son wants me to take him to the doc, is it necessary?

[anniebananie]

I have 3 sons, first one is circ'd and the others are intact. Middle son, 13, does not fully retract and youngest son has almost always retracted on his own, or at least since he was around toddler age. It was never forced and has never been an issue. My 13 yo has asked me to take him to the urologist to get him circ'd. Upon further questioning I think I understand that he just wants his foreskin to retract completely. I don't think it hurts him and I understand it to be that one side comes down and one side does not. Sort of like a snag at the top is stuck still. He claims that it is improving but, naturally, does not want to show me at this age.

At this age I am very interested in his opinion in this matter and feel that his thoughts are definately important and I am willing to take him to the doctor to get looked over if that would make him feel better, however I do not want to get a doc that wants to automatically circ.
HSo my questions are:

Is it normal to have a part that isn't retracting at this age?

how can I find an intact-friendly urologist that I can take my son to so that he may feel better about his intact penis and can get honest medical advice, if needed, without the pressure to just circ? Since my husband is not intact, I think my son would appreciate some reassurance from someone "in the know."

[thixle]

13 is not necessarily old enough to retract completely.
Of course, I'm just a chick on the internet.

You can contact Doctors Opposing Circumcision to find a foreskin friendly physician, or even to get an email from a doctor that KNOWs what normal foreskin development is.

[Ron_Low]

Originally Posted by anniebananie

My 13 yo has asked me to take him to the urologist to get him circ'd. Upon further questioning I think I understand that he just wants his foreskin to retract completely.

He simply needs to use Betamethisone oitnment for a few months, while he uses his fingers to gently stretch and widen the preputial sphincter.

[thixle]

Originally Posted by anniebananie

I don't think it hurts him and I understand it to be that one side comes down and one side does not. Sort of like a snag at the top is stuck still. He claims that it is improving but, naturally, does not want to show me at this age.

Originally Posted by Ron_Low

He simply needs to use Betamethisone oitnment for a few months, while he uses his fingers to gently stretch and widen the preputial sphincter.

With all due respect, Ron, the bolded part doesn't sound like the sphincter is too tight (phimosis). Sounds more like it just hasn't released in one spot... If it is true scar tissue (a skin bridge), a good doctor can do a simple snip, kind of like for a tongue tie, instead of circumcision!

OP, here's a link to the stretching exercise Ron is referring to (contains line drawing of a penis, may not be safe for work): http://pages.suddenlink.net/manual_m.../phimosis.html

[latinalonestar]

You will be hard pressed to find a urologist that is intact friendly, but you really don't need one.

Some boys do not become fully retractable until puberty. This is NORMAL. Even if your son is not retractable after puberty he can get a steroidal cream that will stretch the opening. Basically it mimics the effect of hormones. Circumcision is not necessary for the condition, the cream treatment is very effective.

At this point I wonder if your son is just experiencing some body insecurity. Have you ever had any discussions with him about why the foreskin is important. It might be time to do a little sex education and explain to him the function of his foreskin. Remember that just b/c he is 13, it does not mean he is ready to make permanent changes to his body, especially since he is yet to use his penis for sexual purposes. Right now he doesn't understand what it does during intercourse. You would not allow your daughter to have a breast augmentation at this age for the same reason. 1. Her breasts are not fully developed and 2. She is not yet ready to make this drastic decision to permanently alter her body.

Tell him to give it a couple years. If by 17-18 he is not retractable then he can get the cream from a normal physician, no urologist is needed.

I will be back with some links for you to review so that you have a good basis for talking to him about retraction and the function of the foreskin.

[anniebananie]

Originally Posted by thixle

With all due respect, Ron, the bolded part doesn't sound like the sphincter is too tight (phimosis). Sounds more like it just hasn't released in one spot... If it is true scar tissue (an adhesion), a good doctor can do a simple snip, kind of like for a tongue tie, instead of circumcision!

OP, here's a link to the stretching exercise Ron is referring to (contains line drawing of a penis, may not be safe for work): http://pages.suddenlink.net/manual_m.../phimosis.html

I don't believe the stretching exercise would be of any use to him based on what I remember his penis to look like the last time I examined it. He says it has improved since then and I have just encouraged him to do what ever feels good and see what happens as he ages.

I also don't want to snip it if it is still perfectly normal at this age.

