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Am I terrible for wanting an "early" baby?

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
WARNING--I'm having a negative sort of day....

I'm feeling awful about this, but I honestly want this baby to arrive a little early. My "official" EDD (Feb. 12) puts me at 35 weeks on Thursday, but I'm really not expecting her to arrive until a week or so after that (first baby, all babies in the family are late, etc.).

I can't birth at the local hospital until 37 weeks (prior to that they automatically transfer you to a hospital w/a NICU, which requires a helicopter ride). Is it really terrible that I want her to come right around 37-38 weeks?

Thing is,
1. SPD is almost unbearable. Can't afford to take time off work to see a chiro, and it isn't covered by insurance anyway.
2. Upper abdomen (near ribs on right side) is so sore from kicking that it hurts to touch it on the outside. I'm having a lot of trouble at work b/c it's hard to reach things on my desk w/o compressing belly, which makes my "sore spot" hurt worse.
3. Baby is so busy at night that I am barely sleeping.
4. Baby feels HUGE to me. I know I have no perspective b/c this is my first baby, but I'm long-waisted and she is taking up every bit of room there is.

How much of a difference do those last couple weeks really make? I don't know if I can take five more!

I talked to my midwife about this last week, and she said at the 36-week appointment we could talk about "natural" ways of ensuring I don't go beyond my due date, but is that even realistic? Ugh. The waiting is really getting awful....
post #2 of 23
I'm not in your DDC, but I don't think it's terrible at all! When I was pg with ds, from the moment I hit 37w I was hoping he'd come any time. I was miserable. It's not like "hoping" or "wanting" are going to make a baby come before they're ready anyway.
Ds was born at 38w after my water broke. He weighed 7lb13oz so he was a fine size.

Good luck!!
post #3 of 23
Hang in there Mama. I totally hear you. and felt that same way in all 3 previous pregnancies adn this one. Thing is ALL my kids have been late. I ended up with medical induction wtih all 3, despite trying several natural labor inducing methods. It wasnt' until my BP rose high and fast and teh baby's heart rate went very low that i consented to inductions, and they were past their due dates. I couldnt' walk due ot my leg being swollen so badly, and my circulation in my toes was almost non existant. The last 4 weeks always dragged on.
I honestly can tell you there is nothing wrong with hoping your baby comes around 38 weeks and is healthy. (At least in my opinion) I think there is a part of all of us that is anxious to meet our bundles and be done beign pregnant but also once the baby is born, may (if not all) of us will feel a sense of somethign missing inside us. The kickign adn wiggling are a feelthign that is never duplicated on teh outside and honestly while i did nto miss any of teh pain of late pregnancy i vertainly wish i coudl feel the late kicks and wiggels a few more times. I felt empty in a sense. Not sure if that helps at all, but jsut my htoughts on it. Enjoy what you can and rememebr you wont' be pregnant forever and that due date is just a number on a calendar it will coem and go wether you baby arrives before or after it.
post #4 of 23
I hear ya!

Is there any way you can take off of work on really hard days (ex- sick leave, disability, etc...)? Do you think your employers would let you work from home (if not full-time, maybe part-time) for the rest of the pregnancy?

For the SPD, if you have an office/sit-down job, I really found that sitting on a balance ball helps A LOT. Balance ball chairs are sold on Amazon from $75-$100+, but if you just get a large ball (anti-burst) and make sure it's set up so it's stable, it works quite well as a "chair."

I find sitting on them is so comfortable, I'll keep it up after the baby is out. My chair and large "birth ball" are actually more comfortable to sit on tan ergonomic chairs. Since I've been using them the SPD has gone from unbearable to slightly annoying (only bugs me when I get out of bed now).

I'm only going to be 34 weeks on Friday, and I'm feeling ready for things to be over with. In fact, I'd be willing to share my birthday with the squirt (she'd be 38 weeks by then).

I'm having a lot of trouble with heartburn and breathing while lying isn't easy either. I hate how most of my clothes (even a lot of my maternity clothes) are too tight...as well as my shoes and my wedding band. She's been keeping me up a lot, but that's happened to me throughout the pregnancy so I'm sort of used to being sleep deprived at this point (I am trying to look at it as practice for having a newborn).

Don't know if your baby dropped yet, but if it happens soon, it should give you a big relief. When my daughter dropped on Friday over the weekend, my worst symptoms really eased off. I also felt much "smaller." I've heard even SPD can mellow out as the center of gravity returns to wear it belongs (though for some ppl it can be worse after the baby drops). Of course, she snuck back up into my chest yesterday (little stinker).

