Anyone circ one child and then not the next?

[sarahf.]

My oldest DS is circ'ed. Blame it on my own ignorance at the time but I left it to my husband to decide. I didn't really think to much of it unitl after the procedure and then I was filled with such guilt and remorse. We are currently expecting another son and this one will not be circ'ed. Anyone have any advice on explaining to my 5 yr. old why he will look different than his brother? Anyone else dealt with this? I'm hoping I can use it as an example of how we can all learn from our mistakes. I just don't want to make either of my sons feel bad about their bodies. TIA

[NotStyro]

You really shouldn't need to say anything to your 5yo as he probably won't care as long as the 'dangly-bits' look approximately the same. But if he does ask, or you want to point it out, you could always read to him the Dr Seuss book 'The Sneetches' (or the video on youtube).

And btw, dwelling on or discussing with a 5yo that you made a 'mistake' with him will probably not go over quite how you hope. The best thing is to keep that under your hat. Maybe he'll ask when he gets to be an adult, but probably not, so why bother with the admission?

[latinalonestar]

You can explain to them in an age appropriate way if it comes up. For a young intact boy you can just say, "they used to think it was good to cut part off and now we know it is not so we decided not to have it done to you". Once your circed son is an adult you can have a real heart to heart about the issue and tell him about the benefits of non-surgical restoration. Be honest with them so that they will have a healthy perspective.

[latinalonestar]

Btw, there are quite a few moms here that have one circed son and one or more intact sons. They will chime in I am sure.

[KBecks]

my third is not circed, I apologized to #1 for his circ around age 3.5. #2 isn't old enough yet to talk about it. DS1 agreed no more cutting. He may be more apprehensive of doctors, but he doesn't seem too affected.

[Greg B]

My parents did that, I was the oldest and got circ'd, while my two younger brothers did not. I have noly a vague memory of it coming up, and them explaining that the doctors had different recomendations when my brothers were born. It was not an issue for me at all.

Regards

[MamaChicken]

DS1 is circ'd and the twins aren't. He is 10 yo, and has watched/helped with plenty of diaper changes so you would think he would have noticed. So far he hasn't asked any questions, and I really don't think he thinks that much about it. He asked once what the "Say No to CIRC" smilies on here meant and I explained to him, so I would just explain that again.

It really hasn't been a big deal and I'm not anticipating any real questions.

[SimonMom]

DS1 is circed, DS2 and DS3 are not circed. DS1 hasn't noticed at all. When he brings it up, or when he's older (older teen maybe), we'll talk about it.

[Tizzy]

Another one here - due to ignorance, honestly thinking that it wasn't that big of a deal and DH pushing for it, DS1 was done. Moments after the procedure, I was horrified that I had just paid someone to do that to my son and swore it would never happen again.

DH argued a bit about DS2 before he was born, but I told him it was black and white. I refuse to argue about it, it's just not going to happen.
DH still doesn't agree with me which I find truly saddening. But what can you do...

Anyway, DS1 is just a little over 2yrs old and has never noticed anything yet. We'll deal with it when the time comes I guess.

[Sasharna]

I am expecting my second boy in April. The first was circumcised because his biological father had a malformation of the penis (no, not phimosis), which led to a lot of pain for him throughout life until he chose to be circumcised as an adult. This circumcision caused him no problems and he wished to spare his offspring from the same suffering. Now, of course, I would suggest a "wait and see if it's a problem" approach, but at the time it didn't seem like any big deal and I agreed (after all, I haven't any penis myself, so what would I know?)

Like the PP, I regretted it as soon as I saw what exactly was done. I had no idea just how raw and red it was going to be.

My present partner is circumcised, but he is a very gentle and reasonable man. We decided not to circumcise this next baby.

Obviously we haven't had the opportunity to see how DS1 reacts, but I have the feeling it will never be a problem. He has had plenty of opportunities in the preschool bathroom to see that not all penises look the same.

[tennisdude23]

Originally Posted by Little grey mare

Another one here - due to ignorance, honestly thinking that it wasn't that big of a deal and DH pushing for it, DS1 was done. Moments after the procedure, I was horrified that I had just paid someone to do that to my son and swore it would never happen again.

DH argued a bit about DS2 before he was born, but I told him it was black and white. I refuse to argue about it, it's just not going to happen.
DH still doesn't agree with me which I find truly saddening. But what can you do...

Anyway, DS1 is just a little over 2yrs old and has never noticed anything yet. We'll deal with it when the time comes I guess.

Hmmm, that's interesting. At least in Canada, you can't pull off he should look like everyone else argument. From polls on other forums, I have seen only a small handful of Canadians who were cut, at least those in my age group and younger (I am 20). The vast majority were not cut, and I think the current rate is around 10%.