wrong to try to have a baby, or adopt to have a baby. I have found that sometimes with using that term that someone has come intact with someone who is ultra "religious" and gotten the wrong ideas. Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian, but there are many people out there that use their convictions to argue against adoption or in vitro in the name of being quiverful. That's awful! It's so wrong to judge people in their convictions of having children and I know so many people that do it on both sides.

As for people knowing that we are quiverful, I think they have figured it out by now. For every 5 awful comments I get out in public, somebody always comes up to us and gives us the sweetest comment to cancel them out. One time we went to a breakfast type restaurant and this old man walked up to us and told us what a blessing it was to have a large family and patted each one of our children on the head. Then when we went to pay our check the waitress said the man that had come over to the table had paid it. We were shocked.

But we've also heard really rude unnecessary comments. Once a lady in a small grocery store came up to me and just started jabbering saying "It must be so hard to be so young and have so many children. My mother had 3 children by the age of 21 and she always regretted she missed her childhood." Usually I don't feel the need to say anything back but I told that woman I didn't regret my children and when I was a child I would pray everyday and night for a husband that loved me and that I wanted nothing more to be a good mother and that God faithfully answered my prayers. That woman said nothing, and walked off and has never spoke to me again when I go in that store.

Not too long after I had my fourth I went to a baby shower of an old friend I hadn't seen in years. A mother of one of the girls I used to hang out with asked me if I had any children and I said 4. She gasped and said" DOES YOUR HUSBAND HAVE A JOB?" I thought for a moment, smiled and said "No, we're on welfare" She dropped her jaw lol. I then of course told her my husband does have a job. But that's what people want to hear when they say junk like that isn't it?

My mom is not thrilled with our idea and she keeps thinking I will stop. She recently told me because of a medical condition I have, I should go ahead and get a hysterectomy. Okay mom whatever you say. Not! My husband's grandparents are thrilled. We lost my mil 4 years ago to cancer and they think it's wonderful to have so many children come from her. DH only has one brother and he has 2 children and that's it. When DH told his grandfather he said he needed at least 15 great grandchildren before he died. DH's father thinks it's great too although he lives far away in Hawaii. He wanted a lot of children too but my mil got her tubes tied without telling him at the birth of my husband. It hurt their marriage so bad they ended up divorced.

We go to a church were lots of families are quiverful, but there is only one other woman with my fertility. She has 11, but she's in her mid 40's and they are spread out over 18 years. With my history, I have Michelle Duggar's fertility lol. People in my church are very supportive and EVERY baby get's a baby shower.

Oh one more thing. A few days ago my dh told his boss that I was having another baby and she said "Well since it's you and I know you, I'll say congratulations." How rude was that? Lol!

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma

Originally Posted by 100%mom

The Bible says that the Woman is supposed to be the Keeper at home. To me that means that I'm supposed to stay home and take care of the household and not work out of the house. I also don't think God wants me to have a bunch of kids for the oldest to raise. If I'm going to let God decide how many blessings I'm to have then I think I should be the one to raise them.

Ouch, I was waiting for that. I used to say things like that before I realised that sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and that just because your children go to daycare/preschool/public school/have a nanny/dayhome etc. does not mean you are not raising them. You are still their mama, and you still raise them.

Thank you for the other responses. I am praying about this.

Well, I have to agree that you are still their mama. But I do believe it is that it is a mom's job to take care of her children. And I understand that you gotta do what you gotta do, but I agree with 100%mom. The Scriptures seem very clear to me in that area.

I know there are WOHMs who do it because they have no choice and others by choice, but that does not change the "best" way. And the best way is always God's way.

Realistically, I don't see how a typical large family would do better with two incomes, if the expenses of child care take most or all of one income, as it would in my case.

And I guess I will get flamed for saying so, but I really believe that the person or persons that spends the most time with a child is the one "raising" them. So when a child is with mom or dad only three or four hours a day (not including sleep time), it is not quite accurate (IMHO) to say they are raising them. (Although there are always exceptions.)

So many parents give that job off to the school system, daycares, and childsitters without a second thought.

But then, it goes back to your personal definition of "raising". I guess I see it as "teaching, nurturing, educating, and putting time into implanting ideals and faith; and then being there to weed and prune as necessary until they are fully matured".

And though this is not an impossible task when you are a WOHP, it is an uphill battle as you fight the constant influence that others are putting into them. That is also why it is so important that IF you are a WOHP that you must implicitly trust whom you are putting you children in the care of. Because by the sheer amount of time they spend with those children, they will "rub off" on them.

This is not to say that all WOHPs are not "raising" their children, or that they are disobeying Scriptures. Because that is not necessarily the case. But, I really feel that in most circumstances, children need to spend a majority of time with their parents (one or the other, or both). Especially when those children are very young and impressionable.