Oh, well. I guess there's a reason nature has us loving babies so much. It's all worth it when it's over.

Hope you hang in there and get your early birth.
post #5 of 23
: I have SPD too, I know exactly how you feel.
Chiro vists do not take very long, and while I do not know about chiros where you live, chiros here are only about $45 per vist. Maybe you could call around and see what you can find. Some let you pay a little here, a little there. It is worth a shot!

It sounds like your baby has not "dropped" yet. Once baby does you will most likely feel a little better. At least breathing easier.

Relax, odds are you won't get to your EDD. Keep that in mind, It is an ESTIMATED due date. It does mean you are gonna have to wait that long.

One last thing, keep a positive frame in mine. I wanted to go early with my first and he came at 36 weeks, with a bunch of problems b/c he was early. Things will get better.
Just relax as best you can.

One last thing again

Sounds like nesting hasn't set in yet, once it does, yoou will feel better emotionally.
post #6 of 23
It's not terrible, it's normal to want to be done being pregnant! It's hard to be pregnant at the end. It gets terribly difficult to wait. . . and the days do seem to drag by!

I hope you get some relief soon!
post #7 of 23
I will second the pp - I just started nesting and I feel soooo much better. It is like I woke up with more energy and a positive attitude one day and then the cleaning began! I'm 35 weeks tomorrow, so maybe that would happen for you too.

2 more things: I have SPD and the chiro is a godsend - any way you could go a couple times a week? Mine is $45 because my ins doesn't cover either. It felt like a lot of money be in the end it is so worth it!

Can you work from home? My MW wrote a note that I needed limited activity and now I work from home which is so much easier to get comfy and much less stressful!

Hang in there, we can do it!
post #8 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post
I talked to my midwife about this last week, and she said at the 36-week appointment we could talk about "natural" ways of ensuring I don't go beyond my due date, but is that even realistic? Ugh. The waiting is really getting awful....
Um, not really. Gentle induction techniques like acupressure and safe herbs aren't likely to work unless you were going to go into labor anyway (in other words they don't work for making you go earlier, but they are good for getting labor going more quickly/efficiently when you're already ready.) Harsher methods like castor oil and strong herbs and other methods are interventions, and are dangerous as such-- there is a much higher incidence of needing further interventions and it just snowballing-- exactly like in a hospital. I STRONGLY caution you against using harsh methods like castor oil et al-- it could mean a c-section, and extremely painful labor, or something more dangerous than that. In fact I think midwives who allow these methods are irresponsible but some still do . . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post
Thing is,
1. SPD is almost unbearable. Can't afford to take time off work to see a chiro, and it isn't covered by insurance anyway.
2. Upper abdomen (near ribs on right side) is so sore from kicking that it hurts to touch it on the outside. I'm having a lot of trouble at work b/c it's hard to reach things on my desk w/o compressing belly, which makes my "sore spot" hurt worse.
How is your posture? Are you wearing a support belt/back brace? You really need to be. Your symptoms are telling you that your natural muscles are not able to handle the load. They need help. Then watch your posture and don't let your back curve too much (pull your tummy in slightly, shoulders back). This will make a big difference not not only in your present comfort, but in how easily you give birth, the position your baby is in (which affects length of labor), and in how quickly your tummy bounces back to it's prepregnancy shape after birth.

ETA: the other thing that literally STOPPED by SPD in it's tracks was getting very supportive shoes and wearing ONLY those. That's the only chnage I made and now my SPD is gone. It might work for you too! I hope so!

Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post
3. Baby is so busy at night that I am barely sleeping.
TONS of pillows at night, grab extra pillows from the couch if you have them, or buy a few cheap ones, and then take two tablespoons of honey directly before bed, either on a spoon or in some relaxing herbal tea (like chamomile or something else). The honey will help you relax and sleep better-- it works like a dream for me! Even when I wake up during the night, if I have my honey before bed, I go back to sleep more easily after wakings. It really does need o be TWO tablespoons, I know that's a LOT of honey (blah) but it really works.

Also, don't sleep in a completely dark room, and try to ban any electric light from the room. A small amount of moonlight from window is perfect.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post
How much of a difference do those last couple weeks really make? I don't know if I can take five more!
They make a big difference. My first son was two weeks "past due" and it was the exact amount of time that he needed-- he was so skinny and scrawny and showed signs of being just barely ready to come out-- but I was absolutely certain of my dates, so I know he was 42 weeks. He wound up having some liver and cloic problems right off the bat and some trouble bretahing at first too, which is normal. But heaven help us if I had let them induce me earlier-- at my due date even-- I'm sure he probably would've needed to go the NICU or something. Trust your body and your baby, they know when it's time to come out!