[latinalonestar]

Originally Posted by thixle

With all due respect, Ron, the bolded part doesn't sound like the sphincter is too tight (phimosis). Sounds more like it just hasn't released in one spot... If it is true scar tissue (an adhesion), a good doctor can do a simple snip, kind of like for a tongue tie, instead of circumcision!

OP, here's a link to the stretching exercise Ron is referring to (contains line drawing of a penis, may not be safe for work): http://pages.suddenlink.net/manual_m.../phimosis.html

He most certainly does not need any cutting to his penis. If one area is not separated it will with time. Separation does not occur at the same rate over the entire penis it is normal for some portions to be separated before others. It is also normal for a previously retractable foreskin to become non-retractable during childhood. Separation and retraction is unique to each boy and is not complete until puberty ends. At this point no measures need to be taken.

To the OP, please be very careful about which sites you use to get info. There is so much BAD info on the web. I will return with some links to reliable information that you can trust.

[anniebananie]

Originally Posted by latinalonestar

You will be hard pressed to find a urologist that is intact friendly, but you really don't need one.

Some boys do not become fully retractable until puberty. This is NORMAL. Even if your son is not retractable after puberty he can get a steroidal cream that will stretch the opening. Basically it mimics the effect of hormones. Circumcision is not necessary for the condition, the cream treatment is very effective.

At this point I wonder if your son is just experiencing some body insecurity. Have you ever had any discussions with him about why the foreskin is important. It might be time to do a little sex education and explain to him the function of his foreskin. Remember that just b/c he is 13, it does not mean he is ready to make permanent changes to his body, especially since he is yet to use his penis for sexual purposes. Right now he doesn't understand what it does during intercourse. You would not allow your daughter to have a breast augmentation at this age for the same reason. 1. Her breasts are not fully developed and 2. She is not yet ready to make this drastic decision to permanently alter her body.

Tell him to give it a couple years. If by 17-18 he is not retractable then he can get the cream from a normal physician, no urologist is needed.

I will be back with some links for you to review so that you have a good basis for talking to him about retraction and the function of the foreskin.

Thanks for the help from everyone!

I do know this is a body image issue with him and he has always been the most appearance oriented of all four of my children, even more so then my daughter. He feels "different" than the rest of the boys in the house. I just showed him a chart I found on the Doctors Opposing Circumcision website that showed roughly 40% of the boys his age still don't retract and explained that since he partially retracts he is still within the normal and comfortable range. I also showed him the steep decline and by 18 he will likely not have a problem at all. I am hoping that will hold him over for a while.

I was not wanting to take him to the doc to get circ'd or even snipped at this point but I was thinking of going if I could get a doc that I felt confident would look at is and say, "it looks perfectly normal to me." and thus make my son feel a bit better. That would also help me to know if this little snag is normal or not. It is like I would almost feel better if he didn't retract at all, as compared to this because I haven't read anything about this particular situation.

Thanks, again, to everyone and all links are appreciated and I will have him read them as well so that he can see for himself. He is a smart kid and a big reader so I know that reading it himself would be quite effective.

[latinalonestar]

Originally Posted by anniebananie

I don't believe the stretching exercise would be of any use to him based on what I remember his penis to look like the last time I examined it. He says it has improved since then and I have just encouraged him to do what ever feels good and see what happens as he ages.

I also don't want to snip it if it is still perfectly normal at this age.

Yes, it is normal. You will see the wonders that the puberty hormones do! I would just encourage him to have a healthy attitude about intact men and educate him about the foreskin. Okay, I need to put my son down for a nap but I promise to be back later....

[latinalonestar]

What state are you in?

I can try to find you a foreskin friendly doc in your area or he can just talk over the phone with one of the doctors from Doctors Opposing Circ. They will even email him personally. Also, he can chat with NOCIRC officials too. This might make him feel like he is more in charge if he is the one emailing/calling them. Plus you will have the peace of mind knowing that they are the most educated on the subject.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by anniebananie

Middle son, 13, does not fully retract and youngest son has almost always retracted on his own, or at least since he was around toddler age. It was never forced and has never been an issue. My 13 yo has asked me to take him to the urologist to get him circ'd. Upon further questioning I think I understand that he just wants his foreskin to retract completely.

