consensual living tribe 2009!!! - Page 2

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Chrilynhawk

Someone fill me in - what is consensual living? I'm very interested to find out!

I am a baby when it comes to the concept. Will try to find you some info.

Be back!

[AngelBee]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...sentual+living

[AngelBee]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...sentual+living

[Chrilynhawk]

Thanks for the links

[AngelBee]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...=890836&page=5

[AngelBee]

I think I linked one more than once :

[umami_mommy]

Originally Posted by Chrilynhawk

Someone fill me in - what is consensual living? I'm very interested to find out!

http://www.consensual-living.com/

[boigrrrlwonder]

Can we talk about television, self-regulation, and toddlers? My toddler is obsessed with the television. It's not that I think she watches too much, though I do, but she will choose to watch TV far beyond when she's exhausted and it's causing twice daily meltdowns. I REALLY want to just ban the TV. But I'm gonna stick to my convictions and try to find a mutually agreeable solution. Any advice?

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by boigrrrlwonder

Can we talk about television, self-regulation, and toddlers? My toddler is obsessed with the television. It's not that I think she watches too much, though I do, but she will choose to watch TV far beyond when she's exhausted and it's causing twice daily meltdowns. I REALLY want to just ban the TV. But I'm gonna stick to my convictions and try to find a mutually agreeable solution. Any advice?

No :

[poiyt]

By only suggestion would be....to let her. Make sure there are other fun activities that are available to her but let her chose. Taking away the tv - almost makes it seem like you dont trust her (or any other family member) to make that choice. Its probably just a phase - she probably has just discovered how mesmorizing the tv is - placing boundaries will only make it that much more appealing. Id let it pass - and it will pass. IMO...

[umami_mommy]

i agree. when we temporarily moved to my mom's about 3 months ago, my 22 month old "discovered" TV. she feel in love with thomas, bead in the big blue house, winnie the pooh, etc... she had only ever watched teletubbies before.

she couldn't get enough. we just rode it out and now she is striking a balance between "her" TV, her bother's TV and no TV. some days she watches very little, other days more. some days she wants it on and then she plays and ignores it, and other days she watches until she falls asleep on the couch.

in our family it seems that if we put restrictions on something, then the demand goes way way up.

i would reframe your thinking about it... instead of saying she is obsessed, say "she is really enjoying her TV time." this reframing will make it less negative for you and you can gain some joy by seeing her joy. the more joy to spread all around! : focus on enjoying her pleasure and thinking about how you can help create more for everyone.

HTH!

[clothdipemomof2boy]

Just starting this concept. I just joined the yahoo group as well and will need lots of help from other moms. Thanks for the thread love to learn new ways to do things.

[WuWei]

Re: Non-verbal toddlers-repost

Here are some old threads on the Consensual Living yahoogroup addressing some of the challenges of creating solutions with little people.


-Here are a few non verbal toddler threads:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1881

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1905

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1861

This one is about leaving places:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1719

This one is about leaving the park:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1445

This one is about negotiating around boring appointments:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1692

This one is about "too much information":
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1605

Getting shoes on a toddler and other creative problem solving:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1960

CL for a young preverbal toddler:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1895

Some basic CL questions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1673

Toddlers with a mind of their own and transitions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1443

Food issues and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1123

How to gain cooperation:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1305

Book recommendations:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1279 See also
the files for discussion and links to the recommended reading list.


Pat

[WuWei]

Here are some links to archived CL threads. Many are complex issues
with extensive discussion of nuances, practical application, and tools
for overcoming obstacles to creating mutually agreeable solutions.

Pat


Product oriented parenting:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ing/message/52

Sleeping issues:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/185

Boundaries: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/134

Support group vs. discussion list:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/131

Questions re: limits and control:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ing/message/32

Challenges of living consensually:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/405

Toddlers making messes:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/388

Paradigm shift/ non-coercive vs. consensual:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/249

Re: Logical and Natural Consequences:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/408
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/411
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/427
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/466

Saying Yes to video games?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/536

Ouch! And biting while nursing:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/523

Attached babies and carseats:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/542
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/543
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/547

The stories we tell ourselves:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/502

Unconditional Parenting:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/226
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/299

What to do when a mom is being mean to their child:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/424

Underlying needs:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/756
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/757
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/764
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1172

Autonomy:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/696
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/691

Embracing your self-worth:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/699

"Hurt when wrong":
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/654

Reality, Judgment and Modeling:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/587

Goodbadrightwrong:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/601

Persuasion: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1185
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1200

Consensual weaning:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/951
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/956

Living Consensually with a partner:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1356
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1357

How to gain cooperation:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1293
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1296

Talking about peace with our children:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1289
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1298

Food: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1123

Toothbrushing:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1314
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1316

Even spending between siblings:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1263
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1265

How do you respond when you feel disappointment?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1232
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1233

