How do you handle other children's birthday parties?

[kghaffar]

I have a group of friends with children all the same age (born within 2 months of each other).. and birthday party season is starting up again... All the children will be turning 3.

Today we got the first two party invites in the mail... One is a Disney Princess invitation --and instructions include come dressed as you favorite princess... My little one has no idea what a princess is nor have a favorite. The other party is at a children's hair salon and they will be getting their nails painted and their hair done--with a barbie invitation.

In addition birthday parties (with friends) at our house do not include gifts (we have done a book swap the last few years). Parties we attend have piles of presents that children open at the party. Last year DD just didn't really get the present thing and ignored most of the craziness... This year coming off a Christmas season where she thought it was grand fun to open the wrappings (for the pleasure of unwrapping really) I don't think ignoring the grandeur will be enough.

So I am curious what everyone else does about birthday parties where the theme and activities are not your thing...

[Hannahsmummy]

When I read the title of your thread I felt ready to answer but when I read about the salon thing I felt shocked. This is for 3 year olds?? Yikes!

Well, we haven't thankfully had to deal with anything quite that bad but we have been invited to parties that wouldn't have been good for my daughter. I don't mean that in a mainstream vs Waldorf kind of way though.

My daughter is highly sensitive and parties at play centers and loud chaotic places don't work well for her. Mine is a bit older than yours so there is a bit more scope for talking through these decisions with her.

While I am of the mind that something that is a special occasion and not in our home isn't a big issue. I would avoid anything I felt would be a problem by firstly talking to my daughter about it and if she was feeling that she wanted to spend a special time with the birthday child I'd arrange for an outing or something with just her and the birthday child.

BUT as I said, if I felt like my daughter could handle it emotionally then I'd go and it would be a one time experience.

[fadedgirl]

First off allow me to say OH MY goodness! Hair salon primping and preening for 3 year olds? I'm speechless. Wow.

The parties that I knew were going to promulgate "ideals" that I do not find healthy or age appropriate...we just begged off as having other plans already. Honestly, its one thing to be exposed to a certain amount of materialism and vanity, its quite another to have it in such a fun and frenetic peer environment such as a party. So its not that I think exposure to such things is intolerable, but I do think the celebration aspect adds an element of authenticity/approval and probably an imprint that I'm not sure one can easily counter.

Even at age 5 my daughter didn't overly care about missing someone's birthday party, when she was younger it wasn't even on her radar. We were just sure to get them a gift beforehand.

[weliveintheforest]

I would just go along with it if dd knew about it and wanted to go, otherwise we might skip it. It's hard for me to imagine parties like that at her age (also 3).

[mamaUK]

I think if it were me I would be skipping the salon one, that completely shocked me and I wouldn't want my 3 year experiencing something that 8 or 9 year olds are interested in doing at 3. If it were my girl, i would simply explain that we were busy visiting family, say. My three year old just simply isn't aware if she has missed a Birthday, only if I made a big deal about it. As for the other Birthday party my 3 year old does know who the Disney princess's are...............that was actually her Birthday party when she turned 3 last year before our family even knew about Waldorf but she didn't actually dress up as one the of the princesses, she simply put a very beautiful sashed dress in peach and cream and had a sparkly headband. She loved every minute of it!!!!!!!!! LOL :

[audreyhorne]

through the years, we've attended our share of birthday parties at fun centers, and at friends homes that were present-centric, chaotic sugar-fueled free-for-alls, and usually, i bring a fruit plate for the party and a handmade gift or book for the birthday child, my kids play and enjoy themselves when it is over, we go back to our regular life. there have been occasions, more and more as my dd is attending the parties of 7- and 8-year-olds, that we have politely declined the invite with a simple "dd will not be able to attend so-and-so's party on saturday, perhaps we can get them together for a special playdate at another time" i am not comfortable with sleep-overs, or high school musical and hanna montana parties, nor would i be comfortable sending my 7-year-old (i can't imagine a THREE-year-old) to a salon party, especially with all those toxins, so that would definitely be one we'd skip. the princess party would be great fun, an opportunity to wear her medieval princess dress and hat out for the day! it's a delicate balancing act, because we want to expose our children to all sorts of people and have fun in all sorts of ways, yet many times, these events are not developmentally or emotionally appropriate.

[sarahloughmiller]

The salon part is pretty shocking! I can't imagine doing that with a bunch of 3 year olds! I would probably skip that one but go to the other or if you don't feel ok just skipping one skip them both. At 3 they don't care really.

Usually we go to parties but we don't really socialize much so there are not many parties for us to get invited to. Overall I let the kids go with the flow out of the house and do what is going on wherever they are and don't worry about it but I don't know if I could get past the salon thing.