Well, first off I would let you son know he can do what he wants at 18. But at 13, he is too young for cosmetic surgery. If I had a son and a daughter (or if I had kids at all lol) I would say the same thing to my daughter wanting breast implants, that I would say to my son asking for a circumcision. "Sorry, but not until your 18" All teenagers have body image issues, and especially at that age its not healthy to try to resolve those issues through surgery. This is cosmetic surgery, surgery that will change the form of their body forever. When they are legal adults they can make this choice for themselves.

I dont think your son needs surgery, just confidence, support, and a little advice from some peers and/or a guy he can look up to.

ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION: I often post on this teen advice board (since I am young and a guy ) , and guys, even around your sons age come on asking about retraction "problems" every now and then. (heck I have seen guys over 16 with this same retraction issue your son has) So this is nothing to worry about.

Your son asking to get circed is a common response, usually they feels overwhelmed with this problem, and just wants it resolved, and circumcision seems like the fastest solution. Your son has also grown up in a culture where circ seems so common, and "no big deal", heck even his older bro is circed. I wouldn't be surprised if he saw this as the simple solution. He may have that impression but circ is still surgery. No matter what he may think, its faaar from the simplest solution to his problem.

What he needs to understand is that his foreskin is not this mysterious thing, and that there is nothing to worry about with this problem. (So many young guys have been in his shoes before, and so many more will after he has gotten through it. Its a part of growing up for some guys) I think he really needs some advice and support from a intact guy who he looks up to. I think the best thing YOU can do is find a foreskin friendly doctor (a male doctor) to sit down with him and let them "talk it out" so he can feel more calmed about all of this.

You have been giving a lot of great advice, but I think he needs to hear it from a male role model. If he is like any of the other guys I have talked to, I bet he feels pretty alone with this. He has no one to look up to with this problem. He needs someone who has EXPERIENCE with this, or at least a cut guy who is knowledgeable on the subject.

I am going to send you a link to the message board I was talking about, in the boys section there is a foreskin questions section. Not to mention a lot of intact teenage guys who might be of some extra support as well.

But dealing with your son's actual problem, has he been stretching with any cremes, or just independently? Using a steroid creme has shown to have major improvements on the stretching process.

[thixle]

Originally Posted by latinalonestar

He most certainly does not need any cutting to his penis. If one area is not separated it will with time.

Woops! Meant to say skin bridge, not "adhesion"... Skin bridges DO have to be clipped, as they are scar tissue and nothing will ever release them! I'll edit my first post. The only way a skin bridge would form is from trauma (like forced retraction or circumcision and the raw edges healing together)...

Here we go, a trusted site with photos of what I was talking about: (uh, warning, photos of penises) http://www.noharmm.org/IDcirc.htm
Scroll down, or click on Skin Bridges

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Here is a link you might find helpful http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=764732

It is 100% normal for parts to retract while others are still stuck it isnt a all or nothing thing with retraction. I am assuming the none retractable part is on the side and not the bottom. Because if it is on the bottom that is the frenulum and that part is supposed to look like a little bridge.

[latinalonestar]

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...kinleaflet.pdf

http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet7.html

http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...uncircson.html

Function of the Foreskin:
Video part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9DoCn3gATE

Video part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps1dk...eature=related

[glongley]

As you have now read, it is normal for some boys to still be in the process of releasing the foreskin from the glans into early adulthood (see DOC pamphlet, also http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/). Also, it is very normal for the process leading to retractability to be very variable and unique to every boy. Each of your sons is different in many different ways, and they will go through their body development in different ways. I have heard through other mothers on these boards of boys who separated on one side first, while the other side remained attached for a variably longer time, then released on its own in time. The long and short of it, his penis is normal - he does not need any kind of intervention (much less a circumcision) and he does not need to see a doctor about this. Tincture of time is all that is required physically, and in the mean time, education and emotional support.

BTW, my younger intact son asked to get circumcised when he was 15 (this is now 7 years ago, and BTW he's still intact). This is a really long story. PM me if you want to hear more. It turned out he really didn't know much about the foreskin and its value, nor about what circumcision actually entailed and implied. I also explained to him why we didn't have him circumcised, and told him that when he was 18 that he could make that decision for himself, and furthermore that he could pay for it, because we didn't consider that unnecessary, cosmetic surgery was one of our parental obligations. He was the more appearance-conscious of my two sons, and I still think it probably was just about adolescent body image angst. But once he learned some of the facts, the whole business became a non-issue.

