Please Help! DH wants to circ! - Page 4

[plunky]

Good posts from Perspective. I'll say no more, because my opinions on this subject don't go over well in this forum, even though I'm a circ'd guy who acknowledges circ is unnecessary.

[123]

Originally Posted by nattysmum07

I was actually suprised that when I said "it's not our decision it's his" that he disagreed. He thinks that, as his parents, it is our decision.

I understand that parents make medical decisions for their children, but this is not a medical decision (unless he gets frostbite or gangrene or something). It's a social and cometic decision.

Who is going to be using the penis in question for his entire life? Should a person be making decisions about their child's future sex life? Many people don't seem to understand that they are affecting the sexual function of a future adult. My dh's was affected and I'm sure that's the case with many men. It bothers me (and him, obviously) so much that someone could take this away from my dh because it was their choice to make and not his. They don't have to live with it, he does.

[dinahx]

I am just adding for fun that my DH was so indoctrinated in the pro-circ mentality that even though he is very partially circ'ed (less than 1/2 removed) he wanted a urologist to make DS' just like his!

However, you have never met a man who enjoys and appreciates his 1/2 Foreskin more.

So yes, I totally disagree that this is in any way a parent's decision. A parent can only authorize medical procedures for their child ethically if the other alternative is death or debility or disfigurement, IMO. Yes, I think nose jobs, etc on the young are shady at best from an ethical standpoint. I know a mother who made her daughter go to a tanning booth for cosmetic reasons and her daughter got CANCER from it. So cosmetic procedures on the young equal ethical violations, IMO. Even breast reductions: how can a 16 year old make the decision to give up the ability to breastfeed potentially?

I personally had to come to the conclusion that it would be also wrong to pierce an infant girls ears even though I wanted to, however, it is not the same at all as circ. The same would be to remove the earlobes entirely.

[KBecks]

I think you are right not to consent to a circumcision, and your husband won't be mad at you for your whole life. Anyway, it's not about your DH's feelings, it is about your son's feelings.

Penises are private, your son will not be made fun of. Well, all kids get made fun of, but it's not about their privates. Be strong and don't be bullied into doing a circ.

You don't need to convince your DH If anything, just try to get him to see that being intact is OK. Most of the world is uncirced, and fine. Let him know that your son will be perfectly healthy and happy and there's no reason to circ.
Be confident and be a leader about this. Your dh doesn't have to talk about it, if he doesn't want to talk, that's OK. Be open to hearing his feelings, but don't cave in and allow a circ. It's OK for your husband to have feelings and fears about your son getting teased, but just reassure him it's all going to be just fine.

[KayTeeJay]

Originally Posted by dinahx

IMO, your DH is bluffing. Mad at you for the rest of his life? How third grade. Why doesn't he try being mad at HIS mom for taking away his foreskin? He did say it was your decision. Please make sure that your opposition is WELL documented on your hospital intake forms and birth plan. Yes, normally they need the mother's siggy, but I have actually heard of a father authorizing it while the mother was in the shower post partum.

It doesn't matter, IMO, the circ rates where you live. Boys don't shower in school anymore. I told my DH: I am friends with hippies, I will always be friends with hippies, so DS will be friends with them too, and they don't circ, so by circ'ing we will be making him an outcast amongst people we fit in with and fit in with people we don't even spend time around. A lot of people in our church/community circ, but IMO, DS is the lucky one, his penis is measurably BIGGER thanks to his foreskin and it hasn't been surgically denuded without his consent.

We are in a crazy messed up world where someone would feel superior because their penis is measurably shorter and has less skin on it and also is not protected. Defensive reaction anyone?

:

Hang in there mama--you are making the right decision for your little one. Hopefully once your DH realizes that his son is perfect with ALL his parts, he'll come around.

[nummies]

Bumping this up for Shannon.