First baby's do take a little longer to grow-- this is probably because it's your body's first time doing this.

My second baby was ready at one week past due and this time the baby I made was chubby and strong as an ox. He probably would've done "okay" a week earlier, but then he owuldn't have been quite as strong and safe.

Newborns are a bit fragile as it is, they deserve every little edge of health you can give them.

What I do recommend is using hynotherapy or meditation type exercises for yourself. Maybe create some powerful affirmations that your read to yourself every day. This is a really powerful way of getting what you want. In your affirmations, tell your body that it is growing your baby quickly and super strong. That your body is strong and comfortable and you've never felt better. Things like this. You can literally reprogram your mind to make these things be true for you. You can also try EFT to help work through your mental blocks and fears that might be holding you back mentally from being able to achieve this kind of success with creating the kind of comfort and health that you want.

I also recommend going on the red raspberry leaf tea regimine NOW so that your uterus will be strong and toned and you can go into labor quickly and efficiently as soon as your body is first ready. There is a red raspberry leaf tea tribe in the Pregnancy forum here.

Hope you feel better soon!
post #9 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by JesiLynne View Post
: I have SPD too, I know exactly how you feel.
Chiro vists do not take very long, and while I do not know about chiros where you live, chiros here are only about $45 per vist. Maybe you could call around and see what you can find. Some let you pay a little here, a little there. It is worth a shot!
That. I can second this.

The initial visit took me about 45 minutes, but after that I was only in the office 10-15 minutes each time.
post #10 of 23
I forgot, belly dancing type movements are great for all of your issues, too.

Bellydancing will help move the baby down into the "dropped" (head engaged) position, which will probably bring you some physical relief. It will also help strengthen your core muscles and help improve posture, which will ehlp with your SPD. Not only will it help move the baby down, but it will also help the baby move into the optimal position for a quick and easy labor-- head down, back facing outwards (vertex, anterior). When the baby is in this position, she puts the maximum consistent pressure on the cervix which helps you dilate and get ready for labor, and may even trigger hormones that quicken the baby's physical preparation for birth. My first son was posterior and this may be one of the reasons he took longer to grow and then I had a long and difficult labor. By the time I was pregnant with my second son I knew about baby positioning and so I made sure he was anterior and low. That labor was really quick and easy.

Anyway, good luck.
post #11 of 23
I don't think you are terrible for wanting that - most people feel that way at the end... even though I've had two early babies that were difficult due to problems with being early - if I could guarantee there were no problems for the babe I would be perfectly happy with the early birds! Smaller babies made for quick labors with no tears. But I'm happy to give that up for a baby who's totally ready for the world.

It seems like for a lot of people the end of pregnancy is like transition during labor - that moment when you think you absolutely can't take it anymore and are ready for any kind of relief you are almost there!!

I hope the suggestions work and you get some relief soon!
post #12 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by k13 View Post
Smaller babies made for quick labors with no tears.
Let's not perpetuate this myth that smaller babies are easier to birth. The size of the baby is really beside the point. The stretchiness of the birth canal and opening are the keys here, and they will stretch just perfectly when mom feels relaxed and ready.

My smaller baby (7 lbs) was harder to birth-- I was less relaxed. My larger baby was HUGE for me-- I'm very petite and he was nearly 9 pounds-- and he came out so quick and easy. But I tore with both, probably from pushign too hard both times.

There are a lot of things that go into whether a woman tears or not, and how easily the baby comes out, but the size of the baby is possibly the least of the factors to be considered.
post #13 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. It's just been a rough day...I've been doing the RRL tea and support belt, so I'm going to try just wearing comfy tennis shoes at work (when I can) and try to stay positive...
post #14 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionTigerBear View Post
Let's not perpetuate this myth that smaller babies are easier to birth. The size of the baby is really beside the point. The stretchiness of the birth canal and opening are the keys here, and they will stretch just perfectly when mom feels relaxed and ready.

My smaller baby (7 lbs) was harder to birth-- I was less relaxed. My larger baby was HUGE for me-- I'm very petite and he was nearly 9 pounds-- and he came out so quick and easy. But I tore with both, probably from pushign too hard both times.

