How did you find your way back to faith?

[greenmamato2]

I'm a Christian, but really anyone who has lost their faith and come back to it (or who has anything to contribute to the topic) is welcome to share their thoughts.

I know there's a similar thread about what to do when things are going rough - but it was more focused on how to keep the faith... not how to regain it. I feel so distant and it wouldn't be appropriate to think of it as "keeping" my faith because what I have now is basic belief... not a real living spiritual experience. I want to find that again.

Without going into a triad of sob stories I'll just shorten it to say - life has been INCREDIBLY tough for us the past few years, and it doesn't seem to be letting up. Some of the things that have happened have made me question God (why he would let it happen, etc). I don't question his existence, just his decisions at times, and that shook my relationship with him big time.

Previous to all of this, I had a VERY good relationship with God, even through some VERY hard times, and it never wavered - not one iota.

I miss that relationship. I don't feel like my faith in God is totally gone because I do still believe that he is real (my personal experiences can't be argued with there... I just KNOW it in my heart). But - i guess I just feel very distant... like we had a BIG argument and I don't know how to approach him anymore, and I feel very... apart from him, even though i believe.

I want to be close to God again, but I just don't know how to start, or how to reconcile the pain I'm still feeling.

If you've been in this position, what did you do? How did you regain your faith/spirituality/relationship with your higher power?

[angelpie545]

*written from a Christian perspective*


First of all *hugs* to you. Don't feel bad for feeling this way; it's normal, and a lot of Christians experience this. I'm not the best person at explaining things like this (my chronic illness affects my speech/language and sometimes my writing about personal experiences comes out jumbled) but I'll give it a shot:
I've been in this situation. I've dealt with a chronic illness that remains undiagnosed, gets worse every year, and has been a constant in my life for five years. I've gotten *extremely* limited answers, and for the most part, nearly all of my doctors think it's all in my head. It is very, VERY hard to not get extremely discouraged and want to just give up. I did my share of yelling at God, asking Him how could He let this happen, how could He allow me to deteriorate like this, how could He allow my children to have a mother who couldn't do all the normal activities that most moms could, ext. How could He allow me to have to depend on other people, seemingly at their mercy. Then, I realized...I'm not at their mercy. I'm at God's mercy. I realized, I'm not here to just have a good time in the world, or live this blessed life, ext. God wants me to gain Him. Because of the nature of man's heart, we can get very distracted and end up getting our enjoyment from other things, from the TV, from music, books, ext. God wants us to enjoy Himself. He wants us to know Him. It was really impressive to me to think about this too: Jesus, God's Son, is fully man and fully God. He suffered on the Earth, and felt every pain. The weight of *all* the sin of the world was put onto Him when He died on the cross. Could you imagine how that feels? Every single sin committed by every human living, ever. Of course, our minds cannot comprehend that, but it gives perspective. How little our sufferings seem when compared to what God when through to save us. Not to say that the things we feel are insignificant, they certainly aren't, but thinking about it that way just gives me some hope that God knows exactly what I'm going through. His ways are wise, and I know that He has a bigger plan that I simply cannot understand. Our sufferings are meant to draw us close to Him. You see, if we were happy with our lives constantly, and were always occupied in other things, what need would we have of Him? It's very hard sometimes to continue to feel close to God when such horrible things happen. I know that, I still feel that way sometimes. What helps me sometimes it to simply call on His name "O Lord Jesus! O Lord Jesus!". Or pray to tell the Lord that I want to know Him. I know how difficult it is to be at the place your are at right now. I'm sorry if my post sounded preachy, I didn't want it to sound like that, I only wanted to share that how much I enjoy the Lord, and that is what helped me through all this.

Another thing I wanted to mention really quickly-that argumentative feeling you have-I remember feeling that to. It's like an anger, like you are angry at God, but yet you don't want to say it to Him, because you feel bad for being angry? Like there is a rift between you and the Lord? That's the worst feeling. I hate that. The thing is, I think it's easy to feel condemned and dragged down, but the Lord loves us, and He wants us to come back to Him. It's so hard to call on His name when we feel so unworthy, but in reality, that's all we need to do. I wish you peace and I hope you find your way back.

[greenmamato2]

Thank you so very much for sharing such a personal story with me - I can't imagine what its like to live with a condition like that and I really appreciate your attitude about it all. My daughter suffers every day and its taken her 7 years to get a diagnosis, and they don't even think that's the full thing, so its still just a bunch of unanswered questions and unsure futures. THat's just the tip of the iceburg.

I think really, its like you said that there's a rift, and that I'm angry. I'm angry and frustrated because I don't understand how there could be a higher purpose that justifies suffering in children and babies. Adults, I can handle *for the most part* - but children and babies just draw the line for me. It was one of those things that I thought I had all figured out until it happened to my family. And it shook my world.

Part of me is still trying to figure out how to forgive God for allowing it. I know deep down that he didn't *cause* these problems... but I'm still fighting my own need to justify it and find someone / something to blame. Since there's noone and nothing else it is probably that it winds up being on God, because he's always been the ultimate in my mind... the one who can move mountains... so why not take the suffering from my children, kwim?

Anyway... I know its a long road back. I just pray that I can find it and make the journey. I feel so far... so distant right now.

Thank you again

[LittleBlessings]

:

[kdabbler]

Beth, what a you didn't come out jumbled at all. In fact, some parts of your post seemed to become absolutely clear in bold letters to me. Thank you.

gm2: I have not been in your position, but perhaps you can take solace and inspiration from Mother Teresa and the writings of Saint Augustine? Both of them felt as though they lost the presence of God and Jesus Christ.

I found this brief synopsis of Mother Teresa's feeling of spiritual loss:
http://www.beliefnet.com/News/2007/0...ith-Faith.aspx

2 I pray you find your way back to solace.

[greenmamato2]

Thank you for that! It feels good to know that I'm in good company, feeling as I do. I'm no Mother Theresa (far too spunky at times lol), but I can really relate with some of the things that were said.

I had that VERY close and overwhelmingly powerful relationship with God... and then life fell apart and I don't feel it anymore, and I want to.

Its good to know that someone so amazing and someone I would love to be more like expereinced what I experience.

Thank you. It truly helps.