Boys and dolls? - Page 2

[merpk]

I don't think it matters one way or the other. They turn out the way they will.

DS#1 is 4, DD is 2. When she was born all the toys we had were "little boy toys," trucks, cars, tools, etc. That's all she played with. And you know what? When she put the "people" in the trucks, she would first hug them and kiss them, sometimes put them in her shirt and nurse them , and basically was very "female" in her playing.

Now she has some dolls, a toy crib (we cosleep, so she was confused about the crib's purpose at first ) and a doll house. DS#1 plays with all of them, too, very lovingly (though he will sometimes send in a dinosaur reconnaissance team to eat them) but he will hand over the dolls to his sister when he decides it's time for them to "nursie."

This may be taking the topic to the extreme side limit, but just from watching them, I truly believe sexual identity is strongly biological. Doesn't matter how you try to direct them, they go where they are programmed to go.

- Amy

[tara]

My nephew is six years old and still has tea parties with his grandma. He has dolls and trucks. For a long time as a toddler he loved his grandma's red silkie nightie and slept with it every night. He can wrestle with the best of them. He's pretty well-rounded.

I intend to do everything I can to nurture my boy's sweet, loving, sensitive qualities. He already gives sweet hugs and kisses and pets the kitty really gently. I will give him dolls (I agree wholeheartedly with the earlier poster who said boys need to practice being nurturing parents. We make a lot of fuss in this culture about how men aren't involved parents, but we shame boys who want to play with dolls?!?) I once overheard a father saying, "Oh, you don't want that doll. Why don't we get this truck instead? Dolls are for girls," at a store and it broke my heart.

If my boy wanted to play dressup I'd be cool with that, too. It's a game. Pretend. Fantasy. For a few boys, it's more than that - plenty of adult gay men would tell you stories about playing in their mother's closets at 5 years of age. But, I don't care a bit if my boy ends up being gay. I love him exactly like he is!

[dancingmama]

In regards to the boy turning out gay BECAUSE he plays this way -- nope. Certain kinds of play don't MAKE people gay. If he is gay, he is gay. And if he is hetero but playing with fantasy and femininity, that's just what he's doing. And if he's looking for attention, that's all it is. And no matter which scenario, making him feel badly for playing this way is not going to help. Especially if he is gay. Then he can add internalized homophobia and self-hatred onto what will already be a difficult coming out (into the family you describe).

Anyway, that's just my 2 cents..... don't know how far you'll get with the parents though!

[WickidaWitch]

I think boys should be allowed to play with dolls if they want to. I went out and bought him one for home after he was at his grandmothers playing with his girl cousins doll and she took it away from him saying that he was "a boy". I did tell her she was mean but since her english isnt the best so I didnt get to into it.

[telekinetic pyro]

Originally posted by dancingmama
In regards to the boy turning out gay BECAUSE he plays this way -- nope. Certain kinds of play don't MAKE people gay. If he is gay, he is gay. And if he is hetero but playing with fantasy and femininity, that's just what he's doing. And if he's looking for attention, that's all it is. And no matter which scenario, making him feel badly for playing this way is not going to help. Especially if he is gay. Then he can add internalized homophobia and self-hatred onto what will already be a difficult coming out (into the family you describe).

Anyway, that's just my 2 cents..... don't know how far you'll get with the parents though!

I've pointed out a couple of times that cross-dressing does not equal gay and I get "no boy of mine is going to go around dressing like a queer" So I doubt that I'm making much head way. I do show him support as much as I can though, which admittedly isn't enough because I'm around much.

[angela&avery]

just wanted to add that a agree with the whole aformentioned part about teaching young boys to be great nurturers. That is exactly what i deem important about boys playing with dolls is that they learn to be good nurturers and someday great fathers!!! Boys need to learn that sensitivity is okay and how to be sensitive and how to show love and caring. My one year old son is so gentle with our cats i just smile every time i see him giving them "loves". He isnt very into dolls, but he does have a blanky that he hugs and "loves" all the time....i think its great.....and my husband does too.

[3GuysMummy]

yeeeeah...what's the big deal..lol
when I was a little girl i LOVED to play with dinosaours and cars and stuff. But I played girl things too.

My son Taj love his doll Doola..lol,don't ask me were he got that name!
He loves playing with it and he plays with barbies too with his cousins!
But then again....Taj plays with everything. :

There's absolutely nothing wrong,I think we all should just let them play with whatever they want as long as they're young. Let them have fun.....

[EnviroBecca]

I think dolls are a great idea for boys! One of my cousins was given a baby doll when he was 2 and about to become a big brother. To everyone's surprise, this kid who was very active and rather violent in other play was extremely gentle and sweet with the doll and with the real baby, and he turned out to have a real fondness for babies. Now he is a big manly guy, but hand him a baby and he just melts. Babies love him right back, too! It's wonderful to watch.

Did anybody hear Nancy Schimmel's song about "My brother wants a Rambo doll for Christmas"? Brother tells the narrator Rambo is NOT a doll but an action figure, because dolls "can't do anything". The chorus is something like:

A doll is to talk to when you're angry.
A doll is to hold onto when you cry.
I know a doll when I see one,
And Rambo could be one
If he would only try.

So true! I think the idea that dolls "can't do anything" or that girls playing with dolls are automatically victims of sexism is just reflecting the misogynist idea that anything females traditionally do or like is inherently inferior. Dolls are good for everyone!

Sagewinna mentioned a boy wearing barrettes and reminded me of this story from psychology: Sandra Bem, the gender-role researcher, had a son named Jeremy who wore barrettes to preschool one day. Another boy in his class said, "Hey, you turned into a girl! Only girls wear barrettes!" Jeremy said, "No, having a penis makes you a boy; it doesn't have anything to do with barrettes." The other boy insisted until Jeremy finally pulled down his pants to show he was still a boy!

[levar]

My son has alot of dolls per se. He has Buzz Light Year and Woody dolls. [He cried when we didnt buy him Jessie instead?! Long Story.] And tons of bears and rabbits. And the entire cast of Winnie the Pooh characters. And we play with my old Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls and his new modern ones [My sister made my son a Raggedy Ann doll that is wearing doc martins, cut off jeans, a tube top with flannel shirt, and blue dreds for hair] as well.

Plus, two weekends ago we visited friends who have a 6yr old daughter with every Barbie thing I could imagine. [I was SO jealous! ] My son was in LOVE with Malibu Barbie and the only thing better was her Purple VW car with key to open the trunk. [He was jealous too! ] I think we are going to have to get him Malibu Barbie and Ken for Christmas this year... : [Tho -- I just noticed on line a VERY cool looking Ferrari Barbie w Car, as well as a seriously authentic looking Harley Davidson Ken, Barbie, and Motorcycle!! Hmmm....]

We never really thought about gender specific toys or dolls until recently. Frankly we always figured we'd have girls not boys. [Runs in the family sort of.] I guess it does seem to me though that if it is ok for girls to play with what ever toy they want and be encouraged in what ever interests them, then the same would/should be true for boys.

PS. I LOVE that story about the barrettes!! Too cool. I painted my sons toes pink this weekend and forgot to clean the polish off before work. My husband didnt notice, put sandals on him, and took him to the gym -- where they DID notice. My son was SO proud to show everyone his toes... that they asked why my HUSBAND didnt paint his too -- so that night HE DID!! Too cool if you ask me!! Like father like son.