TCC and CL: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1567
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1568

Leaving the park:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1420
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1427

Dealing with issues that can't bend on - i.e. harming animals:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1378

Preschoolers and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1633

Too much information:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1605

Only one parent interested in CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1590

HALT, coercion and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1592



Pat

[WuWei]

Is consistency important? What is consistency?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5017
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5038

I don't want my son exposed to children who watch TV or movies:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5039
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5044

Validation vs. Fixing?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5025
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5026

Recommended Reading Request:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4984

Child can not get enough of me:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4982

Kids testing boundaries in social situations:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4928

Getting your child ill on purpose (chicken pox):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4929
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4948

helping dh to understand consensual living:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4914
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1793

Siblings: To share or not to share, that is the question...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4822
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4804
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4891

How to restore trust and remove guilt with a 4 year old:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4775


Manners?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4851

Teens sneaking out, need some perspective:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4780

Wasting water:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4808

Finding it hard to deal with others and 'praise'...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4745

The Whole Point - I Think I Finally Get It!:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4733

Almost 4 y.o. wanting to nurse instead of eat:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4683

Does CL mean your toddler never cries?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4595

Rude seven year old son---THIS IS LOOONG.:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4664

question about judgment:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4593

CPS may visit our home:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4643

Consensual Eyedrops?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4657

Medications:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4600

Help. Sleep issues.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4555

Another question...about NVC:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4476

Toddler who wont move:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4516

Tick Bite:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4374

dentist and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4362
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4365
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4092

Won't take a bath?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4166

Changing clothes:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4131

This isn't consensual!! (re: toy mess):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4115

goals and living in the moment:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4102

non-coercive, but reasonable bedtimes, boundaries, etc?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4014
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4023
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4030
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4035

[WuWei]

Dietary Question:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8394

CL and dogs: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8407

Question about bedtime:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8437

Dd doesn't like her cousin, should I get involved:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8402

rage, why parenting is hard:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8314

Neighbor and I parent differently:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8288

Help! 4 YO DS wants to learn to use the stove:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8357

Selling the house:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8333

Spinning Plates...at Bedtime...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8305

Being aware of our cycles:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8278

When your own cup won't fill:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8216

Toddlers and 'discipline' (long):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8143

Struggling with late nights and poop, and lots of other fun stuff:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8178

toys and storage space and not wanting a ton of STUFF:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8176

Speaking of Food Issues...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8108

To Stay in School or Not:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8048

Struggling with late nights:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8092

In-laws Testing Parenting Values and Meeting the Needs of dh:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/8010

4 year old Tantrum over Junk Food:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7967

HUGE messes: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7951

Video games & my 7 year old:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7915

thumbsucking woes:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7858

moving and downsizing:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7855

If you had to choose just one book...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7784




Pat

[WuWei]

cl responses to hitting? :
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7641

Hitting: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7690

Toddlers and hitting:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7606

Night time and Naps:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7587

Ds doesn't want me to leave the house without him:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7595

Bathing Short Cuts:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7564

When partners disagree:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7454
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6948

When spouse parenting styles differ:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7417

personal possesions or community property?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7449

Sleep issues: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7367

How do you deal with defiance?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7339

The Highchair story:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6854

Waiting in the proverbial parking
lot:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6671

slowing down: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6788

How do you deal with authority figures in society?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6666

Helping shy child manage attention from adults:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6663

When My Buttons Are Pushed:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6736

Ds and food: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5348

Re: choosing friend:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6261

there is no right or wrong in anything?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6323

Authority vs. CL (or...Dh vs. Me):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6200

car seats and meeting the need:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5838

very attached...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5683

Splinter in her foot!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/6067

Help me understand - why some cant 'do' CL?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5953

Waldorf Discipline...? and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5982
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5488

How do you cope with the rest of the world? - feeling lonely:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5789

Potty learning... or lack thereof!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5745

Taking care of myself:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5694

disconnected:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5648

"violence": http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5613

If your child won't let you socialize...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5606

cutting nails:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5518


music lessons:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7210

Suggestions to help me night wean consenually:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7203

Montessori sensitive periods and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7139

excluding/bullying behaviour in young children:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7187

Wanting ones own way? How to handle?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7129

need some help: independent toileting
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7067

Child centeredness?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/7024

Finding it hard to deal with others and 'praise'...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4745

clean-up and kids:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5073

Reccommended reading request:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4984

can't get enough of me!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4982



Pat

[WuWei]

Please do post particular issues to the yahoogroup. There are over 800 families there who are resources to support you in your journey. But I hope this will help to answer some of the process and philosophy questions related to seeking mutually agreeable solutions with little people.

CL website: http://www.consensual-living.com/
CL Yahoogroup: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living/

Pat

[WuWei]

Original CL Thread: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ght=consensual



Pat

[linguistmama]

I'm here and trying really hard