Personally, I wouldn't let my sons anywhere near a urologist with a foreskin "problem" question, unless you are absolutely sure that they are foreskin-positive. And I think putting your son in the middle by actually taking him to such an appointment without know what kind of support you would get, could be very detrimental and confusing to him.

HTH, Gillian

[Mister Noodle]

Okay, I could be completely and utterly off the mark here (and apologies if so) , but as a male...

At the risk of the obvious, unless he's quite unlike every other 13yo boy that's ever existed, he's probably extremely sexually active... just not with anyone else, if you catch my drift. And the adhesion/bridge/etc that you describe sounds like it could be frustrating, uncomfortable and even painful in that department.

(hm, when you say 'snag at the top, you don't mean frenulum breve, by any chance?)

If he's mysteriously silent on the topic of why he has a problem with it, this could well be related. In which case, a fair amount of tact could be called for - and the realisation that 'wait a few years' might not be a reasonable solution for him. At all.

Hell, I remember myself at that age. Wait a few hours bordered on the laughable...

Seriously, though - multiply your libido by ten or twenty, then make it difficult and uncomfortable. Throw in some standard body anxiety, and I can well see how he'd want the problem just gone.

Of course circumcision isn't the solution, but I think some kind of intervention is not unreasonable for him to want.

[latinalonestar]

Originally Posted by Mister Noodle

Okay, I could be completely and utterly off the mark here (and apologies if so) , but as a male...

At the risk of the obvious, unless he's quite unlike every other 13yo boy that's ever existed, he's probably extremely sexually active... just not with anyone else, if you catch my drift. And the adhesion/bridge/etc that you describe sounds like it could be frustrating, uncomfortable and even painful in that department.

(hm, when you say 'snag at the top, you don't mean frenulum breve, by any chance?)

If he's mysteriously silent on the topic of why he has a problem with it, this could well be related. In which case, a fair amount of tact could be called for - and the realisation that 'wait a few years' might not be a reasonable solution for him. At all.

Hell, I remember myself at that age. Wait a few hours bordered on the laughable...

Seriously, though - multiply your libido by ten or twenty, then make it difficult and uncomfortable. Throw in some standard body anxiety, and I can well see how he'd want the problem just gone.

Of course circumcision isn't the solution, but I think some kind of intervention is not unreasonable for him to want.

If it were a frenulum breve (tight banjo string) it would be from the underside, not the top and he would still be completely retractable. The treatment for frenulum breve is usually done at age 18 or 19. I don't think this is a concern at this point. I will post info about frenulum breve.

IMO, you should give it some time, especially since you think it is more a body insecurity than a function issue. I would really hesitate to see any docs. Talking to DOC and/or NOCIRC might be a better option.

[latinalonestar]

Here is info about a frenulum breve. However frenulum breve would only be a nuisance if it caused actual tearing to the frenulum or foreskin. Usually tearing would occur during intercourse. Your son would def. know if he had a tear. A tight frenulum itself doesn't necessarily call for action.... Like I said I don't suspect this is the problem but here is the info anyway.

http://www.circumstitions.com/Frenbrev.html

[TCMoulton]

Since he is asking to go to a doctor could you at least take him for a consult with someone so that he can at least ask his questions and then take it from there? He's definitely old enough to have some say in his medical decisions and a consult is pretty harmless, especially if it makes him feel better about his body.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by Mister Noodle

Um, not to be contentious, but I disagree. Having one small part of the foreskin unretractable has the potential to make masturbation quite unpleasant. Take a small pinch of skin from a sensitive area, and tug sharply on it a couple of times a second for five minutes. Ow.

With the whole thing adhered (or phimotic/etc), at least the strain is distributed evenly.

As I say, I've got nothing to go on except my own except my own experience, and how I might have reacted at the time.

Actually, there are many guys that go into adulthood not being able to fully retract. Yet these men are happy, and can have fully enjoyable sexual activity.

The feeling of masturbating or having sex with a non fully retractable penis is nothing like you describe. Most foreskins have a lot of "give" or extra skin, so there is no pain, and certainly nothing like the feeling of pinching your shaft skin yanking at it a few times.