[pinkpeone]

A salon party for a three year old? Wait....let me rephrase that: A Salon party for a child? I had to re-read your original post to ensure that I understood correctly before I posted.

I would skip the salon party period. There is no way around that one. I remember when I was a little girl, my mom wouldn't even let me go outside with shimmery lip gloss on my lips even when I was 12 much less attend a salon party. Whether from a Waldorf perspective or not, (i.e. whether Waldorf is a way of life for the family or not,) a salon party is in appropriate for a child especially one so young.

I agree with other posters that a decline and a possible later play date is a good option.

As to the princess party - that one is a bit of an iffy on my part. I would be thinking about the possible loot junk (no offence anyone) that I would be stuck with and how to dispose if it (if applicable). I will stop there because I might be opening a can of worms that are not even present or related to the party. On the other hand, I agree that your child might be able to enjoy this party irrespective of whether or not she knows about the *princesses*. She can go as her own princess (i.e. a fairy princess).

[tallulahma]

the salon party???? i will not even go into all the reasons my dd1 would not be going.

the princess one? eh. I would probably not go. disney princess=headache to me.

[greenmamapagan]

Well this might sound harsh (and I'm certainly not a Waldorf fanatic) but my DD would not be going to either of those parties!

[cagirlintexas]

Can I just say, I am glad I have a boy. Most of the parties we have been to so far are pretty tame.

[racheleuphoria]

Eventually your daughter will discover who the Disney princesses are and that EVERYONE (or so it seems to her) thinks they're fabulous. This may make her want to buy anything Disney princess. It can become a problem. If you do go, consider putting effort into making her unique princess outfit very special. This way, she may feel so secure in her costume that she doesn't feel left out for not being a Disney Princess. Maybe you could even think up a "name" for her character, in case the other children ask (if you think that would matter to her) who she is. Or, consider keeping her free of Disney Princess pressure all together by skipping the party (and hide the invitation, which I assume has a Disney image). We don't do Disney Princess in our house (4 year old), but I got firm on that too late and it's like the forbidden fruit to her.

[stellimamo]

Wow. A salon party for a small child. My dd who is 3 wouldn't evn sit still for all that!

I can understand the princess thing for that age group though we don't do princesses. DD knows who they are, though not their names or anything. My mil buys her princess and Barbie stuff all the time. I would do what the pp said and make her an extra special costume for she does go to that party. I can think of some may cute ideas or maybe she could be a fairy! Or you could have a dd like mine who when asked if she wanted a princess sticker today at the dr.s office told the lady, "No thank you. Princesses are douches." We still aren't sure where she got that one.

[Melaniee]

Sometimes we just don't go. When a dear friend had her daughter's Barbie Fairy party at a bounce house place at dinner time, complete with (surely) sugar-laden cake 90 minutes from our home, well, we just didn't go. Sometimes you just have to say no, "can we get together another time? "

And, yes, much to my disgust, Dd comes home from Nursery talking princess-talk. blech. But I just try to remember that her experiences with these 'words,' are not mine. To her, it is what she is playing with her friends. Today she lay on a table and asked me to kiss her so she could wake up. I was half : and half .

If you don't mind princess talk, I'd just pick out her fanciest holiday dress, add some spare ribbons, sew her a crown, grabe a dowel and make a wand, Tie a play silk around her neck, etc. and go! Princess, waldorf-style.

I really don't care for the gift-opening at the party, either. I've NEVER seen it go well. Not once.

[bethcw]

I'd skip the salon party for sure!

As for the princess party - my girls 5 & 2.5 LOVE princess dress-up. We have a ton of non-Disney branded dress up clothes - fancy dresses, capes, medieval hats, crowns, tiaras. Dress-up costumes abound at her Waldorf school too. I'd go to the party, and discreetly get rid of any junk loot bags afterward, or discreetly 'forget' to take the loot bag at the end of the party. Also, you could feed your daughter a big lunch prior to going, so that she may not be hungry enough to consume copious amounts of junk food. I don't think a 3 hour princess party is going to too much of a bad influence, but that is JMHO. I am much more opposed to the Disney princess STORIES and MOVIES, (which I doubt will be told/seen at the party) not the dress-up.

Beth

[weliveintheforest]

I honestly don't think either party is necessarily so bad :shug
I don't have a problem with princesses in general, and I don't have a problem with hair styling and nail polish.
I would talk to the parents of the other kids (or to the salon itself) about what would be going on and then make a decision. If it was just fancy hair clips and I could send along non toxish nail polish, I would. If there would be makeup or gross hair products, that would be different.
If the princess party was just a regular party but with princess dresses and disney images on things... that would also be ok with me. Not my favourite, but she has been expose to disney before and it hasn't really affected her.

The junk food and gifts etc would be a bigger worry for me than the themes of the parties. We might still skip the parties, but it's hard to say.