But, times in life are not perfectly scripted, and things gotta be done that hasta be done. I have BTDT.

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by LuvMommyAllison

Not too long after I had my fourth I went to a baby shower of an old friend I hadn't seen in years. A mother of one of the girls I used to hang out with asked me if I had any children and I said 4. She gasped and said" DOES YOUR HUSBAND HAVE A JOB?" I thought for a moment, smiled and said "No, we're on welfare" She dropped her jaw lol. I then of course told her my husband does have a job. But that's what people want to hear when they say junk like that isn't it?

:

I just had to laugh! I HAVE to remember that one. It sounds just like something I would say, but I have never said it. (I will now!)

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

Well, I have to agree that you are still their mama. But I do believe it is that it is a mom's job to take care of her children. And I understand that you gotta do what you gotta do, but I agree with 100%mom. The Scriptures seem very clear to me in that area.

I know there are WOHMs who do it because they have no choice and others by choice, but that does not change the "best" way. And the best way is always God's way.

Realistically, I don't see how a typical large family would do better with two incomes, if the expenses of child care take most or all of one income, as it would in my case.

And I guess I will get flamed for saying so, but I really believe that the person or persons that spends the most time with a child is the one "raising" them. So when a child is with mom or dad only three or four hours a day (not including sleep time), it is not quite accurate (IMHO) to say they are raising them. (Although there are always exceptions.)

So many parents give that job off to the school system, daycares, and childsitters without a second thought.

But then, it goes back to your personal definition of "raising". I guess I see it as "teaching, nurturing, educating, and putting time into implanting ideals and faith; and then being there to weed and prune as necessary until they are fully matured".

And though this is not an impossible task when you are a WOHP, it is an uphill battle as you fight the constant influence that others are putting into them. That is also why it is so important that IF you are a WOHP that you must implicitly trust whom you are putting you children in the care of. Because by the sheer amount of time they spend with those children, they will "rub off" on them.

This is not to say that all WOHPs are not "raising" their children, or that they are disobeying Scriptures. Because that is not necessarily the case. But, I really feel that in most circumstances, children need to spend a majority of time with their parents (one or the other, or both). Especially when those children are very young and impressionable.

But, times in life are not perfectly scripted, and things gotta be done that hasta be done. I have BTDT.

Very wise advice

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by LuvMommyAllison

Not too long after I had my fourth I went to a baby shower of an old friend I hadn't seen in years. A mother of one of the girls I used to hang out with asked me if I had any children and I said 4. She gasped and said" DOES YOUR HUSBAND HAVE A JOB?" I thought for a moment, smiled and said "No, we're on welfare" She dropped her jaw lol. I then of course told her my husband does have a job. But that's what people want to hear when they say junk like that isn't it?

hahaha LOVE that reply! I will have to remember that one for the future!

I have a distant cousin with 9 kids. by far the most of anyone in our family by a long shot. I don't now them well though. anyhow my family thinks it's their right to have opinions on them. but the thing is the family and kids are so nice they can't think of much to say so it usually ends up in a discussion about finances.

"well I guess if the husband works hard enough to support all of those kids, it's their choice."

but really how many family in this day and age have 9 kids and live full time on welfare? I can't think of one! it's much more common for teen/single moms of 1-2. raising a group of responsible adults is a GOOD thing but people just don't want to see it that way for some reason. the complaints always are between one of these:

"there are too many kids too feed! they aren't teaching those kids proper responsiblity!"

or

"They work those poor kids too hard and they never have any time to just be a kid"

pick a side people! lol

anyhow everyone needs help now and again and there should be no shame in that no matter how many kids are involved. it should be a non-issue.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

but really how many family in this day and age have 9 kids and live full time on welfare?

I don't think I know anyone who lives fulltime on welfare. There is something called TANF to help out single parents, usually to get on their feet through education. There's a 5-year lifetime limit on this.

I do know various families (including my own) who periodically get government assistance through programs like Medicaid (we get this for our girls, dh's co-pay for health insurance through his job is too high for us), hospital discounts (dh and I apply for these whenever we need to see a doctor), and also food stamps and WIC (we get both of these right now).

There are also things like emergency assistance to help with utility bills, help with weatherizing your home, and food pantries -- some taxpayer-supported, some church-supported, that most people don't use on an ongoing basis, but just from time to time when they get into a difficult place.

Obviously, then, unless you're a single parent utilizing TANF to get into a better position to care for your family, you're not "living fulltime on welfare," and even the people who are using TANF can only do it for 5 years tops -- then, obviously, they will be working and paying back in.

anyhow everyone needs help now and again and there should be no shame in that no matter how many kids are involved. it should be a non-issue.

Yes, I agree with this.