There are a lot of things that go into whether a woman tears or not, and how easily the baby comes out, but the size of the baby is possibly the least of the factors to be considered.
LOL...that's what I was thinking! My smallest baby (6 lbs 15 oz) resulted in a 3rd degree tear, then an episiotomy that apparently the OB felt was necessary (I have no idea why, and I wasn't informed enough to ask...I had already torn a lot by then!), a 53 hour labor, 3 hours of pushing, and a vacuum extraction when he started going into distress. So, there's no way he was an easy birth--his head was near the 95th percentile, but he was also in a poor position--I wonder if he had been a little bigger if maybe his body wouldn't have had room to be malpositioned? Not that it makes a difference with the big head and my small pelvic opening...
post #15 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionTigerBear View Post
Let's not perpetuate this myth that smaller babies are easier to birth. The size of the baby is really beside the point. The stretchiness of the birth canal and opening are the keys here, and they will stretch just perfectly when mom feels relaxed and ready.
Positioning is also a *very* important factor. This is why I'm taking SPD seriously. For a lot of women, it can be okay to have SPD, but for some (particularly women with Scandinavian or african heritages) it can indicate the pelvis is out of alignment and that can give the baby positioning issues during birth.

Since I am heavily Scandinavian and my sister ran into issues with shoulder dystocia during her birthing, I am taking a very hands on approach to trying to prevent positioning issues for my birthing—including seeing a chiropractor once a week.

This is a good website that explains about positioning: www.spinningbabies.com
post #16 of 23
I'm also hoping for an early baby this time, but not *too* early. My son was born at 41 weeks and for some reason, this time, I really just want my baby to come at 38 or 39 weeks. I can be patient, if s/he isn't ready at that point, but I'm just anxious to meet him/her. I wouldn't want the baby to come before 37 weeks as that's still considered premature, AFAIK, even though babies born after 34 weeks do really well as long as they don't have any other issues.
post #17 of 23

Trying a firmer mattress

This is my first time having SPD, so I was more than a little distressed by it also.

Just wanted to chime in with what worked to fix mine:

Removing my pillow top mattress!

I was barely able to walk for around a month until I fell asleep on my daughters twin bed one night, slept all night and woke up feeling great! That very day I took off out cushy mattress pad (feather bed) that I slept on successfully all through my last pregnancy, and have felt so much better since.

I never even bothered going to the chiro.--it just cleared up with a firmer mattress.

Maybe you could try something like that?

Good luck, I know that it is hard. I am perversly wanting to go overdue this time as my last baby was tiny, but am trying very hard to just not think about it I'll let you know how that works out
post #18 of 23
I'm ther with you and I'm 33+1 today.

Here is my perspective....

I'm STILL dealgin with HG, SPD is renderign me nearly unable to walk at all. Movement literally makes me groan in pain. I'm so swollen I'm on further bedrest becuase of it. I've been on modified bedrest since week 12 due to constant contractions which have now become productive contractions. I'm 33+1 and my DD is ALREADY 6 pounds. I've NEVER EVER made it 40 weeks.

I cant' take care of me, I can't take care of my husband or children, I'm relying on a neighbor for care of the girls when I go in to birth at the hospital and they jsut found her DH has testicular cancer so they are dealgin with that.

I'm at the point of scheduling an induction just so I can care for my family and not overburden the neighbor - we have no local family so it's my only option for care.

I hear ya - your not bad for wanting it at all!

Hang in there!
post #19 of 23
I don't think your terrible at all!

Hang in there! Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will all work out.

Tracy
post #20 of 23
Well, i wanted an early baby this time (my other two were four and one and a half weeks early respectively), and i liked not having to wait the forty weeks! Then, four days before Christmas, i was racing to the hospital because i started having floaters in my eyes and my head felt like it was going to pop off. My blood pressure was insanely high. I was admitted and was supposed to stay at the hospital until 34 weeks when i would be induced. Two days later, however, my pre-eclampsia was starting to affect me and baby beyond help, and i ended up with an emergency c-section and a thirty-two week tiny baby girl (My due date was 2-12, too!). Things are going well, and she is nursing and growing and will hopefully be home in a couple of weeks, but as i drive back and forth every day, i can't help but beat myself up a little for my desperation to have an "early" baby. There's no hurt like saying good-bye to your baby and driving home to spend the whole night without her. Of course, my wanting to be done being pregnant didn't make any of this happen. I know that. I guess i'm just encouraging you girls to hang in there and enjoy your chubby, healthy term babies! Best of luck in this home stretch
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